The Protector (43 page)

I only stared at him not knowing whether to get up and move further away from him or stay as still as I could. I didn’t know how to answer his question nor did I want to. “Eric, not now.”

He slammed down the remote and got up from where he sat. “Stop toying with me Alison. It’s not fair!”  He was right, it wasn’t fair to him.  “Every time I kiss you it’s like you are a million miles away.”

I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes. “Eric?”  His name was all I could manage to get out. Once again, like the first day, he had me speechless. I had to give him more credit than I was. I had not been as affectionate as I could have been. I could have made my reasoning of trying to discover my feelings for him move believable but I didn’t. I hadn’t even tried. I shunned away when he tried to touch me and my lips were like ice when he did try and kiss me. The one time I did try and return the affection in a kiss, he took as a sign of me wanting more and then it only ended in frustration for him as I had pushed him away.

“I think it’s better if I leave Eric.” I stood up and walked to the kitchen where I had left my purse. 

Before I knew it, his fingers were wound tightly around my forearm and his grip was painful. I realized then that I had pushed the limits with him. “Not until I get some answers,” he seethed. 

“Jack!” His name slipped out before I even realized. Eric let go of my arm and I watched as he turned away from me.  He shoved his hands in his pockets and began to pace in the dining room.  He didn’t say a word for the longest time. Finally I couldn’t handle the silence any longer.

“Eric?” I walked over and put my arm on his shoulder to stop him. But he pushed it away with an anger I had never experienced with him.

He turned back around and the hurt and anger were evident in his eyes. “Leave Alison. Go back to your hotel and back home to whoever this Jack is.” I watched as the tears welled up in the corner of his eyes.  It felt as if I had been slapped in the face by his extreme hatred of me at the moment. I could do nothing, as he stood there.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I grabbed my purse and walked to the back door.  As I opened the door I caught sight of a small red velvet box sitting on the counter. My heart fell suddenly as I realized what was probably in the box.  And his words from earlier fluttered through my head.  “I have a surprise for you.” 

As I closed the door behind me I let the tears fall freely.  I made it to the car and noticed as the lights on a car down the road turned on. It was Noor and I would soon need to face her and her disappointment. I drove straight to the hotel and I didn’t wait for her to get out of Jack’s BMW and walk with me to the rooms.  I ran as fast as the boots I was wearing would let me.  I barely beat her to the elevator and to the rooms before I shut the door and collapsed on the bed. My tears turned into quiet sobs.

“Alison?”  Noor knocked on the door that separated our two rooms.

“I’m fine,” I managed to yell out at her. 

“Alison, please let me in and tell me what happened.”  She pleaded with me now.  “If Jack comes back and you are hurt, trust me when I say I will be wishing for death.”   I took a deep breath and got up and unlatched the lock that kept the door closed.  I didn’t look at her as I turned and walked back to the bed I had been lying on. 

Noor walked past me and took a seat on the couch that was by the window.  “What happened?”

I might as well tell her I thought to myself, even if she did chastise me for my stupidity. “I called him Jack.”

“Ooh.” I could hear the surprise and what I thought was disappointment in her voice. But she didn’t say anything else to me.  She only looked at me waiting for me to say something more. 

“Well aren’t you going to chastise me or something? Yell at me please. Tell me how stupid I am!” I began to raise my voice and flail my arms all around.  “I mean how stupid can I be. Calling the man who loves me by the name of the man I have fallen in love with.  How stupid am I? Pretty stupid if you ask me?”  I was ranting now, my voice loud and tears flowing heavily down my face.  If roles were reverse I was sure I would be laughing hysterically at the woman who was ranting incoherently.

Noor stood up and walked to my side. Before I realized it she was kneeling in front of me trying to get my attention.  “Alison? You’re not stupid. You made a mistake.” I couldn’t tell if she meant that I had made a mistake by calling him Jack or made a mistake by admitting I had fallen for Jack.

