The Heat Is On (13 page)

After he'd gone, Tracy collapsed onto a chair to remove her shoes.

“He's more handsome than ever,” her mother said slowly. “I can see why you are so attracted to him.”

Tracy cocked her head, frowning. Her mother wasn't subtle about expressing her opinions, and she knew that tone. “Is something wrong?”

“No. I'm just…concerned for you and the kids.”

“Why?” She kicked off her shoes and then sat up straight to face her mother.

“Ethan and Chloe were talking about him tonight. I think they were a little miffed that you and he went out together without them.” She looked Tracy in the eye. “I think they are getting attached.”

The words hung in the air as her mother expressed one of Tracy's biggest fears.
Attached
. Her children were becoming emotionally involved with Connor, just as she was. They were starting to care about him; their feelings were getting involved.

Bad. This was bad.

Not only would she get hurt, but her children…

“They've only seen him a couple of times,” she tried weakly.

“Maybe,” her mother conceded, but as she reached for her purse and started for the door, she paused, her lips tight. “I think you need to make sure he's in it for the long haul this time.”

Tracy tensed. She felt as if the floor gave out beneath her.

“Don't worry.” She got to her feet and kissed her mother's cheek. “I appreciate your concern. I have to trust that Connor is a good man and that he will do the right thing. He hasn't done anything to make me think otherwise.”

“
Except leave you before
,” her mother reminded her.

Tracy was suddenly cold. It was the pain that kept trying to break through to the surface, like an invasive weed pushing through the dirt, threatening to take over, crowd out the good until nothing was left.

Sucking in a breath, she stared at her mother. “That was
college
.”

“I remember. I just want to make sure you know what you're doing. For everyone's sake.”

She closed the door and was gone.

Tracy's nerves were on edge as she got ready for bed. The silk top and blazer now lay on an armchair, ready for the dry cleaner. Something else she couldn't afford.

Dressed once more in a T-shirt and boxers, she carefully wiped away her makeup, and once more the single mom stared back at her from the bathroom mirror.

What was she doing? She was courting disaster, that's what. Although she hated to admit it, her mother was right. Connor had left her once before with hardly a look back.

Just like her ex-husband.

What had she been thinking? How had she convinced herself that she could do this, keep it light, and keep her children out of it?

She couldn't. The threads of her life were all becoming one huge tangle, just like the sewing box that she kept meaning to clean up.

But how could she stop it now? How could she walk away from this man, the one thing in her life that was just for her?

How could she not?

Sleep was a long time coming.

Once Jimmy got in line, everyone else did as well. And everything started to click.

Jake's fielding went from great to outstanding, Chase's slider grew even more deadly, Jimmy's ERA dropped dramatically, Carlos worked his knuckleball, and Gavin was once more hitting it out of the ballpark.

“Okay, boys, we're all doing real good here,” Pete said, giving them a pep talk before beginning the series with the Nats. “We have to keep it up. Now remember the plan. The Nationals are a good team, but so are we. But we need to keep the focus and the discipline. Now y'all go home and have a nice evening with your families because we've got some work to do. Good job.”

Carlos and Connor high-fived, as did Gavin and Jake. Everyone agreed to meet up at the pub to celebrate, but with the definite intention of leaving early for practice tomorrow.

But it felt good after a frustrating summer to see it all come together. And as Carlos lifted his beer, he tapped Connor's glass and indicated Jimmy.

“I don't know what you said to him, but he's like a different player.”

“It's nothing I said.” Connor shrugged. “The shift happened within him. He had to make up his mind that he wanted this. Once he did, the rest is easy.”

“I remember in college when you had to make that choice,” Carlos continued as Camelia joined them, pressing a kiss to her husband's forehead before taking a seat beside him. “You made up your mind you could only focus on one thing, and that was baseball. It's what made you so successful.”

“Yeah, but I left some things behind, or I should say, someone,” Connor said thoughtfully. “Thankfully Tracy and her husband aren't together now. Otherwise, I think I would have some real regrets.”

“That's so sweet,” Camelia said, giving him a warm smile. “You really care about this girl!”

“She is an amazing woman,” he stated simply. “And it hasn't been easy for her, being a single mother with four little kids. It amazes me to see how she can handle it all: the tantrums, the fighting, the baby crying, bedtime, breakfast, dinner…It seems endless.”

