The Notebook + The Proof + The Third Lie (24 page)

The child says, "I know the one."

"The principal is called Judith. Give her these books from me.

The child goes off with the books, but returns soon after. Lucas asks, "What did you think of Judith and the children?"

"I didn't see Judith and the children. I left the books outside the door."

"You didn't go in?"

"No. Why should I go in? So they can keep me?"

"What? What are you saying, Mathias!"

The child locks himself in his room. Lucas stays in the bookshop until closing time, then makes the evening meal, which he eats alone. He has a shower and is just getting dressed when the child comes quickly out of his room.

"Are you going out, Lucas? Where do you go to every evening?"

Lucas says, "I go to work. You know that."

The child lies on Lucas's bed. "I'll wait for you here. If you worked in the bars you would come home at closing time, at midnight. But you come home much later."

Lucas sits on a chair in front of the child. "Yes, Mathias, you're right. I do come home later. I go and see some friends after the bars close."

"Which friends?"

"You don't know them."

The child says, "I'm alone every night."

"You should be asleep at night."

"I would sleep if I knew you were here, in your room, asleep as well."

Lucas lies down next to the child. He kisses him.

"Did you really think I sent you to the orphanage so that they could keep you? How could you think such a thing?"

"I didn't really think that. But when I arrived at the door, I was afraid. You never know. Yasmine promised she would never leave me. Don't send me there again. I don't like going toward Grandmother's house."

Lucas says, "I understand."

The child says, "Orphans are children who don't have any parents. I don't have any parents."

"You do. You have your mother, Yasmine."

"Yasmine is gone. And what about my father? Where is he?"

"I'm your father."

"But the other one, the real one?"

Lucas is silent for a moment before replying, "He died before you were born, in an accident, like mine."

"Fathers always die in an accident. Will you have an accident too?"

"No. I'll be careful."

Lucas and the child work in the bookshop. The child takes books out of a box and hands them to Lucas, who is standing on a stepladder setting them on the shelves of the bookcase. It is a rainy autumn morning.

Peter comes into the shop. He is carrying a hooded falcon. The rain is dripping down his face onto the floor. From under his falcon he takes a packet wrapped up in jute cloth.

"Here, Lucas. I've brought them back. I can't keep them. It's not safe at my house anymore."

Lucas says, "You look pale, Peter. What happened?"

"Don't you read the newspapers? Don't you listen to the radio?"

"I never read newspapers and I only listen to old records."

Peter turns to the child. "Is this Yasmine's child?"

Lucas says, "Yes, this is Mathias. Say hello to Peter, Mathias. He's a friend."

Mathias stares at Peter in silence.

Peter says, "Mathias has already said hello with his eyes."

Lucas says, "Go and feed the animals, Mathias."

The child lowers his eyes, rummages about in the box of books. "It isn't time to feed the animals."

Lucas says, "You're right. Stay here and tell me if a customer comes in. Let's go upstairs, Peter."

They go up to Lucas's room.

Peter says, "That child has amazing eyes."

"Yes, he has Yasmine's eyes."

Peter gives Lucas the packet.

"There are pages missing from your notebooks, Lucas."

"I know, Peter. As I said, I make corrections, I cross things out. I delete anything that isn't indispensable."

"You correct, you cross out, you delete. Your brother Claus won't understand a word."

"Claus will understand." "I understood too."

"Is that why you brought them back? Because you think you understood everything?"

Peter says, "What happened has nothing to do with your notebooks, Lucas. It's more serious than that. Our country is in the throes of an uprising. A counterrevolution. It began with intellectuals writing things they shouldn't have. Then it was taken up by the students. Students are always willing to sow the seeds of unrest. They organized a demonstration that degenerated into a riot against the forces of order. But it all began to get out of hand when the workers and even a part of the army joined up with the students. Yesterday evening, soldiers were distributing arms to irresponsible individuals. There are people shooting at each other in the capital, and it's now spreading to the provinces and the peasants."

