The Loss (Heartache series #1) (12 page)

“I love you too. So much,” I whisper.

His mouth is on mine quickly. When he pulls back, I see something I haven’t seen since we were young. His eyes are full of tears, one flowing down his face. I gently rub my finger against it. “We are where we belong. Together. Finally. Nothing will keep us apart, never again. I love you,” he says. So serious, so much love in his eyes, his voice. My smile couldn’t be any bigger, my heart full of him and his love. I never thought, never dreamt, this would ever happen. I had given up hope. I had given into the loss, and I never should have. I should have known we’d be together, forever.

We lay there for a few minutes, kissing and staring into each other’s eyes. I feel his loss when he pulls out. I watch as he stands and walks out of the room. He’s quick to return with a warm washcloth. He proceeds to clean me up with such tender and gentle care. After disposing the washcloth, he comes back, slips underneath the blanket, and I turn on my side, my head resting on my hand as I mirror his position and just look at his gorgeous face. “I hope those were happy tears,” I smile as I trace along his face with my finger.

He leans over, grabbing the bowl of strawberries and whip cream, and setting it down above the pillow on the floor. He takes a strawberry, scooping up some whipped cream and holds it up to my mouth. I take a huge bite, closing my eyes at the wonderful taste and when I open them, his are staring at me full of lust.

“They were the happiest of tears, my love.”

My breath hitches and I smile again, taking what’s left of the strawberry from his fingers and reach above me, dragging it through the whipped cream then hold it up to his full lips. He takes the last bite, his teeth gently pressing down on my fingers, and I giggle. My laughter fades, and I turn serious. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for you? To hear you say those words, to feel them?” He nods slowly and licks his lips. “I never thought I would hear them from your lips, feel it from your heart. I’d given up.” He opens his mouth to speak, but I lean in and cover them with mine. He moves away but presses his forehead to mine. “I was so stupid. In so many ways. I thought I’d lost you, lost you to grief and I didn’t wait. I should have waited and given you time to heal, to get stronger. I’m a fool.”

He moves, his fingers bringing up my chin and another tear leaves my eye. The look on his face is of sorrow. Maybe he felt the same way, maybe he feels as I do that so much time has been wasted.

“When you left for college….” His voice is rough, sad. He clears his throat. “I wasn’t in the right place, mentally. I didn’t even exist really. I couldn’t have been the man for you that you deserved.” I open my mouth to speak, but he shakes his head, stopping me. “I had so much to get through, to learn how to live again. I would have hurt you unintentionally and I would have hated myself even more.” His eyes search mine, so much pain, sadness and remorse. “I’ve always loved you. I’ve never stopped. When we were younger, you’ve always been my best friend but as we got older I’d fallen in love with you. So long ago. You’ve always been in every dream, every waking thought, every time I looked at things that reminded me of you, though I didn’t need to be reminded. You’ve always been in my heart and burned into my soul. Don’t you know that?”

I nod, tears now streaming down my face. “I’ve always felt the same, even when I tried to move on. I couldn’t because you’re etched in my soul.”

His mouth is on mine, pressing hard with his love. He pushes me over, his hands all over my face, my hair, my body. He makes love to me again. This time slow and full of love. Full of his heart. Full of him.

Chapter 12

It’s been a week. I went to the store again for supplies. Alena wanted to come, but I felt she would be safer at the cabin. She huffed in the most adorable way. I almost couldn’t leave. I wanted to rip her clothes off and make love again. She laughed and practically pushed me out the door, telling me the sooner I left the sooner I would come back to her. Damn! I called Scott while I was there. He said Dad’s lawyer is working on it and said it should be an easy case, and we have nothing to worry about. The asshole has been silent, which could be good or very bad. I’m thinking probably the latter.

I’m about to head back when I have a fleeting thought and sit in my truck and called one more person.

“Hello?” Ma Spencer’s voice sounds older, tired and full of worry. I’m glad I called.

“It’s Jase.”

“Jase? Oh, my God! Is she okay? I won’t ask where you are but I have to know if she’s alright,” she asks eagerly.

