The Party Boy's Guide to Dating a Geek (Clumsy Cupids) (33 page)

back against the booth, defeated. "Face it, I don't

measure up. He just finally figured that out."

Ash blinked, but he couldn't quite stop one tear

from falling. Carley scooted around the booth to

put an arm around Ash and Mari leaned over to

rest a hand on his leg.

"You need to talk to him," Carley said as he

pulled Ash closer. Ash sighed and leaned his head

on Carley's shoulder.

"Whatever made him keep his distance

yesterday, he had to have had a reason for it," Mari

said. "I know him, and you know him better than

that."

"I just don't know." Ash closed his eyes. He was

tired. He'd been up all night thinking about it. All

the signs pointed to Fee's giving up on him. Ash

wasn't ready to let Fee go, but he would, if that

was what Fee wanted. He cared too much to drag

Fee down any further than he already had.

"Why don't we call it a morning?" Carley said.

"Let's go back home, eat one of Jae's pumpkin pies,

and fast-forward through the parade?"

"You didn't erase that yet?" Ash chuckled.

Carley loved the Thanksgiving Day parades. He'd

record them and watch them over and over all

afternoon.

"Nope," Carley said with a wide grin. "Let's

go."

Ash let Carley and Mari haul him out of Leroy's

and back to the apartment.

"I'm going to take a quick shower," Ash said

after they dropped their bags in the living room.

The hot water soothed the sore muscles in his back

and neck, but they couldn't penetrate his tense

mood. Teenage heartbreak was nothing compared

to the feeling of losing Fee. Ash's heart was

shredding into pieces. He didn't know how long

he'd been in there when Carley banged on the door.

"You can't brood in there all day."

"Coming," Ash said as he toweled off. He

trudged across the hall to his room and pulled on a

pair of sweatpants. He looked at the leather cuff

Fee had given him on Halloween sitting on top of

his dresser, next to a bracelet he'd bought for Fee.

It wasn't much, just a simple strap of leather

attached to a skeleton key. Fee already had the key

to his heart; this was just a symbol of what Ash

was willing to give Fee.

"Fuck it," Ash said to his reflection. He dragged

a T-shirt over his head, stuffed the bracelet in his

pocket and grabbed his keys. "I'll be back," he said

as he slipped on his shoes and jacket.

"Go get him, tiger," Carley called out as he left.

I'll get him all right,
Ash thought. But whether

Fee would still want him was another question.

When he got to Fee's stop, Ash still wasn't any

closer to an answer. Rushing out of his place and

onto the train, Ash hadn't noticed the cold, but on

the sidewalk in front of Fee's building, he started

shivering. Partly from nerves, and partly from the

chilly air blowing through his damp hair and thin

sweatpants. He closed his eyes and exhaled,

forcing his shoulders to relax. Then he went inside

and up to Fee's apartment.

He knocked, but Fee didn't answer. He could

hear the steampunk music playing, so he pulled his

phone out and texted Fee to let him know he was

standing outside his door. The music turned down,

and Ash heard Fee's footsteps, slow and heavy.

Fee opened the door part way and stood behind it.

The light from the hallway spilled into the

darkened apartment.

"I see." Ash took in the way Fee shielded

himself from him and nodded. He let out a shaky

breath but forced himself to keep his cool. "Okay. I

can take a hint. I just thought I'd give you this." Ash

held the bracelet out, but Fee didn't move. "Just

take it so I can go."

The tears were starting to spill over, so he

stared at Fee's feet.
Sexy feet,
Ash thought again.

He wiped a hand on his cheek angrily.

Fee reached out and took the bracelet from him.

"Please don't leave," he said quietly. The door

opened further. Ash looked up into Fee's face and

gasped.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Ash cried. Fee's

left eye was swollen and bruised. The bridge of

his nose had a gash across it, and there was a cut

high on his cheek. Fee flinched away when Ash

reached out for him. "Did you put some ice on it?"

Fee stepped back and Ash followed him,

crowding him against the wall. "Fee, who did this

to you?"

Fee shook his head and turned away.

"Come on," Ash said. He grabbed Fee's arm and

walked him to the couch, and then he went to the

kitchen. "Your freezer's practically empty," he

called before returning with a microwave burrito.

He straddled Fee's lap and held it to Fee's cheek.

Fee winced, but put his hand over Ash's. He

closed his eyes and exhaled. "I wanted to come

yesterday. I just couldn't."

"It's okay. You don't have to explain." Ash

wanted to know what had happened, to know

who'd hurt Fee, but he could wait until Fee was

ready to talk about it. Right then, what Ash needed

most was to know Fee was all right. After a few

minutes, Fee relaxed and rested his hands on Ash's

hips.

"That was going to be my lunch," Fee said as

Ash flipped the burrito over to get the cold side

against his bruise. He tried to smile, but the pain

registered across his face.

"You eat like crap."

"Look who's talking. I bet Jae is the one who

keeps you fed."

"Guilty," Ash said with a grin. He got up and

went back to the kitchen. "He also keeps bags of

dish soap in the freezer."

"Why on earth would he do that?"

"They don't freeze solid, so they make good gel

packs. They do it at his restaurant for burns, and he

brought the idea home. Now, what kind of food do

you have around here?"

"You don't have to do that." Fee joined him in

the kitchen, but Ash gave him a quick hug, and then

shooed him away as he reached up to take a

package of macaroni and cheese out of the cabinet.

