The Hidden Life (3 page)

And that right there was the other reason I had it bad for him. I not only wanted to know what his body felt like against mine; I wanted to feel his soul, wanted to be who he loved. Despite the violent contact sport he played day in and day out, Colin was by far the kindest, friendliest, most gentle-hearted person I’d ever met. Genuine to the core, he was human gold. And I craved every ounce of him.

“Sounds great, man,” I murmured as I dropped down to my knees next to him and helped unpack the sleeping bags, assortment of board games, and pantry-full of snacks he’d lugged up here sometime earlier. Knowing he was just as troubled by the thought of us moving in different directions in our life as I was soothed some of my anxiety.

I reached in the box to grab a can of Easy Cheese, the same kind we used to squirt directly into our mouths, much to our mothers’ disapproval, at the same time he did. Our fingers brushed over each other’s and a shock of electricity jolted up my arm, through my chest, and settled directly between my legs.

My eyes shot up from where they were focused inside the box to meet his bewildered expression, neither of us moving our hands as the stimulating charge continued to buzz everywhere our skin touched. A blaze flickered deep in his eyes as he swallowed hard, drawing my attention down to his throat. His pulse beat fast and furiously under the pale flesh of his neck, matching the pace of my own heart threatening to take flight inside my ribcage.

“Colin,” I breathed, unconsciously leaning in toward him until only a couple of inches separated our faces. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Seth, don’t do this,” he hissed. His voice was low and full of caution, but he didn’t retreat.

This wasn’t at all how I envisioned the scene playing out, but I decided to take advantage of the opportunity that had presented itself and press my luck. The worst he could do was punch me and tell me to go fuck myself.

Scooting forward a tiny bit, the tip of my nose brushed against his as I whispered, “Why not? Did you think I didn’t know? Tell me right now you don’t want to kiss me.”

His nostrils flared as his heated gaze fell to my lips, but he said nothing.

“Am I wrong? When you close your eyes at night, you don’t fantasize about—”

His mouth crashed down onto mine before I could finish my thought, capturing me in an intense, savage kiss. Impulsively, my hands flew to his chest — pawing, grasping, squeezing — as my lips parted, granting him full access to whatever he wanted. The box was hastily shoved out of the way, supplies flying across the wood-plank floor, and the space between our bodies disappeared as Colin grabbed the back of my neck and yanked me to him. Bruising yet soothing, his demanding kisses stole my breath. And my heart.

As our tongues dueled for control, feverishly twining around one another, I instinctively ground my hips against his and rubbed our thick cocks together beneath our shorts. A guttural moan escaped his mouth, causing him to lean back and break the kiss.

“Seth, I didn’t bring you up here for this. I… I wasn’t…” He rested his forehead on mine, his wild eyes searching, pleading. “You’ve got to be sure before we go any further. It’s not worth losing you.”

Dropping one of my hands to the bulge straining behind his zipper, I stroked up and down the length of his shaft, never once breaking eye contact with him. Then, with a wicked grin, I nipped at his bottom lip and murmured, “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”

“I love us

for the way

our eyes make

love

to each other’s

soul.”

-Christopher Poindexter

Seth

I DOUBLE CHECKED
that my apartment was locked up tight then raced out to my car, threw my overnight bag in the trunk, and jumped in the driver’s seat. Already leaving over an hour later than I’d planned, I zigzagged my way around the side streets surrounding Northwestern University, streets that had become my stomping ground for the previous three-and-a-half years while earning my undergraduate degree, and onto the interstate that led directly to Ann Arbor, Michigan. Destination: Colin.

Once I reached the wide-open highway after passing through the heart of Chicago during the morning rush hour, I picked up my phone and shot him a text, knowing he was still in class. Thankfully, my schedule that last semester of school was set up to where I didn’t have any classes on Friday, but my rowing team had practice from 6 to 8 every morning, and as team captain, I tried my best not to miss unless it couldn’t be avoided.

Me: On my way, practice ran a little long. Should still make it by lunch.

It didn’t take him long to respond. I knew he’d been looking forward to this weekend for as long as I had. With both of our busy schedules and the four hours of highway between our colleges, we hadn’t seen each other since we’d both gone home to Boston for Christmas. And even then, with families and others around constantly, we hadn’t had any chance to be alone. I needed a whole lot more than a few stolen kisses here and there.

Colin: Gotta stop by the athletic center after class for a few minutes. Should be home by 12:30. If I’m not there, let yourself in. Monroe stocked the fridge and pantry for you.

Me: Cool. What time is she supposed to come over? I need a piece of you before she gets there.

Colin: You always think you need a piece of me, insatiable bastard. She gets out of class at 3, should be at my house shortly after.

Me: Perfect. See you soon, you sexy beast.

Colin: 10-4

I tossed the phone onto the passenger seat, wearing a huge goofy-ass grin as I turned up the radio and daydreamed about the man who I’d fallen head-over-heels in love with. After our high school graduation party — the day we first kissed — our relationship instantly morphed into something much deeper than I had ever imagined. We spent many nights that summer up in our childhood tree house, experimenting and exploring the parts of each other’s minds and bodies we’d never shared with anyone else. And staying true to his moral principles and values, we never went ‘all the way’ with each other, though we did just about everything else.

By the time we left for college that August, the intimate bond we had created was solid, resilient. Neither of us knew what would happen once we were hundreds of miles apart, but I was glad I had chosen Northwestern over some of my other options, as it was the closest to the University of Michigan and allowed us the opportunity to visit each other on a somewhat regular basis. What I didn’t foresee coming — or I guess I should say
who
I didn’t see coming — was Monroe Taylor. Colin’s ‘girlfriend.’

