The Go-Between (The Nilaruna Cycles Book 1) (23 page)
Read The Go-Between (The Nilaruna Cycles Book 1) Online
Authors: Andrea Ring
“You had quite a rapport with my
father,” I say. “He’s never taken to anyone that fast.”
“He and I don’t have a lot of
time left,” Nili says. “It puts things in perspective. Neither of us has time
to talk about the weather or the state of the roads.”
I don’t want to think about that.
“You and Mita had a lot to talk
about,” she says.
“Indeed,” I say. “She’s using
magic.”
“What?”
“And she knows about you and
Maja.”
“How?” Nili says. “How could she
know? Manoj and Faaris wouldn’t talk, would they?”
“No,” I say. “I trust them. There
are two possibilities. One, Mita has acquaintances in Dabani, and they’ve been
more attentive to events than we’ve realized. Or, two, she learned it from my
father.”
“I know your father has been
planning the wedding, but would he reveal intimacies to the palace seamstress?”
“Mita and my father were close
once,” I tell her. “She was my father’s mistress when I was a child, though he dismissed
her when I caught them together. That was right after my mother’s accident. I
didn’t think they were still acquainted, at least not in the same way, but
perhaps the wedding plans have renewed their…interest in one another.”
“How do you know she’s doing
magic? Would your father allow it?”
“I do not think my father knows,
but that’s a conversation I intend to have with him. I noticed her hands. Did
you?”
“No. What’s wrong with them?”
“Arthritis. She could barely hold
her goblet. I asked her how she used a needle and thread, and she said,
‘Talent.’”
“Wow,” Nili says. “So she could
be a part of the revolution. She’s perfectly placed and has the king’s ear…we
have to keep an eye on her. With your father’s pain, I’m not sure he’s in the
proper frame of mind to act on this.”
“I’m sorry about his behavior,” I
say. “I’m going to have a talk with his healer. There’s no reason he should
have given him so much of that medicine. Thank heavens it was a private party.
My father would be mortified if more people had seen him.”
Nili gets a strange look on her
face. “I understand how medicines can affect people,” she says. “It didn’t
bother me in the least. He’s a wonderful man.”
I bark a laugh. “My father has
been called many things, but wonderful is not one of them.”
Nili turns on her side and looks
down at me. “Has he not been a good father?”
“He’s been a just ruler, and I
believe he’s prepared me for the crown. I think I’m a decent human being. So,
yes, I think he’s been a good father.”
“But not wonderful?”
“Wonderful,” I say. “What does
that even mean? It’s a word you use to describe a beautiful painting, or a
sunrise, or a pleasant performance at the theater.”
“I don’t know,” she says. “I’ve
known some wonderful people.”
“Like Maja,” I say, trying to
keep the bitterness out of my voice.
Nili nods. “And you.”
I don’t know what to say to that.
“You chose me, an untouchable, an
unsightly creature, when you could have chosen anyone. But let’s say you did it
to save your own skin, which isn’t necessarily an evil motivation, and anyway,
you were completely honest with me. You gave me a choice.
“But you could have also picked
me and then passed me off to servants. There’s no good reason for you to be
here right now. There’s no reason for you to get to know me, especially if I’m
going to die soon. You stitched my wound. You rushed me to the healer when I
had a fever. You helped rescue Saphala. I think you are quite…wonderful.”
Something warm spreads in my
belly. “Thank you, Nili. Your opinion of me, and especially the trust you’ve
placed in me, is an extraordinary thing. I could very well be doing all these
things with an ulterior motive.”
“Are you?” she asks.
I shift against the wall. “A
ruler is in a difficult position, because he has to look at the big picture. I
have to juggle hundreds of things — what’s best for the kingdom, what’s
best for its citizens, how a decision will affect caste relations, and so on.
It never ends. And often, what’s best for one might not be best for another.
Someone wins, but someone else loses.
“And all that sounds like I’m
saying that I made a choice where the kingdom wins, and Nilaruna Nandal loses.
Where stability reigns, but I have to marry an untouchable. But you know what’s
wonderful? I got to know a woman named Nilaruna Nandal. I’m betrothed to that
woman. I don’t know where the rest of this journey will take us, but for now, I
get it all. I get to save the kingdom, and I get to know a woman I’m in awe of,
and I even get to tuck her in at night.”
“Kai,” she says.
“I’m not done.” I stand and sit
on the edge of her bed. I take her hands in mine. “I will not marry you, Nili.”
