The Lariat (Finding Justus Series) (17 page)

“And you want me to throw this knife at you?”

“Yeah,” My stance changed and I grinned. “Come at me.”

Instead of advancing, Orrin threw the knife inches from my foot, “I am not going to attack you with or without the knife.”

“Oh, come on. What if I attack you first?”

“No.”

I rolled my eyes, “I could make you, you know.”

“That is not one of your gifts.”

“I’m stronger.

“I’m faster.”

“I’m the Beacon.

“And I’m the Porter. The daemon that ferries souls to Hell. I’m still not going to hurt you, Layla.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. He was too cocky. I decided to aim for his vanity, “What if I shared all my dirty Cyrus secrets?”

His blue eyes flared, “That would just make me want to kill him, not you.”

“Then how can I test my theory?”

“Layla, if I attack you, it would not be real. You would not be in any real danger.” He stared quietly giving it the needed contemplation, “I think I have an idea, but you won’t like it.”

I straightened, knowing the ease with which his mind drifted toward mayhem and misery. He liked chaos and blood, maybe not as much as the Vile, but he was still a daemon. He was still a hot mess of madness rolled into some tight jeans and a slick grin, which inched into a devious smile, which was making me regret the idea to test my new theory at all.

23

“I know I have expressed how much I hate it when you
do that
,” I said as soon as the world stopped spinning. I held onto his arms. He took the opportunity to nibble on my ear, his breath tickling my tattoo. My world began to spin in the complete opposite direction.

The strong wind beat the skin on my face, whipping my hair across my mouth. I held the long strands in my hand and absorbed the full beauty of the Rhode Island coastline. It was one of the many beautiful things about this city. It would be a warm day, the beach would be full of sunbathers and sand castles soon. But in the early hours of the morning, it was only us standing in the cool gray sand.

Orrin jumped from me quickly. I looked around the vacant beach turning to see if he was somewhere close by. He had gone and in his place came something else- something elemental and evil. My hands heated on their own. There was evil near. I could feel it. I freed my wings ready for a fight.

“I’m sorry.” The voice came from behind me.

I turned at Orrin’s words. He held a small bundle in his hands and his eyes were glowing with an evil blue fire. Before I knew what he was about to do he tossed the bundle into the roaring waves as they crashed onto the sand. I couldn’t see what it was he threw, but I heard it cry.

He closed his eyes, “Damn, that felt good.”

It was him. His daemon. The evil I felt. I had no time to think about him as I watched the baby he just threw into the air disappear into the surging white waves.

“Did you just…”

Orrin fell to the ground cringing
,
wrestling with himself. I hit him with fire anyway just for good measure. Maybe he had a complex about injuring me, but I wasn’t plagued with that problem. Especially when he allowed his daemon to throw an innocent child to its death.

I couldn’t see anything through the frothy water. But I knew from the few moments it was submerged, its tiny lungs were filling up with water, its body spasming as it fought for air. The sheet swaddled around it would only drag it down further from the surface.

Orrin just tossed an innocent baby into the water. Betrayal fought for freedom, but I pushed it down. I had to find the child first.

I could still see in my mind’s eye the exact location the body hit the water, but who knows how strong the current was below the surface. I flapped my wings only feet from the waves. I was at a loss. My heart beat wildly as I set my feet down into the waves until they beat against my hips. It was shallow, but more than enough to drown an infant.

I felt something within me break free, like my wings, like my fire.

It’s happening. Let it happen
.

I could feel the life around me. The schools of fish out beyond the waves. A crane flying in the dunes behind me. Orrin stood still, wrangling with a heavy darkness that threatened to consume him.

And the slow thud of another tiny human heart.

My arms shot out in front of me and the familiar power swelled from the recesses of my soul. The edges of my vision blurred and tunneled toward a spot about twelve feet away. A current flowed through my arms and out the ends of my fingertips.

The water swirled making a deepening whirlpool, an empty area revealing the muddy bottom and the baby laying in a wet heap in the sand. I raised my other hand and the baby floated up from the ground and into my arms. I released my hold and the waves crashed against each other erasing my existence from their memory.

