The Playmaker (Fire on Ice) (15 page)

I took in her naked body. She was so beautiful it hurt. I could feel my erection grow even harder. I was so hard, I could prob
ably cut glass with my dick.

I moved my hand between Taylor’s legs and stopped right before entry. “Tell me to stop if you want me to stop, okay?”

I waited until she looked me dead in the eye because I wanted her to know how serious I was. She didn’t respond, so I repeated the question. “It’s important, Taylor. You need to tell me to stop if you want to stop, anytime, not matter what, okay?”

She swallowed. She looked scared. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to be inside of her more than I wanted air. But I also didn’t want to hurt her. I never
wanted to do anything to hurt her. I would rather hurt myself first.

“It’s okay,” she said finally.

I carefully moved my hand between her legs and slowly inserted a finger inside her. She winced.

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

“A little.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

I continued rubbing her clit and she seemed to calm down and relax a bit. I kissed her as my fingers slowly moved in and out of her. I kissed her neck and nibbled on her ear and she shu
ddered. “Do you want to make love?” I whispered.

“Yes,” she agreed.

I moved between her legs and was about to enter her when I looked into her eyes and saw fear. Her entire body stiffened beneath me and I froze.

“Taylor,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t respond. She was motionless, like a statue.

“Taylor?”

Then she started shaking. “Get—off—me,” she murmured.

I jumped off the bed. She looked terrorized. I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt like a rapist even though everything we were doing was consensual. “I’m sorry,” I said as I grabbed my underwear and slipped them back on. I still felt too exposed, so I threw my jeans back on, too.

“He was on top of me,” Taylor said as she began to sob. “He had me trapped on the ground.” She heaved and tears started to stream down her face. “I couldn’t move.” Several more sobs escaped. “He—put—himself—inside me.”

Then she completely broke down
and bawled.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt completely and totally helpless.

I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to take all of her pain away. I wanted things to be back to normal again. But I knew none of those things were going to happen.

I felt like such a jerk-off for pushing her into sex. I should have known better. It was way too soon. I felt like a selfish asshole because I wanted to be with her.

I sat down next to her but I wasn’t sure if I should put my arm around her. Why did everything have to be so confusing?

“Taylor, tell me what you need. Tell me what you want me to do.”

“Will you just hold me?”

“Of course. I’ll hold you for as long as you want me to. Whatever you want. Just tell me.”

“Hold me, Kian.”

“Do you want a
T-shirt or something?” I asked.

She nodded.

I grabbed one of my T-shirts from my bag and helped her put it on. It was so big on her, she looked like a little girl playing dress up in her dad’s clothes. She looked even more vulnerable. 

“Do you want to lie down?”

She nodded again.

I
lay down and pulled her with me. She settled on my chest and I pulled her close. I could feel her teardrops as they ran down my torso but I didn’t care. I just wanted her to feel comfortable in my arms.

It took a few minutes for the tension in her body to co
mpletely dissipate. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I didn’t mean to freak out like that.”

I kissed her forehead. “It was my fault. It was too soon. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“You didn’t. I just wanted things to be the way they were b
efore. But they never will be, will they?”

“Probably not. But that’s okay. Every day we’re different people than we were the day before. We all change and grow. Sometimes when we change it’s because of choices we make or things we do. Something it’s because of things that happen to us.”

She was quiet, almost too quiet. It scared me. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you sure you still want to be with me? After what he did?”

I held her tight. Tighter than I’ve ever held her before. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you, Taylor. I still love you more than life itself. I still want to be with you. I’ll always want to be with you.”

I’m not sure why but that’s when I noticed she wasn’t wea
ring the heart necklace I had given her at Christmas. I guess I had been too preoccupied with other thoughts and hadn’t noticed until now.

“What happened to your necklace, Taylor?” I tried to control the anger in my voice but I could still hear it.

She was quiet but I could feel her swallow.

“Taylor,” I prompted.

“He took it,” she said softly.

“He what?” I could feel my entire body tense as rage surged through me.

“He took it,” she repeated. Her voice sounded so hollow it added fuel to the anger burning inside me.

“I’ll be glad when they lock that prick up for good and throw away the key,” I spat.

Taylor’s body tensed and I mentally chewed myself out. I was surprised when a bit of anger seemed to cross over her face. It was the first time I had seen that emotion. Mostly she just seemed sad, or hopeless, distracted, anxious or scared. But not mad.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

She exhaled a long heated breath before she spoke. “He’s not in jail. He may never be. He hasn’t been arrested.”

