The Road to Her (27 page)

“You, too,” Bella replied, looking from me to Elise and back again, then turning to face her mirror once more when Elise didn’t say anything.

Outside the dressing room, I closed the door slowly behind me and breathed out, long and slow.

“Do you think she noticed anything?” Elise asked, casting an anxious look at the door.

“Doubt it,” I said nonchalantly. “You know Bella. An elephant could come into the room and she wouldn’t notice.” I kept my voice light, even though my heart was thudding against my ribs.

“I don’t know.” Elise looked at the door again. “She looked kinda suspicious.”

“Will you chill?” I said. “Stop being so paranoid all the time.” I delved into my bag and pulled out my purse, waggling it at her. “So how about some lunch before you go?”

Elise stared at the floor frowning, evidently deep in thought. “Can we take a rain check?” she suddenly said, jerking her head up and looking at me. “I’m really tired all of a sudden. Think I’m going to skip lunch, go home, and just veg out on my own.”

Disappointment burned in my chest. “Sure,” I said feebly.

Elise looked as if she wanted to say something but stopped herself.

“You okay?” I asked.

“’Course,” she said, glancing around and briefly linking her fingers with mine before quickly letting them drop. “I’ll call you tonight.”

“Sure,” I said again.

*

Elise didn’t call that night, as I somehow knew she wouldn’t. I spent most of that evening sitting in the darkness of my apartment, lost in my own thoughts, trying so hard not to let my disappointment and frustration at our situation get the better of me.

I spent a sleepless night during which my head and heart argued with one another constantly, my head repeatedly reminding me that things weren’t as I wanted them to be, while my heart told me that just one kiss from her would tell me that everything was going to be okay. Finally, morning arrived, much to my relief. It was a bright, breezy Saturday, the sort of gusty day that makes clouds scoot across the sky like they’re being chased by an angry mob. I gave up any thoughts of sleep and got up early, deliberately not switching my phone on, not wanting to have to feel the overwhelming unhappiness that I knew would come if Elise hadn’t texted or called me. If I didn’t switch my phone on, I figured, then I’d never know whether she had or not, would I? And then I couldn’t get disappointed again.

I needed to fill my head with thoughts of something other than Elise; housework, it seemed, would fill that perfectly. Cranking up my iPod as loud as my ears would allow, I set my mind to the dull tasks of tidying up and cleaning, tasks that I’d been putting off for weeks and weeks, primarily because I’d been so busy with filming
PR
that I just hadn’t had the time. I spent the morning loading machines full of washing, vacuuming corners of my apartment that I didn’t even know existed, and finally changing light bulbs in lamps that hadn’t worked in weeks.

It was just after midday when I finally slumped down on the sofa with a coffee and a baguette and I remembered to switch my phone on. I munched on my sandwich, listening as it beeped over and over again. With a sense of anticipation, I flicked my thumb across the phone’s screen, wiping breadcrumbs from my mouth, and saw that Elise had rung and texted me six times since the night before. I put my baguette down and read her texts, each one asking me if I was okay and whether she could come over. I listened to her voicemails, all saying the same thing, each one getting more exasperated, and I immediately felt guilty.

I rang her straight back, a pulse of relief running through me when she answered. She didn’t sound happy.

“Hey,” I said uncertainly.

“Holly.” She sounded terse.

“You…uh…you’ve been trying to get hold of me?” I asked, thinking how lame that sounded.

“Since, like, last night,” she replied.

“I had my phone off.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

I paused. “You bailed out on me last night,” I said. “We were going to have pizza, remember?”

“I’m sorry,” Elise replied. “That’s why I was ringing you last night—to apologise.” She paused. “I rang your apartment this morning, too,” she said. “Three times.”

I looked at my iPod on the sofa next to me. “Ah,” I said quietly.

“I wanted to see if I could come see you today.” Elise sounded annoyed. “But seeing as half the day’s gone already, there doesn’t seem much point.”

“You’re feeling better than you did yesterday?” I asked. I couldn’t help it.

There was silence at the end of the phone, then, “Yeah. Actually…I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Oh yeah?”

“And to make it up to you for ducking out on you like I did.”

Relief washed over me. “It’s okay.”

“What are you doing today?” Elise asked.

