The Lariat (Finding Justus Series) (21 page)

When we were alone I looked back to Cyrus and admitted, “I accidentally pulled Orrin in to the dream.”

I could only imagine the scenarios that were assaulting his brain, but he only said, “So, Orrin stood beside you when you told me I could not?” Cyrus was hurt.

“It just happened. We were looking for Orias, I thought of Orrin, and then he was right there with me. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Cyrus looked defeated. His only care was for my safety. “Hey,” I touched his cheek and brought my lips lightly to his. I seemed to trample on his heart every chance I got. Loving me was his own torture.

He held my hand to his cheek, “I do like it when you do that.”

“I know.”

“Was your trip at least successful?”

Surrender.

“Yes. Did my mother come back?”

“No,” Cyrus rubbed his rough cheek against my hand kissing my palm, working his mouth down to my wrist and my arm. “But she is fine. You do not need to worry about her safety ever. She is a servant of the Lord. He will always keep her safe.”

“Oh,” I quit listening to his words.

He pulled me into his lap. “Tell me what Orias had to say.”

I wasn’t capable of speech as long as his hands danced under the bottom of my shirt hem. So I nodded.

“All I have to do is surrender,” I murmured and his lips moved to my neck.

“I like the sound of that,” Cyrus teased, his mind focused on a different type of surrender.

Surrender
.

It wouldn’t leave me alone. I tried to shake it, think only about this man kissing me. My angel. My love. But that word wouldn’t leave me alone. I kept seeing the
Montrose
, its walls begin to wobble and tumble toward me like a dried up sandcastle imploding into itself.

Surrender. It means death.

I sat up straight, eyes wild. The blood rushed to my head and the dark sanctuary began to spin. Cyrus stared at me, unable to read my thoughts.

My daemon groaned and raked my inside with its claws at what my realization meant.

Surrender is not your defeat. Surrender is your death.

28

“I can’t guarantee he won’t use his powers to influence this plane of existence, but Samael will not be back here for a while. I think it is safe to resume your daily activities. At least for a few days.”

“Are you sure?” My father was at my mother’s side but he was looking at me.

“I’m sure. You may have up to a week, but you should be safe from him at least to think and plan your next move.”

My mother and father had spent that night planning on how to surround Samael, weaken him with a binding ritual. She knew what I was up to. She probably even knew exactly what Orias had told me, but she didn’t let on. She was the only one in my corner that understood there was more at risk than just our lives. I had a duty to this world I was beginning to embrace.

“How do you know for sure, Layla?” Kevin asked my mother.

“Are you really doubting her, Kevin?” Cyrus asked. “She’s a messenger of God. Her word is good enough for me.”

“Yeah, but is it safe enough to put my daughter’s life at risk?” James asked.

Cyrus said nothing. We had spent a few days in the safety of the Travis Park Church and we needed to have a plan.

Ben raised her hand to interrupt, “Does this mean I can go to my own show?”

“What kind of show?” Ava asked.

“My photos are supposed to be displayed alongside other students from the art department at Trinity. I’ve missed a lot of classes and I haven’t even finished the paperwork for graduation. I know this is like minor on the grand scale of things right now, but if I could leave- I’d really like to go back to school. And I’d really like to be there for the show. It’s everything I’ve been working for.”

“Then we’ll all go,” my dad said giving her a hug. “That’s huge. Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

She scoffed, “Well it’s not like that ranks up there with daemonic takeover or anything. Everyone was just focused on survival. It didn’t seem important.”

“It’s very important.” He continued, “We will all go and see your photos. When is it?

“Friday night.”

“That’s tomorrow.” I said remembering my thesis was due too.

What they didn’t know is that the photos she took while in the
Montrose
would be on display. After our initial talk, Ben had relented about including the photo of me in the collection. She said she would focus on the architecture and the elevator shaft. The photos screamed isolation and wickedness and they were very, very good.

“Are you alright? You’ve been very quiet,” Cyrus said, taking my hand in his.

I nodded, “I’m just tired of this already.”

“You’re not concerned about graduation? It’s in one week’s time.”

