The Loss (Heartache series #1) (16 page)

Chapter 16

I hear Alena scream and slowly open my eyes in time to see asshole is in here, and he’s smashing her head against the rock ledge. I feel weak, slow, as I move to my side, and fear shoots through me as I watch her sink under the water. My body is dripping with sweat, my wound stabbing me as I push my hands against the ground, trying to get up. “Let her go, maggot. At least she’s unconscious so she won’t feel anything as she drowns. It’s actually humane, don’t you think?” I look up and see him standing there, gloating, all proud of himself for hurting a defenseless woman and my blood boils. My eyes snap to the water and see the top of her head go down. I move again, faster and stand. My breathing labored.  I start to take off in a jog towards the water, ready to jump in to get her when his fist slams into my wound, knocking me backwards. “Ah! Not so fast.” I bend down, my hand on my knee and the other covering my side. “You will be together soon enough, if you believe in that sort of thing.” His arrogance makes me see red. I run at him full force, tackling him down to the ground, but yell out when I feel a searing pain in my side where my wound is.

I roll over and cover my side, pulling my hand back and seeing it full of blood. When I look up, the light catches the blade of the knife in his hand. “When will you just leave it alone? Damn, you’re stubborn. It should be so easy to kill you.” I look up and see his face change to anger. “You should be dead by now. Both of you should have been dead before now.”

His head turns as he looks around our small area, and I take the chance, standing as quickly as my body will allow, running at him and grabbing the wrist of the hand holding the knife. I twist his other arm around until it’s behind his back. He yells, tries to kick me and swears as I move his wrist down, pressing hard as he struggles to push it up, until I jam it into his stomach. “Noooooo!” He screams and then falls to the ground as I release him, pulling the knife out as he drops. My bad knee just about gives out as I stumble, trying not to fall, and I look at his open lifeless eyes, the look of surprise on his face.

I hobble over to the edge, almost falling twice, and then jump into the water, taking a huge breath and dive down. My hands are moving all around as I search for Alena. As my feet kick out, one of them nudges something, and I turn around swiftly. There she is! I reach my hands under her arms and start kicking again, getting us to the surface. Coughing and gasping for air, I pull her over to the ledge, lifting her with all the strength I have left until she’s safe. It takes me a few attempts to get myself up beside her, the wet rock slippery and my body is about to give out but all I can think of is Alena.

I kneel next to her, push on her body until she turns over. She’s so pale. Her lips tinted blue. Purple coloring set in on her cheek, a cut on her lower lip and a scratch on her throat. I try to tear the t-shirt she’s wearing, but I don’t have the strength, so I grab the hem and pull it up until her chest is exposed. I lift her head back, open her mouth and run my finger around, moving her tongue then place my hands over her heart, one on top of the other, and I start palpitations. One. Two. Three. I pinch her nose and breathe into her mouth twice then start the palpitations again. One. Two. Three. Breathe. I blow into her mouth again and then look at her chest. Nothing. I continue, two, three, four times. Nothing. Dammit! “No! Alena!” I do it again and again. Then I hit her chest with my fist. Hard. “Dammit, Alena. Don’t leave me! Don’t you dare leave me!” I start palpitations again, my body growing so tired, but I have to keep trying. I breathe again into her mouth, and a small amount of water spills out. “Alena?” I do the palpitations again and then breathe. More water leaves her mouth, and she begins to cough. Quickly, I grab under her arms and lift her to me, my hand pressing against the back of her head, turning it away so she can expel the rest of the water inside her. “God, Alena.”

Once I think all of the water has left her, I hold her in my arms, but her eyes don’t open. I lay down next to her, my body finally giving out. I look down and see all the blood on my shirt and can feel the life being sucked out of me. I hold her tighter and lay my head against hers, listening to her breathe. “I’m just gonna rest for a few minutes then I’m getting you outta here, baby. Just a few minutes.” My eyes close on their own. I fight to open them, but I can’t. I give in to the darkness.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I’m so tired. I don’t want to get up.

Beep. Beep.

