The Protector (41 page)

“I can’t Jack.” The three words stung to the very core, but I knew they were coming.  “I’m sorry.”  She tried to adjust so she could lift her head to look at me. But I held her tightly and she couldn’t look at me. I did not want to see the look on her face as much as I didn’t want her to see the disappointment in mine.

“I know,” I whispered and kissed her head once again.  “I know.” I continued to kiss her head and moved down to her cheek and her neck and finally to her lips.  The kiss filled my lungs and it was like being hit with a warm rush of air on an extremely cold day. Every part of my body warmed to her touch.  She kissed back  and wrapped her arms around my neck and moved them through my hair and back down to my shoulders.  I let the kiss slowly end and our lips finally parted. 

             
Her face was flushed and her lips were swollen.  She took a few steps backwards and then a few more until she was at the bathroom.  Her eyes never left mine and I didn’t blink. I wanted to know what she was thinking.  I wanted her to know that I wanted her and I needed to know she wanted me. But, the words were not going to be spoken.

That night, we weren’t interrupted and she slept soundly in my arms. I hadn’t noticed before but a few of Alison’s belongings were in my room and Joed’s were missing.  The door between our rooms remained shut.  I heard the game on in the next room, and I knew Noor was back. But neither one disturbed us. And once I again, I felt I owed my new Middle Eastern friend a thank you. 

We melded into one, fully clothed and content just to be in each other’s arms.   I didn’t sleep much.  The worry of the next few days haunted my every thought. I was worried about not being here and someone finding out where she was. I also worried about Eric and him winning her over once again.  I didn’t want him to take her away from me. Suddenly the possessive nature I never thought I had, enveloped every sense of me.  Subconsciously I knew that possessive monster had been there the moment I caught Joed talking with her in Tel Aviv. But now I was truly a green eyes monster.

As morning dawned, I knew my time with her was fading.  In a few hours Joed and I would be on a plane to DC.  I didn’t know what the future held, but as she nestled even closer to me, I knew what I wanted and I knew what I couldn’t have.

A

As I watched both men get ready to leave, a painful ache appeared at the base of my throat.  There was a tightening in my chest I had only felt a few times before in my life and each time it was associated with Jack.

Jack and Joed left before noon. Their plane was scheduled to leave from Eugene later in the afternoon. I hugged Joed as he said goodbye to me. He had been in my life less than 48 hours but he was someone I could have as a friend for a lifetime. As Jack busied himself getting his things ready, I knew I wasn’t ready to say goodbye and I had made up my mind during the night as I had laid next to him that I wasn’t going to say good bye. I was going to say good luck and I would see him soon.

It didn’t quite go as I had planned, tears came streaming down my face as he kissed me softly on the lips.  I looked up into his eyes and he looked apologetic.  It was something that had to happen. Something deep inside me though, told me he wasn’t apologetic for leaving but for something else and I couldn’t put my finger on it.  He did not say a word to me; he only smiled and held me closer to him. His grip was tight as he kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath in.  Finally, he separated our bodies and he turned to walk out, not looking back and for that I was grateful. It was at that point it felt like all the wind had been knocked out of my lungs.  

I was so attracted to him and pulled in by who he was.  The question was, who was he to me? How was he going to play into my life once this was all over. I didn’t know the answer. I couldn’t tell the future and neither could he.  It was one of those wait and see situations I absolutely hated.  

I hadn’t heard Noor come into the room. I could feel a knot form in the middle of my stomach as I imagined all the things she could say to me.  Every possible combination of rudeness swirled in my head. And I readied myself for the venom she would his and the venom I would strike back with.

“You gonna live?”  Much to my surprise her voice was not full of the venom I had readied myself for. I looked up as she took a seat next to me.

I could only nod my head as I didn’t know how to answer her question, which seemed so ironic to me.  I was sure she thought I would fall apart, but I was proud and wasn’t going to let her see me upset over a man I barely knew. She had commented enough and her antagonism was something I did not want or need.

“So what now,” I asked unsure.

“Aren’t you supposed to meet that cop of yours sometime today?”

She was right; I was supposed to meet him later in the afternoon when he got off of work.  But that was still a few hours away and I was not in the mood to stay cooped up in the hotel room. “Later. Want to do something?”

I was sure she wasn’t happy about the prospect of doing something with me.  Matter of fact, she was probably loathing the idea of spending any time with me but right now she was all I had and I had decided that I needed to make the best of the situation at hand.  And spending anytime in the room with her alone was not something I was looking forward to.

“How about some lunch and shopping,” she said looking at me with a satisfied smile on her face.  I was taken aback by her behavior and her suggestion. “Shopping?”

“Sure, no one said we had to buy anything we could just window shop.”  She shrugged as she looked at me. Her eyes were friendly almost sympathetic I thought, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

I wasn’t sure if the look on my face matched the feelings I was having. I was utterly and completely shocked by her suggestion.  I think what shocked me the most was her tone. She was not condescending or rude. She was pleasant and she had a huge smile on her face.
             
“What,” her tone was almost humorous.

“I, I, uh?”  I couldn’t complete the sentence. I didn’t want to ruin her perfectly good mood nor be on the receiving end of her rampage if one should occur.

“Well?”

I shook my head in amazement. “Sure, let’s go?”  My tone was still full of surprise and that brought an even bigger grin to the red head’s face.  I grabbed my purse and walked toward the door of my room.

“I am not as bitchy as you think Alison.”  She simply stated as she shut the door behind us. 

I still found that hard to believe but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

We spent the rest of the morning window shopping, exploring all the places Grants Pass and the surrounding areas had to offer, which wasn’t much compared to what she was used to.   I had to admit I did enjoy her company. She didn’t make any snide or rude comments about Jack. Matter of fact, his name did not come up at all through the morning. And for this I was grateful.  Although the pain I had felt earlier when Jack left was still there it dull, a numb feeling now.   