“It is,” Camelia agreed, her warm sherry-colored eyes shifting to her husband, and then back to the ballplayer. The eyes flashed. “And I wonder what you are doing? Children require one hundred percent commitment. You know that, right?”

“Well, yeah.” Connor looked at her, surprised by her emotion. “It's not like I'm ignoring them. We took them to the zoo. I understand that it's hard for her to go out a lot and get babysitters, so I offered to bring pizza…”

Carlos shot his wife a warning look even as he squeezed her hand. “Camelia…This is Connor's personal life…”

“No, it's okay,” Connor said, interrupting Carlos. “I want to hear what she has to say.”

“That's not enough, just liking her children,” Camelia said passionately, shaking her head. “You can't be, what is the word, marginal? In their life if you are serious about their mother.”

“Okay,” he said as he refilled his mug. “It is serious. And I know being involved with Tracy means having a relationship with her children. I get it. But they also still have a father in the picture.”

“What kind of father leaves his children?” Camelia did an eye roll and then gestured with her fingers clasped together. “You need to understand something. For this woman to go through everything that she has, and then for you to come along and sweep her off her feet, a big, handsome, successful ballplayer, and her first love, she is going to fall hard.”

He internalized that, aware that he hadn't thought of himself that way, or how Tracy might perceive their relationship.

“This woman has been hurt, and so have these poor children! You can't settle for pizza nights, or an occasional outing, and think that is okay! From what I have seen of this girl, her children are everything to her! You need to make a choice before it is too late!”

She banged her fist on the table and rattled the beers.

Connor's brows raised at her outburst, but her words had an effect. Was she right? He had been having such a good time enjoying Tracy's company, the fun and the sex, that he hadn't really considered the big picture. He'd worked around the kids, tried to make things easier for her. But he hadn't thought in terms of what the children would need from him if he were to become part of Tracy's life.

He must have looked as stunned as he felt, for Carlos's wife threw up her hands.

“That's it! I'm finished,” Camelia said dramatically as she flopped back into her seat.

“Thank God,” Connor said, exhaling deeply. “You sure hang a lot on a guy all at once. I thought I was just stopping by for beer.”

Carlos laughed, aware that Connor was breaking the tension with a joke. But after taking a long pull of his beer, his eyes met his pal's, and his expression was serious.

“Maybe it's because we have kids that we get it. Even though I hate to admit she's right, this time she is.” He glanced at Camelia, who grinned, and turned back to the catcher. “This is the kind of game you can't play on the sidelines, my friend. You've been seeing this woman for a while, the children are getting involved.” His eyes met Connor's. “Sorry, man, but it's time to fish or cut bait.”

Tracy frowned as she electronically paid her bills, juggling the payments just before the due dates and hoping against hope that everything would work out, and that Jeremy wouldn't play any more games with his support checks.

That thought made her frown as she estimated the number of times he had been late with his payments. He had a million excuses, but it was clear to her that it was a form of blackmail, that he was trying to control her. Even though the law was on her side, that didn't help much when the mortgage payment was due and there was no money in the bank.

Thankfully she had gotten a decent paycheck from the medical billing, and she was able to catch up with most of the utilities. But then she checked her online bill pay and saw that the electric bill was due. She didn't remember what she had done with the notice.

She paged back through the “Manage My Bills” tab. Nope. The last time she'd paid it was two months ago. Why hadn't she gotten a late notice?

Opening her browser, she entered her electric company into the search bar and found the site. Logging in, she was able to remember her password and got to the payment section.

There it was. She saw a credit of $215, and her account showed a zero balance.

How could this have happened? She sat back in her chair, perplexed. Was she losing her mind? Reaching for the pile of envelopes beside her, she looked through them once more to see if she had misplaced the original bill. But it wasn't there.

They had all been in the kitchen on the countertop. A memory of a pink slip came to her, and she envisioned the delinquent utility bill sitting on top the night Connor was there…

She froze. One and one made two, and suddenly it became clear. Connor had paid the bill. There was no other explanation for what had happened, and she flushed in mortification.