Lucas says, "That covers every level of society."

"Except one. The class I belong to."

"You are greatly outnumbered by those who are against you."

"Indeed. But we have powerful friends."

Lucas is silent. Peter opens the door.

"We probably won't see each other again, Lucas. Let's part on good terms."

Lucas asks, "Where are you going?"

"Party officials have to place themselves under the protection of the foreign army."

Lucas gets up, holds Peter by the shoulders, and looks him in the eyes.

"Tell me, Peter! Aren't you ashamed?"

Peter grabs Lucas's hands and presses them to his face. He closes his eyes and says quietly, "Yes, Lucas. I am very ashamed." Tears escape from his closed eyes.

Lucas says, "No. Stop that. Get hold of yourself."

Lucas accompanies Peter to the street. He watches the dark silhouette walking away in the rain, head lowered, toward the station.

When Lucas comes back to the bookshop, the child says to him, "He's handsome. When is he coming back?"

"I don't know, Mathias. Maybe never."

That evening, Lucas goes to Clara's. He goes into the house, where all the lights are out. Clara's bed is cold and empty. Lucas lights the bedside lamp. On the pillow is a note from Clara: "I have gone to avenge Thomas."

Lucas goes home. He finds the child in his bed. He says, "I'm sick of finding you in my bed every night. Go to your room and get some sleep."

The child's lip trembles. He sniffs. "I heard Peter say that people are shooting at each other in the capital. Do you think Yasmine is in danger?"

"Yasmine isn't in danger, don't worry."

"You said that Peter might never come back. Do you think he'll die?"

"No, I don't think so. But Clara, definitely."

"Who's Clara?"

"A friend. Go to bed, Mathias, and sleep. I'm very tired."

In the little town hardly anything happens. The foreign flags are removed from public buildings, along with the effigies of Party officials. A parade passes through town with the old national flags, singing the old national anthem and other old songs, recalling another revolution in another century.

The bars are packed. People talk, laugh, sing louder than usual.

Lucas listens to the radio continually, until the day when classical music replaces the news broadcast.

Lucas looks out the window. In the main square stands a foreign army tank.

Lucas goes out to buy a pack of cigarettes. All the shops are closed. He has to go to the railway station. He passes other tanks along the way. The gun barrels turn in his direction, track him. The streets are deserted, the windows are shut, the shutters closed. But the station and the surrounding area are full of soldiers and border guards without weapons. Lucas approaches one of them: "What's going on?"

"I don't know. We've been demobilized. Did you want to catch a train? There are no trains for civilians."

"I didn't want to catch a train. I just wanted to buy some cigarettes. The shops are closed."

The soldier hands Lucas a pack of cigarettes. "You're not allowed inside the station. Take this pack and go home. It's dangerous out on the streets."

Lucas goes home. The child is still awake; they listen to the radio together. Lots of music and a few short speeches. "We have won the revolution. The people are victorious. Our government has asked for the help of our great protectors against the enemies of the people." And again: "Remain calm. Gatherings of more than two people are forbidden. The sale of alcohol is forbidden. Restaurants and bars will remain closed until further notice. All individual journeys by train or bus are forbidden. Observe the curfew. Do not leave the house after nightfall."

More music, then instructions and threats: "Work must begin again in the factories. Any workers who do not turn up at their place of work will be laid off. Saboteurs will be brought up before special tribunals. They will face the death sentence."

The child says, "I don't understand. Who won the revolution? And why is everything forbidden? Why are they so evil?"

Lucas switches off the radio. "We won't listen to the radio anymore. There's no point."

There is still some resistance, fighting, strikes. There are also arrests, imprisonments, disappearances, executions. Two hundred thousand panic-stricken inhabitants leave the country.

A few months later, silence, calm, and order reign once more.

Lucas rings at Peter's door. "I know you're back. Why are you hiding from me?"

"I'm not hiding from you. I just thought you wouldn't want to see me. I was waiting for you to make the first move."

