The Nanny (13 page)

The doors shut slowly behind her and Max. Finally, the boys were alone. They let out deep, grateful sighs.

“Bloody suits,” moaned Tom.

“Mm.”

“Bloody bloody suits.”

“Mm.”

“Think they know everything.”

“Mm.”

“While we have to create a masterpiece in two bloody weeks.”

“Mm.”

The lift door opened onto the penthouse floor, and they walked over plush carpet to their office-with-a-view.

“I'm not sure she's all bad,” said Anthony.

“Bollocks. She's one of the worst.”

Anthony shrugged.

“You've just got to know how to play her,” he said, shutting their office door behind him.

 

When Vanessa got home that evening, the kitchen was buzzing. Jo tidied while chatting to Tallulah, Dick helped Zak with his homework, Cassandra practiced her recorder in the living room, and Josh sat at the table, tapping into his laptop, occasionally shooing off the cats, who had decided his keyboard was their activity center. Vanessa felt a rare moment of contentment.

‘Hello, darling!” greeted Dick. “Josh is moving in.”

And lo. The moment was over.

Once the children were all in bed, Dick and Josh assembled a dinner of salads, cheeses and breads and Vanessa opened the first bottle of wine. She insisted Jo join them.

“I suppose it just would have been nice to have had some notice,” Vanessa told Josh.

“I kept thinking I'd find someone to replace them,” said Josh, shrugging. “But no luck.”

“Even in Crouch End?” she said incredulously.

“Yep. Even in Creche End. Too many bloody babies in that place. You can't even have a decent pint without some bloke coming in with a baby strapped to his front, talking about how little sleep he's getting, like he wants a medal for it.”

“I suppose your ideal flatmate would have been Claudia Schiffer,” muttered Vanessa.

“I'm not quite that shallow,” said Josh, casting Jo a quick glance. “I'd have coped with Yasmin le Bon.”

“Well, it's okay with me,” said Vanessa, “as long as Jo's happy sharing her suite with you.”

“So, Jo!” he said. “What's it like having Vanessa care what you think? I've never known.”

“Well, if you helped with the children occasionally,” retorted Vanessa, “I'd care what you thought, too.”

“I didn't know that was my role in life,” said Josh calmly, buttering some bread. “To look after my father's second family after he left mine.”

There was an ugly pause. Jo stared at her unfinished meal.

“Come on, people,” whispered Dick eventually. “Come on.”

Jo noticed that Josh didn't eat his bread.

Over freshly ground evening coffee and Chinese green tea with fresh mint from the organic grocers, Josh explained to Vanessa why he'd be spending his days at home for the first week or so of the new arrangement, until he felt well enough to go on the tube.

“Rush hour's a nightmare at the best of times,” he said. “This way I do my annual homework leave time and don't get my already-twisted ankle and already-crushed bones damaged even more on the tube. The doctor said I should keep it up for two weeks. So to speak. But I can't afford two weeks off. Anyway, it'll be fun working from here. Sharing an office with your incredibly efficient nanny.”

Dick and Vanessa gave him a pointed look.

“Hey! Don't look at me,” he said. “It's not my fault my body's black-and-blue.” He toasted Jo, with a wicked glint in his eye. “You can thank Nanny Psycho for that.”

Vanessa took a deep sigh and put down her wineglass. Jo could almost hear Dick's buttocks clench.

“Joshua,” began Vanessa. “I think we need a little talk.” She spoke to Josh as if he'd just done a poo in her shoe. “Dick and I feel genuinely wretched that you have been hurt in our home, and I think it is safe to say that Jo feels the same.” Dick and Jo nodded vehemently and attempted some half noises of assent.

“But,” continued Vanessa, “if you honestly think we'd rather have a nanny who slept through a man breaking into our home than a nanny who fought her terror and called the police, you are more of a fool than you look.”

Josh's already-stiff body stiffened some more.

“Now, now—” started Dick.

“Richard!” shot Vanessa, as if her husband had picked up the shoe with the poo in it and eaten it. “I am handling this, thank you very much.”

If there had been any doubt before, all was now squashed.

