The Not Gate (Tom and Alice #1) (10 page)

THE DATE

Sunday
19
th
November

T
he week following Hill End had been half term. Alice and Stephanie had spent six days at their grandmothers’ house and they arrived back home on the Sunday before school.

The first chance she got to make an excuse and walk the dog she took it. In her pocket was the little piece of paper. Alice walked over a mile with the autumnal wind against her. She stopped at a telephone box on the edge of the park she had played in as a child. She huddled inside making room for Louis, her mum’s Tibetan terrier, took the number from her pocket and a pound coin and started to dial. She really didn’t need the number as she had memorised it days ago.

‘Hello?’ he answered after three rings.

‘Tom?’ she asked nervously.

‘Alice?’

‘Yes, how are you? Sorry I haven’t called I’ve been at my grandmothers’

Her skin felt clammy and cold at the same time, just hearing him again after a week was amazing. Her stomach clenched and a rush of arousal swamped her senses.

‘That’s alright, I was worried about you,’ he stated.

‘I’ve missed you,’ she couldn’t help herself but be honest with him. There was a pause from his end.

Panic rushed at her.

‘Me too,’ he whispered, ‘me too.’

She smiled, ‘Tom, I want us to meet,’ she took a deep breath and waited.

‘Okay,’ he answered, ‘when?’

‘I can be out next Saturday night I’ll say I’m going to a friend’s. They don’t normally ask too many questions, is that any good?’ she prayed.

‘Yes, that’s good with me. Alice, are you sure about this? You must have had time to think about it, don’t feel like you have to meet me because of what’s already happened,’ he sounded concerned.

‘I’ve thought of nothing else. I want to see you more than ever. Do you want to see me? Have you had second thoughts?’ Alice sighed.

‘No. I’ve stepped over the line now, who am I kidding if I think I can be around you and not want to be with you? I’m going to hell already, Alice,’ he laughed and it sounded genuine.

‘You’re not going to hell,’ she assured him.

‘What do you want to do, shall I book a room? Shit, that sounds so sleazy, I mean to have privacy, not to have sex or anything,’ he cursed.

‘Can I come to your house?’ she asked. She really wanted to be somewhere safe, where they could both just hide away.

‘I guess so, if that’s what you want, baby?’

God, she loved hearing him call her that.

‘Thank you,’ she answered.

He gave her his address and told her to wait till dark and to wear a hat just in case.

‘I’m so sorry this can’t be normal and open,’ he sounded ashamed.

‘I don’t care we both know this is how it has to be.’

‘How can you be so… I don’t know… understanding?’

‘Because I’m getting what I want, I’m getting you,’ she said honestly. If she had him she could deal with anything.

‘You’ve got me,’ he breathed hard.

‘Tom, I’ve got to go, my money is about to run out,’ she cut in, hearing the warning beeps.

‘Okay, I’ll see you at school tomorrow, as normal as we can. I’ll see you for real on Saturday,’ he rushed his answer.

‘Can I stay… on Saturday I mean?’ she needed to know.

‘Alice, I’m not sure,’ it was his serious voice now, ‘I was thinking dinner, maybe a movie...’

‘Can I stay, Tom?’ she urged.

On the other end of the line she heard him hesitate.

‘Yes,’ he replied.

FRIDAY NIGHT

Friday
24
th
November

I
t was nearly 11.30pm, Tom had managed all week to remain calm and professional around Alice. At times it had been so frustrating, watching her, watching him in class. Calling her name and her calling him, sir, that seemed all so weird now.

The week had dragged on forever. He had drinks on Wednesday with his mates, he hadn’t realised it was a friend of a friend’s stag night on Saturday and his buddies had been on at him all week to come out with them. He had to tell them he had too much work on, lesson planning and marking… whatever. He prayed they wouldn’t turn up tomorrow night anyway. He again had thought about telling his best mate Neil about Alice but couldn’t get the words out.

At school he’d become close with Simon, a games teacher. A nice guy, single and about his age. He considered bringing up a hypothetical discussion on teacher/student relationships but was so worried he would guess the truth.

The fact was, whatever anyone said or advice he may have been given, he was still going to have her over tomorrow. He was still going to kiss her, touch her and he had to face it he was going to have sex with her. If she let him, he was going to do everything with her that he could. It made him feel sick to his stomach to know that sad certainty about himself.

Hell was a given despite what Alice believed.