“Ugh, just tidying and cleaning and shizz, you know.” I looked at the baguette crumbs down my front.

“Can I come over? I miss you.” Her voice sounded husky on the phone, making my heart skip slightly.

“As long as you bring a duster with you,” I joked.

“See you in about half an hour?” I could hear Elise moving around.

“Look forward to it.” I jumped up from the sofa and, passing by the mirror, glanced down at my T-shirt, grubby from cleaning and with a large blob of mayonnaise from my baguette plumb in the middle of it. My hair was sticking up in all directions, and the pair of sweatpants I’d chosen to do vacuuming in at eight that morning had a backside so saggy I was confident I could fit a sack of potatoes in them.

I quickly changed into a low-cut T-shirt and a neat pair of new grey Superdry sweatpants that I hadn’t worn yet and that were trendy-baggy, not sack-of-potatoes baggy. I hastily straightened my hair, then piled it up on top of my head and slapped some make-up on. After a quick squirt of perfume, I peered in the mirror again and nodded. Better.

I was just picking up my recently cast-off clothes off the floor when the intercom rang out. It was Elise. Buzzing her up, I unlatched my front door, waiting around behind it for her, getting the now-familiar fluttering of anticipation that I always got when I knew I was about to see her.

When Elise finally appeared in the doorway, she whistled softly and looked me up and down, perfect eyebrow raised in apparent appreciation. I stepped back to let her pass, thrilled at the look she’d just given me.

“Whoa!” She laughed. “You always look this good to do the cleaning?”

“Early birthday present to myself,” I said, hooking my hands into my sweatpants pockets and waggling them.

“Birthday, huh?” Elise raised an eyebrow.

“Well early-ish,” I mumbled, suddenly hoping she hadn’t thought I was dropping hints. “It’s on the 14th.”

“I know.”

“You do?”

“I know everything.” She reached across and moved my fringe from my eyes. “And it’s your twenty-first if I’m correct?” she said playfully. “At least I have plenty of time to think of a fabulous present and the perfect way to celebrate it with you, hey?” Elise wandered past me into the apartment, brushing her hand up and down my arm as she did so, then stopped at the large window overlooking the river. “I wanted to apologise again for yesterday.” She looked back over her shoulder. “That was shitty of me, so I’m sorry.”

“I guessed you weren’t really tired.” I smiled tightly, wanting to be mad with her but not being able to. To be honest, I was just glad she was here.

“I freaked a bit after Bella came in,” she continued. “I mean, I know she didn’t see anything, but well, I suppose I just wanted to go home and think about stuff.”

“Stuff?” I frowned.

“Not about me and you,” she said quickly, holding a hand out to me.

I walked over to her and took her hand.

“Just…” She paused. “God, I don’t even know, to be honest.” She rubbed her thumb on the inside of my hand and gazed at me. “Anyway, I’m sorry,” she said again. “Am I forgiven?”

“Always.” My throat tightened.

“Good.” Elise leant forwards and kissed me slowly. My head and heart began their argument inside me again as I fell into her embrace, lost in her kiss.

Finally she pulled away again. “Now that you’ve forgiven me,” she said, putting her hand into her jacket pocket and pulling out a bright yellow duster, “I believe that you had plans for me today?”

*

“Okay, bathroom cleaned. I can now see my face in your bathtub,” Elise said. “Light bulb in bedroom replaced, suspicious stain on lounge carpet removed, and irritating part of blind that just won’t pull down properly now fixed.” She flopped down on the sofa and ran her hands through her hair. “
Now
can we get some dinner? Please?”

“Just one more job to do, then I’m done,” I said, waggling a screwdriver at her. “I promise.”

“Seriously?” Elise groaned. “All work and no play makes Holly a very dull girl, you know.”

I grabbed a small stepladder from the cupboard and placed it under one of the spotlights in the hallway. “Seriously,” I said, reaching up with the screwdriver to tighten the casing that had been hanging loosely for ages.

Elise was still sitting on the sofa, flicking through the telephone book to find my nearest pizza place. Still with my arms high above my head, I glanced over to her to see her watching me, telephone book cast to one side, a hint of mischievousness on her face.

“I can see your stomach when you do that,” she said, idly waggling a finger.