“Should I be?”

Cyrus frowned, “Have you finished your revisions yet?”

“You seriously want me to do that? After everything that’s happened.”

“Yes,” He was taken aback, “With Dr. Gaines out on medical leave, I am the professor that will approve your final copy. It’s my decision to accept it or not.”

I pouted, “That’s crap.”

“It may be, but you better get working. They are due tomorrow.” He grinned and helped me stand.

“Fine,” I grabbed by duffle bag and walked down the stairs to the back door we had entered through so many days before.

I hadn’t seen Orrin since I pulled him into my dream. The invisible tie binding my heart to his felt stronger than ever. The constant tug reminded me he was out there, waiting for me. But what would I do, who would I choose when this was all over?

What if I lost one of them? Which one would hurt less?

But then I remembered none of that mattered anymore. It was my death that would keep them safe. My suicide. I just had to keep everyone alive and out of harm’s way until the right moment. And I had to keep my thoughts hidden from Cyrus. If he knew what I was going to do, he would stop me for sure. I thought it out, and it made sense. I would trade my life for theirs when the time came, and the thought wasn’t as scary as it should have been. I was the Beacon.

Everything fell into place when I fully understood Orias’ words. He had changed my fate, and this whole mess, my creation, my life, it had all been skewed. My death would change it all. Without the Beacon, Lillith would lose any hold she had over the world and me. My life brought chaos, but my death would bring peace. Orias had told me my surrender would save everyone I loved and all of humanity.

What if he’s lying?
The daemon within me didn’t trust him. But he had never lied before. He honored every deal and he hadn’t sugar coated anything with me. He was the only being who told me the truth any time I asked. Unlike my family and friends who tried to hide things from me, always thinking they had my best interest at heart.

Orrin was waiting for me when I opened the door.

“Hi,” I smiled.

He reached out for me and I willingly stepped into his arms. “Don’t go yet.” I warned, knowing he was going to jump the moment he had me.

“Why?” He frowned.

“I need to wait until they are all safe. Let’s travel with them.” I looked over my shoulder.

“But I need you with me. I need to know
you’re
safe.”

“Then come with us,” I offered. “You can ride shotgun. With Cyrus.”

“That’s not funny, Layla.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right. But you two used to be close.”

“Out of necessity. I have always had to deal with Cyrus out of necessity.”

“Well, now it appears that has happened again. I’ll behave, I promise.”

His eyebrows drew together, “I would hope so. Out of respect for me and that bastard. Neither of us asked for this, but it seems that both of us love you.”

I looked away trying to fight the shame, “I don’t know what to do about that. Loving you both.”

“But you tied yourself to me. You gave yourself to
me
.”

“I know. I know. It’s not that simple either. You gave yourself to me and then chose Daisy. So you know what I’m struggling with.” I tried to step away but he held me close.

“Layla, I understand. Really, I do. Now you know how torn I was between you and Daisy. I loved her but I was lost without you.”

“And what would you have done if she hadn’t been taken? What would you have done if she hadn’t lost her mind? Would you have still chosen her?”

His mouth fell open but he said nothing while I waited.

“I didn’t think you’d have an answer.”

“Layla…”

“No,” I sighed. “Now isn’t the time to talk about us. They’re all coming out now. We are going to be headed back to my apartment, and there’s just too much up in the air right now. I can’t keep my thoughts straight.”

“We’re not done discussing this,” He finally let me go.

“I agree. But none of this matters right now.”

“Of course it matters.”

“No. I’m serious.” The idea of my death brought tears to my eyes. He lost Daisy and then he would lose me too. What would happen to him? I took a breath and tried to convince him, “It doesn’t matter. What I want doesn’t matter.”

I wanted to tell him what was plaguing me. I wanted to tell him of Orias’ message, my only solution. I wanted to tell him not to miss me, not to worry. I wanted to tell him not to stop me. But that would solve nothing. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. I would go through the motions and stay vigilant against Samael, and when the moment was right, I would surrender all and give my life to protect my family, my friends and all of humanity.

To protect the men I love.

