The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) (42 page)

He loves me
. No, I don
’
t get to hear it every day. Yes, that
’
s what I
’
m used to and that
’
s what I want
—
but that
’
s just not where we are right now. That doesn
’
t mean it
’
s not true, though.
This
proves it. I can keep panicking and worrying and doubting and wearing myself out trying to convince myself that I
’
m not going to lose him, but that
’
s just exhausting and unnecessary.

Trust me. Trust the God who guides me
.

Those were his words. And I
do
trust him. And I
do
trust God
—
God, I trust You. I
’
ve been completely self-centered and totally lost in myself for the past couple of weeks. I
’
ve shut You out, only speaking to You when things seem okay. Yet, if I think about it, You
’
ve been with me this whole time trying to hold my hand. You
’
ve surrounded me with people that are going to help me get through this and I
’
ve been taking it for granted. Well, I won
’
t anymore. Thank You for being my Comforter
—
even when I don
’
t deserve it. Thank You for the support of my friends and my family. And thank You for Beckham.

I shake my head and cough out a humorless laugh as I realize that I haven
’
t prayed for him since we broke up. I
’
ve been
that
concerned with my own heartache and my own frustration toward the situation and toward God. Right now
—
isn
’
t Beck the one who needs the support of my prayers? Just because we aren
’
t together now doesn
’
t mean that I should be any less invested in encouraging him to be the man that he wants to be. The best way for me to do that is to pray for him. Pray for the wonderful man that I love so much
—
the wonderful man who loves
me
.

I stand up and push the cardboard from my bed onto the floor before I reach for my journal and climb back underneath my sheets, fully prepared to start praying for Beckham. I stop and glance at my books before reaching for my phone. I know it
’
s late. I know he
’
s most likely sleeping. I know we haven
’
t been texting each other over the past couple weeks, but I can
’
t help myself.

Me:
Thank you. I love it so much!!!

I hit send before I can change my mind and then discard the device on my night stand. I pick up my pen to start writing when I hear the alert signaling his response.

My BMW:
:)

I can
’
t help the pinch of disappointment that squeezes the corner of my heart. It
’
s not enough. That smiley face is not enough
—
but then I force myself to remember that he already gave me more than enough for my birthday. He gave me hope that we
’
re going to get through this. For now, I
’
ll take it.
And the smiley face
.

I don
’
t fall asleep until almost three, but when I wake up later in the morning I feel better than I have in days. As I get myself up and ready to head over to the yoga studio to catch Roman
’
s class, I let my mind wander and I follow my thoughts in and out of prayers. Today is not only a new day, it is the beginning of a new year in my life and I am aware that I have so much to be thankful for. So I give thanks and I praise the Lord for all the things that I got to experience in my twentieth year and for all the things I will get to experience in my twenty-first.

I can
’
t really explain
why
birthdays are such a big deal to Avery and me. We
’
ve just always loved them. Maybe it
’
s because our parents always made a big deal out of ours; maybe because when it was someone else
’
s big day, we got the chance to go to a party and eat cake; maybe it
’
s because giving and receiving presents is just so great; or maybe it
’
s all of those reasons and more. I can see how some siblings might wish they had their own day to be celebrated, but we relish in the opportunity to share the occasion. Beyond that, though, we simply adore any excuse to celebrate and dote upon the people in our lives that we love the most, and birthdays are the best for doing just that.

Our friends have come to know this fun fact about us, as they have gotten spoiled by us over the years, and so they have planned accordingly for this day. All the guys have to work, but Sarah took the day off to spend with Avery and me before we meet up with more of our friends for dinner and then drinks at the pub. I
’
m not sure what we
’
ll do all day, but Sarah has something planned
—
as only a best friend would
—
and I
’
ve been instructed to head straight home after yoga.

To my delight, I make it through the class without crying. I attribute that to my new state of mind after my
wee-hour of the morning epiphany
that has me feeling optimistic. Roman notices and congratulates me before asking what has me in such a good place. I simply tell him it
’
s my birthday and God
’
s gift to me was abundant peace. The look he gives me tells me that he wants more, but I tell him I can
’
t stay and chat because I promised Sarah I
’
d be home. The scowl he gives me makes me giggle
—
his pushy, curious side perturbed that he won
’
t get his way
—
but he
’
s placated when I tell him that I
’
ll be stopping by Cooper
’
s later.

As I pull into the parking lot of the apartment complex, I see Gray and Ave in their running attire walking home, their hands linked together as she looks up at him. She
’
s talking animatedly about something and he seems to be listening as if he
’
s never heard anything more interesting. The sight of them makes me smile. I can still hardly believe that they are
finally
a couple.

By the time I get out of my car and make it to the stairs that lead up to the second level of our building, our paths intersect. Avery throws herself at me, engulfing me in a sweaty hug as she squeals.
“
Happy birthday!
”
I laugh, returning her embrace and the sentiment. When she finally lets me go, Grayson also wishes me a happy birthday but forgoes the hug, assuring me that he
’
ll give me one when he
’
s not sweaty. As we all make our way up to our door, I spot the box that sits just outside. Right away, I know what it is. So does Avery, which is why we both get really excited.

“
I take it that
’
s a present?
”
asks Grayson.

“
Yeah. From our parents,
”
I answer, leaning down to pick up the large package.
“
Whatever
’
s inside, you
’
ll get to see us wearing it later.
”

“
You already know what it is? That
’
s no fun.
”

“
Exactly the opposite, actually,
”
says Avery.
“
Have you ever noticed that one day every year Addie and I actually dress like twins? Like honest-to-goodness, same-outfit-wearing, twins? Yeah
—
that would be our mother
’
s doing. She always tells us that her favorite part about having twins was dressing us up when we were babies. When we were around nine or ten and we got to start dressing ourselves, we opted to not look alike so often.
But
our mom has reserved the right
—
as the woman who gave birth to us
—
to dress us up like her baby girls one day every year. So we always get a new outfit for our birthday.
”

“
And we make sure that we get dressed up and take a picture and send it to her,
”
I finish for her.
“
It sounds cheesy
—”

“
It
is
cheesy,
”
Avery corrects me with a laugh and an eye roll.

“
Okay
—
it
is
cheesy
—
but she
’
s got really good taste in clothes so we never complain. In fact, I
’
m kind of dying to know what
’
s inside.
”

“
Well, don
’
t let me keep you. I believe you
’
re due back about now, anyway.
”
Avery reaches her arms up, signaling that she would like a hug goodbye, and I grin as Grayson shakes his head at her.
“
Shorty, I
’
m sweaty.
”

Aww. He calls her Shorty. How cute!

“
I don
’
t care even a little bit. Besides, it
’
s my birthday and
—”
Her words get lost in a giggle as he scoops her up into his arms and spins her around in a circle.

“
You guys are disgusting,
”
I say as he sets her back down on her feet.
“
But I love it. I
’
ll see you later, Gray,
”
I tell him as I head inside. I hear him give Avery a kiss goodbye and then she hurries in after me. In seconds, I know that Sarah is up and baking. It smells
amazing.
I
’
m setting down the package when I
’
m startled by Avery
’
s scream.

“
Claire!? What are you doing here?
”
My head snaps over to the kitchen where I see her standing with Sarah, a huge grin on her face.

“
Duh. It
’
s your birthday!
”
She hardly has a chance to answer before Ave has her wrapped in a sweaty hug.
“
Eww
—
you need a shower.
”

“
I do, too, but I
’
m not sweaty,
”
I promise her before greeting her with a hug of my own.
“
I thought you weren
’
t going to be here. I
’
m so happy you came back.
”