“And?” I puffed, trying to keep my balance and screw the casing in at the same time. “And,” Elise said, getting up and sauntering over to me, “it means I can do this…”

She lifted my T-shirt higher, slowly kissing my stomach, making me immediately lower my arms, drop the screwdriver I had in my hand, and double over in a fit of laughter. Still standing on the stepladder, I looped my arms round her shoulders, gazing down at her. She looked back up at me, biting on her bottom lip, and pulled me down from the ladder. Without another word, she started kissing me, hard and urgently, pulling my T-shirt up over my head and flinging it across the room so it ended up in a mangled heap by the front door. She kissed her way across my skin, down my neck, over my shoulders, and across my throat, digging her fingers into my bare back, then started tugging at my sweatpants.

I unzipped her hoodie and pushed it back over her shoulders, watching as she shrugged it off and flung it across the room so that it landed on top of my T-shirt by the door.

“Enough housework,” she said, pulling me to the floor. “Time to play.”

Chapter Twenty-seven

“Wow!” I gasped afterwards, looking at the mess of clothes flung around the floor. “Who knew chores could be such fun?” I turned to face Elise, our bodies still tangled up together on the floor. She reached out and stroked my face, lifting her head slightly to kiss my forehead.

“I think every weekend should be spent doing chores,” she said sleepily.

“Especially if that’s the reward at the end of them.” I sighed happily, gazing up at the ceiling.

Elise propped herself up on one elbow and looked down at me. She tidied my fringe from my eyes and gazed into them. “I think you’re great, you know that?” she said.

“I think you’re great, too,” I replied, reaching up and touching her face.

“My little Holly Eight-Year.” Elise took my hand that was touching her face and kissed it. “I’m sorry again that I went weird on you yesterday,” she said, reaching over and grabbing both our tops, handing me mine, and then pulling hers back over her head. “It’s just…” She thought for a moment before continuing. “It’s like I said before. This is all so new to me. I think it’s taking time to get my head around it, and if I do freak out occasionally, then I’m sorry.”

“But it’s a nice feeling, isn’t it?” I asked anxiously. “You do like it?”

She bent her head and kissed me. “It’s the best feeling in the world,” she whispered.

I sat up, pulled my own T-shirt back on, too, and looked round for my sweatpants, finally locating them dangling off my forty-two-inch plasma. “I wish, sometimes…” I began. I frowned, unsure how to continue.

“You wish…?” Elise prompted.

“Well, you say it’s a nice feeling, being with me,” I said, turning to face her. “I just wish sometimes you showed it a bit more.”

Elise’s face fell. “I don’t get it,” she said. “I can’t keep my hands off you, you know that.”

I shook my head. “It’s awesome when we’re alone,” I said. “Then I feel like I’m the most special person in the world.” I sat on the floor, my knees hugged to my chest. “But you don’t want to be seen out with me. That makes me feel like you’re ashamed of me or something.”

“You know why.” Elise inhaled deeply. “We don’t need to keep going over it.”

“But when we got together, I told you nothing had to change,” I said. “But
everything’s
changed.” I looked at her. “This doesn’t feel like a relationship, Elise. It feels like, I don’t know!” I buried my head in my hands. “It feels like an affair with a married person. I love you and I’m desperate to be with you all the time,” I said, “but it’s always on your terms, not mine. It’s not fair.”

She looked at me, crestfallen.

“You only come round when you want to,” I said. “We have sex, it’s great, then I suggest we hang out somewhere together and do normal things that couples do, but you don’t want to because you’re scared.” I took a deep breath. “Can you see why I’m constantly having a fight with myself?”

“Do you want to end it?” Elise spoke slowly and carefully.

“No, of course I don’t,” I said, panicked. “I just want us to be like we were before we got together, you know? Going out, having a blast. Not hiding ourselves away in my apartment all the time.”

“I don’t know if I can give you what you want,” Elise said quietly. “You knew the score right from the start. Why have you started thinking all this stuff now?”

“I suppose it’s just that when I was with Grace…” I began.

“Grace?” Elise’s voice rose. “What’s she got to do with anything?”

“It felt different with her,” I mumbled. “That’s all I meant.”

“Better?” Elise asked.