The Love Laws (29 page)

Theresa
giggled. “A love triangle. How scandalous,” she said with a dramatic sigh. “But
no. I could tell that skank was rattling you, so I thought I’d provide a rather
spectacular distraction.”

Jamie
felt a wave a gratitude wash over her. “Was it that obvious?” She asked dryly.

“Absolutely
not. You were pretty cool under the circumstances. But that woman could rattle
a tree sloth. Believe me. I know.”

“You’ve
dealt with her before?”

“You
could say that. I was in her wedding.”

“What?
And she didn’t recognize you?”

“Well,
I was ten at the time and she was a little preoccupied with getting Duncan to
the altar. But she did make me cry, so you’d think I’d have made a bigger
impression.”

“Are
you sure? That was Duncan’s ex?”

“Yup.
The infamous Kerry. In the flesh. Well, sort of. Not much flesh to her.”

“Are
you certain? You helped her in the dressing room, didn’t you? She must have had
an inkling who you were.”

Theresa
laughed. “Umm… No. Kerry was too busy admiring herself in the mirror and trying
to get the video camera on her phone to work. She wouldn’t have noticed if
Audrey Hepburn was trying on rubber pants in the next stall.” Theresa fingered
one of the crimson stockings from Kerry’s colorful abandoned purchases. “I
can’t really understand what she was doing with all this stuff. She’s worn
white as her trademark for years. Occasionally she’ll wear some black to spice
things up, but rainbow is not her thing.” She shrugged. “Even a snake changes
her skin I guess.”

“Why
didn’t you say anything to her?”

“Yeah.
No. Last time I saw her she was yelling at me because I got cake on my junior
bridesmaid dress. No thanks. Didn’t feel like a trip down memory lane.” Theresa
gave a look of mock horror. “Besides. She and Duncan are divorced now. She’s
ancient history. Thank God. She was such a nightmare.”

Jamie
bit her lip thoughtfully. “Not sure how much you heard from my conversation
with her but she may not be history. She mentioned something about Kevin.
Marrying him.”

Theresa’s
eyes went wide in shock. Then she started laughing. “Oh man. She is delusional.
Kevin Hall isn’t the marrying type. And if he was, he certainly wouldn’t be
interested in that she-wolf. Kev has more sense than that.”

Jamie
shrugged. “I’m not so sure. She seemed pretty certain.” She patted the pile of
clothing. “She said this was all for him. Because apparently he loves seeing
her in skimpy things.”

“Well,
I doubt Kev would look away if any woman was prancing around in front of him in
your designs, but he has way too much integrity to get involved with Duncan’s
ex. He`s not like that. Trust me.”

“Do
you know him that well?”

“Oh
sure.  Until recently, Kevin was always around. He takes Hannibal for walks
when Duncan and Jess are at work and I’m supposed to be in class. And he keeps
his car in one of Duncan’s spots. No room at the hotel, I guess.” Theresa
giggled. “Remember when I was in that production of ‘Arsenic and Old Lace?’ He
would read lines with me in the funniest voices. He’s the best. Like another
older brother. But seriously hot.”

“You
said ‘recently.’ So he’s not around as much lately?”

“Well,
no. He’s having trouble with his latest book or something. I overheard Duncan
and Jess talking and they seemed pretty worried about him.”

“You
don’t seem concerned.”

“Nope.
Kev is one of the good ones.” Theresa spoke with absolute certainty. “He’s like
Superman without the bad outfit. Whatever his problem is, he’ll figure it out.”
Her eyes shone with hero worship as she began putting Kerry’s items on a nearby
rack

Jamie
attempted a whistle. “Wow. That’s quite the endorsement. The Man of Steel.
Really? Kevin always seemed more like the horny side-kick than the hero to me.
Don’t you think?”

Theresa
raised one eyebrow. “Horny side-kick? What kind of comics have you been reading
exactly?”

Jamie
blushed. She didn’t actually read comics. But suspected Kevin would look
outstanding in a skin-tight leather ensemble like Wolverine. She could not,
however, imagine him enjoying wearing anything so ridiculous.

