The Low Notes (20 page)

Her voice became a growl. “Get. Out.”

Todd’s eyes widened, astonished at her behavior. He stood up and walked out muttering under his breath.

“
Crazy bitch.”

Her hands were shaking as she picked up her bag and began walking to her car without looking back and without waiting on James. The air was cold against her face as she shoved the door open with one push. She heard the howl of the wind and the click of her heels against the snow-cleared pavement and that was all. Though her mind was swimming, her thoughts were unrecognizable. They were screams in her head, not words or feelings, just shouts and flashes.

She climbed into the driver’s seat and gripped the steering wheel for a minute, staring forward, letting a calm wash over her. It was more like numbness. Nina drew in a deep breath and blew it out, shutting her eyes. She tried to tell herself everything was going to be alright. When her bag began to vibrate, she looked and saw several missed calls then read the text message Kevin had just sent her.

Please talk to me.

A raging scream came tearing out of Nina’s lungs as she let the scene in the dressing room creep back into her mind. Her hand strangled the cell phone tightly before she tossed it out the window, hearing it smack against the pavement. She threw the car into drive and sped home. Pulling into her driveway, a sinking feeling overtook her as she recognized parked next to her house. She shook her head in disbelief as she walked up to the front door. She almost felt like laughing but the threat of tears was still close by.

“
Nina? Is that you?” a voice called out to her as she let herself inside. The tall man came toward her and Nina felt stomach acid tickling the back of her throat. She let her eyes examine the man as he came nearer, his faint smile, his tailored suit and the sprinkling of gray hairs at his temples.

“
Hi, dad.”

Her father pulled her in for a hug and the bile jumped again.

“
I’m back just in time for your show tomorrow, isn’t that great?” her father said, clearly pleased with himself.

Nina followed him to the kitchen feeling her anger bubbling up inside once again.

“
It was tonight. You missed it,” Nina spoke without so much as a quiver in her voice.

Her father turned around and cocked his head to one side, grimacing.

“
Oh Nina, I got the date wrong. I'll be here for the next one.”

His forged regret was easy for Nina to detect. She’d been listening to such let-down speeches her entire life, although they'd become significantly shorter as she grew older. Nina felt her numbness turning into insanity and she stifled a laugh.

He can’t even say he’s sorry,
she thought.

“
I'm a senior. There won't be another one. When’s your next trip?” she asked.

“
Two weeks. I guess I'll miss Thanksgiving with you girls. But then it'll be time for Christmas in Florida with the Dalton's. And then back to the grind, probably London again. Maybe another month or two,” he said trying to sound cheery.

Thank God
, she thought. Nina had become so accustomed to her father not being around she wasn’t sure how the rest of her year might go if she had to learn to live with him again. Especially now that she knew the rest of her year was going to be pretty horrible. Nina tried to keep Kevin’s face out of her head but his image was burned into her memory.

“
I talked to Jim Dawson on my drive home from the airport,” her father started. Nina stared at him blankly, resisting the urge to roll her eyes and vomit.

“
Yeah. Todd’s back from Arizona. We're not getting back together. Don‘t even start,” Nina spat.

He shrugged silently before Nina turned and walked out of the kitchen without another word, heading up to her bedroom. She heard her father call out a goodnight from somewhere behind her.

Opening the door to her bedroom, she stared at her bed. That was all she wanted, to sleep it all away. She wanted to sleep to forget August, their date and the first day of school. Dream through September and October, forgetting how she'd fallen in love with him and how she foolishly started to believe he was falling in love with her, too. She wanted to let the blinds stay closed and keep the covers pulled high over her head and block out the images of him standing with flowers in his hand. His chiseled face dipping down to kiss her lips. She wanted the scent of him off of her and the sound of his voice to be stripped from her mind. As she climbed into her soft bed, she let the comforter wrap her up tight and as she drifted off to sleep, she saw his bewildered face, having just heard her say the three words.
I love you.

Chapter Forty-Three

A churning, bubbling in her middle woke Nina with a start. Her stomach growled and she felt a wretched empty feeling inside. She pushed herself up on her elbows and looked around her room. It was dark outside. Nina had awakened a handful of times. Her father had been in her room asking if she was alright at least once and she remembered telling him she was sick. It was a lie but Nina had no intention of going to school when Monday rolled around. The darkness of her room and the comfort of her bed were all she wanted.

Her legs felt wobbly as she set her feet on the floor. Her hand reached over and flicked on the light and her eyes burned and squinted, not prepared for the brightness.

Nina ran a hand through her hair and felt the ratted mess but didn’t care what she looked like as she walked out into the hall and headed down to the kitchen. The house was mostly dark but a light was on in the living room. She paid it no mind. All she wanted was something to eat and the kitchen was getting closer and closer.

The lights inside the refrigerator were shockingly bright against her eyes but she managed to rummage around and find a few things she wanted. She piled the mismatch of ingredients onto a plate and headed back towards the stairs.

“
Hey,” she heard from behind her.

Nina turned and saw James looking at her with a fear in his eyes she'd never seen. She raised her chin at him and put a piece of cheese into her mouth before turning back toward the steps.

“
Nina, wait,” he called out, hopping forward to get to her.

She looked at him vacantly as he searched her face with worried green eyes. He grabbed her hand before she could turn away and led her into the living room, Nina’s brow furrowed in weak protest as she followed him.

“
How do you feel?” he asked, coxing her to sit on the couch.

Nina did so and continued to eat, shrugging and bobbing her head only to please him.