He cleaned his bathroom, changed his sheets and went shopping for food since he finished school for the day. Now Tom wasn’t sure what else to do. He watched a couple of hours of crappy television and enjoyed a beer.

But couldn’t get her image out of his mind. Alice in his home, drinking from his glasses and eating food he made… why was it such an erotic thing?

Oh my god, I’m turning into a pussy.

He knew he needed to get some sleep so he headed for bed, because this time tomorrow he had no idea what the hell he might be doing?

He’d have to go for a run in the morning he decided as he walked up the stairs, burn off some tension and maybe even the gym after that.

Tom wandered into the bathroom and cleaned his teeth, splashed water on his face and got into bed. But before he turned off his lamp he did what he had been avoiding all evening, he sighed, opened his bedside drawer and checked he had condoms.

SATURDAY

Saturday
25
th
November

A
lice paid the taxi driver with a five-pound note, pulled on her bobble hat and stepped out onto the kerb. She looked at Tom’s house, it was a lovely looking small cottage on the edge of Kittle Wood, a village two miles out of town.

His curtains were closed but you could tell a light was on somewhere downstairs. Strangely she could hear fireworks in the distance. It was a cold night and not wanting to hang around outside for too long, she grabbed her small bag and scurried up to his door. She knocked lightly and waited.

Five seconds later the door opened, his arm reached out, grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. She gasped as he pushed her back into the closed door. He held her face in both of his hands and captured her mouth under his. Alice gripped his hard shoulders and kissed him back, long moments passed as they tasted each other again, remembering each other and all the cold left her body.

How different he felt when there was no risk of being caught. He was letting himself just be in the moment with her and it was amazing. Tom pulled away eventually and looked at her.

‘Sorry, Alice. Hi,’ he laughed.

‘Hi,’ she smiled, ‘nice welcome.’

‘Just couldn’t wait,’ he shrugged his shoulders in a boyish gesture and grinned back at her, ‘shall I take your coat?’

‘Please,’ she began to unbutton it, ‘what about my bag? Where shall I put it?’ she kicked the small brown leather holdall at her feet.

‘I’ll… put it over here for now… we can sort it later,’ he looked stressed again suddenly, or maybe guilty.

‘I can go if this is going to be difficult for you, Tom,’ she didn’t want to force him into anything or be rejected again.

‘No. I want you to stay. It’s just hard to imagine what we’re doing as anything but wrong, even when it feels right. Do you understand?’ he searched her face.

‘Yes, I get it, especially from your side,’ she breathed out slowly, ‘but I can’t go another day without more, more time with you, kissing you and…’ she handed him her coat and waited.

‘You’re always so honest. Everything I’m thinking, you say out loud. You’re right tonight is about us.’

He picked up her bag and placed it two steps up on his stairs, took her hand and led her through to his small kitchen. There were some pans boiling away on his stove and a bottle of beer open on the worktop.

She was in his house. She looked around her, oh my goodness in all her wildest fantasies of being with him, none of them compared to her looking at him and him looking at her like his equal. Like his… girlfriend.

‘Would you like a drink? I’ve got wine, beer, water…?’

‘I’ll have water, thank you,’ she answered.

‘I’ve made some cheese pasta stuff. Sorry I’m not too handy in the kitchen, that’s what my ma was for,’ he looked at her. His body was tense and she could tell his mind was going into overdrive.

‘Can we sit down for a bit?’ Alice motioned to the living room.

‘Sure you go in I’ll get you that water.’

He moved her towards the living room door. Inside it was a lovely room with dark beams running length ways across the ceiling and a wonderful blazing fire burning away in the small inglenook fireplace. She sat on the big sofa opposite and let her eyes fall over all of his possessions. The bag he took to school lay open against the leg of the low oak coffee table. On top of it were school exercise books and a wooden carved chess set with what seemed like a game in progress… who was he playing with she wondered?

A little footstool sat next to the TV with a pile of videos to the side of it. She wanted to see what they were, but if she got up she’d appear nosy. The room was decorated in rich burgundy and browns. A picture of his family smiled at her from the mantle along with several photos of school football teams. It was masculine but homely and Alice liked it very much.

‘Here you go,’ Tom handed her the glass, ‘sorry I should have put this stuff away,’ he sat down next to her and pointed to his work bag.

‘I’ve never liked the taste of that stuff,’ she whispered.

Tom looked down at his beer and then offered the bottle to her. She took it from him and sipped it. The bitter taste made her pull a face.

‘It grows on you, trust me,’ he laughed, ‘you look beautiful, Alice.’

