The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant (23 page)

Other portions of the body, including cocks, balls, breasts and pussies, can be whipped. However, even more intense monitoring of the submissive’s reactions must be maintained when you are stimulating these areas. For best results, a whip with six- to twelve-inch tails should be used for these areas. The shorter tail gives better control and allows you to concentrate the stimulation on the intended area rather than having it spread about.

As a personal idiosyncrasy, I tend to prefer to stimulate the genitals with a short strap or a riding crop. However, that is something that is completely personal. There is nothing wrong with a carefully and lovingly applied whip here.

Whipping should always begin slowly so that you can increase the intensity as the excitement builds. Even submissives who insist, “I’m not into whipping,” can get quite turned on by a gentle introduction followed by a slow escalation. That is where the soft, heavy whips come into their own.

For example, one technique would be to first require the submissive to kiss the whip you are going to use. Then, tie his or her hands to an overhead hook, stand behind the submissive and just drape the whip over his or her shoulder and then slowly pull it back. The sensation of the soft leather mixed with the knowledge of what is coming next is almost impossible to stand. Next, very leisurely, lightly whip the back with a standard diagonal stroke and, slowly walking around the vertical body, whip the sides and front. Don’t work at it, just flick the tails on to the skin. If you are hitting hard enough to tear a sheet of newsprint, you are hitting too hard. At this stage, don’t worry about safe zones because you can’t do any damage in any case. Obviously, the head and face are never legitimate targets, but the entire rest of the body is fair game.

Now, you can step up both the timing and the intensity of the strokes. One per second would be about right. At this point you are at a place where the spot you are whipping is becoming important. For the rest of the session, do not allow your whip to strike in any of the danger zones.

places to avoid whipping

Watch the marks left by the whip. Do only the amount of damage you are comfortable with. As you judge it appropriate, increase both the tempo and the force of the strokes. Stop every once in a while to stroke the submissive with the whip, a hand or a piece of fur. Genital stimulation short of orgasm is appropriate here. However, the recess should not be longer than a minute or there is a danger you could lose the plateau that you have built.

Canes should only be used full force on the thickly muscled buttocks and thighs. However, they can be used lightly on the chest and upper back. In any case, you should remember that the cane is flexible, and for best results, you should use the flex instead of fighting it as some novices do.

All caning should be done with the end of the cane beyond the submissive. Allowing the tip to hit skin is both bad form and likely to cause cuts and deep bruises.

Genital shaving.
While shaving of and by itself isn’t limited to BDSM, it often figures into scenes, and shaven genitalia have a special attraction to some people. Dominants often view them as symbols of possession, and submissives remark on how the “special, intimate” nakedness reminds them of their status.

As with so many other activities, success is often more a matter of preparation and follow-through than the actual execution. Many people who have tried genital shaving have been put off by the appearance of ugly red spots and itching and burning after the initial shave. While even intense stimulation during the scene can be an erotic turn on, stimulation that appears hours later and continues for days is just annoying.

However, this unfortunate side effect of shaving can be minimized by a few simple procedures. Trim the hair as short as possible with scissors or a clipper. The less tangle the razor has to deal with the more smoothly it will cut. Steam the remaining hair with a towel soaked in hot water. This will both soften the hair and partially clean the skin.

Use shaving cream or shaving gel and a slightly used razor. This is very tender skin, and I have found that a razor which has been used once before is less likely to scrape than a brand new one. An electric razor, particularly one of those battery-driven units that is designed for use on a wet surface, can also be used.

Once the hair has been removed, wash the area with a mild soap and apply an antiseptic lotion. Although it has an unattractive color, betadine is an excellent choice for this. The red marks are often caused by minor infections in nicks in the skin. By killing the bacteria on the skin’s surface, you are reducing the chances of such an infection. For this reason, the area should be cleaned regularly with a mild antiseptic. Four or five times a day during the first three days would not be excessive.

Regardless of the appearance of red marks, you should plan on shaving the submissive daily for at least four days or he or she should be instructed to shave each day during that period. Eventually, the red marks should disappear.

Naturally, the shaving can be made part of the ritual of a scene. Bind the submissive for maximum exposure and work slowly and carefully. An alternative approach is to have him or her kneel before you and do the shaving without assistance.

A straight razor makes an interesting prop, but requires a high degree of skill to use. Novice barbers train by scraping shaving cream off inflated balloons. Once you are capable of doing this without bursting the balloon, you should practice on your own body before exposing your submissive to your nascent skills. Also keep in mind that, regardless of your skills, if the submissive is incapable of remaining absolutely still, the razor can inflict serious injuries from the slightest twitch.

A safer and easier approach might be to conspicuously sharpen the straight razor while the submissive watches, and then blindfolding him or her, after which, you put aside the straight razor and use a conventional safety razor for the actual shaving.

Pony play.
Pony play combines elements of bondage, display, control and service to create a unique kink that is enjoyed by a very active subgroup within the BDSM community. Basically, in pony play, and other kinds of animal play, the submissive takes the role of a pony and is used and presented as such. Pony play can include sophisticated, lovely and expensive rigs, including harnesses, saddles, bridles and even carts. The pony can carry or pull the dominant or can be put through elaborate movements guided by the signals of either a mounted rider or dismounted trainer, or the submissive can take part in races modeled after the various forms of horse racing in the vanilla world.

