The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant (27 page)

Suggested Reading

Toybag Guide to Foot and Shoe Worship
, Midori, Greenery Press

Golden showers, analingus and coprophagy

Unlike a lot of what we do, urine consumption seems to have been studied extensively. The consensus of both the scholarly and empirical seems to be that drinking it in moderation is a pretty low risk. Absent a bladder infection, urine is generally sterile on departure. So much so, that I was informed by a corpsman in my military days, that fresh urine was considered more acceptable than nonsterile water for a wound dressing. Research done in WWII indicated the dangers of drinking urine to replace water were twofold. First, drinking too much of it could lead to a build up of salts and toxins in the body. Second, urine is corrosive to tooth enamel. It seems that both of these risks could be handled by keeping the amount of urine consumed symbolic and by following it with a rinsing drink of water or some mouthwash.

In the same physical neighborhood, but bacteriologically light-years away, feces are an entirely different kettle of fish. These are far from sterile. Analingus can be performed in relative safety using a dental dam as a barrier between the tongue and the anus. Some people insert their tongue into a condom before licking “that” area. However, coprophagy or “shit eating” is a lot more problematic. Feces have been found to contain all sorts of pathogens from HIV to giardia. Even the ordinary denizen of the lower digestive tract, Escherichia coli or E. coli, is known to cause sickness when ingested. The only really good news is the most dangerous form, strain 0157:H7, isn’t native to human guts — so unless your partner is a deer or a cow, you probably aren’t going to die. But even the strains that reside in us aren’t particularly friendly when they leave their regular neighborhood south of the stomach.

This doesn’t mean that coprophagy doesn’t have a long history, dating back to the Old Testament where Ezekiel was told by God to make his bread with human feces (Ez 4:12). Even later, the Church held that coprophagy was an acceptable practice of self-humiliation.

Enemas

Enemas are occasionally used as a sensual/discipline/ stimulation device in BDSM. My observation is that they seem to be most frequently used by gays and by female dominant couples. However, they are far from unknown in male dominant games.

The theory is quite simple. A quantity of water or water- based substance is placed in the lower bowels through the rectum. It is held for a period of time and then released. The practice admits quite a bit more variation.

For one thing, there is a strong psychological element in giving and receiving an enema. First, and most obvious, is the humiliating position and the sense of being invaded in a most intimate area. Moreover, many find it exciting that you are taking away their control of one of the most forbidden bodily functions. People, particularly men, can adapt to urinating in public, but almost everyone retreats into privacy where defecation is involved.

The enema also brings into play an intense contrast. The submissive will want mightily to defecate but can only do so with your permission. You are commanding something that lies close to the innermost being of the submissive.

The mechanics are easily mastered. For example, while water is often used, medical authorities suggest adding one or two teaspoons of salt per quart to minimize negative effects from the enema. A small amount of castile soap or Liquid Ivory creates a cramping effect that some BDSM practitioners seek. Castile soap is available in gourmet and camping stores.

Although some enema players have been known to use diluted alcohol, this is a very bad idea. The lining of the intestine is more permeable to alcohol than the stomach, and it is impossible to judge a safe dilution. Alcohol poisoning can be lethal. In any case, even a slightly drunk submissive cannot properly judge tolerances and limits, and therefore, cannot judge when to use the safeword.

Hot (cooler than you’d use for a hot bath) and cold water can be used to produce different effects. Again, as with all BDSM techniques, this is something the dominant should try on himself or herself before using on a submissive.

For safety reasons, no more than two quarts of liquid should be used in any single “cleansing” operation – a pint is plenty for an inexperienced submissive. The bag containing the solution should not be more than 18 inches above the anus to keep the pressure from becoming too great.

Although enema bags come with their own nozzle, gay and BDSM suppliers have come up with a multitude of specialized types, including some that are actually modified dildos and butt plugs. One popular commercial type of nozzle is the Bardex, which has one or two balloons. With a single balloon-type it can be expanded after it has been inserted in the anus to prevent the tube from being expelled. The two-balloon Bardex has one balloon inside the anus and another outside to make a more secure seal.

Always use an enema bag or syringe. I have seen arrangements where tubes were connected directly to faucets. However, unless there are complex control systems, you will be unable to reliably control the pressure and temperature this way. Internal scaldings are bad, bad news.

While wearing gloves, you can lubricate the rectum with KY or other water- or silicone-based lube, let a bit of fluid run out the nozzle to make sure that there is no air in the tube, and then insert the nozzle no more than three to four inches into the anal canal. Be careful: the lining of the intestines is much more delicate than skin and a tear or puncture is very dangerous.

Insertion can be made with the submissive in a “bend over and grab your ankles” position, kneeling with his or her head on the floor or lying on his or her side. Insertion while the submissive is in a seated position is possible, but I believe there is too great a chance of ripping the intestinal wall in this position.

After the submissive has been “filled,” you can remove the nozzle (If you are using a Bardex, deflate it first) and replace it with a butt plug available in most sexual supply stores. Do not use a dildo unless it has some guard to prevent it from completely entering the anus; as there is nothing to keep dildos from going in all the way, they can be lost in the rectum.

After an enema session, the submissive may complain about diarrhea or gas. This can be dealt with through a diet of yogurt, or through packets of intestinal bacteria that can be purchased from a drugstore.

If cramping continues more than one hour after the session ends or if there is a bloody discharge, go to an emergency room.

The effects of an enema can last for several hours, and you should be prepared for “accidents,” particularly when a submissive orgasms. If such an accident happens over a sheet of plastic, it can give you an excuse for a delightfully scathing and humiliating lecture. However, should you be unprepared, it can be a messy and inconvenient end to an up-to-then-enjoyable scene.