I held the weak infant. Her pink nightgown clung to her puny form. I placed my other hand to her chest, felt the power flow through me and into her. Immediately she coughed up water and opened her frightened eyes. It didn’t take her long before she was wailing in earnest. But I couldn’t quiet my own raging desires. I had watched that sweet innocent child who was almost murdered, and I wanted to cry for what almost was. I had never been more frightened. Facing Lillith, losing Orrin, saving countless lives didn’t compare to the life squirming in my arms.

Did she know she was in mortal danger? Did she know she was in the arms of a most powerful daemon? I didn’t know anything about children. I didn’t even know how to make her stop crying. So I tightened my hold on a baby that could barely hold the weight of her own head.

“Shh, shh, shhhhh,” I tired, breathing deeply and jiggling her a bit.

Orrin came to stand behind me, “Get away from her.” I hissed and moved away. Every part of my body and soul shunned his presence. But I didn’t want to lose control and hurt the child, so I reigned in my anger, closed my eyes and tried to focus to quell my trembling limbs.

Most of Orrin’s shirt had been burned away from the blast, leaving his skin charred but quickly healing. I didn’t trust him with the little girl he had so easily tossed into the bay.

When I was able to speak coherently, I asked, “How could you do something like that?”

“You know why. You told me you needed to test your theory. That’s what this was all about.”

“Don’t you…” I screamed and then lowered my voice and the baby matched my own volume. “Don’t you dare try to say this was my idea.”

“No. I would never blame this on you, but it was what you needed. I knew it had to be done, and the threat had to be genuine. And it was too early in the morning to cause major havoc- not that I wanted to. I still maintain a presence in this city and it is not like this little girl will remember any of what just happened.”

“You don’t know that. She might be scarred for life. We need to take her back to her family. Which house did you steal her from? What if her parents are looking for her?” My heart raced.

“Calm down.” He pointed to a wooden beach house behind the dunes and reached for the baby, “She belongs there. No one was even up yet. Not even this little one. I’ll go put her back and no one will be the wiser.”

Except for me.

“You freed your daemon. You let it loose.”

“I did. I had to. I know how to do it and reign it back in.”

“But you still let it happen.” How could I ever forget him throwing a baby to its death like he did? Daemons reveled in fear, enjoyed chaos, even the Vulgar like Orrin and me. Those deeds fed the darkness that dwelled within our souls, but I devoted my life to controlling it and I thought he did too.

How was I going to erase his glowing eyes and that smile as he threw the small bundle of blankets over his shoulder? Even though he apologized, I know he enjoyed trying to kill that girl. I know, because I would have enjoyed it too.

“You think I’m going to give the baby back to you after you threw her in the water?”

“Yes, I do. What I did was called a necessary evil.”

“But you enjoyed it.”

“I will not deny it. You know it felt good. And if you are honest with yourself, you would understand. It’s who I am and it’s who you are too. Do not look at me like that when what flows through my veins flows through yours too. We both deal with those kinds of feelings. I did not choose to kidnap her for any nefarious reasons. You wanted to test a theory and the danger needed to be real. I only did it to see what you were really capable of.”

“And what if I was wrong?” My words felt like fire, my anger a tangible thing. But I held it in, not wanting to hurt the baby in my arms.

Orrin was unmoved, “You were not. I knew it. As soon as you explained your thoughts to me, I knew you were on the right path. Your theory was not too far from the realm of possibilities.” He came to stand directly in front of me, trying to calm my frazzled nerves. Adrenaline was still coursing through me making my aftershocks feel more like earthquakes ripping me apart.

“I can’t quit shaking,” I whispered clutching the baby tightly to my chest.

My eyes raked him with contempt.

My soul longed for his redemption. My soul was tied to someone I could no longer trust.

“I’m sorry for the panic that I caused you, but believe me when I say she is not injured. You can hear her cries. Her lungs are clear, her heart is strong. She is wet, hungry, and needs her mother. You didn’t let any harm come to her- just like you knew you would. We can talk more about your new powers of levitation and water-contortion when I return.”

My grip on the baby remained, but Orrin was right. My hands were still shaking and his weren’t. I reluctantly handed him the angry baby.