“What?”
I rub my thumb over the ridged
skin of her left hand. “I care about you too much. I won’t risk you.”
“But Kai—”
“No,” I say. “I’ve already decided.
I will find a girl so evil she deserves to die, just as Shiva suggested.”
Nili closes her eyes. “Is there
nothing I can say?” she asks.
“You can say you will be my
mistress.”
Nili’s eyes pop open. “Your
mistress?”
I nod. “That’s actually a horrible
word, quite the opposite of wonderful. Let’s call you consort.”
“Consort? Kai, you don’t have to.
I’ll return to Dabani, or I’ll stay and help you figure out what the
untouchables are doing, but you don’t have to—”
“I want to,” I say. “I want you
by my side. If I could ask you to marry me now, for real, I would. Maybe…maybe
next cycle.”
“You want to marry me for real?”
she says. “Why?”
I shake her hands. “You’re going
to make me say it? Because all I can think about is you. All I want to do is
sit by your side and listen to you speak. Because you would be the best queen
for Jatani, and the best wife for me.”
“Manoj said you vowed never to
take a mistress,” she says, completely ignoring the fact that I just opened my
chest, and tore out my heart, and handed it to her on a gold platter.
“I must remind him to never speak
to you again.”
Nili cracks a smile at that, but
just barely.
“You honor me, my prince,” she
says.
“My name’s Kai,” I say. “Didn’t
we already have this conversation? Do not get formal on me now, my lady.”
“I need to think on it,” she
says. “I do not wish to say the wrong thing, or make a hasty decision. Can we
speak tomorrow?”
I rise from the bed, struggling
to hide my disappointment. “As you wish.”
Part of me is soaring, and part of me is plummeting to the depths of
hell.
I can admit it — I like
Kai. More than I should. This was a political arrangement, and it’s turned into
a matter of the heart.
Maja, where are you?
I think, and then I curse myself.
Maja left me.
I still love him, but what good
can be gained from him answering me now? I cannot ask him for advice —
that would only be cruel. I cannot ask him to take me back — he won’t.
And he has duties much more important than deciding the course of my life.
Oh, Maja, if only you could whisk me away in your talons to a magical
isle where we could live in peace and not have to decide the fate of a kingdom!
That’s twice now, I’ve called him
twice.
Maja is not coming.
But there is Kai.
Someone knocks on my door.
I rise and slip on my robe.
“Yes?” I say through the door.
“My lady, you have a visitor. I
know it is late, so if you’d rather not be disturbed—”
“Who is it?”
“Manoj, my lady.”
I step back from the door. “Let
him enter.”
Manoj opens the door and peeks
his head in. “My lady?”
“Oh, Manoj, it’s so good to see
you,” I say. “Come in.”
Himmat follows Manoj in, but I
wave him off. “We’re fine. You may stand outside the door.”
“That would be improper, my
lady,” he says.
“Then I’m sorry for being
improper, but you will still remain outside.”
Himmat looks like he wants to
argue, but he nods and closes the door behind him.
“You’re settling in nicely to
your new role,” Manoj says with a grin.
I laugh. “I’m not used to all
these people being around all the time. How do you ever have a private
conversation?”
Manoj takes my hands and kisses
both my cheeks. “How are you feeling? I would have visited sooner, but Kai
wouldn’t let anyone disturb you.”
“I’m well,” I say. “Still working
out the kinks, but I’m well.”
“Everything stiffened up on you,
did it?”
“You have no idea. So, to what do
I owe this visit?”
Manoj frowns. “Have a seat and
get off that leg. There. I just…Kai just told me of his decision, and I wanted
to see if you’re alright.” He squats down at my feet.
“I serve at the royal whim,” I
say. Then I laugh. “That sounded bitter.”
“No one would blame you for
feeling that way,” he says. “You gave up your entire life to come here.”
“You’re the political one around
here,” I say. “What do you think? Is he doing the right thing?”
“By you, yes. By the kingdom? If
you become his consort and everything works out as Shiva has predicted, I see
no downside. You live, Kai lives, everyone lives happily ever after.”
“I didn’t think you were the type
to believe in fairytales,” I say.
He smiles. “Normally, I’m not.
But Kai has had very little for himself. He always has to do his duty. He’s
finally choosing something for himself, and he’s lucky, because that choice is
also good for the kingdom.”
“And if I say no?”