Pony play can be an exclusively private-play activity, but because of the strong exhibitionistic component, it usually leads to public play either at parties or at events organized by aficionados of this lovely kink.

Like much of BDSM, the attraction to this activity is in the soul. However, it would be hard for the most insensible individual to look at the sheer joy radiating from a pony girl going through her paces and not recognize the unmitigated hedonism, the release and the joy that is coursing through her.

Many people have been drawn to pony play after reading the
Beauty
series, a trilogy written by Anne Rice, under the pseudonym of A.N. Roquelaure. In these books, the sexual slaves are set to pulling riding carts for the enjoyment of the masters and mistresses of the castle.

Many submissive men and some women prefer to be mounted rather than using pull carts. The feel of a rider on his or her back lends an intimacy that is lacking when the dominant is some feet behind in a sulky-type cart. Many of these people use specially designed saddles that allow them to stand upright with the rider’s hips level and behind their shoulders. In this position, they can carry a surprising amount of weight. Except in the pornographic videos, one rarely sees a human pony carrying anyone while on all fours. The spine simply is not designed for this activity. When it happens, the rider either sits on the shoulders with his or her legs on either side of the pony’s neck or on the arse with the legs near the waist. In any case, this kind of prone-carry should not be done for very long.

Suggested Reading

The Human Pony,
Rebecca Wilcox, Greenery Press

Suspension.
Suspension is a touchstone of bondage films and fiction. Unfortunately, this has given many the perception that it is both indispensable to enjoyable bondage and is safe. Both are wrong.

Many people enjoy years of intense bondage activity without anyone’s feet leaving the ground. There is nothing that makes suspension the sine qua non of bondage. On the contrary, suspension is an activity fraught with hazards, one that needs to be approached, if at all, with care, thought and preparation.

Some of the physical conditions that would make suspension unwise are if the submissive has had his or her shoulders dislocated previously or if he or she has diabetes or any other condition that would restrict the flow of blood to the extremities. Suspension usually causes a shortness of breath because the rib cage is compressed by the body’s weight, so you should think twice about suspending someone who has difficulty in breathing.

If you are intent on going ahead with suspension, I recommend you have at least one additional person to assist you. While a two-person suspension scene is possible, a third person provides the extra margin for error needed in the event of an emergency.

Where to suspend.
Your preeminent need is to locate a place from which to suspend. Ask any mountain climber; finding a place to safely support a person’s weight is harder than you might realize.

After they have succeeded in pulling down the shower curtain rod, the towel racks and a closet hook or two, the next thing most people think of is sinking a screw eye through their ceiling and into a support. This has three basic problems.

First, if the supports are there (a significant number of modern buildings have surprisingly little support holding up the ceiling), how are you going to find them?

Knocking on the ceiling or using a stud detector usually gives you a good enough idea of a support’s location to hang a picture, but consider what would happen if your screw eye did not hit the center of the support. As weight was applied, the screw would work its way sideways, and splitting the wood, it would come out unexpectedly, through the side of the support. You must be able to see the support you are using.

Second, the supports between a ceiling and a floor are designed to accept pressure from above. There is no guarantee that they can stand a very concentrated pull on their underside, particularly after you have weakened them with a hole that is an appreciable fraction of their total width.

Third, a vertical screw eye is one of the worst things you can use for suspension. Never use anything that can unscrew. What makes this specific situation so much worse is – if you use a screw eye vertically, weight on the eye makes it easier, not harder, for the screw to come out.

The safest support is something strong enough to support three times the weight you intend to put on it when that weight is bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. The safest way to attach something to that support is to use a length of chain looped up and over it and then bolted or snapped together.

That piece of information usually leads people to the cellar, where there are often a lot of pipes running along the ceiling. It is very easy to throw a length of chain over a pipe, and isn’t a steel pipe strong enough to support almost anything?

True, but not having energetic perverts in mind, most plumbers don’t attach the pipe to the ceiling with clamps strong enough to support much more than the weight of the pipe. So, therefore, while steel pipes can be fashioned into an outstanding bondage and suspension frame, putting unexpected strains on the pipes that are in your house for other purposes isn’t advisable.

Also, the pipe is also likely to break if you pull it loose from its supports. If it is water pipe, you will be very wet. If it is a sewer line, you will be very sorry. If it is a gas pipe, you will be very…

However, while you are in your basement, look at the floor supports. These are usually 2"x6” or 2"x12” boards on edge. These are relatively safe to use. Take an eye bolt (an eye bolt is like a screw eye except instead of ending in a point the grooved part has a nut on it), drill a hole through the support about two-thirds of the way up, put the bolt through and tighten it in place, using washers to prevent either the eye or the nut from sinking into the wood. The part of the eye that is open, although bent back against the shaft, should be at the top in the unlikely eventuality that it works its way open under stress. Some dominants use hooks instead of eyes. I avoid anything that can let the rope or chain go unexpectedly. It may be easier to lift a rope or chain out of a hook than to pull one through an eye, but I see it as a safety factor, not an inconvenience.

Consider the load you are going to be putting on the bolt and get one more than large enough to handle it. Because you are able to put things horizontally in to this support as opposed to one hidden behind a ceiling where the only approach is straight up, screw eyes can be used here. Vertical weight on a horizontal screw tends to hold it in place rather than allowing it to work out. Again, drill the pilot hole about two-thirds of the way up, and make sure that the screw eye is big enough for the load.