“As far as we're concerned”—Vanessa turned her attention back to Josh—“you gave Jo here a unique opportunity to prove to us just how much of an addition she is to our family and”—she left a pause so dramatic even the goldfish tensed—“exactly how much you are not.” Jo winced. “Any more snide comments about our nanny, who after her heroics last night has proved herself clearly underpaid, will simply not be tolerated under this roof.”

The silence following this little speech was interrupted only by Molly and Bolly, who chose this moment to lift their right hind legs in corps-de-ballet synchronicity and conduct a thorough investigation of their bottoms.

“Am I making myself clear, Joshua?” asked Vanessa.

There was a pause.

“Crystal,” said Josh quietly.

Vanessa turned to Jo and spoke in the tone of Cinderella addressing her favorite fluffy kitten.

“In fact, Jo, we haven't discussed it yet, but I know Dick would agree with me. We'd very much like to offer you a raise.”

Jo was so shocked she didn't even notice Dick's and Josh's reactions.

 

After dinner, Jo had to move the few things she'd put into her dressing room out of it, while Josh moved his stuff in. That day, Dick had gone to IKEA and bought Jo a fabric wardrobe and a tiny table which was to act as her dressing table. It suited her fine.

Surveying her packing with a dismal air, she quickly plaited her hair out of her eyes and then started when she realized Josh was standing in her doorway, surveying her in a somewhat similar vein.

He suddenly held up a bottle of wine and two glasses, and managed a smile that Jo imagined cost him a great deal. “Fancy a cheeky little Italian?”

“Oh,” she said.

“To relax us both after our adventures.” She nodded very slowly and thoughtfully, as if her head was trying to make its imprint in treacle, and Josh commenced pouring, a tad erratically. “And to help me forget that my father's wife hates me.” He stretched out the full glass of wine toward her, and she extended her arm to take it. As her hand clenched the glass they locked eyes.

“Thanks.”

“And of course,” he smiled, before letting go, “to dull your senses. We don't want you phoning the police if I make any sudden moves.”

Jo heard herself let out a sudden laugh. “That's not fair,” she said quietly, not daring to pull away the glass. “You really scared me.”

“Did I? Sorry about that,” he said, and allowed her to take the wine.

She gulped it down.

‘Forgiven,' she said lightly, turning away.

They unpacked in silence, apart from Jo's gentle humming. When her mobile phone rang, she picked it up, saw it was Shaun, and turned it off angrily. She didn't feel like being told off again, especially in front of Josh.

It didn't take either of them long to unpack. Afterward, Josh hobbled into Jo's room and sat down slowly on her bed, putting the wine on the floor between them. He smiled pleasantly enough at her but she wasn't convinced. Warily, she sat against the wall, strands of her plait falling round her face.

“So,” he said. “How are you enjoying working for the Munsters?”

“It's fine,” said Jo carefully.

“Oh come on,” said Josh. “They're bloody mad, the lot of them.”

Jo forced what she hoped was an easy smile. “It's hard work,” she confessed. “But the kids are lovely.”

“Yeah,” agreed Josh, the corners of his mouth curving up a fraction, as if keeping a secret. “They are.”

They both nodded and smiled for a bit.

“Yep,” he added, taking some more wine. “If your dad's gonna up-sticks and start again, you couldn't hope for a nicer brood.”

Jo's brain scanned all the possible things to say in response and then stopped. She decided to change tack.

“Has your mum remarried?”

As Josh shook his head, Jo scoured his face for any hints of the woman with the hard eyes and dry voice who had dropped Toby off.

“So is this the first time you've left home?” asked Josh.

Jo pushed some loose strands of hair behind her ears. “Is it that obvious?”

Josh shrugged and she felt compelled to fill the silence. “I suppose it is all a bit scary,” she confessed. “Everything's so different.” Josh didn't answer. “Maybe that's why I overreacted last night.” She took some more wine. When she looked back at him, Josh was staring at her with an intensity that made her feel aware of the hairs on her skin. She glanced at the grains in the wood floor.

“I think you were very brave,” he said.

“I phoned the police from under my duvet,” she grimaced. “I could hardly dial for shaking.”

Another pause. This time Jo braved it out.

“Exactly,” said Josh eventually. “You were terrified and you still did it.”

Jo took some more wine and felt its warmth ooze through her body.

