Read The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them Online
Authors: W. Anton
The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (8 page)
For an individual male, it is in his best interest to change his attitude, but for society as a whole, it is not beneficial, and I bring this up to prepare you for the social resistance you will encounter. You
may
not encounter resistance, you
will
encounter it. As society is based on these ideas, people will automatically and nonconsciously fight to preserve them.
Nevertheless, just because you have believed something for a very long time or because the majority of people believes something does not make it true. It was not too long ago that the overwhelming majority sincerely believed the world was flat, and people back then believed it with as strong a conviction that they still believe females need to be earned and that females do not enjoy sex as much as males do. But just as the world is not flat, you do not have to earn females, and they actually do enjoy sex as much as males do. The opposite is a lie, which makes everything that is based on it — all the discussions you hear, all the advice you have been given based on those ideas — worthless as well. When the underlying paradigm is wrong, the ideas based on it will most likely be wrong as well since it is hard to hit your mark when you are facing the wrong direction, no matter how good your aim.
By simply understanding nature and nurture, you are ahead of the game already. Next, you need to learn more about their effects to take advantage of this knowledge and to best seduce women.
Seduction is a natural and uncomplicated activity. It can humorously, yet accurately, be described as the process by which males and females who are mutually attracted learn to know each other intimately, one sense at a time, by moving closer to each other at a comfortable pace until the male ends up inside the female and is so comfortable that he inseminates her. But our socialization is the cause of several limiting beliefs about what women want, and it suppresses the natural behavior that females are attracted to in males, which makes the originally amusing, simple, and straightforward process appear a lot more serious, complicated, and difficult.
Before you reach the final part of this book, Part IV — which is about the seduction process itself; what to do and in what order to do it — there will be several discussions on what to avoid. This may seem a bit strange. Why dedicate such a big proportion of the book to what
not
to do instead of only discussing what to do? Unfortunately, males who are unsuccessful with women do many
things that are not only wrong but also unnecessary. However, there really is not that much a man has to do to seduce women. Success is simple and straightforward, but failure is hard and complicated.
The best way to actually get girls is to understand what women want (not what our socialization leads us to
believe
they want and not what women’s socialization leads women to
claim
they want, but what they actually respond to naturally) and then give it to them. And while our socialization makes males believe, or at least act like, they are of less worth than females and that females have to be earned, which is nonsense, a male does need to offer females value to be interesting to them; he needs something that increase females’ chances to pass their genes on.
However, a male’s value, which is a synonym for his attractiveness, lies within himself the same way a female’s value, her attractiveness, is all part of her. Members of both sexes look for traits that increase their own chance to survive and reproduce. The only difference is that females value different things in males than males do in females. Males want women for what their nonconscious mind believes women’s
bodies
can offer them, while females want men for what their nonconscious mind believes men’s
behaviors
can offer them.
If women do not find a male attractive, he is simply not offering them enough genetic value; his behavior is unattractive, and he can only become attractive by improving his behavior to become more masculine and thus in fact more valuable to women. However, women not only want a male they are attracted to, but they also prefer a man who is attracted to them, so the process of seduction boils down to demonstrating that attraction too.
What women want is supposed to be some sort of unsolved mystery that has haunted males, and even females, since the dawn
of civilization. Well, no more!
Women want men who treat them like women, males who are masculine and who make females feel feminine — men with
confidence
,
charm
, and
responsibility
.
There are three reasons for this. First, women want a male with confidence for natural reasons because the more secure he appears, the less vulnerable he seems. Such a male appears to have the ability to protect and support a female better than she could protect and support herself. Second, they want a male with charm for natural reasons because the more interested in one particular female he appears to be, the more reliable he seems. Such a male appears to have the willingness to protect and support a female without leaving her for another female. Third, they want a male with responsibility for both natural and social reasons because the more action a male takes, the more masculine he appears and the more feminine a female feels. Such a male appears to have both confidence and charm, as he is taking all the risks and making all the effort to seduce her. He also appears to understand the social pressures she is under, as women are not raised to take responsibility for sex.