He probably thought he was being kind, but the gesture made Tracy feel totally inadequate. She didn't need him to rescue her from her choices, and her independence was important to her. But more than all that, she had to wonder how he actually saw her.

Did he think of her as a charity case? A lot of the baseball players had foundations and charities. Was she his project?

The notion made her cringe. Getting to her feet, she found herself pacing even as the children played around her, and her mother's words came back to haunt her.

I just hope you know what you're doing
…

Did she? Connor had not told her how he felt about her. For all she knew, this was just fun and games for him. There was nothing holding him here, he could disappear tomorrow and find someone much more on his level who didn't have four kids and didn't need a man to pay her electric bill.

Try as she might, she couldn't escape the reality of it all. This man, this beautiful baseball player, had brought something back into her existence that made her feel alive. Although she'd been seeing him for a relatively short time, it didn't matter. He had changed things, changed her. And when she pictured what it would be like if he left her, how she would feel being alone once more, the pain was unbearable.

Mason turned from the TV, came over to her, and looked at her solemnly.

“What's the matter, Mommy?”

He looked as sad as she felt, and it cut her where she lived. But that was a burden she wasn't about to put on her children.

“Nothing,” she said, forcing herself to sound cheerful. “I'm just thinking we have to go to the store. And I believe it's your turn to pick the cereal.”

Mason smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. “Okay.” He turned to help with the baby.

Connor called Tracy on his ride home, purposefully putting the conversation he had with Carlos and his wife out of his head.

But he had to admit, Camelia's words had rattled him, and he couldn't escape their truth. Even more compelling was that Carlos had agreed with her when it came to Tracy's children. He needed to digest it all, come to something that made sense in his own brain.

“Hey, how are you doing?” His phone synced to his car and he could hear the baby crying, and the boys squabbling.

“Okay. I'm trying to get dinner on the table, and Lily woke up a little early. What's up?”

Connor frowned. She didn't sound like herself, but he chalked it up to her distraction.

“I just wanted to give you a ring. We're going to D.C. for the next couple of days…”

“Ethan, stop taking Mason's truck. You have plenty of your own toys. Chloe, your princess pajamas are in the wash. You have to wear something else.”

“But I want my princess jammies!” Chloe wailed as if the world were coming to an end.

“Too bad. You wore them outside and they got dirty. I told you not to do that.”

“But I want them!!” Chloe sobbed, choking on the words.

“I'll get her a new pair,” Connor offered, hating the sound of the little girl crying. He was starting to feel pretty wretched himself.

“That's not the point,” Tracy said, exasperated, her voice having an edge not heard before. “She needs to understand that we don't have unlimited resources, and she has to take care of her things.”

“But she's four years old!” Connor was incredulous.

“It's not too soon to learn. And I don't want her spoiled. She has to understand there are consequences to her actions. And I don't want her looking for a knight in shining armor to bail her out,” she snapped.

This conversation was getting crazier by the moment. “Are we honestly fighting about princess pajamas?”

Two seconds later, something crashed, followed by Tracy's scream.

“Mason! You knocked over your milk. That's the second time today! What is going on with you?”

“I did not! Ethan banged into me!”

“I've got to go,” Tracy said. She sounded like she was close to tears.

“All right. I'll call you tomorrow.” But he didn't want to leave it like that, didn't want to leave her like that. Yet he also felt powerless. He would be out of town, focusing on the series with the Nationals, and wasn't exactly in a position to help her. And he didn't like that resigned tone in her voice. “You going to be okay?”

“What does that mean?” This time she sounded angry, strained.

“You just seem pretty stressed, and I will be away for a few days,” Connor said evenly. “I'm a little concerned.”

Tracy sucked in her breath. “You listen to me, Connor Jackson. I am not some helpless little woman, and I'm not crazy. I'll be just fine. I've been taking care of myself and this crew for a long time without anyone's assistance. I don't need anyone paying my bills, or worrying about me or my kids. Got that?”

She hung up.

The phone disconnected and Connor's mouth dropped in stunned surprise. She was furious. Tracy's outburst involved more than just a broken glass, he was sure of it. He'd just wanted to fix things for her, to take away some of the stress, to let her know she wasn't alone, the way Carlos and Camelia had suggested.

And he wasn't at all sure why the idea seemed to offend her.