I put my face in my hands and began to rub the tears away.  My nose was still tender from the car accident a little over a week ago. 

“Alison, maybe it was better this way. No matter what happens with Jack, you knew in your heart that Eric wasn’t who you wanted to share your life with.  Right?“

“I hurt him!” I declared. Noor had a point. I had been leading him on all week and it wasn’t fair to him.  Nor was it fair to me.

“You know this is all Jack’s fault,” she mumbled to herself.  “He should have,” She didn’t finish as she raised her head and met my eyes. 

“He should have what Noor?”

“He should have taken you to DC, Alison. Then you could have discovered all this about Eric on your own without Jack’s influence. You would be safe now and Jack out of your life. It would be over Alison.”

Her words were painful to hear. Although it had been only a few short weeks, I couldn’t imagine Jack out of my life and away from me. And I couldn’t imagine it being that simple.  Noor didn’t elaborate after that and I didn’t ask her too.  My only question to her was simple, “Is he coming back?” I wanted to be prepared if he wasn’t.

Noor looked into my eyes but did not utter a response. I knew by her look that he was coming back the only question left unanswered was when.  Noor did not bring Jack back into the conversation the rest of the night.  We talked only of Eric and my anguish at hurting him but my relief in not leading him on any longer.  We talked long into the night about everything. I was thankful for her humor and the way she made fun of both of us.  It had been a long time since I had laughed that hard. 

Before we both turned in for the night, we decided that we would go for a run in the early afternoon. Since I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be seeing much of Eric from this point on, the run would make time go a little faster as we waited for Jack and Joed to return. Noor and I had taken up running the path that ran along the Rogue River in the mornings. It was wonderful not only to have someone to run with but to get out and let some frustration out in the process.  It was something I had looked forward to the last few days and I was defiantly looking forward to it tomorrow.

25
Running Away

We both slept in the next morning and took our time getting ready for our run. There was no hurry and not the slightest chance of me being late for anything. And there was very little chance of me seeing Eric. I was sure he was still at home sulking and hurting. After all today was his day off. I knew I would eventually have to go and see him and make some kind of amends with him. But I wasn’t ready to do that today.

I had opened the curtains wide that morning to let the sun in to the room . It was an amazingly beautiful spring day, with highs expected to be in the low 70s. It was the perfect day for a nice long run.  Noor was as excited as I was about getting out again in the sunshine. That is why when she came back into the rooms with two cups of coffee, the look on her face startled me.

I took the coffee out of her hand and looked at her quizzically. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s downstairs.”

My heart leapt at the thought of Jack being downstairs and slowly making his way back to me.  “Really,” I said with excitement. But that excitement faded quickly as I realized she wasn’t talking about Jack.

I took a deep breath in and then took a sip of the hot liquid she had handed me.  “We could always go out the back door,” I joked raising my eyebrows looking for some sort of agreement from her.

Noor smiled and sat down on the bed.  “Tell you what, you start running and I will follow behind, far enough behind so he won’t notice but close enough to keep an eye on you. When he has had enough, I will catch up.” I could tell she was as disappointed as I was. We had both been looking forward to the run, uninterrupted by any men.  “Anyway, he’s wearing cowboy boots, he isn’t going to get far in those.”

We took our time finishing our coffee and it was agreed that Noor would go down first and I would follow. I gave her a few minutes then got up to walk down the stairs. As she had described, Eric sat in the lobby where Jack had sat that first night waiting for me to come back from meeting Eric.   How ironic it all seemed. I walked past him hoping he wouldn’t notice me, but I wasn’t fast enough. Noor stood at the front desk talking to the clerk about local attractions.

“Alison,” he said trying to get my attention. I pretended I didn’t hear him, but soon enough he was at my side.

“Alison?” he said with urgency in his voice.

I stopped and looked at him.  He smiled gently and grabbed my hand into his. “Can we talk please?” There was urgency in his voice that made me want to keep walking, but I didn’t.

