The New York City Bartender's Joke Book

BOOK: The New York City Bartender's Joke Book
The Only Book
That Tells You…

about two Irishmen who walked
of a bar
p. 110

what has four legs and chases cats
p. 7

the difference between a bitch and a slut
p. 69

how to clear out an Iraqi bingo game
p. 4

the most popular man in a nudist colony
p. 26

the most popular woman in a nudist colony
p. 26

why Viagra is like Disney World
p. 46

the one about the Polish kidnappers (
p. 40

…and hundreds more jokes,

riddles, stories, and one-liners

The New York City
Joke Book



Copyright © 2002 by James H. Pritchard

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including
information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may
quote brief passages in a review.

Warner Books, Inc.

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue

New York, NY 10017

Visit our website at

First eBook Edition: March 2010

ISBN: 978-0-446-55105-2


The Only Book That Tells You…




Begin reading

About the Author

To my Father and Mother,
Jim and Mimi Pritchard, who gave me sunshine
and good humor.

To my wife Lisa, who laughs with me and at me
and soothes life’s shocks.

The late William McGlynn


would like to thank Betsy Mitchell at Warner Books, who took the ball and handed off to Jaime Levine, who loves jokes and
ran for a touchdown.

I would like to thank my sister Linda, who finally “gets” my jokes, my little sister Jennifer, who always laughs at my jokes
and my brother Shawn, who always tries to “one-up” me. Thanks kids!

Total thanks to my sons: Matthew, who has my knack for telling stories, and Michael, who has a knack for shortening the stories!

Thanks to Michael C. Hutchinson, who always, without fail, makes me laugh, Harry and Betsy Stout, Tim and Kathleen Remy, Frank
and Jane Tourigney, Gregg and Shelly Garner, Larry Aschenbrenner, Eric Aschenbrenner, Joe Safron, Erinn and Kevin
Gibbons, Stephanie Pritchard and Takako Pritchard, without all of whom I wouldn’t have anyone to try out my jokes on.

Thanks to the jokesters, who keep me on my toes: Jon Aimone, Jim “The Big One” Barry, Alan Browdy, Dan “Bull”
Bullington, Dave Cohen, Anthony Collins, The Doyle, Eric Floyd, Jack Foley,
Don Gehan, Greg Getz, Cary Gilbert, Johnny Girouard, Tim Grant, Pete Hendrixson, Pete Iulo, Rob Kuhar, Dave Leonard,
John McKerrow, Joe McWilliams, Alan Mervish, “Saturday Night” Dave Muhlfelder, Dave Perrine, Kevin “Duffy” Philzone, Dave
Ranghelli, Peter Stark, Michael Saposnic, and Soupy Sales.

Also thanks to: Cliff Mott, Kitty Kelly, OTB Annie, Hal Baum, Andy Ganzi, Jill Gaspar, Kevin O’Keefe, Kevin Gallagan, Keith
Arrington, Kenny Taylor, Ron Fowler, Jack Roberts, Brad Gansberg, Luke Ratray, Paul Hovis and Deb Rascoe Hovis, Genji Ridley,
John Earl Stevens, Mark Thalmayr, Steve Love, Todd “Little Todd” Engle, Tom “Two Shoes” Schmid, Dave Fogelman, Craig
Magee, George Egan, John Littlefield, Jay Bayala, Kent Bearden, Bill and Anna Simmons, Christine Chagnon, Tom
and Carol Constantin, Roxanne Ricker, Dave Nichols, Kelly Melson, Tim and Flo Stella, Kurt Coble, Nadine Link, “Stagehand”
Scott, Bill at N.B.C., Sam from Houston, Jane from Charlotte, N.C., Kathleen, Frank from England, John from Lake Placid, Ron
from England, Jim and Gloria from Scotland, Larry from Seattle, Joe from Croton, N.Y., Ronny McWilliams at Victory Café, Carol-Anne
at Rathbone’s Pub, Hugh at O’Lunney’s Pub, Jimmy Glenn at Jimmy’s Corner, Danno at Matt’s Grill, Carmine’s in the theater district
and on the upper west side, Michael Ronis at Virgil’s Real BBQ, and to everyone who told me a joke!

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