The Language Inside (46 page)

I run my finger over the letter board

which can still be faster than her computer

Zena spells

t-a-k-e c-o-n-t-r-o-l o-f w-h-a-t u c-a-n

l-i-k-e m-e

I thank her

tell her I’ll try

then pull Mom’s computer

from my bag

I open Mom’s laptop to my slide show

tell Zena I brought something to share

with Samnang’s Cambodian patient

but I can give her a quick viewing

there’s not much time

Dad will be back soon

but her eyes go bright

as I click through

when I have to leave

she spells
n-e-x-t t-i-m-e m-o-r-e

and I promise her
of course

Leap Sok’s dozing

but he wakes, and while aides

get him dressed in fresh clothes

I step out into the hall

when I go back in I do
sompeas

even try
chum reap sour

then use simple English and gestures

give him slices of YiaYia’s pumpkin bread

feed him bites I tear off

bring water to his lips

and tell him I brought some pictures

I open Mom’s laptop

set it on the overbed table

and click the right arrow

to view the slide show

I show him

photos of Kamakura

the main shrine

the lotus ponds

the hills

the big Buddha

temple gardens

samurai tombs

the beach

our house

Madoka

my middle school

my little room

               that overlooks a neighbor’s loquat tree

and Shoga

               curled up on my bed

he says
good, good

so nice, yes, nice

but then he says

something

I don’t understand

until he repeats—

tsunami?

photos of the tsunami areas?
I ask

and he nods

so I take a deep breath

go to the photo files

and pull up pictures

from the cleanup

but flipping through

seeing those bashed

and shredded neighborhoods

brings back all that pain

and I think

               what

               am I doing?

I return to my original plan

and play a video Dad took last fall

from the ridge by our house

of the sun going down

behind mountains opposite

               and the surfers at the beach

               and Mount Fuji’s new snowcap

               and the chimes playing

               the sunset song

when it’s time to leave

I give Leap Sok

a postcard of the Kamakura Buddha

set it on his dresser

near the Angkor Wat painting

and with my hands

do
sompeas

he nods

eyes the Buddha

says
thank you

Dad picks me up

and we run errands

for practically the rest

of the day

and finally

on the way back to YiaYia’s house

I say to him
I’m going to try

to raise money for Tohoku

I think long term they’ll need help

PTSD and all

definitely
he says

and funds for repairs

and programs

and revitalization . . . 

so what’s your plan?

I tell him maybe

something with dance

but whatever it is

I’ll give Mom a role

and he likes that

after dinner I scribble some ideas

to share with the school dance club

and some to share with Samnang

then I start hearing a poem

finally I take out my journal

and focus

    
Kamakura Buddha with Leap Sok

    
I’m seeing the Buddha I’ve been photographed with

    
every year since the year after I was born

    
the Buddha whose bronze knees I’ve sat beneath

    
the Buddha whose cast insides I’ve touched

    
the Buddha exposed in 1498 by a tsunami

    
the Buddha that sits century after century

    
the very Buddha that I will not be photographed with

    
on my birthday this coming January

    
he’s seeing that Buddha

    
a Buddha he’s never known

    
seated before hills he’s never seen

    
blossom or go green

    
but in his eyes

    
I see he’s seeing the Buddha

    
and recognizing the Buddha

    
he knows