“She’s good, Ma Spencer. Please, don’t worry. We’re both fine.” Panting and the sound of crying.

“Oh, thank you, sweet Jesus.” More crying and I feel bad.

“I can’t….” My voice is all choked up. “I can’t stay on long. I’m sorry.”

“I’m just so glad you called. Thank you. I know you’re taking care of my baby girl and I so appreciate it. She couldn’t be in better hands.” If she only knew, but I think she would approve. She’s never kept the secret that she always wanted Alena and me to be together.

“I’ll take care of her. You have my word.” More cars coming into the small parking lot makes me nervous. “I have to go. I’ll try to call you soon. Don’t worry.” I end the call, but I know she understands.

Once I get back to the cabin, my eyes scan around, looking for I don’t know what. Anything out of the ordinary, I guess. Leaving makes me feel uneasy. I take all the bags into the cabin, but she’s nowhere around. My heart starts racing. It’s not that big. Not like she can hide. Then I hear the shower and breathe out in relief. That reminds me that I need to get more water and heat it for the shower. Weird thing to think about after being scared to death that something had happened to her but my head seems to be all over the place when it comes to her. I put all the groceries away, along with the three bags of ice in the cooler and small freezer. I start removing my shirt as I walk through the small area, my jeans are next as I walk into the bathroom. I stop immediately, my cock already hard from thinking of her luscious naked body, but then I see her through the shower door and my heart stops. She’s under the spray, facing the tiled wall. Her head is bent, the water running down her head, her hair covering her face. I creep in quietly, closing the door gently and stand there for a minute, feeling the heat from the water but mainly staring at her firm ass.

Finally, I move up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She jumps but then relaxes against me, my cock sliding up and down the crack of that firm ass. “Shhh, kitten. I’m sorry,” I whisper next to her ear feeling horrible for sneaking up on her. She lays her head back against my chest, her wet hair hanging askew around her face. I move my hips so my cock will keep sliding up and down her beautiful body when she suddenly turns, her palms on my chest, pushing me around until my back hits the wall. I’m not that much taller than her but the top of her head hits about my mid nose, enough that she rises on her toes to kiss the line of my jaw. My head tilts back, hitting the tile, as she kisses my neck, down to the center of my chest and then the skin over my heart. I’m about ready to grab her arms and pull her up to me. However, she latches onto a nipple and I about come undone.

She releases it and kisses her way down. My abs, my stomach and I’m about to stop her, again, when her mouth goes down over my cock. “Fuck!” I moan so loud it echoes in the small area. My hands grab her hair instantly. I manage to open my eyes and look down. Sexiest sight I’ve ever seen. She moves her mouth all the way down, as far as she can, then back up again and then her tongue slides over the slit. I feel her small hand grasp my balls, rolling, kneading, and they begin to tighten. Her mouth continues to slide down and up again, her teeth scraping gently on the tender skin. I’m about to release, feel it coming strong. “Kitten, I’m gonna cum.” I want to be inside her, need to be. As soon as I think that, her other hand moves, and she scrapes my cock with her long fingernails as she hums. The vibration and feelings hit me hard. I start to release fast, so fast. My head hits the tile hard but all I feel is her.

I look back down as she looks up and smiles, licking her lips. Reaching down, I lift her into my arms, her ankles locking behind me, and I kiss her. Hard. I always thought it would be gross to taste myself on a woman. Not Alena. My emotions are all over the place. I’ve had sex, plenty of it, but no one made me feel like her. No one filled her void, or could replace it. I set her down, releasing her mouth, feeling all emotional from all my thoughts racing around my head. She presses her hands on my arms, pushing me under the spray. I watch her take the soap, lathering it up in her hands and then set it back down on the tray. She begins washing me and I just watch her work. I never knew it could be this way, that I could feel this way. So much love after all the pain we’ve both been through. Suddenly, I feel the need to run, not due to my normal frustration or stress but because of all the emotions coursing through me. It’s like I could burst or some shit. God, I feel like a girl.

