The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (194 page)

Telling your parents you’re gay.

Who was the last twenty-stone man to ride a derby winner?

Lester Piggott’s cell mate.

Who was the last person to box Rocky Marciano?

His undertaker.

What does Stephen Hawking do when he needs a shit?

Log out.

Stephen Hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day.

I’ve been trying to phone Stephen Hawking all week but he’s never in. All I ever get is an automated answer
.

Stephen Hawking and Christopher Reeve walk into a bar. Not really.

Stephen Hawking went on a blind date. She left after fifteen minutes, complaining that she didn’t like his tone.

Stephen Hawking has written a new book. It’s called
Around the House in Eighty Days
.

After divorcing his abusive wife Stephen Hawking joined a computer dating agency. After submitting all of his details and running the report he was matched up with an iPad.

What did Professor Stephen Hawking say after his computer crashed?

Nothing.

If knowledge is power, how come Stephen Hawking is such a weedy little fucker?