The Heart's Ashes (73 page)

His eyes were
soft again; warm, like the eyes I seemed to have loved in the
field. He was beaten and worn, and near death now anyway. If he
were human, he’d be dead already.

I shook my
head, my teeth tightening in my mouth. “No. You will live. I want
you to suffer!”

As he fell
suddenly to his knees, Mike grabbed my arm to pull me away.

“
No, Mike. Let me go,” I ordered and knelt in front of Jason,
letting a rise of hatred spill out through my voice. “You do not
deserve the kindness of death—not for what you did to me, and not
for what you did to Dav—”

“
That’s enough.” Mike lifted me into his arms and carried me
from the cell.

“
For what it’s worth, Ara—” Jason looked down at the ground,
his hands falling in front of him, “—I am sorry. You will never
know how much I loved you.”

“
And you will—” No! My words cut short as Jason gasped and
folded over; the giant syringe hanging from his chest, right where
his cold, dead heart would beat if he were human anywhere inside.
Mike dragged me past the door of iron and I grabbed it, tugging to
break free. “Let me go, Mike—let me go.”

As everything
slowed down once more, I landed on my knees; dust stirring in a
cloud as Jason fell forward, flat on the syringe.

“
Oh my God!” Morgaine covered her mouth, disgusted. “He
killed
himself.”

“
The vial. He had my venom.” I reached out to touch his
shoulder.

“
Damn it!” Mike kicked the wall. “I wanted to kill
it.”

“
It’s over.” I stared at his limp carcass; no breath moved his
chest; no life surrounded his body; no light in his vacant eyes. I
shrugged off Mike’s hold again, and, shaking, sprinkled a handful
of dirt over the side of Jason’s face. “
Now
you can’t hurt me
anymore.”

“
Come on!” Mike said.

I took one
last look at the vampire who destroyed my life as Mike lifted me in
his strong, secure arms, and we stole away into the night.

Chapter
25

Though I
stared, numb and wordless, out the window the entire drive, wrapped
up safe in Mike’s arms, when my feet finally touched the green
grass of home, a sudden rise of grief struck me down. The silence
of the night, broken by a cricket’s chirping, came as a cruel
reminder of what normal once was.

My knees
wobbled under me, and as the front door swung open and Emily came
running out, I folded over—unable to stand, unable to breathe.

“
What did they do to her?” She stopped dead, covering her
mouth as I fell to my knees.

“
I don’t know,” Mike practically yelled, squatting beside me.
“She hasn’t said a goddamn word the entire four hours.”

Emily stood,
barefoot, right beside me, watching on while I wailed the cries of
a broken soul into the darkness. The pictures, the memory of the
hope danced around in front of me. Happiness—together, our future.
I let myself see it once. Why? Why did I do that? Now it only hurts
so much more. Oh God. David. David, I’m so sorry.

“
David?” Emily asked. “Why is she saying David?”

“
Ara?” Mike placed a hand on my back. “What happened to
David?”

Composure
would not come long enough for me to speak. I struggled against the
stolen breath and gasped for air, clutching my stomach, whimpering
as tears cascaded down. “Ja—Jason threw him. On—” the jagged breath
stung my throat, “—the. Fire.” The last word rang out with a series
of high-pitched sobs.

Mike’s hand
fell away and he slumped onto the ground beside me. Everything
seemed to stop moving then; Emily dropped to her knees and covered
her mouth; Morgaine stood staring at nothing, and I cried. I cried
until everything inside me tore out through my soul, the pieces of
me that were once capable of feeling, left alone on the
ground—never to exist again.

Mike snapped
out of his wordless grief and looked at Morgaine. “Morg?
Just—just—” Heavy sobs shook his shoulders. His head fell against
mine, Emily’s against his, and we cried on the grass, out the front
of the place I used to call home—home with David.

Morgaine
flipped her phone and walked away, across the road, hugging her arm
across her waist.