After she finishes washing me, I take my turn, making sure I get every fucking inch of her clean. By the time I’m done, I’m hornier than shit again so I lift her and ram into her simultaneously. She doesn’t seem to mind, judging by her heavy breathing and the way she moves with me. I hold her bottom firmly as I press her against the wall, the heels of her feet purposely pressing against my butt as she rocks. “God! So deep! Ugh!” she screams. I look down, looking at where we are connected, fascinated as I watch my cock move in and out of her. I know exactly how she feels as I plunge in deep then pull out quickly, her rocking spurring me on more until I hear her scream so loudly her voice cracks. Thinking I’ve hurt her, I look at her quickly but what I find is pure bliss on her beautiful face, and I lose it.

I cover her up in a towel, then turn off the water. Moving up behind her, I look at us in the mirror. Her cheeks are rosy, her smile beyond gorgeous. This is what I’ve always wanted, craved. I lean over and grab another towel and start drying her hair and bend down to her ear. “That was fucking amazing.” She shivers and I stand up, drying her hair faster. I feel her hand on my arm and move the towel down to see her face. She’s smiling.

“I’m not cold, Jase, just the opposite.” She winks and that just makes my cock hard again. I’ll never get enough of her. I’m lost in thought as we both finish drying and get dressed.

Morning flew by and now I’m watching her pop a grape in her mouth and take a deep breath as we make lunch. Damn! She’s killing me here. “So, why do you keep calling me kitten?” She asks, practically purring when she speaks.

I look down, cutting the green peppers and hoping her distraction doesn’t make me cut my finger off. It quite possibly could. “Well, you purr like a kitten when I touch you.” My eyes move to her and find her leaning against the counter, popping another grape in her mouth. “You scratch me with your fingernails when you climax.” I look back down, my cock aching for her. “And when you scream my name, there’s more purring in the sound of your voice.” I shift my gaze back to her and see her smiling, licking her fingers. “And if you don’t quit doing that, I’m gonna fuck you right on this counter.” She giggles but when I look at her, she straightens and goes back to cutting up lettuce. I can see her eyes are glazed over.

I don’t know how we made it to actually having lunch. We should have been more than starving, but after her little playfulness, I grabbed her waist and laid her out on the table. Let’s just say, she purred a bunch before we were done.

“Go ahead. I wish I could come with you,” she whines, looking all adorable.

I lean down and kiss her lips then her forehead. “Soon. Your ankle is doing much better but we can’t take the chance of you reinjuring it.” She bats her eyes, and I chuckle. So fucking adorable. “I won’t take long. Promise.”

I walk out the door and turn around, smiling when I hear the lock click. After stretching against the beam on the front porch, I run down the steps and to the side of the cabin, around my truck and head towards the trees. The sun is already low and the air a littler chillier than it was when we arrived here. I need to run. Other than making love with Alena, it’s the only thing that relaxes me and the only other exercise I’m getting. I think we overdid it a little today on the lovemaking. She may be a little sore. I laugh to myself.

I stop, jogging in place, and see a mostly covered trail and start through it. Running on a trail and even the dirt path is much easier than a rocky and brush filled terrain, it’s making me try harder to maneuver, pushing me. I don’t know how long I’ve been running but sweat is pouring from me, but, I keep going. There’s a little bit of a clearing ahead, a small break in the trees, and I run to it. When I come through the opening, I stop, bending over and putting my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. I look up, still panting heavily, and smile. A small pond, with a small waterfall pouring down from a rocky cliff. I stand up and look around, covering my eyes from the sun. Trees line around the perimeter, nothing you can see but them for miles around. It’s like its own secluded area and looks like a painting an artist would create. Instead of running over there and jumping in the water, I turn around excited to share the news with Alena.

It doesn’t seem to take me as long to get back to the cabin, maybe because of the adrenaline and excitement of what I discovered. I rush up the steps, forgetting about stretching, and knock on the door. Silence. I knock again. Nothing. My heart starts pounding and not from the running any longer but out of fear. We’ve been so careful. Running back down the steps, I run around the other side of the house, peeking in the living room window but the blinds inhibit my view. I take off to around the back of the cabin and over to the bedroom window. I’d lowered it after got up this morning, but the blinds were open a crack. There she is, laying down in the bed. Sound asleep. I lower my head, trying to calm my breathing and my racing heart as I fill with relief. Valuable lesson learned. Next time I go running without her, take the fucking key with me. I tap on the window, and she startles. Now, I’ve scared her too. Dammit! I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack. I thought he’d taken her. I thought I lost her.