Thus, the three following chapters in Part II describe each of these three topics, starting with confidence, then charm, and finally responsibility.
All males who adopt these behaviors will be successful with women for as long as they act the same way. But there is a slight difference between
acting
and
being
. A male who wants to be successful with women should aim to internalize these behaviors, so that he
is
confident, charming, and responsible, not just able to act as if he is.
Nevertheless, it is fine and in fact necessary to act like an attractive male if you are just beginning your journey to becoming
a man. Fake it until you make it. Becoming attractive as a male takes time, as it involves changing lifelong habits in the same way it takes time for an obese female to lose the weight she has spent her lifetime gaining. But those who stick with it, work at it every single day, and double their efforts until they get the results they want, will eventually no longer act; they will be, and that is how you accomplish both easy and lasting success with women.
Attractive and Attracted
Although an effective mindset is essential, it only matters that it leads to effective manners. Your manners are all the behaviors that originate from your beliefs. Understanding
what
women want is only the beginning; you also have to understand
how
to give it to them.
When you have completely adopted the right mindset, your behavior will change automatically, and this is what matters because to other people you
are
your behavior. However, if your beliefs are deeply rooted and they have been for a very long time, the best way to change them is to challenge them. Nothing shatters false beliefs as fast and as thoroughly as ignoring them; act otherwise and experience the evidence you have been avoiding. If you believe that you cannot do something but go ahead and do it anyway, and succeed, that belief will eventually change because your personal experience contradicts it.
Thus, you have to understand what behavior to adopt and what behavior to avoid.
The ability to appear certain by tolerating uncertainty. To be dominant, optimistic, and courageous with women, and never act intimidated by them.
It is quite easy to
tell
someone to be confident, and I am definitely not the first one to advocate males’ confidence around women, but I am the first to actually explain what that really means. True confidence has such an impact on all facets of one’s life that its meaning demands to be explained in great detail. It affects all of your behavior, which is why I will refer to this central concept hundreds of times throughout this book. However, let’s first explore the concept so that we are perfectly clear on what confidence really is.
Most people believe confidence is the state or quality of being certain, and thus to “be confident” means to
be
or
feel
certain about your ability to do something, to be or feel sure of yourself. That is the generally accepted dictionary definition, but it obviously does not describe confidence accurately in reality. If it were accurate, it would be impossible to be confident unless you could see into the future, and there would be no naturally confident people. However, confident people do exist, and some even embark
on new endeavors full of confidence. This is perfectly possible because confidence is merely the
appearance
of certainty, regardless of how or why one appears to be so. Actual certainty or feelings of certainty may have nothing to do with it.
When it comes to being attractive to women, internal insurance is unnecessary as women do not care why men are confident. They only care about the external appearance of certainty, how males behave, because that is the only thing they can see, and it has proved to be a good indicator throughout the history of our species in the selection of suitable sexual partners.
In fact, not only is internal insurance unnecessary, it is even undesirable. Some people are sure of themselves on the inside, but you would never know it judging by their appearance, so we still label them as unconfident. Such males are not attractive to females. Others may have no idea what they are doing or have misunderstood their situation entirely, yet they appear dead certain because they act dead certain, so we label them as confident. Such males are attractive to females.
An easier way for males to comprehend this idea is to consider how they care only about the external appearance of health, youth, and fertility in females. They are more attracted to a female who
looks
like she would be a good mother, even if she cannot have children due to an unknown disease, compared to a female with a perfect health record, but who looks ugly and old, with a flat chest and no hips worth talking about.
While women do not care about a male’s real abilities as long as he is confident (he appears certain), their parents and peers might care. Luckily, you do not have to please those people; in fact, you do not even have to meet them. Women are well known for falling for so-called “bad boys” and “losers” despite the complaints of their peers and prohibition of their parents. You
see, when we are attracted to someone, we nonconsciously focus on the good qualities and filter out the bad, unless the bad qualities include an unattractive appearance. For a male, this primarily means being too feminine as that will change how attractive he is to females, and if he loses his attractiveness, all his other faults suddenly become apparent.