I need to turn the fucking alarm off. What day of the week is it and why do I feel like I’ve been running for days? The internal beeping noise keeps sounding, and I’m about ready to knock the alarm clock off my nightstand when it hits me. I don’t think I’m at home. My eyes are so tired and heavy, but I manage to open them slowly. What the hell? I look around at the hospital room and suddenly start to panic. Alena!

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

The stupid alarm things start going crazy as I pull back the covers and start to move my leg over the side of the bed when I notice my bad knee is all bandaged, and my right eye is opened this time but still feels swollen. The door opens and two nurses come running over, pushing me back down and talking a mile a minute. My head hits the pillow, and I grab my side, wincing as I close my eyes tight. “You don’t understand I….”

“No, you don’t understand, Mr. Briggs. You’ve had surgery and lost a lot of blood.” One nurse pulls the covers back over me as she rambles on. “You need to be still and take it easy. Now….”

I push her hands away and start to get up again. “No. You don’t understand. I have to find Alena.” Both nurses push me back down and for once I don’t have the energy to fight them. I look over and see the one pushy nurse with a needle and pushing it into a tube, so I try a different tactic. “Please. I have to know if she’s okay. Please.”

She pushes her hand against my arm and smiles. “In time, Mr. Briggs. Sleep now. Get strong.”

My eyes blink, several times, and I feel myself fading.

I open my eyes, turning my head to the left and my heart speeds up at the sight. Mom and Dad. She’s sitting there staring off into space. Dad is bent over, his elbows on his knees and his face hidden behind his hands. Something’s wrong. “Dad?” My voice is hoarse and my throat dry. His hands fall as he looks up at me. Mom starts crying. Shit!

“Son. We were so worried. Thank God, you’re okay.” Mom chokes on her words, her crying making it hard to understand her.

Dad grabs the chair in between his legs and pulls it over closer to the bed. “Son. How are you feeling? Do I need to get a nurse? Dr. Shafer? Are you in pain?” His hand lays on my lower arm, and I feel like I might cry. Did Alena die? Did I not save her? Fuck!

“What aren’t you all telling me?” I ask, my eyes looking back and forth at them. “Alena?” I choke out my thought and tears instantly fill my eyes. I lay my head back and close them. “NO!” I wail. My heart breaking, never to be mended. Losing Liv was one thing, my sister, but to lose Alena? I can’t go on this time. Nothing will bring me out of this. Nothing.

I feel the bed dip next to my leg and look up at Mom, worry marring her beautiful face. She leans over, placing her gentle hands on either side of my face as a tear slides down her cheek. “Jase. Listen to me. Are you listening?” I nod, her hands moving with me. “Good. You’ve been out of it for two days. Alena is fine. Well, as fine as she can be after such a horrific experience.” My heart races. She’s alive. “She had to have surgery as well. Her arm and….” She looks over at Dad, my eyes following hers, then she looks back at me. “Honey. She was pregnant.” What? How? Okay, I know how but was? Was it mine or that assholes? “I know you have so many questions, son. I’m gonna have Dad go get Dr. Shafer so he can explain everything. Okay?”

I just nod, not knowing what to say. Her hands leave my face, and I watch Dad stand, pat my arm, and then he leaves the room.

I look back over at Mom. “Does she know?” I whisper.

She nods. “Yes, honey. Her mom and I were with her when she was told. Are you okay?” I shake my head and swallow back the tears that are threatening to leave me. “She’s okay. She’s been awake since yesterday and has had time to accept the news. Honey?” I close my eyes briefly and then look at her. “It was yours.”
What?
“Dr. Shafer ran a DNA test. She wanted it done. I’m so sorry.” A baby. I would have been a daddy. She would have been a mommy. Our baby. I can’t hold back the tears any longer. Strong men don’t cry. But shit! A baby. “Come here, honey.” I let her help me raise up and her arms wrap around me. My head hits her shoulder. My cries muffled some but not enough. I totally lose it. I know I finally cried for Liv, years later, but this, this is too much. “I know, sweetheart. Let it out.”