♥    ♥    ♥    ♥

A noise wakes me up, scaring me to death, and I was having the best dream! I look up and see Jase peering in the window and sit up quickly, holding my hand over my heart. Shit! He must be locked out. I rise quickly, pointing my finger out of the room, and he smiles. Dang, I slept so hard. I climb out of bed and wince. And man am I sore. I’ve exercised pretty regularly in the last few months but not like that. That obviously uses a whole lot of different muscles. I’m walking better on my foot though and am hoping in a few days I can go running with him. I’m sick of being cooped up and think I might be slowly losing my mind, well, except for the extraordinary sex we’re having. Shit! Now I’m horny again.

I get to the door and am bowled over by his arms, his body so close to mine that I can barely breathe. “Jase. Can’t breathe,” I choke out but his arms tighten around me. His body is trembling, and I try to push my hands up but his arms are too tight. “Jase,” I squeak.

“I thought you were gone. I thought…. I thought….”

“Shhhh, baby. I’m here. No one’s taken me.”

His face is buried in my neck, his hands all over my back, and finally he begins to calm down. He moves back, taking me off guard, but his grip is still tight around me. “I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed. Never again.” He brings me close again and my heart breaks. He’s scared. So scared. I’ve never seen him afraid of anything, except when he lost Liv. But that was a different kind of fear.

I push against his chest again, and his arms relax. I reach up and place my hands on both sides of his face. “It’s okay, Jase. You’re not gonna lose me. Never again. I would never let that happen. I love you.” His mouth covers mine, and he kisses me in a frenzy. I welcome his warmth but nervous about his reaction.

He releases my mouth and then his arms move down to my waist. “I know. I’m being ridiculous. It just made me freak out when you didn’t answer the door. My mind just went wild with possibilities.” He kisses me again, the worry look in his eyes starting to evaporate and his shaking has stopped. “But I meant what I said. I’m not leaving you here alone again, at least not without taking the key. That was just stupid anyway.”

I smile and bring my hands down to rest on his arms. “I appreciate that you’re being cautious but really, I’m fine.” I lay my head against his chest. His heart is still beating way too fast. He rubs my back as his chin rests on the top of my head.

“I just worry about you. If anything ever hap….” He pulls back and smiles. “I won’t let anything happen to you, to us. We’ve only just found each other again.” I lean up and kiss his lips, his arms wrap back around me, and we just stand there in silence, in our love.

“You’re in for a treat tonight,” he tells me while digging through the freezer. He turns his head with my silence and laughs. I raise my eyebrow and give him a smirk. Shaking his head, he pulls something out and walks over to the stove. “Besides that,” he smirks back. I can’t stop the giggles that leave me. I hear some sizzles from the skillet when he puts the contents into it. 

“What is it?” I start to get up to go find out, but he hides something to his side, so I can’t see. Ugh! He used to do this to me all the time when we were growing up. I thought maybe he’d grown out of it. Apparently not.

“No peeking! You just sit right back down, woman,” he says through his smile.

I giggle again at his playfulness. I give him my best pout and both of his eyebrows raise high. “But you know I hate surprises, Jase,” I whine.

He chuckles and takes whatever it is over to the trash bin then turns and walks straight over to me, placing his hands on the couch on either side of my hips. “Patience is a virtue.” I look up into his eyes that are still playful but darkening to something else quickly. He leans down and starts nipping at my lips. My heart starts beating faster, tingles flow through me and that feeling in the pit of my stomach starts to form. I start to giggle again but then press my lips against his mouth.

“You know I don’t have patience. It’s not my strong point,” I whisper against his lips. His unique smell invades my senses, the warmth of his lips. I grasp his hard biceps and squeeze. So strong, so vibrant.

