The Heart's Ashes (4 page)

“
Well, at least you can fit all your clothes in the
wardrobe.”

“
Yeah. I don’t think I could live without a walk-in
now.”

“
You did it at your mum’s for seventeen years,” Dad
said.

I shrugged.
“New habits aren’t worth breaking if you don’t have to.”

“
It’s got a spa!” Vicki called from the bathroom.

“
Yep,” I beamed.

“
Oh, Ara. I’m jealous.” Vicki hugged her arms across her
waist. “This is my dream home.”

“
But smaller, right?”

“
Yes, but it has a spa!”

Dad placed his
arm around my stepmother and kissed her head. “We’ll get you a spa
if you want one, Vicki.”

She smiled
softly.

“
Okay, well, that’s pretty much all there is to it—aside from
the garage, but you’ve seen a garage before and there’s not much
backyard to show either.”

“
Well, you’ve really done well for yourself, Ara.” Vicki
stepped away from Dad and stood by the window, taking in the sunset
over the lake across the road.

“
Plenty of kids around out there.” Dad leaned forward a
little, peering through my blinds. “Good spot to raise a
family.”

“
Yeah—long way off, Dad.”

“
Never know,” he said so absently I wondered if he even knew
he said it.

Vicki looked
at me apologetically.

I shook my
head and wandered out of my room.

“
So, uh—” Dad stopped by the front door, looking at Vicki as
he shuffled his feet.

“
What is it?” I breathed impatiently, placing my hands on my
hips. “Just tell me.”

“
It’s uh—well there’re a few wedding gifts that didn’t have
return addresses on them. We figured now would be a good time to
tell you about them.” Dad looked behind him. “I have them in the
car.”

“
Dad?” I moaned. “
I
don’t want them.”

“
Well, it’s just—Mike said the same thing. I don’t know what
to do with them.”

“
Oh, fine, bring them in then. What could it hurt?” I huffed,
then stopped and looked at Dad. “Er, they’re not still wrapped are
they?”

Vicki elbowed
Dad. “Told you.”

“
Fine. Whatever.” I threw my hands up.

“
Coffees are on the bench, Ara,” Emily said, popping her head
around the archway.

“
Okay, we’re coming.”

Exhausted from
the long day of unpacking, I stationed myself in the square pools
of moonlight shining onto the carpet through the French windows.
The now unwrapped wedding gifts stared at me from the floor, the
lounge and the small round table behind me, sitting nestled between
the two tub chairs in the bayed window space.

He really
could have at least unwrapped them for me.

“
What’d you get?” Emily slumped in the tub-chair behind
me.

“
Um—” I looked at the pile and shrugged. “Mostly crystal
glasses, a sheet set, and—” I lifted the wrapping paper. “A chess
set.”

“
Cool.” Emily leaned back and blew a strand of hair off her
face. “Oh, hey, Mike called, by the way—while you were at the shop.
He said he’d call tonight.”

I melted into
the carpet. Great. So far, with all the house hunting and moving
preparations, I’d managed to avoid talking to him, but I knew I
couldn’t avoid it much longer. I slid up into the tub chair across
from Emily and sat a nearly flat box on the table between us.

“
You’re going to have to talk to him sometime, Ara—it’s been
two months.”

“
I’m not ready yet, Em. You should’ve seen the look on his
face when he left. I destroyed him.” I pulled the frosted glass
chessboard out of its box.

“
And what do you think it’s doing to him now, that every time
he calls to talk to you, he’s stuck with a five minute
casual
chat with me
instead?” She grabbed a chess piece from my hand and held it until
I looked at her. “You have to talk to him, Ara.”

“
Fine,” I rebuked, slamming the chess pieces into place on the
board. “If I do, will you shut up about him?”

Emily softened
and leaned forward. “Ara, he still loves you—”

“
So you keep saying.”

“
I’m just—it’s just that I never...I don’t like the way he
sounds,” she finished. “He...he doesn’t have that...that hint of
humour his voice always used to have. I just...I don’t think he’s
okay.”

“
What’s your point?”

“
Don’t just say you’ll talk to him,
actually
talk to him.”

As I set each
white chess piece on the board, they gave a gentle clunk. I let the
sound answer Emily for me.

“
Ara.”

“
Em. I...” I shook my head and swallowed. “He’ll convince me
to be with him again. I don’t know if—”

“
That’s
what you’re afraid of?” She
leaned forward. “Ara, that’s silly. He knows how you feel. He’s
given you space, time, everything. He’s not going to try to
convince you to take him back—that’s not why he’s
calling.”

“
I know but...I’m not a hundred percent sure I don’t want to
be with him. I just need more time to think before I hear his voice
again.”

“
Reasonable enough, I suppose. It’s just sad, that’s all.” She
stood up and walked toward the kitchen.

“
Pretty much everything in my life is, Em—but at least I have
you.”

Emily drummed
her fingers on the corner of the wall where she stopped. “Yeah,
you’ll always have me.”

Quietly, I
went back to setting up the chess set. “Hey, Em? Did you move one
of the pieces?” I called out.

“
Nope. Why?”

“
Oh, there’s just one missing?” I leaned back in my chair and
stared at the almost complete set.

“
Which one?” she yelled, her voice echoing all the way from
her bathroom.

“
The black knight.”

“
Check the box.”

“
I did—”
duh
, “it’s not in there.”

“
Well, where’d you buy it?” She popped her head around the
corner again. “Maybe you can return it.”

“
Nah, it was a gift, remember?”

“
Oh.” Her lips made a long circle. “Dodgy.”

“
Yeah. Oh well.” I clicked my tongue, considering the
incomplete set. “We’ll just use one of Sam’s Lego men or
something.”