“People don't like it when you're brave, do they?” she asked suddenly. “It's as if they want you to be scared, because it permits them to not have to take any risks either.”

Josh tilted his head at her, his forehead puckering.

“My decision to leave home wasn't exactly a popular one,” she explained, taking another sip and wondering if she'd had enough to drink.

“Ah,” he said. “With anyone specific?”

Jo re-heard Shaun telling her off and shrugged her sudden anger away. “Just everyone,” she said grumpily.

“Really? Wow,” said Josh.

Jo eyed him suspiciously, convinced he was mocking her. But his face showed no signs of mockery.

“You must have been very strong to have gone ahead with it then,” he continued.

She tried to speak, failed, so shrugged and drank some more wine instead.

“Between you and me,” Josh went on, “I wish I could be that brave.”

“You'd like to move away?” asked Jo.

He shook his head. “I'd like to change career. But I don't know what I'd like to do instead and both my parents would kill me.”

Jo gasped. “Tell me about it,” she said with feeling. “Guess whose idea it was for me to be a nanny?”

“Your parents?”

“Ten out ten.”

“What did you want to be?”

“Oh noth—It's stupid—”

“Go on.”

“They were probably right.”

“Tell me.”

Jo took a deep breath. “I wanted to be a…don't laugh—”

“I won't—”

“I wanted to be an anthropologist.”

She gulped down more wine.

“Wow,” said Josh. “Brilliant.”

Jo shrugged. “When you're young you're full of silly ideas.”

“What's silly about that?”

“Anyway, I'm a nanny. And it was hard enough being a nanny who'd moved away from home.”

Josh leaned toward her and poured more wine into her glass.

“No thanks,” she said, when he'd finished.

“So how come you did it anyway?” he asked.

She cushioned each word with a thoughtful pause. “The need to know that my choices so far in life weren't just the easiest ones.”

They locked eyes, Josh nodding thoughtfully. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I know what you mean.”

Most of her hair slipped out of the plait and she put down her glass, shook the rest loose and looped it into a lazy ponytail. When she finished, she glanced all round the room and eventually at Josh and again found him scrutinizing her. She was just about to announce that she really needed to get some sleep when he gave her a big, warm smile and held up his wine glass to her.

“So,” he murmured. “To the right choices.”

She felt vaguely conscious that she'd just witnessed a decision being made. She picked hers up, returned his smile and they clinked glasses. “To the right choices,” she agreed and finished her wine.

That night she fell asleep to the sound of Josh's slow padding round his room and slept right through till morning for the first time since she'd arrived.

Over the next week, Jo discovered that the average accountant does approximately half the amount of work that an average nanny does. Josh would get up early and do two hours before she got back from dropping all the children off at school. Then he was ready for a two-hour tea break. They soon got into a routine where he'd make them both a cup of tea and, while idly tapping away at his laptop, chat while she ironed. At first she found his presence intimidating, but gradually the conversational pauses grew shorter and the tension evaporated until she didn't mind at all. In fact, she was amazed at how much difference it made to her life having someone to chat with during the day.

After a while, he stopped asking if she was going to phone the police every time he stood up quickly and stopped asking when the laptop dancing was due to begin. He'd also started hobbling around after her as she tidied the children's rooms—“good practice for my foot.” She didn't mind slowing down for him to keep up, especially as part of her still felt guilty that she had been the cause of his obvious pain. And it certainly wasn't a hardship as it meant she spent most of her time laughing. One morning, she didn't know how it even came up, they ended up talking about how Josh's parents had split up. It turned out Dick had had an affair with his secretary, and Josh's mother had been unable to forgive him.

“What a waste,” he said. “A family dissolved forever—he clicked his fingers—“just like that.”

“How awful,” said Jo.

“I was bitter for a long time,” he said with a nod. “Fourteen's not a good age to lose your dad.”

“But you're friends now, aren't you?”

Josh seemed to consider this.

“Yeah, we're cool. And these things happen.”

Jo nodded.

“You've got to move on,” he continued. “But it has made me realize
how damaging infidelity is. Trust is everything,” he said quickly before changing the subject.

