The Low Notes (22 page)

“
Well that was fast. She and I went on a date like four months ago,” Kevin muttered under his breath. Jeff chuckled and took a drink after raising his glass only because Jennifer’s eyes were fixed on him.

Kevin stared at Lynn and whoever this Tom person was as they held onto each other lovingly, smiling and flashing the ring. She looked happy and Kevin was jealous of the feeling.

“
What’s your problem?” Jeff asked, giving Kevin a nudge.

Kevin stood up and grimaced at his cousin. “Guess I just don’t have the holiday spirit.”

He made his way to the back door, grabbing his coat and stepping out onto the deck. No one was outside, though remnant smoke hung in the air as if someone had just been there. It had snowed all week and close to a foot was left stacked on the wooden planks of the deck. Kevin didn’t mind the cold. He barely felt it through his wool coat.

His breath showed in the air and he suddenly imagined himself on the beach with Nina. Shaking his head, he immediately damned himself for the thought but they just kept coming. He thought about how nice it might be to be able to enjoy a party with Nina, to introduce her to the people he knew. To exchange gifts with her on Christmas Eve, hold her in his arms in bed on Christmas morning.

Kevin hadn’t been able to stop thinking of her. Maybe it was because of their last conversation. Maybe it was because this time of year always made him feel romantic. But Kevin was kidding himself thinking any of these were a real reason. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking of Nina since the first time he'd laid eyes on her.

His heart was in a vice each time her face popped into his mind. His breath caught and his face grew hot when he imagined hearing her voice again. And now his stomach twisted when he remembered the last time they’d spoken. When he thought back to the horrible way he’d handle things in the dressing room. The anger in her voice when he asked her about his stupid note. Then, the courage he lacked to be honest with her when she asked him to be. Instead of telling her what he knew was true, he hurt her for what he thought was her own good.

A part of him was unsure what he felt. He remembered the only other time he thought he’d been in love. Melissa Green, a girl he met at a basketball game his freshman year of college. She was a pretty girl and she was sweet. He dated her for a year or so. He told her he loved her but he always questioned whether or not he truly knew what that meant.

Did love mean having a good laugh every now and then? Did love mean good sex? Was love something he felt or something he knew or something he forced? Melissa and Kevin broke up badly to say the least. While he'd taken care of his father in his last few years, there'd been no one, just a sprinkling of random dates and shameful one night stands until Nina.

With Nina it was different. When they laughed together his heart swelled like it never had before. He was comfortable enough to be himself around her, to be honest and vulnerable. And every time he looked at her beautiful gray eyes, her porcelain skin, her tender pink lips, he felt it. When he heard her quick breaths, her thudding heart, her vivacious laugh, her silky voice...he felt it. Kevin had known the feeling all along but was too scared to admit it even to himself for all the more fear the truth would instill in him. No matter how complicated it felt, how scary the idea, how wrong it seemed, he loved her.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Nina held up the new pair of jeans to her body and forced a smile for her father. Soon the presents were opened and all that was left to do was gather the copious amounts of red and green paper and ribbons. Nina quickly snuck off back to the room she was staying in and found her phone, glancing at it seeing a text.

Merry Christmas, Nina

Instead of crying, instead of throwing herself on the floor ridden with anguish, she smiled. She just smiled, thinking of Kevin sitting with his family, Mrs. Benson and her husband most likely, on Christmas morning knowing he’d been thinking of her. Clearing the message from her screen, she saw another alert message
. New voicemail.
Nina’s heart jumped. Maybe he’d called her, too. The thought of hearing his voice, no matter how angry she may have been, warmed her.

She tapped play and held her breath for an instant as she anticipated hearing Kevin’s deep voice. She was denied.

“
Hey Nina, it’s Todd. Uh--Merry Christmas, I hope you’re having a good time in Florida. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I haven‘t gotten a chance to talk to you since the concert and...well, I was an asshole. I’m really sorry. I hope you forgive me. Give me another chance. See you when you get back. Bye.”

There was a click and Todd’s voice was gone. She looked at the phone and saw two options. Call back or delete.
Good question,
she thought.

Todd, as usual, had been far in the back of her mind. Nina thought it was unfortunate he'd witnessed her breakdown but that didn’t change the fact that he was just as rude as ever. She remembered last year when things had been pretty great between the two of them and even James had been getting along with Todd for the most part. Nina didn’t love Todd but she cared about him which is why she felt like taking the next step was the right thing to do.

It came up in conversation just about every time they were together. Inevitably they would wind up on a couch or a bed making out like the wild teenagers they were and Todd would push the boundaries a little further each time. Nina felt beautiful when she was with Todd. Like any high school boy, he worshiped the ground she walked on due to the fact she continued to let him see her topless.

But soon there was only one more step to take, one more base to cover. Todd would whisper sweet things in her ear like how he wanted to be with her forever. How he could imagine spending every moment with her from there on out. Though a tentative fear in Nina held her back from labeling what they had as love, the thought of being with her father’s best friend’s son forever seemed kind of fitting. Maybe not so fitting for her as for her family.

At one point it just seemed right and finally Nina didn’t feel like she had to cling to the idea of holding her virginity any longer. The American flag waved smoothly through the tepid May air in front of Nina’s house and the yard was buzzing with the annual block party that kicked off the summer. Todd and Nina snuck off down the street to the park, the most cliché place for them to conduct the majority of their sexual experimentation Nina thought but nevertheless, she continued to go.

