The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (64 page)

Because it comes with a bucket.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

I dumped my bulimic girlfriend the other day. I’ve never had a problem with her illness, it was just that she was always bringing it up whenever we were eating.

I’m thinking of becoming an anorexic because, according to medical experts, one in ten people with anorexia die. A ninety per cent chance of immortality? That’s good enough for me!

Top astrophysicists have announced this week that the universe actually weighis less than previously thought. Apparently the Hubble Telescope adds an extra 10-15 light-years to the universe’s arse and thighis.

I’m dating an anorexic but it’s not going too well. These days, I’m seeing less and less of her.

I was annoyed to be woken up last night by the bulimic in the fat above me. I banged on the ceiling and shouted, “For fuck’s sake, love! Keep it down!”

I have just bought a puppy. When I Googled “BRINGING UP A DOG”, I got thirty Korean bulimia websites.

What did the anorexic say to her boyfriend?

Does this tampon make me look fat?”

Anorexia – ribbed for her pleasure.

Two economists are walking down the road when they come across a pile of dog shit lying on the pavement. The first economist says to the other, “If you eat it, I’ll give you £10,000!” The second economist does some number-crunching and figures out he’s better off eating the shit, so he does and collects the money.

Continuing along the same road they almost step into yet another pile of dog shit. The second economist says to his friend, “Now, if you eat this pile of shit, I’ll give you £10,000.” After evaluating the proposal, the first economist eats the dog shit and takes the money.

They continue on. The first economist starts thinking and fnally says to his friend, “Listen, we both have the same amount of money we had before, but we both ate shit. I don’t see us being better off.”

The second economist replies, “True . . . however, there is one important fact you have overlooked”.

“What’s that?”

“We have both just been involved in £20,000 of trade.”