Time seemed to pass quickly as we kept busy.  It wasn’t until after noon that we decided we were hungry enough to get something to eat.  Noor let me choose the place to eat and I chose the only restaurant I was guaranteed not to see Eric at. He despised Chinese food.  We sat quietly in a booth in the far back of the dark restaurant. The décor was similar to many Chinese restaurants I had been to, red burgundy booths, with lanterns hanging all over the restaurant and pictures of all things Asian. It seemed busy which was promising. I watched as Noor glanced over the menu and quickly closed it.

“What are you having?” She asked with a huge grin on her face. I was still taken aback by her sudden behavior and politeness to me. 

“Cashew chicken, why?” 

I could see the excitement in her eyes as she looked impatiently for the waitress.  “Because I want to order in Chinese.”

Again, I looked at her in total disbelief. “You speak Chinese?”

Her enthusiasm was unmistakable as she nodded once again. “I love to surprise the hell out of the wait people. Watch,” she said as the waitress came up.  She quickly ordered her food. Her words were so fast and so fluid, I could only trust her in what she was ordering. I had to admit I was totally amazed. I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me considering her line of work. But it did. The waitress was even more surprised at Noor’s language skills and pleasantly asked her questions in return. Once she took our order she slowly walked away, smiling. Satisfaction filled Noor’s face.

“Impressive huh?”

I could only nod.  I took a sip of the soda the waitress had brought me and looked away from the woman who sat across from me.

Noor’s face suddenly went sullen. “I am not as bitchy as I appear Alison.”

“You’ve already told me that Noor.” My eyes turned to look back at her.  “You have not given me reason to think otherwise,” I paused, “until this morning.”

“I know and I’m sorry I have been that way. It’s not you.”  She looked down into her drink and did not continue.

“Jack?”

Noor took a deep breath and sat back in her seat. Her eyes were dark and I suddenly wondered why she felt this way. “I don’t like the way he looks at you.”

Suddenly it all made sense. She was jealous. A crooked smile appeared on my face and I had to look down as I didn’t want her to see my face.  Suddenly I was full of confidence. I had something she did not – Jack’s attention.

Noor did notice and she laughed, “You think I am jealous of you?”

I shrugged my shoulders and took another drink of the soda.  A feeling of satisfaction crossed my face. I had been intimidated by her and afraid of her, and the whole time she was just simply jealous of the way Jack paid attention to me.  “Well?”

This time it was her who shook her head in disbelief.  “No, you misunderstand.” Suddenly she was serious and she leaned forward in her seat. She laid her hands on the table. “Alison, Jack is not supposed to get involved like he is. It’s dangerous for you and it’s dangerous for him. “

“Attachments aren’t good in your line of work? Yeah, I know. I am not as dumb as I appear Noor.” I knew the truth to this statement as much as both Jack and Noor did. It had crossed my mind several times over the last few weeks.

“No.” As she said those words, the waitress brought us soup.  I waited patiently for her to leave before I focused back on our conversation.

I didn’t let her continue her thought and spoke first. “Then maybe it is good that I am here with Eric and Jack is gone for a few days.”

“Alison. He is not who you think he is?” I caught something in the tone of her voice that suddenly frightened me. What the hell could she mean, he was not who I thought he was.

I could feel the heat rise in my face as I looked at her. Anger pulsed through every vein.  “Then who is he,” I retorted.  I looked her in the eyes, I wanted answers. I wasn’t entirely convinced that she just wasn’t jealous. But then, who was I? I was someone who had made a stupid mistake and how could I think anyone like Jack would want me.  Did he want me? Was all of this a game to him. I was now questioning everything and a wave of embarrassment washed away the anger.

Suddenly, Noor’s eyes were filled with regret as if she said something she shouldn’t have. “Alison?”

I put my hand up to stop her from talking any further. Suddenly my appetite was gone and I wanted to get up and run. I wanted to run away from everyone and everything, from her, from Eric and from Jack.  I could feel my heart beat slow to a doldrum and the tears well in my eyes.  The ache in my chest multiplied by a thousand and the pain was almost unbearable. I had barely taken a sip of my soup when the waitress brought our food.  As she set it down in front of my stomach turned.  Noor said something in Chinese, I could only guess it was a thank you and looked at me.

I couldn’t read her expression. I couldn’t tell if it was sadness or frustration. To me they looked the same.  “Alison, his feelings for you are sincere.  That man is so helplessly in love with you. I’ve never seen him like this.  It’s just, I don’t think….”  She hesitated before she finished. “I just don’t think this will end good that is all.  You will get hurt and Jack will become an even bigger ass than he already is.”  She smiled as she finished her sentence.  Her attempt at humor was for my benefit.

I smiled dryly and subconsciously moved my food around my plate.

“Look Alison, you have a wonderful life ahead of you. Embrace it. Get married, have kids. Go places because you can, not because you have to. “ Her voice was now filled with regret and longing.  I wondered if these were things she secretly longed for.

I stared at her as she took several bites of food. My mind began to swirl with questions. But as I watched her I knew now was not the time to ask.  I decided that eating was my only option as our conversation had come to an abrupt end. I only ate a small portion of the food that was set in front of me.  Noor did the same. Finally, as the waitress took our food and brought back to go containers filled with our uneaten food, her tone changed.

“What time are you supposed to meet the man?” She smiled at me as she said this trying to win my trust back.

I glanced down at my watched and my eyes grew big in dismay. I was going to be late.  “Ugh,” I cringed. If I didn’t get to the house to meet him, he was going to send out the Calvary.  I rose quickly and grabbed at the bill. But I wasn’t fast enough.