“Better watch it, Kitten. I’m about to haul you over my shoulder and take you to bed. Then the surprise will be burnt to a crisp.” His eyes widen. Wetness pools south and I swear he can tell. Damn! I can’t help it. All he has to do is look at me, and I’m lost in him. He stands back up, taking my hand and pulling me up. “Come on. Don’t want it to burn,” he winks. Forget the food, suddenly I’m in the mood for something else.

He leads me to the table, pulling out the chair for me. I watch him go to the stove, then get a couple of plates from the cabinet, his muscles flexing with his movements, and I subconsciously lick my lips. I shake my head from my lust filled thoughts. The smell of what’s cooking fills the room, and my stomach growls. He chuckles, and I can’t hide my smile. God, I love that sound and missed it so much. I watch as he walks over to the table, carrying our plates and when he sets mine down in front of me, I lean over, close my eyes and take a huge whiff. “Pizza!” He laughs and sits down next to me, and I dig in. “Mmmmmm,” I moan when I take the first bite. I haven’t had pizza in forever. Bill wouldn’t allow it at our house. Said it wasn’t healthy and I needed to watch my figure.

“Alena.” I open my eyes, mid bite, and look into his eyes. They’ve turned from their normal brown to dark, his face intense. “If you don’t quit making sex food noises I’m not going to be held responsible for my actions.” I swallow hard. Not due to nervousness but horniness. Damn, what he does to me. From his voice, his touch, his eyes when he looks at me and the memories of him making love to me. Crap! He may not need to worry about hauling me over his shoulder ‘cos I may just jump him right here.

My mouth turns up into a smile, and I take another bite. “I can’t help it. I haven’t had pizza in so long. It’s so good.”

He takes a bite, and I watch his jaw move as he chews. Now, I want to lick his jaw. What the hell? “Why haven’t you had pizza? It’s always been your favorite food.”

My chewing slows as I furrow my brow and start picking at the cheese on my slice. “Well, I….” I look up and see he’s watching me intently. Taking a deep breath, I shrug. “Bill told me I needed to watch my figure so….” His face morphs from relaxed to anger in seconds. “I know. Please, don’t start.” I look down at my food and lose my appetite. Setting my slice down on my plate, I take my napkin and wipe my mouth.

“I thought I’d lost you back then,” I continue. My eyes move back to him, and his anger fades into sadness. “I tried so hard to help you with your loss but you were so closed off, so stubborn and not letting me in. We’ve always leaned on each other yet you wouldn’t lean on me and I felt lost, not sure how to get through to you.” He looks down, setting his slice on his plate. I feel bad for bringing this all up, dredging up all the sad, painful, and horrible memories, but it would happen sooner or later. “I died inside along with you that day, Jase.” His eyes move back up to mine and soften. “Not only for losing Liv but for losing you at the same time. We were best friends, all our lives, and I wanted more. So much more but was afraid.” I watch his throat constrict as he swallows and know I hit a nerve.

“I can’t believe how stupid I was. I always thought it would wreck our friendship, our closeness, to tell you how I felt. Then, meeting Bill, him helping me through stuff, trying to get my head back on straight, I thought I could move on and have a happy life without you.” My chin begins to quiver as I remember living through those times. “But I can’t….” I clear my throat and press my lips together. “I know I would have never been able to.”

He rises, pushing back his chair, and comes to me. I rise quickly as he envelopes me into his arms. He moves them away and cups the sides of my face, almost squeezing them too hard. His eyes search mine frantically, his expression serious. “I never thought about your loss. I couldn’t live happily without you either. Never. Believe that. I’ve felt the same way, Alena. Too afraid to tell you. Afraid I would screw it up.” A tear leaves my eye, and my chin still shakes. “We’ve both been stupid.” He smiles and I try to, but it’s so hard. My emotions are all over the place. His face returns to seriousness. “Believe me now, I’m not stupid anymore. I want you, always.” I lean up, my mouth is pressing hard against his before I can think. His hands remain on my face, and his body moves closer until my breasts are heaving against his broad chest. “God, I fucking love you. No more time wasting, no more time apart. I promise you,” he whispers against my lips then proceeds to kiss all over my face.