Many males have experienced this effect while in a relationship with a female who was nothing but wonderful, telling all her friends what a great guy she had. However, as soon as they broke up, it is as if she turned into another person and could not help telling everyone in the world what an asshole he was. He probably did not change
that
much, but her perception of him did as her focus changed.
Since being confident means appearing certain, the only thing that matters is how to appear certain with women. It requires you to adopt some behaviors while avoiding others. A confident male does not
express
uncertainty, neither in general nor with women, and he is dominant around women since he acts like he knows what he is doing.
All men are dominant as dominance is a requisite for confidence, which is the primary expression of masculinity. But dominance is not an intrinsic individual quality. It only exists in relation to other people, and it becomes apparent through how one interacts with others via observation of who leads, who follows, who acts, and who reacts the most. In short, dominant people seem to trust themselves the most — they appear to be the most certain.
In every couple, only one of the two can be dominant, and one of them always is. Therefore, to be a dominant male automatically means to treat women as submissive and expect them to be
submissive. This is inevitable. If you do not do so, you will act submissively yourself, and this behavior is doomed to fail with women since it is feminine.
However, the point is not to become domineering or to control women; it is only about putting your own interests first, being selfish most of the time. It is also unnecessary to be dominant with all females or even all women; it is only necessary to be so with the women you date or want to date. But, of course, if you want to
be
attractive at all times, you would always be dominant, no matter the circumstances.
All signs of submission are feminine and only make females more attractive because it is more appropriate to be submissive if you are more vulnerable. Let me give you two everyday examples to prove this point.
First, the tighter a necklace or scarf sits around a female’s throat, the more attractive she looks because it is a symbol of submission to have something around your neck, like the rope around the neck of a pet or slave. The thinner the piece is, the more feminine it looks, because it is symbol of physical weakness if the “chain” does not have to be strong to hold her. This is why males who wear jewelry usually wear pieces that are designed to be stronger, heavier, thicker — chains that fall more loosely around the neck because it looks more masculine that way.
Second, the more a female looks upward when she is photographed, the more attractive she looks because it is a sign of submission to look up to someone else, much like a pet or a child does. The higher the camera is above her head, the more feminine she looks, because it is symbol of physical smallness if she has to look up. This is why girls hold their cameras at arm’s length above their heads to take pictures of themselves, as they know they look more attractive that way.
However, few females consciously think to themselves, “I want to look small, weak, and submissive, like a pet or slave” when they take their picture or shop for tight, thin jewelry such as necklaces, anklets, and bracelets. They just try a pose or an item on and realize, “That looks nice!” because it does, as a
female
looks more attractive the more feminine she is, and she looks more feminine because she appears more vulnerable, and she appears more vulnerable whenever she seems more submissive.
Nevertheless, even if females were not more attracted to dominant males than submissive ones, a male would still have far more success if he is dominant, since treating yourself and your will as more important will always yield far better results than not. If
you
do not take care of your own self-interests, no one else will. You have to be selfish, and the more selfish you are, the more successful you will be.
Selfish
Those who get furthest in life, including with women, are those who take matters into their own hands and protect their own interests because no one else will do it for them. They are selfish, so that is what you must be to succeed with women. However, it is also inevitable that selfishness leads to dominance and, thus, being selfish is necessary to be masculine. If we were not all raised to believe that selfishness was extremely bad behavior, I could just leave it at that, but now we are in the middle of something that our socialization tries to meddle with the most.
You are the most important person in
your
life, so you should treat yourself as such, but few people do. Most are afraid of being seen as selfish and being labeled by their peers as someone with a big ego, as if that automatically means you are a bad person.
When people say that someone has a big ego, they mean that the
person is egotistical and thinks more highly of himself than other people, or to be more specific, the person thinks more highly of himself than he is “supposed” to. It is quite normal and expected for people to say that you have a big ego as soon as you think you are more than worthless, since each individual alone in society is not worth much, and males in particular are seen as almost completely disposable before they have proven their usefulness by working hard. This is why you hear females talk about men and their big egos, as a male who deems himself
equal
to females may appear that way.