Their voices emerged long before they did. Each of the team hefted a bag and made their way to Cyrus’ SUV and my dad’s rental car.

“So, are you coming with us or will you meet us at my apartment?”

Orrin sighed, “I will ride with you in your
father’s
car.”

Cyrus turned and laughed, looking back at Orrin and they shared a mutually ugly glare. There was fire in both of their eyes. Since Cyrus didn’t say anything contrary I said, “Okay.”

Kevin, Ben and Ava gladly rode in the extravagant SUV. It took no time to move everyone’s bags and equipment back into my apartment. Ben quickly went to work calling professors to assure them she would be displaying her photos tomorrow night at the art department’s annual show. They were not happy with her absence, and no one had seen her work. She pleaded with whoever was on the phone to let them be seen. She assured her professor they would be her best work yet.

We needed a renewed sense of normalcy. Orrin and Cyrus disappeared after breakfast, like they had the bad habit of doing. For two men so madly in love, they often left me without a word as to their location. They were both very arrogant and handsome and amazing. How could I love two men who were so different yet each perfect for me?

Dad and I left the apartment to purchase a replacement cell phone and upgraded computer for me. I tried to tell him that I didn’t need either of those things, to which he replied, “Of course you do. Cyrus says you still need to finish the revisions on your thesis. And you can’t run around without a cell phone these days.”

He just smiled lovingly at me while he swiped his debit card and handed me the large bag. How was I supposed to tell him I would be dead soon? How could I tell the man that raised me, that loved me, even when I didn’t, that I was going to surrender my life to save his? I couldn’t. So, I said nothing I took the new cell phone and computer.

Also, I purchased an exorbitantly-priced camera for Ben.

Dad raised his brow, “Taking up photography?”

I explained how I broke hers accidentally. When he offered to buy it as well, I refused. It was fine that he still wanted to take care of me financially, but the camera was something I needed to buy myself.

“What happened to mom?” I asked him as we drove back to the apartment that first afternoon out of the sanctuary.

“Oh, she’s around, I’m sure. She’s watching you always,” he said sullenly. There was bitterness there. I didn’t know if it was sorrow or anger or love, but I could relate to the tone of his words. They felt like they could have been my own.

“Why do you say it like that?”

He thought for a moment, “Parents are supposed to be indestructible. We’re supposed to have all the answers. We’re supposed to be heroes to our children. Since the very beginning of your conception, I haven’t been able to be either of those things for you. For the most part, I have always felt very…inadequate being your father.”

“But dad, why?”

“Layla, you were born to protect the world, and what have I ever had to offer you? How could I even compare to your mother? Either of them?”

“Dad you are so much more than Lillith could ever be. And I’m sure mom could tell you that you did a great job raising me.”

“I spent most of your life trying to keep my distance. I never knew if I should get too close. I didn’t know what to do with you. I kept you at arm’s length for most of your life because I was afraid of you. I was afraid for you. I didn’t know what life had in store for you. I wanted to protect you- what father wouldn’t? I just didn’t know how. And I’m so sorry for the way I handled things with your birthright.”

I shook my head, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But I didn’t do anything right,” He smiled. “I should’ve…I should’ve been more supportive. That’s so lame. And here I am, continuing my ineptitude. I hunt daemons. I’m not good at protecting them.”

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit,” I squeezed the hand that wasn’t on the steering wheel, “You’re just human. And out of this chaotic life I have led so far you’ve given me the gift that I am most proud of.”

“Oh yeah? And what is that? My love?”

“Of course. And my humanity.”

He pursed his lips thinking about what I just said. “You’re gonna get through this.”

That would have been the perfect moment to tell him my plans, but instead I said, “I know.”

I took out my phone and began to fiddle with the apps. The store had uploaded my same contacts and photos. There weren’t many- only selfies Ben made me take.

“Before we get back within earshot of either one of your…
guys…”

“Ugh, Dad, no!” I cringed at the idea of this discussion.

“So we’re not going to discuss the current state of your love life?”

I couldn’t think of anything worse, “
Not with you
.”

He just laughed it off.