I could feel my jaw drop. It took me a minute to process what she had just said. “He beat the crap out of you. He fucking raped you. How is that piece of shit not in jail?”

I was shaking. I took in a deep breath to try and calm myself but it wasn’t working.

“He got some of his friends to lie and say they were with him the whole night. He wore gloves. He used a condom. There’s no physical evidence. It’s my word against his.”

My fists were balled so tight my hands started to ache. I was overwhelmed with the urge to hit something, anything. Yes, I wanted to hit Blake. I wanted to beat him until he was unrecognizable then hit him some more. I wanted to take justice into my own hands and snap his fucking neck with them.

Tears were streaming down Taylor’s cheeks and I lost it. I couldn’t leave her alone while he was still on the streets. He could come back and do it again. There was no way in hell I was going to let him lay a fucking finger on my princess again.

“I can’t go back,” I blurted.

She didn’t hesitate for an instant. “You have to go back.”

I shook my head. “How can I go back? When that sick fuck is still out on the street?”

“You have to go back for me. I know you want to take care of me. I know you want to protect me. I know you want to make me feel safe. But I can’t heal fully and completely until I know I can take care of myself. Does that make sense?”

My jaw tightened and I could feel my chest constrict. I didn’t like what she was saying to me. I didn’t like it one bit. But deep down, I knew she was right.

“We’re going to the police station tomorrow when we get back into town. If he’s paying people off, there’s got to be a way they can prove it.”

“We can try.” She didn’t seem too sure that police were going to help. Not that I could blame her. The criminal justice system had not exactly served justice for her in the past.

“Lay back down with me,” I said as I stretched out and opened my body to her. I wanted her to decide how close she wanted to be.

She laid her head on my chest and I placed my arm around her. She let out a small sigh as she relaxed into my body

We were both silent for a few moments as we held each ot
her.

“We can’t allow him to steal our happiness,” Taylor said. “Not after everything else he took. I won’t allow him to take that, too.”

She was right. I couldn’t allow that prick to take anything else. I had Taylor. She was still mine and that’s all that mattered. I held her tight against me until we both fell asleep.

***

Taylor was restless. She moaned in her sleep. It wasn’t something she had done before. She had always been a sound sleeper.

“No!” I heard her say. “No!” She started pushing me away from her. I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t sure if I should wake her up or let her continue to sleep. But she seemed so agitated. 

“Taylor,” I whispered.

There was no response.

Then she pushed me again. “No!”

“Taylor,” I said a bit louder. I wasn’t sure if I should touch her.

“Huh?”

“Are you awake?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“You were having really bad dreams. You were yelling and pushing me.”

“I was?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I took her hand and held it in mine.

She rolled over and put her head on my chest. She nestled into me and I placed my arm protectively around her. I wished I could shield her from all the bad in the world but I knew that was impossible. I was The Playmaker. Mr. Fire on Ice. A hotshot hockey player who had all the right moves on the ice. Yet, here, in this room, in this moment, I felt completely and utterly helpless. I couldn’t take Taylor’s pain away. I couldn’t always be there to protect her from more pain in the future. The only thing I could do was be with her, right in that moment, and love her.

So I did the two things I had the power to do.

Sixteen

Taylor

I looked at my watch for what seemed like the tenth time. We’d been waiting in the police station for nearly an hour. We didn’t have that much time. Kian had a late afternoon flight to catch and my parents wanted us to stop by before we headed to the airport. And I had a feeling Kian wanted to keep his promise to get me a peach smoothie.

Finally, Officer Moore made her way into the small waiting area and stood next to where we were seated.

“You asked to see me?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

Kian and I stood and she led us into a small room with a table and a few chairs. I assumed it was an interview room. I had never been in one. Not that I hadn’t been interviewed by the police before but they had come to me. This was my first time going to them. I felt nervous, like I had done something wrong. Was it normal for a victim to be treated like they were the criminal?

Kian and I took seats at the far end of the table and Officer Moore sat near the door.

The police officer heaved a sigh, like she really couldn’t be bothered with whatever it was that we had to say, as she removed a small notebook and pen from her breast pocket.

She glanced over at Kian and as she took a good look at him for the first time, shock seemed to register on her face. “I need your name and current address.”

As Kian stated his full name and address, Officer Moore swallowed hard. It occurred to me that she was probably a hockey fan but she maintained her professional composure and blasé attitude.

“And what did you have to report?” She glanced between both me and Kian.

I wasn’t sure which one of us should speak but I cleared my throat. “I heard that Blake Woods paid off some of his friends to say they were with him when he attacked me.”