Egotism and selfishness are preached in all societies as sinful behavior, while altruism and self-sacrifice are encouraged as honorable virtues. And the ideal
male
has always been the hero, someone who shows a willingness to sacrifice himself for a greater good. Most religions and many political parties promote this as an important moral value. The intentions are usually good because it seems like a good idea for individuals to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of us all, but it only seems like a good idea if you avoid actually thinking it through thoroughly.
All of the prevailing societies are structured in such a way to put the interest of the group before the individual. If they were not, they would not have prevailed, as that is what is needed for a society to survive over time. The crux of the matter is, though, that what is best for society is not necessarily even good for the individual, and the purpose of social conditioning is to preserve and develop our society as a whole, not to allow individuals to reach their potential or get what they want. That is why self-sacrifice is preached as virtuous, for instance, while it is obviously a path that will lead individuals further away from their happiness. Rulers from all of history have known this; hence, they have been loud advocates for altruism and preached about the sin
of selfishness for the masses of people without practicing what they preach. Politicians still do it today, and they are constantly caught catering to their own interests against their public policies. They do it because it is the smart thing to do and the only way to make sure they get what they want. Following public policy rarely leads to personal success. Altruism is only a winning concept if you can convince
others
to sacrifice themselves for you.
However, altruism does not make any rational sense when you think about it; if your purpose in life is to serve other people, what are those people you are serving doing here? But the big problem with a society that promotes this is that it does not permit anyone to have self-respect. You cannot have high self-esteem (believe you are valuable and important) without being selfish. This is not a problem, though, because selfishness is not as bad as we are led to believe — quite the contrary.
Through traditional socialization we are led to believe that individuals who look after their own interests jeopardize society as a whole, regardless of
what
they actually do, and, therefore, selfishness must be condemned unconditionally. This attitude is evident in the way that many people use the adjective
selfish
whenever they describe the actions of people who make gains at the expense of the well-being of others, but that is not selfish — that is foolish. You are not looking after your own interests if it means stepping on other people and violating their rights along the way because making enemies does not serve your own best interests over the long term. This is actually self-destructive, which is the complete opposite of selfish!
We are also led to believe that selfishness rules out both charity and kindness, but it really does not. In fact, most people who help others actually do so because they
are
selfish. Helping others makes the helpers feel good, and it is what they want to do. They
do not see it as sacrificing themselves, so they are not altruistic. But that is okay, because those who are helped do not care about their helpers’ motives.
But the truth is, who
benefits
from a deed has no relevance to whether that deed is good or evil, i.e. whether you do something for yourself or for others is not the measure of goodness which our traditional socialization leads us to believe — what matters is only if the deed aids or threatens anyone’s well-being; thus, if you worry about morals, that is the only thing you ought to concern yourself with.
Dominance requires that you treat yourself as important, and thus you have to value yourself, which altruism does not permit. However, the point is not to believe that you are of more worth than you really are, but neither is it to think that you are of less worth. Egotism is an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and altruism is an understated sense of self-importance. Both attitudes are extremes on each side of the same spectrum. There is a perfect center — being realistic and rational and understanding that you are the most important person in your life, that if you do not take care of your self-interests, no one else will, and whether you are a good person depends on whether you hurt anyone, not simply to whom you direct your actions.
Important
To consider yourself important means to have high self-esteem, as self-esteem is simply your own opinion of yourself — how valuable you deem yourself to be. It is a decision, not an emotion. People we label as having high self-esteem are those who appear that way because they put themselves first constantly — by making the decision to do so over and over regardless of how they feel on the inside. Now, it is true that actual feelings of self-regard do exist
the same way that feelings of certainty do exist. However, just as you do not have to pay attention to your feelings of certainty to act certain, you do not have to pay attention to your feelings of importance to act important: Since you
are
the most important person in your life, you can naturally act that way for no special reason.