The Heart's Ashes (69 page)

“
He could never do this to me.”

Jason smiled,
his eyes flashing wider. “You already know about Pepper.”

“
Not this? Surely not this?”

“
Worse, and for longer—on this very chair.” He tapped the arm
with each word.

Like the past had scampered up the aged wood of this chair,
when I looked at Jason’s face, so like his brother’s, I felt the
tight pull of history—able to feel what Pepper would’ve felt to be
tortured by someone who loved her—or who she
thought
loved her.

My leg
tingled; the shards of agony deep in my muscle, scraping my bone,
eased, and my lungs loosened, followed by my fingertips and toes. I
let out a long, deep breath—feeling other parts of my body exist
for the first time in what felt like forever.

“
You said…” I needed another breath to speak. “In the cell,
the other day, you said you loved me as the human.”

Jason’s eyes
narrowed and he looked up to the corner of the room. “I never said
any such thing.”

My jaw fell open and my brow folded.
Yes, you did.

“
Stop talking.” He turned away.

“
I didn’t talk.”
But you did say
that—you said you loved me, as the girl.

“
Ready for more pain then, are we?” he asked.

“
Why’d you wait ‘til now?” I asked, ignoring his question. “If
you knew what I was, why didn’t you take me earlier?”

“
Because I had to decide what I was going to do with you,” he
answered quickly. “I had this knowledge, but needed to make sure I
used it to its full potential.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
David would never’ve come back if you were dead. I had to
wait for him to return, so he could stand trial and suffer the same
fate as you.”

“
Did—” I took a breath. “Did you mean any of what you said to
me, ever?”

“
No.”

“
What about what you told me, you know, on the night of
Karnivale?”

Jason pressed
his lips together and scrunched up his nose. “No. Karnivale was
just a trap—for me to gain your trust.”

My eyes
watered while I studied his. “You’re lying,” I whispered. “I can
tell.”

“
What makes you so sure?” He smiled conceitedly.

“
You’re like David,” I said, rolling my face away, gasping
heavily. “His eyes shift to one side when he lies—you do the
same.”

“
You know nothing!”

“
I know that you—” I looked back at him; he was gone. My eyes
darted around the empty, dark room. “Jason?”

No one
answered.

In the far
corner, a tiny green light blinked at me, and I felt the eyes of
all those watching somewhere out there in some room, probably
laughing and drinking gin, maybe laying down wagers as to how long
I’d last. If I could roll my wrists, I’d salute them with my middle
finger. But I poked my tongue out instead, then flopped back
heavily as a tingling numbness set in over my entire body. It felt
like floating, drifting away on the surface of the lake. I could
still feel pain, but it was in the background of my mind—like a
song you’ve had in your head all day. And so, a song came to my
mind—a melody I walked down the aisle to on the happiest day of my
life. David’s song.

I smiled,
feeling the weight of exhaustion lift my face, my shoulders, my
arms, and travel down the rest of my body, until it lowered me into
the warm, blissful pool of sleep.

Chapter
23

“
Amara?”

I thought I
heard a whisper, but it was so faint and my head hurt so badly, I
just wanted it to go away.

“
Amara?”

“
Just…just let me sleep,” I mumbled, turning my face
away.

“
Ara? Beautiful girl. Can you hear me?”

My brows rose,
trying to force my sandy eyes open. “Dad?”

“
No, it’s…” I heard shuffling. “It’s me. It’s
Eric.”

“
Eric?”

“
Yes, beautiful, it’s me.”

My eyes
flashed open and spilled with tears. “Oh. Thank God. Get me out of
here. He’s coming back.”

“
I can’t. Amara.” He pulled my dress down over my
underwear.

“
What? Why?”

“
I’m sorry, I—” Eric’s head whipped up suddenly and he looked
toward the stairs. “Sleep.” His lips touched my brow; I closed my
eyes. “He won’t hurt you while you sleep.”