“Please don’t…”

“I told you I won’t hurt her. I’m begging you to trust me.”

“I want to,” I said aloud for him as much as for myself. “I need your help.”

Orrin took a few cautious steps toward me, understanding what I needed. I pried my fingers apart, staring into my eyes, watching them ignite with a new protective fire. Rather than free the baby, he held my hand to his heart.

“Everything I do, my love, my anger, even my years of silence have all been for you. I live and breathe for you.”

“None of this is about me right now…”

“It has always been about you. My life is yours. It always has been. You are a little unsteady right now, and I am trying to be your anchor. If you’ll let me.”

“I guess I don’t know how.”

“Start with this,” And he kissed me, lightly, with a nameless, precious crying baby still writhing in the crook of my arm. And as if he’d done it a thousand times before, he slipped the baby from my arms holding her like his own.

Orrin vanished. I did trust him- with me. But I didn’t know how to trust him with another- especially a child. That took a different kind of trust. And until that moment, I had never given it a thought.

Could I even have children?

That was an uncomfortable thought. I couldn’t remember ever holding a child. But a flash assaulted my mind while I stood on that beach. My arms were outstretched reaching for a baby from a tall handsome blonde man that took my breath away.

I chewed on my lip waiting for Orrin to return. My mind had already left Providence and the history I buried deep over three years ago.

24

Our trip to Providence was less than one day. After Orrin’s stunt with the baby, neither of us were in the mood for any alone time. I think he knew he spoiled it, but in his defense, he knew I would save her. I am the Beacon- it’s what I do. And the new development in my birthright needed to be discussed by
our team
as we had begun to call the motley group awaiting our return.

I was an adult by any standard, but I felt like a child awaiting a punishment when we jumped back to the steps of the church.

“I can’t go in with you. This is goodbye for a while.”

I curled my fingers into the front of his shirt, “Why did we come back again?”

Orrin grinned, “It was your idea. I voted we stay forever.”

“That sounds good. I changed my mind.”

“It’s too late for that. Your angel has already told everyone of our return.”

“Well, don’t waste your moment.”

Orrin bent down and kissed me. His lips were warm and insistent on mine. I had just spent the entire night in his arms, our skin pressed together, entwining my heart with his. His pleasure was my own, my heartbeat in time with his. I wouldn’t soon forget that night. And with this kiss he took pure possession of my soul.

He pulled away first, leaving me feeling torn as always, wanting more. He knew I didn’t want to go in. “With what we learned about your birthright, we might be able to beat him.
You
might be able to beat him. We’ll face Samael together, but first you need to go face them. They’re probably not too happy after that stunt you pulled. I know none of them are fans of mine.”

“You’re wrong there. Ava’s rooting for you.”

“And what about you?” He shook his head, “Never mind. Don’t answer that. I’m not going anywhere. Like I told you. My life is yours. I don’t intend to waste time on anything except loving you for the rest of my life.”

“Wow,” I smiled, “That might get kinda boring.”

“Was last night boring?” His eyes ignited.

I laughed at his wounded pride. “Not at all.”

“I love you, Layla.”

I opened my mouth to give him the words, when the side door of Travis Park Methodist church flew open and Cyrus stood swallowing most of the doorframe. My first inclination was to shrink back, but I embraced my inner siren and stepped up to meet him. Orrin still held my hand, trying to keep me with him, knowing I felt something for Cyrus couldn’t have been easy. Cyrus reached down and locked his fingers with mine, but his eyes were locked with Orrin’s.

I was sandwiched between two men, both enigmatic, both would die to keep me safe, and both would kill to keep me at their side.

And then there was me.

I know Orrin Darringer and Cyrus Williams had a history I had yet to unearth, but I would get there. I wasn’t the cause of their friction, but being caught in the middle wasn’t good for any of us. I would have to choose and there would be more than one casualty in the end. I couldn’t keep doing this to them or myself. It wasn’t fair to any of us. But how do I choose when both of them own a piece of my heart?

I turned back to Orrin, needing him to read my mind, to know what was in my heart since the words were trapped in my throat, “I…”

I couldn’t say it and we all knew it,
“I’ll see you soon.”

