The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (7 page)

Nevertheless, it is still
masculine
males that females are attracted to, but males with such characteristics are indeed more likely found among wealthy males with higher status than among males in general, but those traits are far from exclusive to wealthy males. Males with status and power are, for instance, more likely to have a lot of confidence, as confidence is a key to success in all endeavors, but that does not rule out the existence of males without status and power possessing that same quality.

The researchers whose work is described above make the logical error of observing that all apples are fruit and then drawing the erroneous conclusion that all fruits are apples. But their first mistake is to search for the answers in the wrong place, to look at external data that are easy to measure (completely excluding personality traits for instance) because they are just as affected by their socialization as everyone else and come to the table with preconceived notions of which they are unaware. However, thinking outside the box is probably not their specialty, and I
would guess that neither is getting girls because they would not study attraction if they already knew what women wanted; if they did, the male researchers would most likely spend time pursuing women instead of sitting in a lab all day or trying to meet women by “studying” them.

On a biological level, women do care more about finding a male who has the ability and willingness to care for them. But the extent to which he is able to support a female is measured by his
confidence
, while his will to care is found in his
charm
, and both traits are reflected in how much
responsibility
he takes. It is these three personality traits themselves and their appearance in a male that turn females on and bring a male his success with women, not his achievements or wealth. And the level of caring that is necessary, and what it means to care for a woman, is very far from having a successful career or paying her bills.

Males believe such things are important because of their social conditioning, and females’ social conditioning is heavily focused on brainwashing them to look for a male who will care for them even more than they biologically feel is necessary. These are what “playing hard to get” and the traditional idea of abstaining from sex entirely before marriage are all about, and why women go on so many blind dates with males that look good on paper but turn out to be disappointing in person.

To be successful with women, you have to appear to care for them, however far from as much as we are led to believe is necessary as females are instinctively attracted to a certain type of male on a biological level, which their socialization
cannot
change. Plus,
how
they want to be cared for is quite different from what is commonly believed.

Social forces may have changed what women believe they are attracted to so much that they even list traits they are not born
to be attracted to and do not actually respond to, which is one of several reasons why it is never a good idea to follow females’ advice.

Female Advice

To ask for and follow a female’s advice may seem like a good idea if your experience with dating or even talking to women is limited, but it is not. If you elicit female advice, you will end up with guidance that is useless at best and counterproductive at worst, making you more and more confused and frustrated.

Females naturally believe themselves to be experts solely on the merit of being females, and they have plenty of advice to give to anyone who asks despite the obvious fact that they have
never
approached, seduced, and made love to a woman as a male. Besides that, however, there are several other reasons why asking your female friends for help, including your mother, is not such a good idea.

First, females are conditioned to control their sexuality, and they are raised to believe that if they do not, then they are bad, easy, loose, cheap, and naughty sluts that everyone will look down upon. That kind of social pressure makes them officially claim certain things that might not be true. The best approach to get girls is to understand that women actually are easy while at the same time never letting them feel so.

Second, females are not consciously aware of everything that they are attracted to in males because their actual list of necessary qualities and the automatic process of being turned on is nonconscious. To complicate things further, the things they are attracted to are not as obvious as mere physical looks either — things like a certain attitude and specific behaviors, which are much harder to describe even if they are aware of them. However, women might
still think that they know what they truly want, and they will be very happy to help and eager to give you their opinion if you ask them, usually in a very certain and convincing way. When pressed for answers, they tend to give universal responses, such as claiming to want a male who is funny, tall, and nice, yet they keep dating males who are not (something that you have probably seen with your own eyes).

Third, females tend not to know how they were seduced if they have ever experienced it or even that it is an underlying process that can be repeated. Even if they do remember and can identify the process, whatever they describe will still be from their own perspective and not the same as the male who did it would describe it. Considering the fact that so few males are good at getting the girls they want on a consistent basis, even if a female knew a male’s exact strategy, assuming he had one, it would probably not work with most other women.

Fourth, how females imagine that they will react to a male’s approach and how they actually do react can be completely different. That is why girls will not give you an
accurate
answer if you ask them whether a specific approach will work or not, but they will still give you
an
answer.

Finally, females tend to give males advice that only works for females, such as telling them to take their time, let love come to them, that they will meet someone when they least expect it, and it will “just happen.” But the only reason those things work for
females
is that they rely on males taking action. If you are not getting girls at all, acting even more like one is not going to help you; it will only make things worse.

It does not matter that female advice is given with the best of intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Do yourself a favor and avoid it, no matter how sane and logical the
advice may seem. Chances are that you have listened to such advice in the past, and here you are still looking for the
right
answers. However, to be fair, it is not only female advice you would be wise to avoid; I would recommend that you avoid all conventional advice as well.