The more they talked, the more conscious Jo became that Shaun had never come up in conversation. Over the days they managed to talk about pretty much everything, but somehow they never talked about their love lives. It was like an unspoken code, but the more they chatted and the closer Jo felt to Josh—and she felt increasingly close to him—the more she felt she was somehow misrepresenting herself. Yet she could never find the appropriate moment to mention Shaun without feeling that it might come out sounding gauche and pointed.

She brought this up at her weekend therapy session with the girls.

“So let me get this straight,” clarified Pippa. “You've managed not to even
skim
over the fact—even in passing—that you've had the same boyfriend for the past six years. And still very much have him.”

Jo nodded.

“I keep waiting for the right moment,” she insisted, “but it's hard to say ‘Pass me the dishcloth, I've got a boyfriend.'”

“But if you're just friends,” said Rachel, “surely it comes up in conversation?”

“I know,” agreed Jo, “you'd think so, but somehow every time I want to say it, I feel like it would look like I'm trying to put him off or something, which would make me look really arrogant.”

“
Are
you just friends?” asked Rachel.

“Of course,” insisted Jo.

“Hmm,” said Pippa. “How come you didn't seem to have any problem finding the right moment to tell me?”

“You asked,” said Jo.

“That's true.”

“And I didn't fancy you.”

“
Aha!
” exclaimed the girls.

Jo grinned. “He hasn't even asked if I've got a boyfriend,” she said, “so he's obviously not interested.”

“Would it make a difference if he did ask?” asked Pippa.

Jo thought about this. Then she thought about Shaun. She shrugged miserably.

After a pause, Gabriella had a question.

“What does theez Josh the Dosh loook like?”

Jo closed her eyes. “Ioan Gruffudd.”

The girls took a moment to show their appreciation.

“Oh my God!” cried Pippa. “You're living with Hornblower?”

“Yes,” confessed Jo. “Without the breeches. And a bit more sultry.”

There was a long silence.

“Well,” said Pippa. “I think it's all very simple. As soon as you start blowing his horn you chuck Shaun.”

“Oh God!” Jo said through the laughter. “I've got a boyfriend! A boyfriend who's coming to stay.”

“Looks like that's when Josh will find out then.” Rachel grinned.

Jo winced into her wine.

“Don't worry,” said Pippa. “You've got days before Shaun gets here. You're bound to find an appropriate moment.”

 

For the first time in their short acquaintance, Pippa was wrong. During the next few days with Josh, the subject was on the tip of Jo's tongue many times, but every time she could see the conversation veering in that direction, it somehow directed itself elsewhere. The last thing she wanted to do was offend Josh. And the thing just before the last thing she wanted to do was put him off, just in case he was interested.

The longer she left it, the harder it got, because every time she thought of Josh's belief that trust was everything she felt even more unable to tell him. She was caught in a stalemate and didn't know how to get out of it.

She started making all her calls to Shaun in the car and told herself it was because it was the only place she got any privacy. In many ways that was true. Josh was in and out of her room all the time; in fact they left the door open between their rooms until bedtime.

She hadn't really forgiven Shaun for acting like her teacher instead of her boyfriend when she'd told him what had happened the night Josh had arrived, but they'd reached an unspoken truce. He'd said he missed her, and she'd said she was looking forward to his visit. And she was sure it would all be better when she saw him. She started counting the days with nervous anticipation.

One evening, when Vanessa was out working late and Dick was asleep in the lounge, Jo sat watching television in the conservatory wondering how long Josh would be in the bathroom. When the doorbell rang, she heard Dick answer it. She was very surprised when he came in and presented her with one of the policemen from that night.

“Look who I found on the doorstep!” said Dick. “One of those nice men who attacked my son.”

“Oh yes,” said Gerry. “Sorry about that.”

“Not to worry,” said Dick. “He'll be over it in, ooh…months. Tell me, were you the one who smelt of dog crap or were you the other one?”

“I was the other one. Definitely the other one.”

“Excellent. Excellent.”

He looked over at Jo, said “Well, I'll leave you both to it,” and did so.

“Hello,” said Jo, baffled.

“Hello there,” said Gerry, walking a couple of steps toward her. “I just wanted to see how you were. You seemed in rather a bad way the other night.”

“Oh God I know. I'm so sorry about that. I'm fine now. Thanks ever so much.” She started fiddling with her hair.