“Eric, I need to burn off some energy and frustration, how about after I get back from running.” I took a step away from him and tried to free my hand from his grip.

“Please, there is so much we need to talk about.” He held my hand tighter and pulled me into his arms.  He was closer to me than I wanted to be and his breath was hot.  “Look let me change. I have my gym clothes in the car. I’ll run with you.”

I didn’t know what to say and I turned to look at Noor who only smiled and nodded in encouragement.  “Fine. I am going to start though. I’ll meet you down the trail.”

“You won’t wait for me?” His lips turned down in a sad pout. Confusion wracked his face.

“No, I need to get out of the hotel and get some fresh air. I want to run.” The bitchiness in my voice was more than evident and secretly I hoped that he would hear it in my voice and change his mind about the run.

He dropped his hand and took a step back. “Fine, but there is no need to get bitchy with me. I just want to talk.”  He reached into his pocket and grabbed his keys.

“And I want to run.” I repeated still with an icy tone.  I took a step away from him and began to walk toward the door.  I didn’t wait for him to say anything else, nor did I turn to look at him as I walked away. I knew if I did guilt would take over and I would wait for him. 

I did feel some tinge of guilt as I started out on the trail. I took it slow and waited until Noor caught up with me. “He’s joining you isn’t he?”

“Yep.  He wants to talk, I want to run.” She didn’t know how literally I wanted to run and not turn around to look back.   We kept a slow and steady pace as we wound our way through the river trail.  There were quite a few people on the trail enjoying the beautiful early spring day.  It was a 2 ½ mile jog to the park near the rapids. And if I was lucky I could beat him there and keep running. I felt good today and my goal was a nice long run. I felt so confident that I left my inhaler in the hotel room, something I rarely did.  It took us a little less than twelve minutes to get to the park. 

Much like the trail it was full of people.  I glanced around looking for Eric.  Noor saw him before I did. “This is where I leave you.  I will be a few yards back if you need me ok.”

She slowed down and fell behind me as I sped up to run. I wished selfishly that Eric had not come to the hotel and met me.  I wasn’t in the mood to talk nor was I in the mood to answer any of his questions.

Within in a minute he had caught up with me and was running at a steady pace next to me. “I thought you hated to run,” he said without effort. He was a distance runner and this was nothing for him. 

“I do,” I responded a little strained. “I run when I need to clear my head and right now I need to clear my head.”  Once again my voice was snippy and he slowed down just a bit, but then quickly caught up with me.

“Alison?”

“Less talking Eric and more running.” I proclaimed stepping up the pace just a bit.  There was a bridge coming up that crossed the river, circled around the other side of the park and came back to the trail that led back to the hotel. All told I think Noor calculated it at just under six miles. I was almost half way across the bridge when I turned to see Noor running about 25 yards back from us. She did not acknowledge me, and I noticed she was talking on her cell phone which struck me as odd, considering she never talked on it anywhere near me. 

Eric kept pace with me and continued to try and get my attention. “Alison, I want to talk about what happened ok?”

I shook my head and threw my hands up in the air. “Talk away Eric, but I will be running.”  I stepped up my pace even more and was almost at a full sprint when I crossed the bridge over the Rogue River. It was a beautiful bridge and if I wasn’t in such a hurry to avoid Eric, I might have stopped to enjoy the beauty of it all.  I could feel my chest getting tighter, but I ignored the signs and continued to sprint. 

There was a slight breeze that had come up as I crossed the bridge and the air on my face was cool and exhilarating.  I tried to take a deep breath to open my airways, but it only constricted more and I could feel myself wanting to faint.  I turned as gracefully as I could to look behind me to see where Noor was. She was now about 100 yards back, running with two other people I struggled to recognize. Eric was a few paces behind me going a little slower. A look of concern crossed his face as his gaze met mine.