They ducked through the trees and Todd grabbed her, kissing her hard. They spent the next hour running through the set list of things they'd already done. Then the time came and instead of grimacing at Todd, shrugging back into her clothes, she simply nodded.

Nina was lying on a bed of grass with her clothes on top of her like tiny blankets, Todd at her side propped up on one elbow. She was lost in her own mind, having a conversation with herself.
That was it
, she thought
.
From now on, nothing would ever be a first. Except maybe first love. She sighed, not regretting what she'd done, just confused as to why she thought Todd was the right choice.
Too late now
.

“
Are you okay?” Todd asked. Nina looked over at him and gave him a weak smile and another nod. She hadn’t said a word.

“
I have something to tell you,” he started. Nina sat up and pulled her tank top over her head. She stared at him, waiting as a pinprick of worry hit her.

Todd sighed and sat up to meet her eyes. The woods had grown dark and the party in the distance was getting louder.

“
I’ve decided I should live with my mom for a little while...in Arizona. She and I don’t know each other that well and I think I should make an effort. I-I‘m going in two weeks.”

There was a loud boom and Nina looked up through the trees as glittering blue sparks started to fall. Glancing over at Todd, he was staring up, too, the colors of the sky bathing his face as he looked in awe. He didn’t look at her. Did he not care about the severity of what he’d just told her? Her eyes moved back to the fireworks that crackled through the night sky, the reds and golds that shimmered out of their different shapes then dissolved falling to the earth. What was once a tight cannon with no certain extraordinary look soon became a magnificent flash and just as fast, its brilliance faded with no avail. A tear slid down her cheek as Nina realized she'd just had a first. Her first one night stand.

She was standing in her room, the sounds of the ocean just outside the window, when she snapped out of her trance. Just when she thought no memory could haunt her the way Kevin did, she was proven wrong. It was hard to believe that happened just a few months before she met Kevin. She sighed and looked down at the black phone in her hand and hit the red button. Delete.

Chapter Forty-Nine

January

Her stomach was doing flips, a feeling she’d grown accustomed to, as Nina pulled her bag from the passenger seat and headed toward the school. She pulled the zipper of her coat as high as it could go for the short walk through the flurrying snow. The bottom of her jeans would surely be soaked by the time she got to her first period class. Nina sighed, first period used to be a class she couldn’t wait for. Kevin’s class. Her second semester schedule arrived in the mail while she was on vacation and when she returned home, it was the first thing she ripped open.

She didn’t care about what lunch she had or even what classes she shared with James. She just scanned the paper for the name Reed, room B100.
Nothing.
She knew there was no chance of it happening. Creative writing was a one semester elective and his only other class was freshman English. James, however, would be in his fourth period class. Nina made her way into school and thought about making a stop at his room, just popping her head inside for a moment or even just walking by without looking in but she didn’t.

Nina went to her first class and started the semester fresh, with a clear head. No Kevin as her teacher to distract her from getting good grades.
Yeah right,
she thought. More than four hours in and she had yet to see him. Yet to pass him in the hall or even hear his voice somewhere in the distance. It was the end of fourth period and Nina shot to B100 like a mad woman. She was going to meet James so they could go to lunch together.

Slowing herself to a near halt as she approached, she took a deep breath and peered into the room. James and the other students were shuffling their papers together and leaving. Kevin was at the front of the room wiping off the board. Then he turned, almost like he knew.

Nina’s heart thudded seeing his face. His hair had been cut since the last time she saw him. His eyes were soft and sweet as he looked to her. She didn’t want to smile. She wasn’t sure how she felt. But she knew it was time to see him. Kevin smiled.

“
Come on. Nina. Let’s go,” James said breezing past her, linking her arm.

Nina turned with him but whipped her head around to look back at Kevin. His smile faded and his lips went thin. He nodded and lifted his hand giving a small wave her direction. James pulled Nina away into the hallway and before she knew it, before she had a moment to think clearly about seeing Kevin, he was out of sight.

“
What’s your problem?” Nina barked at James.

“
I’m not going to enable your self-destructive behavior. He broke your heart, leave it alone,” he whispered back.

“
James, I’m not being self-destructive. I just wanted to see him. Plus I was coming to get you for lunch.”

Nina saw him roll his eyes out of her periphery and her stomach flipped again. The words James used stuck out in her mind. Had he broken her heart? It was as if seeing his text message on Christmas morning had thrown a switch that told her something still existed between them. Then seeing his face, that half smile, warmed her from the inside so much that she cursed herself for falling for him all over again. She couldn’t stop wanting him. As they found their table and sat to eat, Nina looked up through the glass windows that gave a view into the hallway and saw him.

Walking by the cafeteria casting a casual glance inside, Kevin locked eyes with Nina for a moment. His faint smile showed as he strolled on and Nina knew. It was still there.

Chapter Fifty

February

James was sick and out of school with the strep throat that had been making the rounds in Wexley Falls. Nina made sure to stay clear of him but she did take it upon herself to collect his assignments that week, returning the favor from her lost week before the holiday. It was the end of the day and Nina was traveling around the school with James’ schedule in hand. Her arms were full of papers and packets, her bag overfilled with double the books.

Nina entered B100 with an ease that left her slightly unsettled. Though she’d stopped meeting James in his classroom to walk to lunch, going into Kevin’s room still seemed so normal to her. They hadn’t spoken in weeks, only sly glances across the parking lot, brushing past one another in the halls just like before. Nina put on a brave face as she knocked on his door and watched him look up from his desk full of papers.