The Language Inside (42 page)

I turn back to the poem

and say to Zena

maybe you should call this poem

               
Beached

Zena looks up

and I write that on top

then I tell Zena that

I have to go, it’s late

I’ve texted Samnang

to say I’m in the library

but he still hasn’t come by

I tell Zena to write more poems about her daughter

if she can get someone to help her with her computer

and I suggest to the woman that she write about her sons

backstroke
the woman says
not the butterfly

I smile at Zena and her eyes seem to smile back

at room 427

I peek inside and see

Chea Pen’s bed empty

made up neat

Samnang motions me in

and with a glance

at the vacant bed says

Lok Ta Chea is in the hospital—

pneumonia

I put my hands together

do
sompeas
to Leap Sok

I’m so sorry
I say

I hope your roommate

returns soon

and Samnang translates

then with Samnang not making to leave

I’m not sure what to do

after a while I point to a photo

beside the bed of some ruins

Angkor Wat?

but Samnang points to the painting by the mirror

that’s
Angkor Wat

then at the photo by the bed

this is Wat Banan

the one with the long steps up

ah, I wish we could see that view

I say, and Leap Sok nods

and Samnang nods

but neither speaks

so I ask what they worked on today

Samnang says

a memory from when he was a monk

               
most Cambodian boys

               
used to become monks for a while

               
many still do

and he was talking about studying

and living at a temple for six years

before the Khmer Rouge took power

Leap Sok murmurs something to Samnang

Samnang hesitates then says

he wants me to tell you

it’s still important

for Cambodian boys to become monks

even American Cambodian boys

and he wants me to tell you

that I should do it

maybe go back to Cambodia

to Battambang

to do it

oh!
I say

but what about school? and dance?

I could do it when school’s off

Samnang says

anyway, here in America

you can become a monk

during school break

really?
I say

it sounds almost funny

but I nod, solemn

feeling the tension

in the room

Samnang shuffles his papers, stands

Leap Sok looks away

Samnang speaks to him gentle, steady

puts on his jacket

Leap Sok eyes the empty bed

wipes the corner of his eye with his thumb

Samnang sits down again

and I step out

to wait in the hall

later in the elevator I say

Chea Pen’s pneumonia—it’s that bad?

and Samnang nods

looking worn and tired

I’m really sorry
I say

in the lobby we write the time by our names

and Samnang throws the pen down

which bounces off the desk

and he strides out

while I pick it up

from the floor

out in the cold

it’s flurrying

and for a moment Samnang

looks mildly cheered

as he holds out his palm

to catch some flakes

then he starts striding

toward the bridge, the pizza place

and I remember and stop

a few paces on

Samnang stops, too

hey
I say
I’m sorry

hating that I have to tell him

but I can’t have pizza tonight

it’s my grandparents’

last night with us

he stares straight ahead

blows some air out

shoves his hands into his jacket pockets

and starts walking toward the car

so I should just take you home

his voice is so diminished

and although I wasn’t intending to

now I say
you’re invited to join us

he doesn’t answer