Officer Moore closed her notebook. She hadn’t even written anything down. “We’re investigating all possible angles in the case. Is there anything else?”

When I glanced over at Kian, his jaw was tight and his face had turned to stone. I could see his fists were in tight balls on his lap. He was seething. I carefully placed my hand on his arm to try and diffuse some of the anger but it didn’t seem to help.

“That sick fuck beat and raped my girlfriend and he’s still roaming the streets? What kind of police work is that?”

Officer Moore took in a breath before speaking. “I know you’re angry and upset. I can offer you the name and phone number of a victim support group. We cannot make an arrest in this particular case until we have enough evidence to support the charges.”

“In this case?” Kian shot back. “You make it sound like if she was attacked by someone else, maybe someone who didn’t have
wealthy and connected parents, that he would have been arrested.”

The police officer didn’t respond to Kian’s accusations. I
nstead, she asked, “Is there anything else?”

“What if he attacks her again? What are you going to do to make sure she’s safe?”

“Our job isn’t to provide personal security. We’re a law enforcement agency. We investigate crimes.”

Kian shook his head. “I thought your motto was protect and serve.”

Officer Moore stood. “If there’s nothing else, I have a lot of work to do.”

Kian took in a deep breath then he grabbed my hand and pulled me with him as
he exited the room.

None of us spoke as we headed back toward the main e
ntrance. When we got close to the doors, Officer Moore turned to us and said, “Thank you both for coming in today.” Before either of us could respond, she turned and walked away.

Kian and I just stood there for a moment. I tried to process what had happened. I felt like I was being dismissed. Were they even investigating my case at all? What about jus
tice? I felt like I was being victimized all over again by the system.

“Come on,” Kian said. “Let’s get out of here.”

Ten minutes later, we had peach smoothies to go and were on our way to my parents’ house.

“This is really good,” I said as I downed another large sip of the delectable treat.

“I promised you a smoothie. I know how much you love them.”

“I do. I admit it.”

I finished the last sip of my smoothie as we pulled into my mom and dad’s driveway.

“You’re sure they want to see me?” Kian asked. He had wo
rry in his eyes.

“Yes, they specifically said they wanted you to stop by before you left.”

He swallowed. “Okay.”

I placed a hand on his arm. “It’s going to be fine.”

We hopped out of the car and Kian took my hand and held it as we approached the front door. “Should we knock or just walk in?”

I laughed as I opened the door and we both walked in. “Mom? Dad?” I called out.

My parents practically ran to greet us. I was surprised when they both grabbed Kian and gave him a big hug—even before they hugged me.

Kian was wide eyed and looked even more surprised than I did.

“We’re so glad you could make it back so soon,” my mother said. No doubt eluding to the fact that Kian had come to visit while I was in the hospital when I refused to see him. Even though it was only a few weeks ago, to me it seemed like an eternity.

“Thank you for being there for Taylor,” my dad said. “It means a lot to all of us.”

Kian nodded. I could see his eyes were a little wet, like he was blinking back tears. “There’s no place else I’d rather be.”

My dad patted Kian’s arm. “We know you have a flight to catch. We just wanted to express our gratitude.”

Kian put his arm around me and pulled me close. “I love your daughter. Nothing is ever going to change that.”

My mom was now blinking back tears. “We hope to see you again soon.”

My mom and dad excused themselves. I was going to stay at my parents’ place and my sister would join us for dinner later. It was time to say goodbye to Kian.

He was right. I didn’t want him to go. It would have been so much easier for him to stay, and take care of me, but what was easy wasn’t always right. There were things we both needed to do, and those things required us to be apart for a while, at least physically.

We would always be together in our hearts. I realized that as I looked into Kian’s soft eyes. His eyes could be hard as stone, like when we were at the police station, or when we talked about Blake, but when Kian looked at me, it was always with so much love and tenderness.

“If you need me, let me know. I’ll be here as soon as I can get a flight.”

I nodded. “I know.”

He placed his hand on my cheek. “You’ll think about Spring Break? Coming to visit. You and your sister. The tickets are there. You can use them anytime you want. But I’d like you to see our game against Vancouver
. We’ve kind of got a little rivalry brewing.”

I nodded. “I want to be there. I just want to make sure I’m ready. I
don’t want to have another meltdown.”

He pulled me close and I inhaled his scent. I wanted to r
emember it while he was gone. I already missed him. I relaxed into his strong arms and enjoyed the peacefulness of the moment. It was a peace that I hadn’t felt in a while.

