The Heart's Ashes (74 page)

“
The more blood you have, Ara, the stronger you’ll get.” Emily
smiled and offered me her arm again.

“
But I’m not strong.” I turned my head, pushing Emily’s arm
away. “I’m pathetic and weak; I couldn’t even
try
to escape when he gave me the
chance.”

“
He gave you a chance to escape?” Emily gasped.

“
No, he just—” I shut my mouth and crossed my arms. “I don’t
want to talk about it.”

They went quiet; probably exchanging glances of concern. They
all want to know what happened, but as long as I keep it inside,
it’s not real. None of it will be real. Not Jason’s betrayal, not
David, not immortality and not what happened to
me
, either.

“
Ara.” Emily rolled the taps off and wrapped a towel around my
shoulders. “I need you to drink blood, okay. Or I will have to pin
you down and force it in, and I—”

“
Don’t!” Eric appeared behind Morgaine. “What ever you
do—don’t do that.”

“
Eric? That was quick.” Emily moved as Morgaine stood
up.

“
I know.” He stared back at me, his eyes wide, face pale, then
squatted beside the shower and untucked my hand from the
towel—holding it gently; “Amara, please. Drink blood.”

“
I can’t, Eric.” My eyes watered, looking into his. “I can’t.
I don’t want to be a vampire. I just wanna go home—to my dad’s,
back to normal life.”

“
But Amara, my beautiful, most dear friend, you
are
a vampire. And
you
must
drink
blood, or you will wither away. I don’t want you to suffer any more
than you already have.”

The care and
concern masked behind his liquid eyes forced me to hold a breath.
There was a connection between us now; a secret connection—forged
by a journey that only he and I shared. Things would never be the
same between us again. We both watched the story unfold in each
other’s eyes, torn and tearless on the outside, destroyed and
pleading for mercy inside.

“
Please drink. If for nothing else in the world but to do it
for me, please. Just, drink blood, Amara.”

“
Yeah—” Morgaine stepped in, “—then I’ll tell you how to save
the Immortal Damned.”

“
Is there really a way?” I looked past Eric. “Or are you just
lying to me to make me want to live?”

“
Would
it make you want to live?” she
asked.

I don’t know. Perhaps. More than I do right now.
I nodded slowly.

“
Amara?” Eric smoothed his hand down my face and rested it on
my shoulder. “I’m going to carry you, okay?”

I nodded. Eric
scooped me out of the shower and swiftly glided along the floor
until we reached my bedroom, then placed me gently on my feet. I
clutched my towel to my chest as the familiar, enveloping scent of
my room struck me with a harsh internal blow.

I can still
smell him here. I was supposed to be gone, on a plane to Paris,
coming back here only when I was immortal—immortal with David.

Now, I’m here,
I’m immortal, but I don’t have him.

The bed—it
looked just the same as the way we left it when we woke the morning
before our wedding and made it with fresh sheets, cleaning away the
blood from the night before.

If I’d known,
on that last night together, when he held me so close, touching
every inch of my body with widespread fingers, memorising my human
skin, kissing my beating heart, feeling the warmth that would soon
belong to immortality, that that memory would be our last, for
eternity, I’d have savoured so much more.

I can’t die;
all I can do is suffer an eternal darkness without a body—a
wandering soul, no longer connected to the world—like my coma, that
horrible nightmare I never wanted to return to.

But life, now,
without David, how is that any different?

How will I
wake tomorrow and see the sun; what is the sun? What does it mean
to me now if it will never mean holding hands with David, laying by
the lake under the new summer foliage, or warming our cold hands in
the light through the window over the piano.

He’s gone, and
so is everything good this world had left in it; he met me at the
gateway to eternity, and I lost him there—lost him for forever.

“
Ara?” Mike came up out of nowhere, his voice softer than ever
before. “Come on, baby, let’s get some clothes on you.”