Theresa
gave Jamie a suspicious look. “Why are you so interested anyway? I seem to
recall you avoiding him like an STD at the wedding. Have things changed? Does
psycho-Kerry have some competition?”

“No
way. She’s welcome to him.” Jamie said, reaching under the counter she grabbed
her calculator and began adding up receipts in an effort to look disinterested.

“Hmmm…Really?
So the fact that you went all Jersey-shore with Kerry has nothing to do with
Kevin? Not at all?”

“I
did not get all ‘Jersey’ with her. She was being unreasonable.”

“Right.
Jamie. I saw you at the Kitty-Kat, remember? You laughed off some seriously
rude customers there. Now you’re trying to tell me that one itty-bitty insect
woman can rile you? I don’t think so.”

“I
was not riled. I’m tired. There’s a difference.” Jamie muttered snapping an
elastic band around a huge pile of receipts. “Now, let’s get this place sorted
out and then get the hell out of here. I owe you a drink after all this. Okay?”

Theresa
rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, Cinnamon Spice.”

Jamie
sighed. Her damn curiosity had gotten the best of her and she’d revealed too
much. Now she was lying to everyone about her feelings for Kevin.

Why
did she care about him and his messed up love life anyway? He was a complete
waste of her time and energy. Despite Theresa’s rather naive character
reference, it was obvious to Jamie that Kevin was involved with Kerry. Why else
would Duncan’s toxic ex be here unless Kevin had sent her? It would seem that
he was sending her a very clear message - He had moved on and he wanted her to
know it in the most hurtful manner possible.

Well,
two could play that game.  She would send her own message. And she wouldn’t
have to violate Love Law #2 to do it.

Love Law #7 -
Beware the Man-Whore.

We’ve all met this
guy. He has a very special gift. He’s completely comfortable around females and
knows how to communicate with them. He relates to women, understands them and
doesn’t talk to them like they’re men. (In other words, he is capable of
talking about a range of subjects more complex than baseball scores and fart
jokes.) Why has he cultivated this ability? Because he knows women will respond
to it and that is his main objective in life – to seduce women. (Granted, some lesser
man-whores are not this sophisticated. Many of them underestimate women and
believe that flashing a bulging wallet is all that’s required to cause any
female to become overwhelmed with lust.)

No, the true
man-whore appears irresistibly confident at all times. Women respond to this on
an instinctive level and he uses this weakness against us. As independent as we
have become a man who seems together and projects a sense of security is always
wildly attractive to us. As a result, the confident man-whore has so many
notches in his bedpost it looks a lot like the dartboard in a popular pub. He
may be gorgeous, funny, rich or none of the above. It doesn’t matter. Even if
he’s an accountant, writer, or garbage man, be smart and avoid a relationship
with him. Do not be fooled by his deceptive ways. (Chances are he’s
overcompensating anyway.)

Uber-confident
guys who’ve had success with the ladies are simply trouble if you’re looking
for something permanent. Yes, it’s true, they usually do settle down
eventually, but do you actually think the women who tame this type of guy are
happy? They’re not. Life is not a Victorian romance novel where rakes make the
best husbands. In reality, rakes make for insecure wives and unhappy marriages.

No matter how
tempting it is to try and change Mr. Promiscuous, do NOT get seriously involved
with him. He’s been so successful with women that it’s skewed his sense of
entitlement. He no longer believes the rules of society apply to him, so he
continues to pursue women even when he’s in a relationship. Chasing women is like
a drug to him. He lives for the hunt, even if he no longer has a permit.
Monogamy will never be a natural state for him, so unless you’re willing to
spend the rest of your life trying to force him into that faithful box, please
keep your emotional distance. Physical distance, however, is another story. All
that sexual experience does have its benefits…

Jamie
ignored the sound of impatient knocking coming from Hidden Treasures front
entrance for several long moments. It was two hours before opening and no one
should even be thinking about buying lingerie right now. So whoever was trying
to beat her door down was someone who wanted to see her. The problem was that
she couldn’t think of one person she wanted to see. Not her sister, her best
friend. No one.