I don’t know how long we sit like this but then panic takes over. “I need her,” I state, pushing away from Mom. “I need to be with her, Mom. She needs me. I….”

“Hey, now. Let’s get you cleaned up and your Dad’s getting Dr. Shafer and we’ll get you to her. Calm down. She’s not going anywhere. She’s fine.”

That’s the thing, is she? I lay back down as Mom walks into the bathroom, soon to come back with a damp washcloth, and I let her clean off my tear streaked face. She’s careful around my swollen eye and going way too slow when all I want to do is get to Alena. “Mom.” She keeps going slowly, and I’m getting more than impatient. “Mom!”

“Now, sweetheart. Alena’s parents have been camped out with her since you all were brought in and we have to wait for Dr….”

The door opens. Mom stops and turns and I peek around her. “Well, my patient finally awakens. I was a little nervous as your fever wouldn’t go down as fast as I’d hope. How are you feeling, Jase?” I’ve known Dr. Shafer since I can remember. He’s mended all my broken bones, did the surgery on my knee and has been our family physician forever. He looks about fifty something when he’s really in his sixties, but I think I’m the one that gave him most of his gray hair.

“I’m good. I need to see Alena,” I don’t hesitate and he smiles.

He moves over as a nurse pushes in a wheelchair. “I figured as much.” He walks over to me, picks up my hand, his fingers around my wrist, as his other arm moves up and he looks at his watch. “The thing is, Jase. You need to be careful. I know you want to be there for her, as you should, but you’re not out of the woods yet. You still have a low grade fever and you’ve had surgery. The knife wound, along with the gunshot wound, came very close to your lung. You’re very fortunate but you could overdo it and have complications. It wouldn’t be good for you or Alena. Do I make myself clear?” His voice is stern and he smiles, but I get it.

“Yes. I promise. Now, can I go to her?”

He chuckles and takes my arm. The nurse beside him helps to bring my legs over the side, and they pull together to get me up and turn me until I’m sitting down in the wheelchair. He leans down, with his hands on either side of me on the arm rests and gives me his doctor look. “Any stress, anything that causes you pain or discomfort and you’ll be back here in a heartbeat.”

“Okay.” I swallow. “I got it.”

“We’ll wait for you here, dear,” Mom says sweetly, and I nod as the nurse turns the chair around and Dad nods, holding the door open as I pass by.

As I’m pushed down the hall, the lights bright to my eyes, all I can think about is Alena. Her smile, her touch, her laughter and her giggles. I’m worried what I’ll find when we get to her room, but I also know she’s one of the strongest women I know.

♥    ♥    ♥    ♥

“I’m good, Daddy. Thank you,” I tell him for the millionth time. I know Mom and Dad mean well but fluffing up my pillows every few minutes is getting on my nerves. They act like I’m broken, like I can’t handle what I’ve been through and truth be said, I can, but I just really need Jase. I need to make sure he’s okay even though Dr. Shafer, my parents and his parents have told me he is. I just need to see him for myself, hold him in my arms and grieve for our baby together. I haven’t cried, maybe just shed a few tears, and Mom thinks something is wrong with me, but I just need Jase.

I look up when the door opens, and I swear all of my oxygen left me at the sight of him. He looks amazing, tired and beat up, but amazing in my eyes. “Jase,” his name gets stuck in my throat as tears well up in my eyes.

“Well, we’ll just leave you two alone. I think it’s time I talk to Dr. Shafer about getting you two a decent home cooked meal,” Mom says as she leans over to kiss my head, but I can’t take my eyes off Jase, and I notice he doesn’t move from staring at me either. “We’ll be back in a little bit and I’ll make sure I bring you some good food. If you need anything else, call me or your dad.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I whisper as I continue my stare.