Manoj bows his head. “Is that
really how you feel? I know how you are together. I’ve seen the way you look at
him.”
“I was ready to spend my life
with someone else just days ago,” I say. “Doing my duty and helping the kingdom
and saving my family from Shiva’s wrath…all of that is one thing. But we just
met and now I should choose to marry someone else — no, become that
someone’s consort — because my heart tells me so? My heart doesn’t work
that way.”
“The entire situation is still politically
charged,” he says. “There are valid reasons to keep ties with the prince.”
“Is that what Kai’s thinking?” I
ask.
Manoj shakes his head. “Kai is
not thinking. He’s feeling.”
I rub my throbbing temples.
“And I’ve kept you up too late,”
he says, rising. “I’ll let you get some sleep.”
“Thank you for coming to see me,”
I say. “I haven’t had someone call on me in, oh, eight cycles.”
Manoj pulls me to my feet and
gives me a sweet kiss on my scarred cheek. “Then I will repeat the gesture
every day until you make up for lost time.”
***
I barely close my eyes before I feel a ripple in the air and open
them. Shiva is standing over me.
I stifle a scream. “What are you
doing here?” I push him out of my way and sit up.
“Is that any way to greet an
all-powerful god who once saved your life?”
“It’s the way I treat anyone who
manipulates and plays with people’s lives,” I say. “I’m going to die. Why
should I give a second thought to how I treat you?”
Shiva scratches the back of his
neck. “What’s got you in this foul mood?”
“Seriously?” I shriek. “You’re
going to stand there and act like I should be happy to see you?”
“You’re marrying a prince because
of me,” he says.
“But I love Maja! Maja is the one
I wanted to marry! I didn’t even know the prince, and since you think you know
me so well, you should have realized that aspiring to the throne is something
that has never crossed my mind.”
“Maja is dead to you,” he says.
“You haven’t come to terms with that yet, have you?”
“Of course I have,” I grumble.
“But I still love him. My whole life feels like a betrayal to him.”
“He gave you his blessing,” Shiva
reminds me. “He wants you to be happy.”
“My happiness is unimportant to
the circumstances,” I say. “I can’t be happy knowing I could be poisoned at any
moment.”
“Would you like me to give you
the date, then? Would that make you happy?”
My head jerks up. “You can tell
me the date?”
“Well, it’s more like a window
than an actual date. Not everything has been decided.”
I nod. “Like my marriage to Kai.”
Shiva waves a hand in the air.
“Bride or consort, it matters not. If you are with the prince at the right
moment, you will take the hit.”
“And if he marries another and is
with her instead, she will be the one to die?”
He nods.
“Why does anyone have to die? Tell
me who the assassin is, and we will have him arrested.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” I say.
“I just can’t.”
“Can you give me a hint?”
Shiva tilts his head. “It is a
man. Or a woman.”
“Great,” I say. “I can rule out
the royal horses.”
Shiva nods, totally missing the
joke.
“Is this person young or old?”
“All people are young to me,” he
says.
“Is this person under forty?”
“Most probably I have no idea.”
“Is this person in the palace
now?”
“The compounds, yes.”
Gods. I got an actual answer out
of him.
“Does Kai know this person?” I
ask.
“Yes.”
“Does Kai like this person?”
“Sometimes.”
“Is it Mita?”
“Who is Mita?”
“Do I know this person?”
Shiva turns away from me. “I
think that’s all I can say for now.”
“Then why did you come, Shiva?
Why are you playing games with me? What do you stand to gain in all this?”
He turns back to me. “It’s not
like that.”
“Then what is it like?”
“My loyalties are divided,” he
says. “All I can say is that I’m trying to do the right thing.”
“But why did you come here,
tonight?”
Shiva sighs. “Kai is a bit of a
mess. This whole thing should play out correctly whether you’re his bride or
his mistress, but I need his head right. I can’t have him flitting about in
love and despair and keep both of you safe. He must have his wits about him, do
you understand?”
“Not really,” I say stubbornly.
“Speak plainly. What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to let go of the
guilt.”
“You want me to fall in love with
him,” I say.
“Would it be such a horrible
thing?”
“Why?” I say. “Tell me why.”
He takes a deep breath. “I think
you’ll only save his life if you love him.”
My heart jumps into my throat,
but I swallow it. “That’s not a great argument. If I fall in love, then I’ll
die.”
“No,” Shiva says. “If you don’t
love him, you’ll both die.”