“
Eric, my good man. Right on time,” Jason said, his tone
spirited, almost busy.

“
I’ve brought the che…” Eric cleared his throat. “The tool
with me.”

“
Good.” Silence hovered over the darkness. “How is our victim,
today?”

Another pause.
I could feel Eric’s breath near my face. “She’s pale. I’ve never
seen her like this.”

“
I think it suits her,” Jason muttered, his voice light,
filled with humour. “She looks rather fetching as a corpse,
wouldn’t you agree?”

“
She looks sick.”

“
She is,” Jason said pragmatically. “She’s been through
several stages of delusion, too. Had to postpone most of my
research. Is she lucid now?”

“
Jason?” Eric said. “You don’t have to do this, man. You know
the Lilithians will prote—”

“
What’s that, Eric?” Jason’s voice moved away. “Please don’t
tell me you care what happens to a
Lilithian
.” He spat the last word.
“Where are your loyalties?”

“
With the king.” Eric said humbly. “But she was my
friend.”

Was
?

“
I know,” Jason said more softly and a hand wrapped my ankle,
making me jump involuntarily. “She was my friend, too. But she lied
to us. We could’ve been disciplined along with David, Eric. Think
yourself lucky that
I
decided your punishment.”

“
I am most gracious.”

“
Now—” Jason’s voice trailed up, less business more pleasure.
“We will begin. She needn’t be awake for this.”

“
Why did you need a chest clamp?” Eric’s voice shook. His warm
hand landed on my brow, familiar, like my mum checking on me when I
was home sick from school.

“
The king needs to know how long a Lilithian can live without
a heart.”

Eric gasped.
My eyes flashed open.

“
I’ll put it back,” Jason said, as if he was borrowing a
twenty from his dad’s wallet. “I’m not done with her just
yet.”

Eric closed
his eyes and stepped away from Jason, pressing his palms together
in front of his lips.

“
Come now, de la Rose, you know she won’t die unless I
leave
her in
pieces.”

“
What?” I screeched.

“
Ah, there she is.” Jason stood over me. He looked scruffy
today, unshaven, his hair longer, messier. “Have a pleasant sleep,
my lady?”

“
Eric?” I muttered, looking past Jason. “Eric don’t let him do
this, I—”

“
Shut up, Ara,” Jason cut in. “He’s here to help
me
. He doesn’t care
about you anymore, don’t you get that? When you lie and betray your
friends, they stop caring.”

Jason moved
away, and I looked at Eric, who turned his gaze from mine.

That’s not
true. Please, Jason. Please don’t let me believe Eric hates me
too—not if it’s not true.

“
He told you to pretend to sleep, didn’t he?” Jason
murmured.

You knew
that?

“
Ara, I know everything that goes on in this room.” We both
looked up at the camera—its light green.

I rolled my
head back and closed my eyes as Jason grabbed a pair of scissors
and pressed them to my chest, just too damn exhausted to be afraid
anymore.

I knew I’d
scream; he knew I’d scream. I’d save my energy for that. But
exhaustion didn’t weaken my mind, couldn’t curb imagination or the
ability to conjure images; my white skin, my ribs, a thick trail of
blood following a scalpel, bleeding over my pale flesh like red
paint from a tube, staining the chair under my ribs. With the
clipping sound of metal chafing metal, my eyes jolted open again. I
watched Jason tailor my no-longer-pretty dress down the middle,
cringing as he pulled the fabric apart, exposing my chest.

Eric reached
out to cover me slightly. “What the hell did you do to her?” I
couldn’t see Jason, but knew Eric was looking at him.

“
What was ordered of me.”

Eric paled.
“What if you’re wrong, man? I mean, if she is Lilithian, she
should’ve healed by now.”

“
She’s weak,” Jason stated factually, with little care. “Don’t
worry, they don’t plan to keep her any longer than few months.
She’ll get her death soon.”