“I've got this for you.” He produced a card. “It's Victim Support. Sometimes people get a delayed reaction to shock.”

“Oh,” said Jo. “Thank you.”

She took the card and smiled at Gerry. He smiled back at her and stepped forward to lean against the counter near her. She read the card and nodded several times. When she finished reading it, she started reading it again. Then she filled the little pause that followed with a few more nods.

“So, no more bumps in the night?” asked Gerry.

“No. Thanks.”

“Good. Good. And you feel easy in your bed?”

“Yes—”

“At night?”

“Yes. Thanks.”

“Anyway, the thing is, I was just wondering—”

The door from Jo's bedroom opened and Josh walked in. As soon as he saw Gerry, he seemed to freeze. Gerry seemed to freeze, too. They both froze. Jo had frozen a while ago.

“Look!” she told Josh. “It's…from the other night…”

“Ah yes!” exclaimed Josh. “The nice man who beat me up.”

“Gerry,” said Gerry, putting out his hand. “Call me Gerry.”

“As in Tom and Jerry?” asked Josh, shaking his hand.

“No,” said Gerry, “with a ‘G.'”

The two men nodded at each other and continued to shake hands very firmly and with great determination. When they stopped, Gerry took a small step away from Jo. “I was just asking Jo here if she was alright,” he said casually. “And if she felt safe,” said Gerry.

“Oh I see!” exclaimed Josh suddenly. “Like customer relations! Wow! I never knew you guys did that.”

“Well, we don't do it as a rule—”

“But you're a maverick are you?” asked Josh. “A bit of a rebel, eh? You don't give a damn who you hurt, you're gonna do this customer relations shit.”

Jo stifled a laugh. She watched the two men stare each other out. She'd never seen two men confront each other after fighting.

“I just gave Jo a Victim Support card,” said Gerry calmly. “Sometimes people get a delayed reaction to shock.”

“Really? I didn't,” said Josh. “Mine happened right while I was being attacked.

“Ah yes, sorry about that,” said Gerry. “Genuine mistake.”

“Thank you. That'll help my genuine pain.”

Gerry turned to Jo, almost turning his back on Josh.

“My number's on the card too,” he told her. “If you ever need to chat, just call.'

“Thanks ever so much,” Jo said quickly.

“Not at all,” said Gerry. “And if you ever fancy a night out sometime…” he coughed over Josh's snort. “Unless”—Gerry suddenly turned to face Josh and pointed to both of them—“you two…”

“God no!” said Jo and Josh together. Jo noticed Josh said it far more loudly than her.

Gerry smiled at Jo. She grimaced. Now was the time to tell him she had a boyfriend at home. A boyfriend she'd been with for six years. Who was coming to stay. There was even a pause for it.

And there was still a pause for it.

But how would it look to Josh to mention Shaun now? What a horrible way for him to find out. And would it make her look callous to let Gerry down so heavily, when he was probably just being friendly? Or would Josh think she was lying to Gerry and there was no boyfriend and she was therefore a detestable untrustworthy woman? Either way, she'd have to fill that pause somehow.

“I have some girlfriends,” she heard herself say, “who'd love to meet some…friendly guys…”

She saw Gerry visibly droop.

“So if you have some friends…” she said, her heart going out to him.

“Oh great!” said Gerry. “The more the merrier! Well, I've got your number from the other night.”

Jo nodded, looking at the floor, and flicked her hair back off her face.

“I'll see myself out,” said Gerry, making to leave.

“Well you saw yourself in,” muttered Josh, as Gerry passed him.

“As I recall,” Gerry muttered from the kitchen door, “so did you.” He turned to Jo and gave her a big smile that made him look almost handsome. “Bye then,” he said. “Speak soon.”

Jo and Josh listened as Gerry walked down the corridor and shut the door behind him.

Jo decided suddenly that it was the perfect time to mention Shaun, the moment she'd been waiting for! She could say how awkward that was because of her boyfriend, who she'd been with for six years, who was coming to stay, who was called Shaun. Had she really not mentioned it? Gosh. Funny that. She could have sworn she had—

“Well,” said Josh. “Wasn't that decent?”

Before she had a chance to answer, he'd vanished back to his room.