Lucas laughs. "I've made it. Basically, things are just like before. The revolution has achieved nothing."

Peter says, "History will be the judge of that."

Lucas laughs again. "Such grand words. What's got into you, Peter?"

"Don't laugh. I've been through a serious crisis. First I resigned from the Party, then I let myself be persuaded into taking up my old position in this town. I like this town very much. It has a hold on my soul. Once you've lived here you can't not come back. And besides, Lucas, there's you."

"Is that a declaration of love?"

"No. Of friendship. I know I can't expect anything from you on that score. What about Clara? Has she come back?"

"No, Clara hasn't come back. Someone else has already moved into her house."

Peter says, "There were thirty thousand deaths in the capital. They even fired on a march where there were women and children. If Clara participated in anything . . ."

"She certainly participated in everything that was going on in the capital. I think she has rejoined Thomas, and that is for the best. She never stopped talking about Thomas. She thought only of Thomas, loved only Thomas, was ill because of Thomas. One way or another she would have died for Thomas."

After a silence, Peter says, "Many people crossed the border during the troubled period when it was left unguarded. Why didn't you take advantage of it to rejoin your brother?"

"I didn't consider it for a moment. How could I leave the child all on his own?"

"You could have taken him with you."

"You don't set off on an adventure like that with a child his age.

"You can set off anywhere, anytime, with whoever you want, if you want to badly enough. The child is just an excuse."

Lucas lowers his head. "The child has to stay here. He's waiting for his mother to come back. He wouldn't have come with me."

Peter doesn't answer. Lucas raises his head and looks at him. "You're right. I don't want to go find Claus. It's up to him to come back. He's the one who went away."

Peter says, "Someone who doesn't exist can't come back."

"Claus exists and he will come back!"

Peter goes up to Lucas and grabs him by the shoulder. "Calm down. You have to face facts. Neither your brother nor the child's mother will ever come back, and you know it."

Lucas mumbles, "Claus will."

He falls forward off his chair, he hits his head on the edge of the low table; he slumps onto the carpet. Peter pulls him onto the sofa, he wets a cloth and wipes Lucas's face, which is bathed in sweat. When Lucas comes to, Peter gives him a drink and lights him a cigarette.

"I'm sorry, Lucas. We won't talk about this again."

Lucas asks, "What were we talking about?"

"What about?" Peter lights another cigarette. "About politics, of course."

Lucas laughs. "It must have been pretty boring for me to fall asleep on your sofa."

"Yes, that's right, Lucas. You've always found politics boring, haven't you?"

The child is six and a half. On the first day of school Lucas wants to accompany him, but the child prefers to go on his own. When he comes home at noon, Lucas asks him whether everything went all right. The child says that everything went all right.

In the days that follow the child says that everything is going well at school. But one day he returns with a wound on his cheek. He says that he fell. Another day his right hand bears some red marks. The next day the nails on this hand all turn black, with the exception of the thumbnail. The child says that he jammed his fingers in a door. For weeks afterward, he has to write with his left hand.

One evening the child comes home with his mouth all split and swollen. He is unable to eat. Lucas doesn't ask questions, he pours some milk into the child's mouth, then places a sock filled with sand, a pointed stone, and a razor on the table. He says, "These were our weapons when we had to defend ourselves against the other children. Take them. Defend yourself!"

The child says, "There were two of you. I'm on my own."

"Even on your own you have to learn how to defend yourself."

The child looks at the objects on the table. "I can't. I could never hit anyone, hurt anyone."

"Why not? They hit you and hurt you."

The child looks Lucas in the eyes.

"Physical wounds don't matter when I receive them. But if I had to inflict them on someone else, that would wound me in a way I couldn't bear."

Lucas asks, "Do you want me to talk to your teacher?"

The child says, "Definitely not! I forbid it! Don't ever do that, Lucas! Have I complained? Have I asked for your help? Your weapons?"

He sweeps the defensive tools off the table. "I'm stronger than all of them, braver, and above all, more intelligent. That's all that matters."