“We’ll talk every day,” he offered. “If that’s okay.”

“More than okay.”

He leaned down and kissed me. A soft kiss at first that dee
pened as we continued sharing our lips and tongues with each other.

“I need to go,” he muttered as we broke for air.

“I know.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“I know.”

He kissed me again and my world felt right again for another few moments. But I knew the feeling would be gone as soon as Kian walked out the door.

“I really do have to go. I don’t want to miss my flight.”

I placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Go.”

He hugged me tight. “I love you, Princess.”

“I love you, too.”

***

As I stood at the entrance to the Self-defense Training school, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I was never an athletic person, probably the opposite. I was definitely the kid who always got picked last for any team being formed in physical education class. I didn’t know if self-defense training was som
ething I could handle. My counselor seemed to think it was something that was imperative to the healing process and something inside me felt like it was something I needed to do. Or maybe I was just deluding myself and grasping for anything that might make me feel normal again.

I took in a deep breath and gathered the little bit of courage that I still had in me. It wasn’t much but it was enough to open the door and enter the building.

There was a small reception area and the rest of the building was an open gym space. I really didn’t feel like it was somewhere I belonged.  I was early, and I didn’t see anyone else. I wasn’t sure if I should stand there and wait or go back outside until it was closer to the class’s start time. Just as I was about to go back outside, a head popped out from behind the reception desk.

I was taken back when I saw it was Kyle’s girlfriend, Annie. We both started at each other for a long moment before either of us spoke. Clearly she was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her.

“Kyle’s been really worried about you.”

I heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry I haven’t phoned him.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You don’t need to apologize to me. You need to apologize to Kyle.”

“I know. It’s just—”

A group of six rowdy girls pushed each other into the gym.

“Sorority,” Annie whispered to me. “We can talk more
later.”

I joined the other women who had entered the class as we gathered in a circle. A muscular man, with short brown hair cut in a military style, approached the group.

“Welcome to Reality Self-Defense Training. Here you’ll learn some of the basics of self-defense taught in a real and practical way. Krav Maga in Hebrew means close contact combat. The system was developed in Israel and used by the Israeli army. In this class, you’ll learn to fight and survive. You’ll also get a great workout in the process. This self-defense system can be learned by people of all ages and skill levels and you can become proficient with two hours practice a week in about three months.”

I glanced around the room at all the other women. Most of them were young, like me, but they were smiling. The sorority girls looked like they were here to have fun. It didn’t seem like anyone else was there for the same reason I was.

The instructor continued. “We’ll begin with some warm up drills then we’ll move into some basic strikes, defenses and footwork.”

An hour later, I was completely exhausted but I also felt a little less afraid and a little more
confident than when I walked in the door.

Annie caught me as I was heading out. She waited until the last of the other class members left before she began to speak.

“How was it?” she asked.

“Better than I thought it would be. I actually got to punch and kick the targets. And I was surprised that I kind of liked it.”

“So you’re coming back?”

“I’m definitely coming back.”

I could see Annie wanted to say more but she seemed hesitant.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I wanted to let you know that Kyle thinks you’re mad at him. He thinks the reason you haven’t phoned him is because we’re dating.”

I shook my head. “No, that’s not true at all. I’m happy the two of you found each other. As long as you’re happy?”

She smiled. “Very.”

“Good.”

We both looked at each other and I felt like Annie was looking into my soul. I got the strong feeling that she knew exactly why I was there taking a self-defense class and that she had gone through a similar experience.

“I was in the hospital,” I said. “I got attacked. I didn’t want Kyle to know because it happened the night he was supposed to walk me home. He went to meet you instead.”

Annie’s mouth flew open. “No! I’m so sorry.”

“Now you know why I didn’t want to say anything to Kyle. I didn’t want him to feel responsible or guilty. It’s not his fault and it’s not your fault either.”

“Were you raped?” Annie asked. I was a little surprised by the bluntness of her question but I could see the concern in her eyes.

I nodded. I still had trouble saying it out loud. Maybe I thought if I said it out loud, I’d be admitting that it actually happened to me. I wasn’t sure I was completely ready to own it.

“I was raped last year,” she admitted. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here. This class should help. It helped me. A lot. I started spending so much time here, they finally decided to give me a job.”

She smiled. She looked so comfortable in her own skin. So confident and so sure of herself. I wanted that and I wondered how she got it. I felt so fearful and insecure now, it seemed like an impossible task to imagine being where she was.

“It’s been really hard dealing with—everything.”