Conventional Advice

All the
unnatural
ideas about how males ought to pursue females that we learn through our socialization are taken for granted, assumed to be true, reinforced, and passed on through conventional dating advice. Mainstream advice will in general simply facilitate and further traditional social conditioning, since that is what everyone is used to and what makes sense in their minds. There are also hidden agendas within some advice, such as selling unnecessary products. Take for instance, the whole idea of “metrosexual men,” males who care deeply about their looks and use makeup like women do. This is just a new way of various industries to sell existing products to a new market. The idea is to target males who already have low confidence or to create even more insecure males who will empty their pockets in an effort to feel better and good enough for women. It is a sad sight to see females encourage it, and even sadder to see males embrace it, but it is hardly surprising or unsound from a business perspective.

The biggest effect that this traditional socialization has on males, however, is that it causes them to be indirect with women, which is why almost all males try using an excuse to start up a conversation: a lighter, a dog, a friend, offering drinks, pretending to be lost, or pretending not to know what time it is. This is a natural consequence for a male who believes that females do not want sex or that females are more valuable and thus have to be earned.

Unfortunately, the more indirect a male is, the more feminine he appears, making him less attractive to women. This unspoken indirect theme can be found as part of all conventional ideas and popular advice in the realms of dating, which is why most males are also unsuccessful with women. When the underlying paradigm is feminine, the ideas and advice spawned by it will never be effective as long as females are attracted to masculine males.

Even though some advice is given with the best of intentions, people just do not understand the high-level issues that our socialization causes and that it
is
possible to circumvent the entire game if you address these preconceived ideas and change your mindset. The best way to get girls is actually not to play the game or to think outside the box; it is to avoid playing games and to step outside the box completely. It involves changing your mindset from being indirect with women to being direct, from being feminine to being masculine.

The mainstream dating advice and the traditions that go along with it focus on the wrong aspects, and often behaviors that do not really make any difference, such as what to do on dates, where to go, and what to wear — things to spend your money on, basically. This is what people tend to talk about as a result of their social conditioning to compensate for a male’s presumed lower value to females. However, what to spend your money on, or having money to spend, is the least of your worries if you want a woman who is so beautiful that she makes you nervous, or if you do not feel good enough for her and hence consider it necessary to spend
any
money on her. Those are issues that you have to deal with before anything else, and they are all about you, with solutions resolving inside you.

Although following conventional advice may be better than sitting at home on your couch, it is still far from good, and it is
only defended by people because they do not understand that there is a much better alternative.

The big problem is that when males believe they are not good enough as they are, they chase success and money, and their masculine confidence vanishes. If you believe females are attracted to something that you do not have, you will feel inadequate and lose your confidence. This is a self-fulfilling prophesy because confidence is crucial to your success with women as it is the primary expression of masculinity, necessary to appear less vulnerable than females.

The only good news is that society has evolved and everyone have benefitted, but at the cost of individual happiness. In the end, traditional socialization leads to a lot of unhappy males and females who are not enjoying themselves and each other as much as they could.

Yes, females suffer because of it too!

However, the more affected you are by traditional socialization, the more you will believe it is only making males’ lives more miserable when they are not getting girls. But to believe that means ignoring females’ sexuality — believing that females are either less interested in sex or unable to enjoy it as much as males do. All men who are good with women know for sure that this idea is false. If there is any difference, it is that females have the potential to enjoy sexual pleasure
more
than males. Females are not only able to enjoy sex more intensely, as they do not have to hold anything back or think unattractive thoughts to avoid reaching climax, but they are also able to have multiple orgasms. And as far as being interested in sex, females too think about it every day. They cannot even eat a banana without being reminded of sex.

Still, the prevailing belief that most males have is that they are of less worth than females. Not only do they believe they need to
earn women, but they also believe that they gain the most from attaining them because they think a female offers more value by herself than a male does by himself. In particular, they believe that sex is not a mutual pleasure, but a one-way transaction where females lose at the gain of males or a favor that females grant to males. This is why the mainstream idea of a man who is good with women is that he is a sort of sexual thief, taking what
he
wants
from
women. A ladies man “uses” women as if sex were not a mutually pleasurable act. But if men really did “exploit” women, they would not be so popular with them, now would they?

If anyone is getting more out of it than the other, it is the females who enjoy an experienced man. It may very well be that females are mainly at the mercy of a male’s sexual skill to enjoy the
full
potential of their pleasure in bed. This is an experience the ordinary male may not be able to provide because he has not had enough practice, he does not appreciate his ordinary female enough to make the effort, and she has not been with more experienced males to understand the pleasure she is missing.

Unfortunately, many females are no better themselves, and they make the very same mistake males do because they are conditioned to react in the same way as males. That is why they will look with initial skepticism at a book like this, until they realize that having more males who are more attractive and more adept at treating women well would actually benefit them too, perhaps benefit them the most, at least if they are attractive.

However, females are not the only ones who will automatically react with skepticism and even fight against their own best interests when something challenges their social beliefs; in fact,
everyone
will. That is the expected response and one of the challenges that you will face if you do not follow the informal rules of society. Most people will eventually come around if you
sit them down and explain how their upbringing has influenced them, and they will slowly be able to step back and look at the situation more objectively. However, to even propose ideas that go against our traditional socialization, even further to take action that defies it — such as to pursue women without being successful or rich — will present some mental challenges. Nevertheless, it is still the most effective approach; it is what you should do, and what this book is about.