Tears screened
my eyes as I stared at the empty, unravelled, unused bed; it won’t
smell like him now; it’ll be cold—the history of his skin against
the sheets, absent, gone. It’s all so empty. So, so empty. The
tears spilled over; each inch of skin they touched turned to death
as they rolled past.

This is
stupid. I can’t. I can’t live without him—I never could. “Mike?” I
looked up at him, blinking as more tears fell. “Mike—you have to
kill me.”

He stared
ahead at the emptiness beyond my soul, and I let my tears flow,
breathing the air that the smell of home forced my lungs to
draw.

That’s
it—there’s no more hope. Once, I owned the hope that maybe he was
out there somewhere, waiting for me, looking for me, but now, I
know. I know he’ll never smile at me again; he won’t walk around
the corner and throw me on the bed, tickling me until I scream;
I’ll never taste another cup of his perfect coffee, make love to
him as my husband, or even have our first dance. It’s all gone now.
Even the ring on his finger. Gone—no memento to keep. It was all
just taken away. It’s just so cruel. An instant, and he vanished,
forever.

His hand, as
he stepped foot out of Jason’s car, and the way he smiled; if I’d
known that was the last touch, I could’ve held on longer—kissed
him, told him how much I love him, how sorry I am that I didn’t
give up my life to be with him sooner.

I wanted to
fall, to cry, but what good would it do? I can’t ever go to him;
he’s gone, passed—wandering somewhere in the next life without me—a
place Lilithians don’t go when they die.

A hand
appeared in front of me. Unable to see through the tears, unable to
breathe through the pain in my chest, I only made out the blurred,
shifting image of something gold and round. “David asked me to keep
these safe for him.”

The tears
rolled down my face, as if maybe they didn’t belong to me, like I
was watching them leave the eyes of the dead. My shaky, thin
fingers rose to touch her hand, scooping as they did, a white-gold
wedding band and a silver bangle with a moonstone at the centre;
the last memory of David’s mother—now, the last memory of
David.

Mike caught me
as my knees buckled and carried me to the bed, my hands clutching
tightly around the metal remains of my life.

“
Mike?” Morgaine stood beside him, both of them towering over
me. “She needs blood. We might have to—”

“
No.” Eric touched Mike’s shoulder; I stared forward, numb.
“Let me talk with her.”

Mike nodded
and took a step back, allowing Eric to sit on the bed. He cradled
me against his chest, my bare skin pressing against his warm silk
shirt. “Amara. I’m going to make a little slit in my arm, and
you’re going to drink from me, okay.”

“
No.”

Eric rubbed
his thumb across his brow, then slid both hands along the side of
my face, clutching firmly. “I’m not joking, Ara. You are a vampire;
you need to accept that.”

My tongue moved forward and wet my lips.
I’m not ready to accept it.

Eric, without
hesitation, took my silence as subordination, and stabbed his
fingernail into his vein—deeply. The blood pulsed in one gush, and
flowed out over his skin.

Without
thinking, I placed the bangle and wedding band on the bed, and
grabbed Eric’s arm. Like tasting the first sweet, sugary sip of hot
cocoa in winter, Eric’s blood spilled into my mouth, flooding my
lips and soothing the ache I didn’t know I had in my throat. My
bony fingers lifted his arm higher so, with my head tilted back, I
could gulp faster.

“
That’s a good girl.” Eric gently stroked my hair and wiped
the tears I cried for anger—anger for allowing myself to succumb to
the craving—and the tears of relief, because I was home, safe, and
because I loved the taste of blood, and even more, the blood of my
friend, Eric. “Shh, that’s it, beautiful girl, just breathe,” he
said, and as the wound healed shut under my lips, cutting my
supply, I released my grip and looked up at Mike; he closed his
mouth quickly and stood taller.

I didn’t want
him to see that—to see me…feeding.

A smile mixed
with awe and sympathy guarded Eric’s lips. “You’ll get used to it,
Mike.” He tore his eyes away from me and looked at Mike. “She’s a
vampire now. You can’t stop her from biting, anymore.”

And I
apparently can’t stop myself from drinking blood, either. I folded
my arms over my chest and looked down.