“
It’s not death, and you know it.”

“
Yes, but it’s an end to physical suffering. I think our
princess will agree it’s more pleasant than what the scientists
will put her through.”

“
Or what
you’ve
put her through. You monster!”

“
Tut, tut.” Jason wagged a finger then pointed to the camera.
“Remember your allegiance.”

Eric backed
down.

“
Eric?” I looked up at him. “What’s he talking
about?”

He shook his
head at half a turn.

“
Please? Tell me?”

“
I can’t, Amara. I’m not allowed.”

“
Oh, go on.” Jason exhaled. “Just tell her.”

Eric swallowed
and glared at Jason, his jaw stiff.

“
Fine. Don’t. I will. I do love a little pre-torture, bad guy
monologue.” Jason tilted his head as he looked at me, magically
making me feel small, like a butterfly in a glass case. “Lilithians
don’t technically die. You will be lost in a permanent state of
sleep when they take you apart and put you in jars for eternity.
But you won’t be dead.”

“
I don’t understand.”

“
I believe my brother said it quite perfectly once.” He
touched a finger to his chin. “There is no death, no peace, only an
eternity of solitude and mourning.”

“
Will I be conscious?”

“
Ara—” he laughed, “—you’ll be in pieces. It will merely be
your spirit, in the dark, for eternity.”

“
Is it the same for vampires, when they die by a Lilithian
bite?”
Will it be the same for David, for
the boy you made me kill?

“
No,” he said. “That is death.”

“
Then why isn’t there a way for me to die?”

“
I never said there wasn’t a way.”

“
You said I don’t die.”

“
Sorry. You won’t,” he said. “And technically, you don’t. It
takes an awful lot to sever the connection of a Lilithian spirit to
the realm of life.”

“
Why—why won’t being sorted into jars kill me?”

“
Same reason a stake won’t kill me—we’re immortal, Ara. There
was once a way for your kind to die, same as how Lilithians were
death for vampires, but Lilith destroyed the serum of which could
bring her descendants mortality.”

“
All of it?”

Jason pressed
his lips together. “So I’m told.”

I rolled my
head to the other side and nearly cried for the way Eric, so stiff,
standing so tall, focused on Jason with what I interpreted to be
hatred.

“
If you want to leave, Eric, now is the time,” Jason
said.

“
No. I’ll stay.” He snapped out of his trance and touched my
hand, wrapping his warm fingers around mine.

“
Eric.” My stomach tightened. “Please. Don’t let him do
this?”

“
It’s not up to him, Ara.” Jason towered over me again and
concentrated on my chest, opening my dress again to the cool, damp
air.

“
Please?” I looked at Jason. “This is madness. You can’t cut
out my heart—it’s insane.” I looked at Eric again when Jason rolled
his eyes. “Eric. You’re standing right there—stop him. What if I’m
human? What if I’m not Lilithian? Don’t you know what this will do
to me?”

Eric sighed
and looked at Jason.

“
Eric?” I said. “Just do something. Please. Please don’t let
him hurt me.”

“
Stop talking.” Jason tilted a shiny scalpel into the orange
glow of the torches and studied it.

“
Jason. You can’t be serious.” I closed my eyes.
Oh God. God, now’s the time. Please, there has to
be someone—it can’t end like this.
My head
spun, my breath coming in smooth, nausea-filled
lungfuls.

Jason offered
a tool, a metal letter F, to Eric. “I’ll cut, you open her.”

“
No. Jason. Don’t.” I rolled up from my ribs, no longer caring
if the cuffs tore my wrists; the whole chair rattled under the
force of my fear becoming a physical manifestation. “Let me go. Let
me out of here.”

“
Eric. Shut her up.”

“
No. Eric, no. Please, we were friends. Please.”

Eric sat the
clamp beside my leg and stood behind me, his waist against the
crown of my head. “Amara, you need to stop. Please. Just don’t
scream. I can’t bear it.”