Well,
that’s not strictly true. A very small and dumb part of her still leaped at the
possibility of Kevin being on the other side of that door. Considering he’d
been MIA for days and was now the boy-toy of a super-skank it was unlikely that
he was still interested in her enough to be seeking her out at her store.
Unless of course he’d read her latest Love Law already. Her stomach dropped at
the thought. What if he’d read it and had come here to confront her? It was
fairly obvious who she was talking about.

She’d
wrote the offensive entry last night in a fury, submitted it to Jeff and then
almost immediately regretted her stupid, childish impulse to use The Love Laws
to get back at Kevin for sending Kerry to her store. She wished she could take
it back but it may be too late. Her poisonous words were out in cyberspace and
there was no escaping them. Kevin had mentioned reading the other Love Laws so
it was just a matter of time before he saw it.

Dragging
her feet in her stylish pumps, Jamie approached the front door. From her
wide-legged trousers to her satin blouse she was dressed entirely in grey
today. The dismal color suited her mood. Even the long strand of pearls draped
around her neck was the color of a storm cloud.

It
was so tempting to just pretend she wasn’t here. But then she’d be a coward as
well as a mean-spirited fraud. She needed to take responsibility for her
actions and that meant she couldn’t cower behind a closed door to avoid a
confrontation. How bad could it be anyway?

Cracking
the door open she was relieved to see Cathy standing on the other side. She
smiled and beckoned her friend to come in but was shocked when Cathy shook her
head and held up a sheet of paper.

“Jamie,
what is this? Please tell me it’s a joke.” Cathy cried accusingly, her voice
harsh and surprisingly loud against the early morning traffic outside.

Jamie
stared at her friend in surprise for a moment and then leaned forward, studying
the paper Cathy was holding up for her examination. It was a printout of Love
Law #7 from
The Vancouver Star’s
webpage. Damn it. She’d wanted to talk
to Cathy before she saw it but hadn`t had the energy to do it last night. To be
honest, she’d known Cathy would be unhappy with this particular entry but had
assumed the meek Proofreader wouldn’t be confident enough to confront her on
her poor etiquette. Judging by Cathy’s enraged expression she’d grossly underestimated
Clay’s formerly shy sister.

Despite
her shock Jamie couldn’t help being delighted in Cathy’s transformation. She had
clearly put her mousy ways behind her. In fact, with her hair in a stylishly
messy French braid and her neat twin-set Cathy looked a bit like an extremely
preppy Viking princess on the warpath. It was hard to believe this same woman
had been afraid to voice her opinion just two weeks earlier. Amazing what a
makeover and some confidence building could do.

“Cat.
C’mon in and we’ll talk about it. Okay?” Jamie said, holding the heavy door
open wide for her.

Cathy
ignored the invitation and stood on the sidewalk waving the printout in the air
like a flag. “Just tell me it’s a mistake. Someone high-jacked our webpage and
put this nonsense up there, didn’t they? Because that’s the only explanation I
can think of for why this garbage is taking up space where our articles are supposed
to be.”

Garbage?
That stung a little. “Cathy. Please. It’s not that bad. I got inspired late
last night and knew you were busy with your Dominatrix class. I thought Jeff
would like the idea of a bonus Love Law exclusively for the website. Anything new
to generate publicity, right?” She smiled in what she hoped was an engaging
manner but Cathy just stared at her like she’d suddenly sprouted horns.

Cathy’s
lips thinned in disapproval. “No. Jamie. Not right. You blatantly went behind
my back and published something without my input despite the fact that this is
supposed to be a joint effort. I thought we were a team.”

Jamie
felt her stomach drop. Cathy made her actions seem so underhanded. She’d just
been so enraged at Kevin, Kerry and just about everything in her life last
night that she’d acted without thinking. She hadn’t actually intended to betray
anyone. Especially Cathy.