He brought my hand to his lips and bowed. I loved it when he did that. My hand tingled from the pressure of his lips. “I love you. There is nothing you can do, no distance, no sin, no being that could ever take that away. That fact has already been tested more than once.”

I smiled and repeated, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes you will.” Then Orrin met Cyrus’ glare, “
Angel.”

“Daemon,”
Cyrus spat back. He shut the door in Orrin’s face and then there was nothing but his body pressed to mine.

I couldn’t control my body’s reaction to Cyrus. I curled into him, my arms went around him and I held on trying to calm the frustration, the rage, and confusion that was rolling off him.

“Cyrus, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t. Do not speak. Not yet,” He held on, “I thought I was going to witness your death last night. I couldn’t reach you. He was going to take you and do God knows what, and I could only watch. I have never felt that helpless or scared in all of my years. I just need…I just need to hold you for another moment.”

And I let him.

He cradled my face to his. Our noses touched. We breathed in each other’s air. There was nothing hindering him in that moment except his own trepidation and pounding heart. It didn’t matter that I was just in Orrin’s arms, because at that moment, I was in Cyrus’, and I loved them both so much. I didn’t care how it was possible. I didn’t want to think about any of it. I just wanted to feel. I spent three years trying remain numb to the world, keeping my feelings locked away like another daemon I had to control. I wanted to lose control, and I wanted to do it with someone I trusted completely.

“I’m sorry. I had to. There was something out there last night and I had to know what it was. I never meant to worry you. I never meant to worry any of you.”

“You did. Worry does not begin to describe what we were feeling.” He pulled me from the early sunshine and into the flickering lights of the church hallway. Once he shut the door, his shoulders dropped and his body relaxed.

I needed him and he needed me. I wanted to take away all of the pain I had caused him last night.

“Kiss me,” I said and pulled myself to him.

“What?” He smiled his eyes darting back down the hallway, but that didn’t stop his hands from drifting to my cheeks.

“Please. Kiss me, please,” I tried again.

He sobered quickly, dropping his hands from my face, like the idea was repulsive. “No.”

“What? Why?” I suddenly felt cold and adrift, “You’ve been waiting for us to be alone.”

“And I’ll wait longer. Now is not the right time.”

I sighed deeply needing a respite for my heart’s desperate yearning. “We don’t know when that will happen.”

“You are right. I do not know when that will happen again. But when it does, we will both be ready. And I won’t be wanting to wring your neck, and you won’t be thinking about anyone other than me. Not Samael, or the people waiting for you in the other room, or that lying Vulgar you are tied to.”

The remaining wisps of romantic haze dispersed at his mention of Orrin. I took a deep breath and a few steps back from him. It was obvious I needed the space much more than Cyrus did. He, like everyone else around me, seemed to have a much better control over themselves.

What does that even say about me? I jump from one soulmate, right to another. What a bitch. I’m glad he can’t hear me.

I quit my inner monologue remembering nothing was private around Cyrus. He glanced at me sideways, wanting to hear my thoughts.

“Can’t I have any of my thoughts to myself around you?”

“No.”

“Keep outta my head, Cyrus.” I sagged against his chest, wishing for our moment to return, “Tell me something else.”

“Anything.”

“What is it between you and Orrin? What is the link, besides me, that has made you two despise each other?”

“You mean besides the fact that he is a daemon and has spent centuries leading daemon hoards against human and angels alike?”

I sighed, “Yes, besides that. There’s something there. Something personal, isn’t there.”

He nodded and was silent for a moment choosing his words carefully, “Orrin and I have shared history. None of it, until recently, had to do with you. Or seeing as how fate works, maybe it has everything to do with you.”

He turned and walked away, done with the conversation.

“Wait.” I grabbed his hand. If I couldn’t kiss him, I at least wanted to touch him in some fashion.

Cyrus looked down at our hands and smiled. I leaned into his side, “You have to give me more details than that.”

“You think so?”

“Yes,” I laughed. “Are ya’ll old buddies? Enemies?”

“Both. Has he ever told you this history of Providence?”