I hear the click of the door, and we just keep looking at each other. I feel a tear slide down my face, but I don’t flinch. It’s time. It’s needed. I just needed Jase before I could let it all go. My chin begins to quiver as he pushes himself over to my bed. I move over as he climbs up, having to grasp his upper leg and bring it up onto the mattress. No words are spoken as we wrap our arms around each other, our faces buried, and our tears flow. No sounds do we make as we weep for our loss, for our baby. “I’m so sorry, Alena. I didn’t know,” he whispers in my ear. I shake my head, my crying becoming louder against his chest. “We would have been the best parents,” he says quietly, making me cry harder. His hands gently lift my face, and I stare into his tear swollen eyes. “We will make the best parents. No one will ever replace our first baby, but we will have more. I love you. So much.” I nod but can’t speak, choked up with my emotions. We sit there, holding each other tightly for the longest time then I move back, tracing around his swollen eye, his face, being as tender as possible.

“I thought I lost you too. I would have died, if not for you but if anything would have happened to you. When he….” My heart accelerates, and I feel like I can’t breathe. “I tried…. I couldn’t….”

“Shhhh, shhhh.” He brings me back into his chest, his hand running over my hair, his kiss to my temple making me take some deep breaths. “I couldn’t have lived without you. Never. When I pulled you from the water, tried to breathe life back into you, all I could think of is how I couldn’t go on if you left me.” His strong arms tighten around me as I fist his light gown, trying to get as close as possible. “I know we all have to die. I’ve experienced that with Liv, but we haven’t gotten to begin our lives together yet. I need you like I’ve never needed anyone in my life. I need you like I need air to breathe. I need you to live. I love you like no other. I….”

I lift my head and see his tears streaming down his face. I couldn’t love him anymore than I do right at this moment. We may have lost a life, but we have each other and together we’ll be strong, be what we need. My lips press against his and it’s not a passionate kiss, or a frenzied one, but one of love and loss.

I wince as I move back a bit and concern mars his gorgeous face. He presses the nurse’s button before I get a chance to say anything. I love how even injured he wants to take care of me. He moves around and lays down next to me, his arm around my shoulder and wipes a few wayward tears from my face. The nurse walks in, shaking her head and smiling. “You know this is against hospital rules.” She walks over and puts some pain relief into my IV tube.

“I’m not leaving,” Jase growls, the features on his face are hard, angry.

“Jase, child. I’m not asking you to leave, in fact as soon as I walk out that door I’ll be calling Dr. Shafer and highly suggesting that one of the bigger beds we have brought in here and that you just move in. You two will be with us for a while and I know we are not gonna get you two to separate any time soon.” She laughs, shaking her head, as she starts to leave the room. She stops at the door, holding it open with her hand, and turns her head back at us. “I’ll let your parents know, Jase.” She winks and walks out, closing the door behind her. This is one of the perks of living in a small town.

I let out a giggle, covering my mouth with my hand. Jase turns his head towards me, and I can tell he’s holding back a smile. “Well, good then,” he says and then his beautiful smile appears. I lay my head down on his broad chest, finding comfort in his closeness and look up at him.

“You still have a fever. We need to get you well and go home.”

His eyebrows raise and a look of surprise spreads across his face. “Home? I thought you said….”

I place a finger over his luscious lips and smile. “Listen to Jane. Home. I don’t ever want to be away from you again. Not for a second.” My finger slides down his lower lip as he leans towards me, his mouth is on mine, and I cherish his touch, his taste.

“Yes, Jane. How long until we can, uh….” He waggles his brows at me and I giggle. “I’ll get well and you’ll get well and then we will be shacked up at home for at least a week. I better go to the grocery store as soon as we’re outta here.” Full laughter leaves my mouth, my hand shifts to my head, covering the bandage that’s over the stitches and large bump there.

“Ow!” I laugh.

His arm tightens. “Sorry.” His head leans against mine, and he sighs. “When I pulled you out of the water, you were stark white, your lips were already blue and all I could think of was, don’t leave me. I’m so selfish to think of myself.”

I pull back. “What? That’s not selfish. You saved my life. How can you say that?”

He looks down, almost shyly. “I dunno. I wanted you to live for you but I wanted you to live for me more. Is that weird?” He looks up, his eyes pleading. So much pain. So much loss.