Exhausted,
feeling worn and dead inside, I laid my head in Mike’s lap and let
the sorrow give way to a numb, painless stare.

There’s
nothing left.

“
Come on.” Mike stood and picked me up.

“
Mike?” Emily grabbed his arm. “What are we going to
do?”

“
I don’t know,” he said with an eerie depth of fear and
emptiness. “I just need to get her inside, Em.”

My strong
saviour carried inside the gasping, sobbing heap that used to be
his best friend. I let him take me—I wanted to run away, wanted to
die, but I hadn’t the strength to even give up. There was no air; I
couldn’t breathe anymore—nor did I see the point, but I just kept
on breathing anyway.

“
Mike? I’m worried. Why is she breathing like
that?”

“
I don’t know, okay. All I know is that Jason got a quarter of
the way through that list. I don’t even know what was officially on
the fucking list.”

“
Give her to me.” She reached across and took me.

“
Em.” I wrapped my arms around her neck. “Em, he hurt me so
much.”

“
I know, Ara. I’m so sorry.” As Emily walked through my
bedroom, into my bathroom, someone else flicked on the light, and I
came from the secure warmth of my friend’s arms, onto the cold,
hard base of the shower tiles. “I’m just gonna put the water on,
okay?”

Away from the
safety of her embrace, I hugged my knees to my chest, gasping when
the tap came on cold for a second before heat mingled with the icy
sprinkle, melting the first layer of blood from my skin.

“
Okay, lift your arms.” She leaned into the shower and pushed
her sleeves up her elbows, then grabbed the base of my
dress.

“
Em. Just leave me.” I shoved her hand off. “Just make it dark
and leave me by myself.”

“
Come on, Ara,” she said, “you need to take this off, you look
like the corpse bride.”

“
No. Just leave me be, Em. I just want to die.”

“
Ara, please. You’re emotional and worn—you’ve been through
hell, just let me clean you up and give you some blood.”

“
No. No blood.” I shook my head. “Never again.” Never. I don’t
deserve to live. I took the one thing I ever wanted in this world
and I killed it—for the bite, for the hunger, for the blood. Blood
is a curse. I will never,
never
drink it again.

“
Ara. Please. Just get this dress off at least. I can’t help
you if you won’t let me.”

I tucked my
hands into my chest and curled closer to the wall.

“
Ur! You’re so stubborn, Ara.” She stormed off.

Steam filled
the bottom of the shower and rose up in soft white clouds, spiked
with a distant scent of strawberries from my shampoo, and worse,
faded orange-chocolate. I folded my chest closer to my knees,
wincing as the jagged wound down the centre tugged, separating with
the movement.

“
Ara, it’s me,” a soft voice said through the steam, a hand
reaching toward me. “It’s Morgaine.”

I looked up;
her cherry-red hair turned almost burgundy as she leaned right into
the shower, saturating the side of her face.

“
Just leave me be. Let me grieve.”

“
Okay.” She sat on the tiled ledge of the shower and, with a
sponge in hand, gently wiped some blood from my chin. “You know,
David talked with me about you when he came to me. We spent a lot
of time catching up on the past while we were waiting to rescue
you.”

Rescue me?

“
He told me that you have nightmares sometimes, about the
Immortal Damned?”

I nodded.
I never told David
that.

“
Well, if you be a good girl, get clean and drink some blood,
I’ll tell you a way you can help them—maybe even free
them.”

“
How?”

Morgaine
smiled. “Uh-uh, self first, okay? You need to drink blood, your
face is swelling and I’m worried it might scar a little if you die
from blood loss.”

“
What do you mean
die
? I
can’t
die.”

“
No, you don’t stay dead, but you can die initially, and when
you do, you regenerate with scars.”

“
Morg, don’t tell her that, she’ll freak out,” Emily said,
landing beside the shower; I hadn’t noticed her in the room. “Ara,
Morg’s stretching the truth there. You only get a scar from the
injury which
causes
death.”