Suggested Reading

Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins and Outs of Enema Play,
M.R. Strict, Greenery Press

Fisting

While neither anal nor vaginal fisting is a BDSM activity
per se,
both are commonly used by members of the scene as part of their play.

Naturally, the first rule is “play safely.” The human body is a remarkably resilient device, but the linings of the anus and the vagina are much more delicate than the skin. A jagged fingernail can create havoc.

Prior to the AIDS epidemic, in the lesbian community, even more than the red handkerchief in her left pants pocket, the mark of a fister was a right or left hand with short, carefully filed nails. Now, of course, any responsible fister dons latex gloves before beginning, so the length of the nails is of less importance.

The best gloves are individually packaged surgical gloves. They not only fit better but they are a bit longer than the laboratory gloves which come in large packages. If you are going to do anal fisting, which often involves deeper penetration than vaginal, you might like to use a “calving glove,” which has a longer sleeve. These are available from farm supply stores. Anal scenes should also be preceded by one or two enemas to clean the area.

There are two requirements for a fisting: Lubrication and patience. There is no such thing as too much lubrication. I tend to favor ForPlay, Probe or Elbow Grease, but any thick sexual lubricant is satisfactory. KY tends to be a bit too thin and dries too quickly for my taste, but others use it.

Crisco, an icon of the fist-fucking scene, is rapidly fading from popularity because it is an effective culture medium for bacteria. Those who still use it are careful to avoid contaminating their supply jar. Before the scene, a quantity of Crisco is placed in a smaller container, or containers if there is to be more than one submissive. If there is any left after the scene, it is discarded.

The secret of a good fisting is to seduce the body into doing something it doesn’t expect that it can do. Fiction may show the dominant smashing a dripping fist into someone’s arse or cunt, but in real life, it is a much more gradual process.

A single finger at a time, you touch and tantalize. Only when the body is comfortable with the intrusion do you add another finger. The process is not a simple progression. For best results, it is more a series of advances followed by slight withdrawals. Both verbal and tactile communication should continue throughout the process with the intent of soothing the submissive’s very real fears and building the sexual tension.

The crux comes with the insertion of the thumb and the advance of the knuckles through the quivering ring of tightly stretched muscle.

The alignment of the hand should be up and down rather than horizontal at this point, and generally entry can be made with a gentle rocking motion rather than a direct push.

Once you feel the muscle closing around your wrist, pause for a moment and reassure the submissive that everything is all right. Then, begin a gentle series of motions with your encased fist. One of my favorites is to slowly and gently open and close my fingers.

The hand’s strongest muscles are flexors in the palmar fascia which are responsible for closing the fingers. The extensor muscles on the back of the hand are relatively weak. However, I have found that they can be strengthened somewhat by enclosing the thumb and fingers with a heavy elastic and exercising by repeatedly opening the hand against pressure.

You can also use a push-pull motion or rotate the wrist. The important thing is to do everything slowly and carefully. You want to stretch and stimulate, not tear.

At this time, if you are fisting a vagina, you can also slide a lubricated gloved or cotted finger (a finger cot is a condom for a finger) into her ass. It is best if you plan this ahead of time. Putting on a latex glove with the other hand trapped in a vagina is an exercise in creativity and frustration.

Don’t get overenthusiastic. A little goes a long way. One or two fingers is plenty. Once your other hand has touched the ass, do not use it to touch anywhere near the vagina.

When the session is over, removal should be gradual so as not to shock the system or in the case of anal fisting, prolapse the rectum, in effect turning the submissive inside out.

The opinions on a slight amount of blood from an anal fisting vary. Some individuals feel that it can be ignored. Others insist that any blood at all is cause for major concern. My gut feeling (yes, I meant to say that) is that fecal material and blood just don’t mix. Peritonitis is a lousy way to die. There is no disagreement about a significant amount of blood. Go to an emergency room, immediately.

The vagina is a bit safer environment so a smear or two of blood is probably nothing to be concerned about. However, again, a significant amount of blood is a sign that something very serious is going on. Go to an emergency room.

Suggested Reading

A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting,
Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

Trust, the Hand Book: A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing,
Bert Herrman, Alamo Square Distributors

Cutting, pricking and play piercing

Contrary to what most vanilla people think, ordinary cuttings and temporary piercings (“play piercing,” “temporary piercing” and “pricking” are all the same thing – which expression you use depends on what part of the country you live in) are not extremely painful. The primary impact of the scene is in the submissive’s head. Having metal penetrate our skin touches something deep into our primal instincts. Of .course, some of the more creative approaches also can cause intense stimulation that could easily pass the pleasure/pain threshold.

Cutting and pricking should be done only after the most careful consideration of the risks and ramifications. The skin is the body’s first line of defense against disease. While this has always been true, AIDS and hepatitis have made it, literally, a matter of life and death. In fact, anyone who is planning to do this activity should seriously think about getting vaccinated for hepatitis B.

While pricking almost never leaves a scar, cutting, depending on a person’s physical makeup, may. This is particularly true of those with an African genetic heritage. People from that part of the world seem to have a marked tendency to develop keloid tissue over cuttings. Therefore, the possibility of a permanent marking from even a small cutting cannot be ignored.

Never penetrate the skin casually. While the preparations for a relatively safe cutting or pricking may interrupt the flow of a scene, aesthetic considerations have to give way to safety. Cleanliness is a primary consideration. Both the area to be played with and the tools you are going to use must be absolutely clean. Despite sterilization procedures, you should never use the same tools on different people.

The submissive must be absolutely immobile. For any initial play of this type, regardless of a submissive’s certainty of her ability to remain still or our mutual experience with other forms of stimulation, I insist on using stringent bondage techniques. A futon frame is perfect for this because its slats provide a multitude of tie-down points.