The Playmaker (Fire on Ice) (14 page)

When I opened my eyes again, Taylor was looking at me. “I love you,” she whispered as our eyes locked.

“I love you, too. Nothing will ever change that.”

She rested her head on my chest. “I’m reconsidering going right into a Ph.D. program.”

That took me by surprise. Getting her doctorate was something she talked about all the time, ever since we first met. “Why?”

She shrugged. “It just doesn’t feel that important anymore.”

“What do you want to do instead?”

“I haven’t figured that out yet.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t make any big decisions until you’ve given yourself time to heal and come to terms with everything that’s happened.”

She didn’t respond any further. She just looked into the fire. The flames looked like they were dancing.

“I’ve thought about quitting hockey,” I said. I wanted to gage her reaction although I was pretty sure I knew what it would be.

“Why would you do that?”

“If I just finish out the season, I’ll have enough money to open that sports bar I told you about.” I had been saving almost every penny I’d ever earned from the time I was a teenager, to achieve that goal.

She put her hand on my leg and leaned out so she could see my expression. “Are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with me?”

I frowned. “No.”

She furrowed her brow, clearly unconvinced. “You’re a terr
ible actor.”

“That may be true but you have to admit I made a damn good commercial.”

“The commercial was cute. But tell me the truth about quitting hockey.”

“I feel like you need me—”

She stopped me before I could continue. “I
need
you to play hockey. It’s what makes you happy.”

“Nothing makes me happier than you do, Princess.”

“But it’s your dream.”

“Dreams can change. You just said you weren’t sure that you still wanted to pursue your Ph.D.”

“Hockey is different.”

“How so?”

“I haven’t been training my entire life to earn a Ph.D.”

I leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her cheek. Then I waited for a reaction. When she looked at me, her eyes seemed to regain a hint of their glimmer. I didn’t realize until that moment, how much I missed that glimmer.

She slowly leaned towards me and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I missed her taste so much. I wanted more. I deepened the kiss and she froze.

I backed away. “Are you okay?”

She blinked and then shook her head. “Sorry.”

I cupped her face in my hands. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“It’s going to take time…” She trailed off.

“I know.” I gently stroked her cheek with my thumb. “It’s okay.”

“I just want things to be the way they were.”

“Things are never going to be the way they were. But it’s okay if they’re different. Maybe they’ll even be better.”

She shook her head. “I can’t image them being better.”

“You never know. Give it time.”

“I’m thinking about taking a self-defense class.” She looked down at her hands and played with her fingers.

“Does it make you nervous?”

“A little,” she admitted. “I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“I think it’s a great idea.”

She glanced up at me. That hint of a glimmer was in her eyes again. “You really think so?”

I nodded. “I really do.”

“I just don’t know if I’m ready.” She blinked back tears. “Sometimes I just feel paralyzed with fear.”

“I know it’s not easy. Do you have any idea how I felt after I signed
the contract to play for Seattle? I was scared shitless. All kinds of crazy things went through my head. What if I wasn’t as good as they thought I was? What if I wasn’t able to perform? What if I got hurt? But I knew I had to feel the fear and do it anyway. Does that sound like a cliché?”

“Maybe a little bit of a cliché.” She smiled. “But I get the point.”

She put her arms around my neck and hugged me. I waited and let her take the lead. I didn’t want to push her. I didn’t want her to freeze again. As she released her grip on me she gave me another soft kiss. I wanted more but I waited.

She put her mouth to mine. This time, the kiss was a little deeper and more eager. After a few moments of our lips and tongues getting reacquainted, Taylor pulled away.

“Maybe we should get something to eat.”

I rose and pulled her from the couch. “We’ve got crackers and processed cheese food.”

“Yum,” she teased.

I opened the cooler. “And I got us two salami and cheese sub sandwiches and even two pickles.”

“That sounds great. I’m actually hungry. That hasn’t happened in a while. You have no idea how absolutely horrible the hospital food was.”

“Then we have to give these subs a try. They look pretty good.” I removed one of the subs from the cooler and handed it to her and then I look one for myself. “I got sodas, too. Sorry but the gas station didn’t have any peach smoothies.”

“Maybe we can stop and get peach smoothies when we go back into town tomorrow.”

“Anything you want, Princess.”

After we finished our subs, I noticed Taylor was staring at the bed. She seemed tense again. I put my hand on her shoulder and that seemed to relax her a bit. “What’s going on?”

She turned to face me. “I know you want—to be with me. I just don’t know if—”

I took her hands in mine. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be with you. But I know it’s going to take time. It’s okay. We can just lie in bed together. We can even stay in our clothes if you want.”

She nodded.

I pulled her with me as I lay down on the bed and she lay down next to me. She seemed stiff and uncomfortable and I didn’t like it. I understood it, at least I thought I did, but it didn’t like it.

She turned to face me. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I wanted to hold her, and touch her. I wanted to be with her and be inside her. But I didn’t know what was right anymore and I hated Blake for that.

“I don’t want to be treated like glass. Like I’ll break at the slightest touch. But sometimes that’s exactly how I feel. Does that make sense?”

I nodded.

She put her hand up to my face and ran her fingers over the little bit of stubble that was on my chin. “I want you to be happy, Kian. I want you to be happy with me.”

“I am happy and I’m happy with you.”

“Are you sure?” She had so much uncertainty in her eyes it made my chest tighten.

“Why would you ask that?”