"When was the last time you ate?"

Fee shrugged. "Yesterday afternoon."

"I figured as much. Go sit down. I got you."

"Ash."

"What?" Ash stopped organizing ingredients and

looked at Fee. Fee pulled him into a hug and

squeezed him tight. He let out a sob against Ash's

neck. "Hey, it's okay," Ash said. "I'm here. I'm not

going anywhere."

"I'm sorry I didn't make it."

"You don't have to talk about it yet. I mean, I

want to know what happened, but only when you're

ready." He rubbed circles on Fee's back.

"He hates me." Fee's voice was hoarse and so

quiet Ash barely heard the words.

"Come on." Ash pulled Fee over to the couch.

He cradled Fee against his chest as he leaned back

onto it. "Who hates you?"

Fee let out a shuddering breath. "Dad."

"He did this?" Ash asked. Fee nodded, and rage

washed over Ash, making his blood run cold. He

held Fee tighter.
Christ. I should have been there.

"You're okay now. I'm not letting anything happen

to you."

Fee sniffled and sat up. He wiped a hand across

his face and stared down at the bracelet he still

held, running his thumb along the length of the key.

Ash sat next to him and took Fee's hand in his.

"I didn't want to put you through that. You don't

deserve it," Fee said.

Ash's heart sank when he realized that was why

Fee had kept his distance over the last few days.

"Oh, Jesus. That's why you didn't want me to meet

them. And you've been dealing with this all week. I

really am a self-obsessed asshole. Why didn't you

just
tell
me?"

"I wanted to, but I just couldn't talk about him. I

was embarrassed, and I didn't want to worry you."

Ash's anger was returning. "I wish I could have

been there for you."

Fee shook his head. "No." Ash wanted to argue,

to say something, but Fee went on, "He's a bigot. I

should have stayed home. I should have gone with

you. He's so close-minded, I don't know why I

even bothered." Fee snorted. "Actually, I do. Mom

asked me."

Ash smiled. "Never underestimate the power of

the Mom Card."

"Yeah. They do that. Anyway, she always runs

interference for us. I wouldn't see him at all if they

weren't together." Fee's expression was hard. "I

was hoping the holiday would make him, I don't

know, generous?"

"Didn't

work

out

that

way?"
Fucking

understatement of the century.

"It started out fine. We talked about work and

the book club, stuff like that. The game was on, and

we were watching it together. He hadn't even been

drinking."

"Sounds like things were going well." Ash

dreaded hearing the rest of the story. He couldn't

understand how things had gone so wrong.

"We were laughing and joking around, and so I

decided to tell them."

"Tell them? I thought you were out to them

already?"

"Not that. I've been out since I was a teenager.

Dad's always hated that about me. He even tried to

disown me when he found out. Mom was there,

though. She's always been there."

"Fee, I'm so sorry." Ash knew he couldn't have

handled it if his father had reacted that way. He

pulled Fee into a hug.

"Don't be. He's former military and set in his

ways. Everything had to be so precise with him all

the time. Always on the straight and narrow. He

just couldn't accept having a queer son. So I did

my best to avoid him. I only talked about school or

work or sports. I knew better than to talk about

boys around him. And I never brought any guys up

to Mom. Figured if she didn't know, then she

wouldn't have to cover."

"So what did you tell them?" If Fee was already

out, Ash couldn't understand what would have

made his father turn violent.

"That I met someone. Someone who I can

picture building a life with. Someone who I …"

Fee trailed off. When he turned to Ash, his eyes

were watery.

"Fee." Ash wrapped his arms around Fee's neck

and held tight. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

"Don't." Fee shook his head. "Don't be sorry.

None of this is your fault. It's
his
problem, not

ours. Mom was thrilled. She said 'it's that cute boy

with the tattoos from your party, isn't it?' She knew

back then, just by looking at us."

Ash's heart warmed thinking of Fee and his mom

talking about him.

"Dad called me a sin against nature and he

started shouting. Mom yelled back. They went

back and forth for a while, and then she got quiet.

She stared him down and told him that if she had to

choose between me and him, she'd choose me."

Fee took a breath and his whole body shook.

Ash squeezed his hand. "Jesus, that's rough. Fuck,

Fee, you should have called me."

"Well, they've fought before. Usually they just

yell for a while, so I didn't think that much of it.

But I guess he could tell she was serious. He

flipped out and started throwing things. I tried to

stop him, to redirect his anger away from Mom. It

worked," Fee said with a bitter laugh as he

motioned to his face. "He punched me. I thought

he'd broken my nose for a few minutes. Mom saw

all the blood and shoved him. He tried to threaten

her, but she yelled at him to leave. So he stormed

out, and Mom helped me up. I couldn't believe he'd

done it. He hasn't hit me since I was a kid. And

even then, it was only a spanking."

Ash didn't have any words. "I'm sorry" didn't

convey nearly enough of what he felt. He was

thankful Fee's mom had been there to at least

diffuse some of the situation, but that paled in

comparison to the white-hot fury he felt at Fee's

father for causing him so much pain.

"Anyway. I was going to go to Marisol's, but

with the bruises and my broken glasses, I just

couldn't. I was too ashamed."

"You should have come. I
wish
you would have

come," Ash said, holding Fee tight. "Because you

have a new family now. A new mom and dad and a