“
Well, how do you feel bad?” he pressed.

Nina stared at him, blankly.

“
Just tired,” she croaked.

“
Just tired? Tired. Not your head or your stomach or your throat? Just tired?”

Nina looked at him square in the eye for a split second then bit off the end of a strawberry that had been on her plate, tempting her stomach.

“
Is this about Todd?” a whisper came out of James.

“
Why would this be about Todd?” Nina’s voice rose.

“
Well when you missed the whole week he...”

Nina cut him off. “A week?”

James stared at her cautiously, “Yeah, sweetie. You missed this week of school. Tomorrow is Saturday. I've come by every day but you haven't come out of your room.”

Nina remembered her father coming in her room a few times but it didn’t seem like it had been that long.

“
I’m fine. I’m awake and I’m eating so I’m fine,” she said, convincing herself more than James.

“
Good, I’m glad you’re up. You had us all worried.”

“
Including Todd?” she asked.

“
Yeah, he told me you freaked out on him at the concert. I just thought maybe you were having a hard time dealing with him being back. If that’s the case, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” James’ mouth twisted into a sympathetic grin.

“
It’s not about him. It’s not about anyone...anything. I guess my body just needed the rest.” Her eyes avoided him and she stood cueing James to leave.

He stood with a stretch and patted her arm sweetly. “You’ve been hitting it pretty hard these past few weeks. I picked up your homework and put it on your desk. It’s quite a pile.”

Nina smiled. “That should make for an awesome weekend.”

James was standing in the doorway, ready to leave yet still eyeing Nina carefully. She knew her grey eyes were puffy with the remnants of sleep. Nina silently prayed he wouldn’t ask her if she’d been crying. Her eyes burned bad enough from the amount of tears she’d shed into her pillows. James gave her another weak attempt at a smile and walked out into the night.

Nina went back up to her room, having her fill of human contact. Her mind was still grasping at the concept she'd been in her dark cave for an entire week when the thought crept in. An entire week of Kevin’s class, missed. What had he thought? She damned herself as soon as she pondered it but she did nonetheless. She’d been trying so hard to keep his name, image, and voice, among other things, out of her head while she hid under her blankets. But now as her mind began to work normally, he was starting to pop up everywhere.

The computer desk at the far end of her room had, as James said, a high stack of papers and her school books on it. She took a seat at the desk, not interested in sleep at the moment but needing another way to distract her mind from the thoughts of self-loathing. She began looking through her assignments. None of them seemed too challenging but the quantity sure scared her.

She was shuffling through papers, worksheets and notes from different teachers when his handwriting caught her eye.

Nina covered her mouth to stifle her sobs. There was no doubt in her mind this particular note, in a closed envelope with her name scrawled on the front, was personal. It had nothing to do with missed work from his class. She quickly tore the envelope in half and then in half again before running for the bathroom. With her back against the closed door, she breathed in deep. The urge to vomit had gone as quickly as it came and now she stood in the bathroom with tears rolling down her face. She moved to the shower, starting a steady stream of water from the head and as soon as the temperature was right, she peeled off her pajamas and climbed in.

The water roared in her ears and was lukewarm against her body. Her eyes stayed slammed shut as she continued to let tears fall. Her body convulsed, her breaths chokes and gasps as she stood unmoving under the raining shower head. With her hair plastered to the sides of her face, her mouth gaping and her limps overcome by trembles, Nina hugged her arms tight around herself and slid down the tile wall before finally taking a seat in the tub. She pulled her knees to her chest, let out a few more sobs and waited for the water to wash away her pain.

She only had two days until she would see him again.

Chapter Forty-Four

Kevin’s mind was filled with the chatters and whispers of the students coming through his door, the noise of them slumping down in their seats and unzipping their backpacks thunderous in his ears. He welcomed the random sounds rather than his own sullen thoughts. He was beginning to feel like there was no hope for him. Maybe Nina would transfer to a different school and he would be left wondering would could’ve happened if he'd only been honest and brave and said the words back.

With his back to his class, writing on the board what they'd be discussing, he heard the shrill sound of the bell and turned quickly. His eyes instinctively darted to the back row. Nina’s seat. He drew in a sharp breath at the sight of her. Blinking to make sure she wasn’t a hallucination, he stared at her. She however had her head turned toward the door and her eyes wandered every which way but toward him.

He took a moment to collect his thoughts before he started the lesson. Trying to be casual, he went to his desk to be closer to her, to view her better. She looked tired and angry. A sort of scowl was etched on her face as she kept her eyes moving anyway but toward him. The class was waiting for him to start and he finally forced himself to begin where he managed to get through his lecture and leave plenty of time for the class to work on their assignments, giving him quiet time. Time to think. And time to stare at her.

He caught her eye just once when she let her guard down and just as suddenly as they were locked, her jaw clenched and she whipped her head the other way. After that, he watched the clock, the wait excruciating. He thought of the way he’d felt on the first day of school when his anger kept him hot the entire hour of class, waiting for the moment when she'd be out of his sight. Oh how the tables had turned.

The bell rang and Kevin exhaled loudly before saying goodbye to the mass of students. Nina shot up out of her seat and headed for the door as well. He was so used to her waiting around for him, watching her change the rules flustered him.

“
Nina? Can I talk to you?”

She turned to him with a tight jaw and a wrinkle in her forehead.

“
About your absences?” he pressed.

“
Right.” He finally heard her voice, weak and pained. She was shaking her head and digging through her bag before shoving a stack of papers at him.