She took in a long breath. “I’m not stupid. I know you can have any woman you want. Now that you’re in the major leagues, your options have broadened significantly. And not just puck bunnies. You could have a model or actress. You don’t need someone like me. I’m a broken mess. I know you could do a lot better.”

Her words felt like they were piercing my heart. I gently wiped a tear from her cheek. “You’re only half right,” I said. “There are a lot of girls who want to be with hockey players. A lot more than I ever imagined. Models and actresses and ever
yone else you can think of. But it doesn’t matter because I don’t want to be with anyone but you, Taylor Thompson. You and only you. Now and always.”

I saw the hint of a smile return to her face. I was making pr
ogress. I lightly brushed her lips with mine and she sighed. I gave her another kiss, this one a little stronger. When she relaxed into it and kissed me back, I went a little deeper and added tongue and teeth. For a brief moment, I felt like things were normal again, like they were before everything got fucked up. I tried not to think about anything but the present moment and being with my princess.

When we broke for some air, I asked, “Do you want to try anything else?”

She seemed to hesitate and I wanted to kick myself for being an asshole. As badly as I wanted to be with her after not being with her for so long, I didn’t want to do anything to hurt her and I definitely didn’t want to push her into doing anything if she wasn’t comfortable.

“Tell me the truth, Taylor, it’s really important. You have to be honest with me, okay?”

She swallowed and then looked up at me through her thick lashes. “I’m scared.”

“I know. I am, too. This is all new territory for me. You can always tell me to stop if you don’t like something. Or if you feel uncomfortable. Or if it hurts. I
won’t know unless you tell me.”

She nodded. I noticed her forehead was creased, like she was really giving it some thought. “We can try it.” Her voice was so small and hesitant, it worried me.

“I don’t want you to agree because you think it’s what I want. Not that I don’t want to. When I’m around you, I always want to but it’s okay if we don’t.”

She began to unbutton her blouse and I took in a breath. We seemed to be going down the path and I still wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do.

After she took her shirt off, she glanced at me. I noticed she had some bruises on her upper arms, like fingerprints where he had grabbed her. I could feel a knot in my stomach as I thought about his hands on my girl. He needed to be hurt as badly as he hurt Taylor.

“What’s wrong?” Taylor asked her eyes wide.

I shook my head. I tried to shake all the thoughts of that monster out of my head. I leaned over and placed soft butterfly kisses on all the spots where the bruises remained. Then I pulled Taylor close and kissed her lips again. I could never get enough of her delicious lips.

When we broke for air, I removed my shirt and watched as Taylor examined my upper body. She placed her small hand on my pecks then made her way down my chest.

“You’re bigger,” she noted. “More muscular.”

I nodded. “Tough workout routines. They build muscles quickly. Do you like it?”

She grinned. “Yeah, I like it.”

“Good because you’re stuck with me. I’m all yours.”

“I don’t know how I’ll ever survive,” she teased. “Having a hot muscular guy all to myself.”

“I’m sure you’ll manage.”

She unclasped her bra and removed it. Even though she’d lost some weight, Taylor still had a smoking hot body. I carefully kissed each of her shoulders then made my way down to her breasts. I gently licked and sucked each one.

I moved back to her lips, playfully sucking and nipping at them as well. I could feel the monster in my pants awaking as my erection sprung to life in my jeans. I wasn’t used to going so long without sex. The last time I’d waited months to have sex was when I was still a teenager.

I was starting to feel hungry— needy—like a starving lion, who just had food placed in front of him. The desire I had to be inside Taylor was almost unbearable. But I knew I had to be careful, and take things slow.

“You’re so beautiful,” I said as I pushed some stray hair away from her eyes and ran my fingers down her cheek.

I had a flash of the photo that got texted to me with Taylor beaten and bloody. It made my stomach knot to think about it. I tried to shake it from my thoughts. Taylor was in front of me now and her face was healed. She looked gorgeous—like a true princess. 

“What are you thinking about?” she asked as our eyes met.

“One of these days, I’m going to buy you a tiara.”

“You are completely obsessed with the princess thing.”

“You are my princess.”

I gave her another kiss.
She responded and our lips and tongues did a tango. I got braver and moved my hands down her back and then grabbed her ass. She moaned and I pulled her in, so our bodies were touching, my erection pushing against her stomach. I was so hard, I felt like I was going to bust right out of my jeans.

I moved my hands toward the top button of her jeans then looked into her eyes. “Is it okay?”

She nodded.

I unbuttoned her jeans then unzipped them. I pulled them from her narrow hips and she wriggled out of them. She said I looked bigger. She looked a lot smaller, much more delicate and fragile. She was right. I was hit with the fear that I might break her if I wasn’t careful.

I took my index finger and made a line from her collar bone all the way down her upper body to her belly button. She shivered in response to my touch.

I quickly removed my jeans and underwear and my dick sprung to life. I shifted so I was lying facing Taylor but I was actually afraid to go any further. I felt like a fucking 12-year
-old kid getting laid for the first time.

I just had this nagging feeling that we were rushing things. That maybe she wasn’t really ready but she wanted things to be normal so badly that she was going along with it.

I put my finger on the top of her pink lace panties and as I ran it along the edge, just touching the skin above it, another shiver ran through Taylor.

Then I clasped the edge of her underwear, near her hip bone. “Is this okay?” I asked as I began to slide her panties down.

She nodded, so I continued and when I got her panties to her feet, she kicked them the rest of the way off.