“
Well, I don’t play chess anyway.” Emily shrugged. “So, unless
you plan to play alone...” She walked away, letting the hidden
meaning behind that statement hang loosely in the air behind
her.

As my bedroom
came to completion when I shook out my pink and black cherry
blossom quilt, I stood back and took it all in. Though the sun was
long gone and the dark sky had seeped into my beautiful new house,
it felt bright and sunny in my room.

I nodded, a
self-satisfied nod, and stuffed my hands in my pockets. This is my
room. With all my own things. The first place that’s truly
mine—that I can truly call home.

But the quilt
cover reflected the dark mood I was in the day I purchased it, and
the sleigh bed I bought straight off the floor seemed to lack any
real connection to me. Everything seemed out of place and odd, even
though the rhythm bedsides perfectly matched the antique dresser my
grandmother left me, which sat neatly in the space across from the
foot of my bed.

Then, after
standing alone for a while, each item that caught my eye around the
room made me smile. New meets old. Little pieces of my life, from
different times, that were made to be together. For once.

Outside, wind
brushed the leaves of the topiary trees against my window. I
briskly marched across my room and twisted the wand on the venetian
blinds, closing out the streetlight, then flopped on my bed,
sinking into the feather-soft mattress.

“
It’s been a long day.”

I tilted my
head backward to look at Emily, standing in the doorway. “Sure
has.”

“
Can I come in?”

“
Of course you can, Em.”

She smiled
then flopped down next to me—her feet dangling off the opposite
side, mimicking my hands-on-belly, eyes-on-ceiling position.

“
I’m glad you asked me to move in with you, Ara.”

“
Me too.”

“
And I’m glad you didn’t go back to Perth.”

I breathed out
through my nose. “Me too.”

“
Do you...do you think we’ll ever see Mike again?”

I rolled onto
my side and looked at Emily. “I’m sure of it. So, when’s Spencer
coming over?”

She shrugged.
“He’ll be here in an hour.”

“
When are you—” The ringing phone interrupted my sentence.
“Hang on a sec.” I jumped off the bed and ran out to the
phone-stand near the archway. “All right, all right, I’m coming,” I
said under my breath then picked up the receiver. “Hello?” I
chimed, regretting it instantly.

“
Ara?” Mike sounded surprised that I actually
answered.

“
Uh. Mike, hi.”

He laughed
down the line. “Forget to check the number, huh?”

I huffed
loudly. “You know me too well.”

“
Why are you avoiding me, baby? I’m not stupid. I caught on to
it the first day you were ‘out at the shops’.”

I smiled; we
both knew I was actually standing right by the phone, waving my
hands around. “I just don’t know what to say, Mike.”

“
Nothing, Ara. You don’t need to say anything at all. I’m
still your friend. I still love you—like always. No matter what,
okay?”

“
I know. I’m sorry, Mike.” I sighed.

“
Okay,” he said, laughing the word out. “Take my calls from
now on, then.”

“
Okay, I promise.”

“
Good. Now, how did the move go?”

And just like
that, life moved on. I landed a job at a music store, teaching
unenthusiastic kids to play piano, and Emily counted down the days
until she started college. But despite the constant ache in my
heart for the boy I loved and missed so terribly, we were actually
kind of happy, Emily and I, which made the months move on without
the hands of time paying any attention. Only my soul knew the truth
of the passing days, and it grew weaker and more disconnected from
the world with each sunrise. “Ara!” Emily bounded toward me as I
stepped out of my bedroom.

“
Oh, Em.” I rubbed my eyes, unable to see properly yet. “It’s
too early in the morning for all this enthusiasm.”

“
I know, but...I’ve got you a date for the dinner
tonight.”

“
What? Em, I don’t want—”

“
I think you’ll like him? His hair is blonde, but he looks a
bit like David?” She offered.

“
Em, that’s sick.”

“
Oh, come on, Ara. It’s one date.”

“
Emily.” I dropped my hands onto my hips and snarled
internally at how the rising sun, shining through the French
windows in the music room, made her hair look strawberry blonde and
way too perfect for seven in the morning. “Just like the last guy
you tried to set me up with...I’m not interested.”

“
Ara, you’re still a virgin, you need to—”

“
Ah.” I held my finger out. “Stop right there. Em.” With a
sigh, I shook my head then put the kettle on to boil. “I don’t want
a relationship. I just want to live my life.”

“
Who said anything about a relationship? It’s just
se—”

“
Hey! I said enough. I’m not going to get into a discussion
about my personal life.”

“
You mean your sex life.”

I folded my
arms and glowered at her.

“
Ara. It’s just a guy. He won’t hurt you, I
promise.”

“
No, he just wants to have a one night stand. How damaging can
that be?”

“
I never said that.” Emily dropped her arms to her sides and
came to stand beside me against the sink, thankfully leaving the
golden tones of the sun that made her look perfect behind. “Ara,
please, just humour me? This guy is really nice and—”

“
Hang on.” I frowned as I looked at her. “You hassle me about
virginity, but
you’re
still a virgin.”

“
That’s different. I have a boyfriend, so it’s by
choice.”

I rolled my
eyes. “Who says mine’s not?”

Her brow
formed an arch above her eye. “You can’t be alone forever,
Ara.”

“
Yes. I can,” I scoffed. “It’s my life.”

“
Well, I already told Spence you’d come, and his friend’s
excited about meeting you.”

“
Great.” I tightened the fold of my arms.

“
Come on,” she whined. “I feel really sorry for him. He can’t
seem to get a girl interested in him. I mean, he’s only had one
girlfriend, and he’s starting to think he might have something
wrong with him.”

Maybe there
is. “Fine.” I left Emily by the sink and slumped into a chair at
the dining table. “I’ll go if you make me a coffee.”

“
Deal.” She clapped, then skipped over to the
kettle.