I smiled, “Mmmhmm. Years ago he told me about it. That city is very important to him. He and a minister founded it because the Lord told them to. It was to be a sacred place where all being, humans, angels, and daemons would all be safe from harm. That’s why my father took me to Providence. He knew my birthright was going to be revealing itself soon and he wanted me safe.”

“I believe most of that is true, except for the
safe
part. There is nowhere safe enough when a daemon wants your soul.”

“Apparently,” I thought of Lillith. She defied the laws of Neutral Territory and tried to provoke me. The only thing she did was provoke Orrin into attacking her, and that allowed her to defend herself and kill him.

Another thought hit me, “Wait, did you live there too? Do you know Orrin from Providence?”

He shook his head.

“Oh. I figured you lived here in Texas, especially since you and my dad worked here, and there’s that old photo of you with that awful mustache. When did you live in Providence?”

“It was long before you got there.”

“Okay. I’m starting to see the timeline here. You knew me when I was little.” I scrunched my face up, “That still seems creepy to me.”

“I met you when you were small. Kevin had just lost his wife and he had built a life for himself in Balmorhea. I spent some time with Kevin helping him find his way a few months after that, and then James called and said Layla was pregnant.”

“But you knew all the while my mother was an angel.”

“I did. And I knew better than to mess in the affairs of the Virtuous. I knew she wouldn’t hurt James. Even as his friend, I knew the rules. Telling him the truth about his wife could have jeopardized them all. When she died, or left rather, I came to see him, to help him. And I told him then.”

“You told him what?”

“I told James what I knew about Layla- about your mother. He said he already knew. Your father said he knew long before I ever told him.”

“Did either of you know about Lillith?”

“Your father learned of that later- I’m not quite sure how or when exactly. Maybe Lillith visited him. There were many years after you were born when James went off the grid. I think that’s when he made the deal with Orias for his help. He brought Orrin into your world. That was the biggest mistake he made. If I only had told him about our connection. Maybe he would have let me help you. Maybe he would have let me guide you into this world. We wouldn’t be where we are right now. And then Orrin wouldn’t be in our way.”

“Don’t say that. He is as much part of my fate as you are. He helped me more than anyone else.”

“I know. I watched. I got there too late and I regret it every day. I should have been the only one for you. I should have been there.”

“You watched me?” I thought back to those months in Providence and it hit me like a shock to the heart, “I remember.”

“You do? How?”

“I felt you.” I reached back in my mind to see the memory, “It was just another random evening alone at my house. I was making dinner and then suddenly I was overwhelmed with the eerie sensation that I wasn’t alone.”

“Maybe. What else do you remember?”

“I felt something around me. I’ve always heard voices, sometimes it’s my mother, sometimes its spirits, and other times I think it’s my intuition ya’ll keep telling me to listen to.”

“A Vulgar’s intuition can be very loud and persuasive sometimes.”

“Someone was outside my house, waiting outside the front door. I ran upstairs and it was only by chance that Orrin was up there waiting for me, so I just assumed it was him.”

He studied me for a moment, “There was one night, it was into the fall. It was after I saw the two of you together on the sidewalk. I convinced myself that I needed to go after you, and let you decide who you really wanted. I stood outside your door. I could hear your movement on the other side. I could feel your fear and I was afraid myself.”

“What were you so afraid of?”

“Rejection.”

“I heard you and Orrin upstairs and I knew I had missed my chance yet again. I knew the two of you had found each other and that you must be soulmates. Otherworldly beings do not form casual connections. I could read your thoughts, and his. I knew what you felt for each other. I walked away and told myself you were better off.”

Was I really better off? His story made so much sense, but there was no point dwelling on what we couldn’t change. “You being there wouldn’t have changed anything, would it? If it had been you that met me first would our lives be different? I would still have eventually met Orrin. Our feelings, our connection would still be there. I would still love him.”

“True, but maybe you wouldn’t have acted on it. Maybe you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to fall in love with him.”

I frowned but had no reply. In the wonderful world of
maybe
he was king. Cyrus continued, “Layla, Orrin may own part of your heart, but it is only because you gave it to him. Humans have the gift and responsibility to decide who they love. It’s all part of the free-will package. Then there’s us. We’re different. Fate and free will are interwoven into our lives. You will always love Orrin, but you can choose to be happy without him”