She looked down at herself with a critical eye. She had chosen a short red tartan pleated skirt, black tights and a cashmere black sweater and around her wrist, the bracelet Tom had given her. She thought she looked okay but compared to him she always felt like the ugly duckling.

‘Thank you.’

He sat there next to her. His jeans snug but stylish, in a deep blue long sleeved t-shirt that could have been sprayed onto his chest. Tom had amazing hair, it was so thick and coloured like strong coffee and he always styled it in a – just got out of bed – way. She was definitely the ugly duckling.

She felt so strange sat here in his house. Next to him on his sofa. All she wanted him to do was grab her and touch her. It was obvious neither of them wanted to make any move though. Underneath it all she was so nervous. She knew that tonight she may lose her virginity to this man and that was still a really scary thought.

As if reading her mind Tom spoke.

‘We need to get past this little bit of awkwardness don’t we, baby?’ he whispered taking her hand in his and levelling her with a stare.

‘I feel odd because thinking of you staying here tonight is freaking me out slightly. It means stuff will probably happen that is both going to blow my mind as well as fuck me up…’ he smiled, ‘sorry it slipped out. You’re on edge because understandably you’re with your teacher, who is quite clearly a pervert,’ he smiled, ‘but this pervert needs you to know nothing happens that you’re not entirely happy with.’

‘Okay, pervert,’ she leaned over and kissed his cheek, ‘and thank you.’

‘Do you want to eat?’ he asked.

‘No, not really. I don’t think I could at this moment,’ she smiled at him weakly.

He nodded in understanding, ‘me either.’

‘Look while we’re being honest I have to tell you I’m… really scared. I want to be here more than anything… but you know what you’re doing, Tom. I don’t,’ she fiddled with her hair, ‘what if I don’t do it right? If it’s not good for you? What if I’m a disappointment?’ Alice looked down at her hands.

Had she really just said that to him?

Cringe.

‘Alice, are you really thinking about pleasing me? Are you serious?’ Tom looked the tiniest bit angry.

She nodded.

‘I’m going to love whatever we do, even if it’s just talking. Please know I’m here for you. I may know what to ‘do’ but this is new territory for me too,’ Tom said taking another swig of his beer and leaning to rest it on the little table. He turned to her and moved closer to her side, weaved his large hands into her loose waves and pushed them away from her face, ‘I’d never compare you to anything or anyone. I couldn’t, the way I feel with you is unlike anything I’ve ever felt.’

‘Are you playing me?’ Alice looked into his eyes.

If you thought that you wouldn’t be here now, would you?’ he kissed her nose, ‘Watching you this week in class with your friends it’s been so hard pretending. Then when that boy, Steve from the other night was talking to you yesterday I felt like I was going to lose it in the middle of the dinner hall. I felt so protective and primal it was pathetic.’

‘He thinks you’re a psycho,’ she laughed.

‘Good, where he’s concerned I am. He hasn’t tried anything again has he, or given you a hard time? I’d kill him,’ he lightly kissed her lips, so gentle, despite himself.

‘No, he’s been fine. I don’t think he can remember what went on, he was so drunk… just you grabbing him.’

‘And I remember him grabbing you, the little prick. He ever touches you again…’ he was beginning to rant but Alice cut him off.

‘He won’t Tom, don’t worry.’

Even though he scared her slightly when he was angry it really turned her on that he cared enough to get so angry. Alice watched his face calm again and he flashed her that smile she absolutely loved.

‘Sorry Alice, I’m doing it again,’ he stroked her hair and looked at her with such an intensity she thought she would melt under his eyes.

‘Do you want to go upstairs?’ she asked quietly then.

Tom looked at her. Opened his mouth to speak, stopped for a moment then started, ‘obviously I do, but we don’t have to rush anything, we have plenty of time,’ he reassured her, ‘all night in fact.’

‘I want to go upstairs, Tom,’ Alice leaned over and brushed her lips to his.

‘Alice, do you not want to talk some more?’ he asked her gently.

‘Not right now,’ she replied, ‘I can’t think right now.’

‘I know what you mean,’ he touched her hair again.

‘Do you want to come up with me?’

‘I do,’ his voice was deeper and more intense now.

He stood, his long legs stretching up in front of her and reached for her hand to pull her up beside him, she took it and trembled inside once again.

She was going upstairs to Toms’ bedroom, to let him make love to her and the biggest part of her brain still believed this was all a dream.