“
Come on,” Mike offered. “You’re shivering. Time to get
dressed.”

I stood up,
tugging hard on his hand to get to my feet.

“
Morg, hand me those clothes there?” Mike pointed to the chair
by the wardrobe. “Thanks.” He caught them and slipped the sweater
over my head. “Come on—slide your arms through,” he said, guiding
each one. “Okay, sit.” He pushed me gently onto the bed and
wriggled my feet through my underwear and tracksuit pants, then
took my hand, stood me up, and shimmed them under the towel—pulling
it away once my clothes covered me completely. “See? Magic.” He
grinned.

“
Bravo.” Eric clapped once. “You’ve done that
before.”

“
Well—” Mike stood tall and threw the towel over his shoulder,
“—I grew up with her. I’ve had to do that quite a few
times.”

I looked down,
holding back a sheepish grin.

“
Okay,” Morgaine said, “well, I’ll leave you guys to it. I
need to get back to—”

“
Morgaine.” I reached for her. “Tell me how to save them? The
Immortal Damned. You said you’d tell me.”

“
Oh, yeah, sure.” She grinned. “The power within
you.”

“
Huh?”

“
Your life has been mapped out, Amara. According to a prophecy
told centuries ago you will have a child one day. She will restore
peace to our kind and wield great power—one of those is said to be
the gift of life.”

“
Life?”

“
Yes, to restore what once was living, now without death.” She
grinned; my face folded into a frown. “The ability to return
vampires to their original form.”

“
Human form?”

“
Yes.”

My hands
crossed my belly; I looked down. “A child?”

“
Yes.” She grinned, then shrugged. “I said I knew a way—didn’t
say you were going to like it.”

Mike lifted a
frozen me from under the arms and rolled me onto the pillow,
tucking my feet under the blanket as he did. “Sleep now, Amara.
We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

I nodded.

Eric sat and
rolled up his sleeve. “I’ll just give you a little more—it’ll help
you sleep.”

“
Okay,” I whispered.

As the warmth
of blood filled my mouth once again, I closed my eyes for a second
and drank lazily, letting half of it slip down my chin.

“
So tired, aren’t ya, kiddo?” Eric wiped the blood from my
neck and chest with the towel Mike handed him.

“
Eric,” I whispered before the softness of sleep swallowed my
thoughts.

“
Yes, beautiful girl.”

“
How did you end up being Jason’s assistant?”

“
I lied to the Council—told them the vampire and the pretty
girl I’d been hanging out with was Jason and his girlfriend. They
found out the truth, and my punishment was to assist in your
torture.”

“
Then, how did you get to Mike and Emily—to tell
them?”

“
Jason sent me on an errand—to get a t…to get something he
needed.”

“
A tool.” I rolled my face away, closing my eyes. “Don’t treat
me like a baby, Eric. He sent you to get a tool.”

“
Yes.”

“
Did he know you’d get help?”

“
Yes.”

I looked at
him, my mind waking. “Why did he let you go, then?”

“
He couldn’t admit it, but he wanted you rescued.”

“
Why?”

“
I’m not sure.”

“
How do you know he wanted you to get help?”

“
Because when he un-cuffed me and told me to go into town, I
asked him if he was crazy—asked him if he knew where my allegiance
laid.”

“
What did he say?”

“
He said yes.”

Mike’s shadow
filled the space around Eric. “That’s enough for tonight, mate. Let
her rest.”

“
Okay. Amara, I’ll be right outside your door—just whisper and
I’ll come.”

“
Thanks, Eric,” I murmured.

The door
closed, leaving me in darkness, and the peaceful tranquillity of
blood stole me away.

In someplace,
floating in dreamland, I let my mind wander to the lake. David—he
would always be there, in our safe place, with me—no matter what
the physical world thought of to tear us apart.

As the
sunlight washed down over my face when I stepped out of the
shadows, I saw him; playing my guitar, like always. But I knew I
couldn’t go to him; knew there was a boundary there now.