Now, before you bash me for continuing to talk to and hook up with Colin after she entered the picture, let me explain a little. When he first told me about Monroe, I was not only insanely jealous of someone else being close to him, but extremely skeptical of her intentions as well. You have to understand, Colin Cassidy was a hot commodity entering college. Recruited by more Division I football programs in the nation his senior year than any other player, people all over the country knew who he was and the high hopes that Michigan had with him leading their team. Including money and fame whores who were looking for their golden ticket by claiming him as theirs. Just like her mom had done with legendary rocker Sage Hawthorne.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew that with his strict Catholic parents and upbringing, along with the high probability he’d be playing in the NFL one day, the chances of our secret relationship ever being public, of him ever coming out of the closet, were slim to none. My only hope was that because I knew he didn’t find women sexually attractive, he would continue to live the single life for a while, focusing on improving his craft and working with kids in the community. I would do the same, maybe take a girl out every so often to prevent any rumors from starting, leaving us free to be us behind closed doors. We could figure out the rest later, when we were older and cared about other shit. Of course, I didn’t want to hide him — to hide us — but I was willing to make that sacrifice if it meant we could be together. At eighteen, I was in love with my best friend, someone I could literally share everything with, and I couldn’t see past him.

So yeah, after the very first day of classes, when he and I Skyped that night and he told me that he’d met an angel that day, I may have lost my temper a little bit. And I may have said mean things I shouldn’t have. But it was the
first fucking day!

There I was, hoping I could hang on to what we had for maybe another ten to fifteen years before we were forced to make any serious, grown-up, ‘settling down’ decisions, convincing myself that our relationship was strong enough to survive the four-hour drive between us, and it only took one day before all of it was in question. I was heartbroken.

Fortunately, Colin knew me well enough to let me work through my anger, and when I calmed down enough to talk sensibly, he assured me that their relationship wasn’t sexual in any way and begged me to meet her, to give her a chance. And man, was I ever glad I did. From the very first time I met her, Monroe became a permanent fixture in my life. She and I connected like Colin and I did, so it only made sense that the three of us meshed together seamlessly. Naturally.

Only, Colin and I were hiding something from her — something huge — which made us both feel like shit and started numerous arguments between the two of us. I wanted to tell her; he was scared. He had a lot to lose with his family and career-wise if she ever told anyone, not that we thought she would… but ultimately, I respected his wishes on the matter, since it was a bigger risk on his part.

In addition, we were both confident that she was hiding something as well. I mean, the girl was drop dead gorgeous, smart as can be, her life goal was to help abused children, and she came from her own money, so it wasn’t like she was looking for a free ride anywhere. Colin had been right — she was an angel. Inside and out. But there was a reason she was perfectly fine with not having a physical relationship with him, and based on the way she would tense up and quite literally hide behind one of us when other guys tried to talk to her, we had a pretty good idea what it was related to. And it infuriated us. The longer we knew Monroe, all the time we spent around her, our love for her continued to grow, and we wanted nothing more than for her to open up to us… but it wasn’t like we were really being transparent with her either.

Until that day, when it all came to a head.

It was close to one o’clock when I pulled up at the mid-century bungalow that Colin rented, happy to see his car already in the driveway. I bounded out of the car and hurried inside, dropping my bag just inside the door as I catapulted myself toward him on the couch, where he sat playing video games, wearing only a pair of basketball shorts.

“Ugh!” he grunted, when I landed on top of him, a teasing smile playing at the corners of his mouth while he wrapped his long, brawny arms around me. “What’ve you been eating, dude? You trying to bulk up like my linemen?”

“Gotta keep up with your growing ass so you don’t crush me,” I countered, my eyes fixed on his sexy mouth, dying to taste it.

Colin smirked roguishly then rolled us to the side so I was laid out on the couch and he was suspended over me, licking his lips like a lion who’d caught his prey. My cock stirred to life.

“Crush you like this?” He released a little of his weight from his arms onto me, pressing our thick bulges together.

I nodded, anticipation blazing through my veins. “Yeah, like that.”

Lowering his face down to mine, the tips of our noses touching as our gazes locked on each other, he rasped, “I thought you liked it when I pin you down and take what I want.”

My entire body clenched at his words, desire radiating inside me from head to toe. Throbbing, pressing against my zipper, my cock was instantly rock-fucking-hard.

“Maybe,” I panted, not wanting to submit to him quite yet as I used every last ounce of willpower I had not to shamelessly roll my hips against his. “Maybe not.”

A feral growl emanated from his broad, shirtless chest as he pushed to his feet, taking me along with him, thrown effortlessly over his shoulder. Stomping his bare feet full-steam ahead across the old hardwood floors, Colin carried me to his bedroom, slammed the door behind us, and tossed me onto the bed.

“I’ll show you what
maybe
is like,” he warned, while stalking toward me, lust clouding the green in his eyes.

I was in heaven. I loved playful Colin.

“Maybe you will,” I goaded him, as I pulled my hoodie and undershirt over my head together and tossed them onto his floor. “Maybe you won’t.”

His shorts were off in a matter of seconds, and as soon as he reached me on the bed, my jeans and boxers were too. He crawled on top of me, forcing my head back onto the pillows, and caged me in with his perfectly chiseled, enormous naked body. I sucked in a sharp breath as our cocks met, the heat from his flesh searing mine.