Morgaine
shrugged and smiled. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up, or we’ll
have to get Mike in here to undress you. Do you want him to see how
bad you’re hurt?” She tugged the base of my dress.

I lifted my
arms and Morgaine pulled the tatty remains of the happiest day of
my life over shoulders.

How did it all
go so wrong? They planned to save me—talked history while they
waited. How did it come to be that David ended up in Drake’s
hands—to be tried, and killed?

I lifted my
hips a little, as Morgaine hooked her thumbs into the sides of my
underwear and slipped them down my legs. The warm water touched my
limbs, washing away the blood and other impurities that lodged in
my skin while I was being stored and tortured. I cupped my hands
over my breasts, leaning my head on the hard tiles again.

“
Your shampoo smells pretty,” Morgaine said, lathering it in
from the tips, working it upward until her delicate fingers rubbed
gentle circles around my scalp.

I closed my
eyes as the soap dripped down the ridges beside my nose and the
soft strawberry scent gave me a flash feeling of normality. Sound
fizzled out but came rushing back quickly as Morgaine flooded my
head and face with warm water, then wiped her hand down my eyes and
cheeks—smoothing away the soap.

“
You’re going to be all right, Amara,” she said
softly.

No. I won’t.
Just let me die. Just cut me into pieces and place me in jars
around the world.

“
Okay, you’re clean.” Emily held her wrist in front of my
lips. “No more excuses—bite.”

“
Em?” I pulled away.

“
Ara, you need blood. Bite.”

“
Emily, don’t you know? My bite can kill you.”

“
No, it won’t. I’m immune.”

“
How—how can you be immune?”

“
Because I’ve been drinking Mike’s blood, Ara, it gives me
immunity to
your
venom, too.”

“
Only as long as you
keep
drinking it,” Morgaine added.

“
Well—” Emily chuckled once, “I’m pretty sure I’ll be covered,
then.
I’m
the one
refusing
him
lately.”

“
What? I thought Mike hated blood?” I said.

Emily smiled.
“Yeah, but it’s funny what a case of vampirism can do to change
your outlook.”

“
Oh, right.” I folded my arms, closing my eyes.

“
Yeah. It’s pretty cool really,” Emily said. “Well, it is
now—wasn’t a few weeks ago though.”

I frowned, not
wanting to but unable to resist asking “Why?”

Morg and Emily
laughed, a kinship showing between them that seemed ages old. “So,
it was, like, the day Eric came to see us—told us about you being
kidnapped—”

“
Eric told you?” I cut in, still feeling his cold, tight hands
blocking the passage of air to my throat.

“
Yeah.”

“
But...but he was helping Jason.”

“
We know, Ara. Eric’s on our side,” Emily said. “We sent him
back to the castle to find out your location.”

“
That’s
why he was there?”

“
Well, there were a number of reasons, but that was why
we
had him
there.”

“
So anyway,” Emily continued, “when Mike found out what
happened to you and David, he asked me to change him into a
vampire—so he could rescue you.”

Emily and
Morgaine laughed again. The sound warmed the room.

“
I don’t know the exact method, so I just followed what Jason
did to me. You should’ve seen the look on his face when nothing
happened.” Emily folded her arms and smiled at nothing.

“
Did he get sick? Or go into a coma?”

“
Nope. Nothing. Didn’t even feel the sting of venom, or a
numbing sensation.”

“
Why? He’s like me. How can he have escaped a
coma?”

“
When you were bitten for the first time, you had no immunity.
See, a created vampire gets stronger from the first bite, blood or
none,” Morgaine said, “but a
born
Lilithian is only as strong as the accumulation
of blood in her lifetime.”

“
So, if I’d been drinking more blood, I wouldn’t have gone
into a coma?”

“
No,” Emily said. “It takes only a week of blood to build
immunity—”

“
And only a week to lose it,” Morgaine added