The Road to Her (32 page)

“Thank God for that.” Robbie drew his hands through his hair. “Who knew a twelve-hour shoot could feel like it was more like a day and a half?”

Just as I’d done when Grace had left me, I’d thrown myself into my work, which was my only salvation. Each day I got up, filmed my scenes at the studios, came home, ate, and slept. Same robotic thing, day in, day out, which was only good because it allowed me to shut out all thoughts of her, while I trained my brain to read scripts in between takes, or found someone to talk to in the green room whenever it seemed like my thoughts were going to drift over to her.

It was midweek and we’d just wrapped on some scenes filmed on location up near Primrose Hill. We were ahead of schedule, which delighted Stuart and meant that I’d now finished all my scenes and wasn’t needed again until Monday. A four-day weekend beckoned, which ordinarily would have been something to look forward to; this one, however, filled me with dread because I knew it would be spent alone.

“Do you want to grab a bite to eat on the way home?” I suddenly asked Robbie, the thought of being alone hanging over me. “My treat. I figure we’ve earned it after the day we’ve had.”

“No can do.” Robbie opened the door to the trailer and stood to one side to allow me to enter. “Got a hot date tonight.”

“Again?” I said over my shoulder. “Didn’t you have a hot date last night, too?”

“And another one tomorrow.” Robbie stepped up into the trailer behind me. “What can I say?” He struck a pose, making me groan…and laugh. “Anyway, see you Monday, yeah?” He shrugged his jacket on and left the trailer once more.

“The Adonis that is Robbie Turner, huh?” Bella appeared from behind a door where she’d been changing. She wriggled her sweater over her head, then ran her hands through her static hair. “Irresistible to all female-kind.”

“Not all.” I sat down and made big eyes at Bella. “You know, I never thought I’d be jealous of Robbie, but I am today.”

“Oh?” Bella sat down next to me and kicked her shoes off, sending one clattering across the floor.

“For having something to look forward to all weekend.” I sighed. “For having a life.”

“You have plenty of friends,” Bella said. “Just because you’re single again doesn’t have to mean it has to be all doom and gloom.”

“Yeah, but friends aren’t quite the same, are they?” I stared moodily at the floor. “I thought I’d kinda got used to the loneliness after Grace and I broke up,” I said. “I thought I was okay with it.” I eased Jasmine’s shoes off and put on my own much more comfortable boots. “Because you do, don’t you?” I looked at Bella. “Then someone new comes into your life and gives you your weekends back, but when they go, you have to get used to the loneliness all over again.”

“Until the next new person comes into your life,” Bella said, giving my knee a squeeze, “and gives you your weekends back again.” She reached into her bag and pulled her phone out, then jabbed at the buttons on it, like she always did with her phone. “Being single when you’ve been used to having someone around takes some getting used to.” She jabbed at her phone again and frowned. “Bloody phone’s dead.”

I took it from her.

“You ever hear from Grace now?” she asked, watching me as I pressed and held various buttons on her phone.

I shook my head. “Nothing after the last e-mail I told you about,” I said. “Guess she finally took the hint, although I was so wrapped up in Elise, I don’t think I would have noticed anything anyway.” I abruptly stopped talking, Elise’s name catching in my throat. “When did you last charge this thing?” I waggled it, grateful to have the chance to change the subject.

Bella shrugged. “I forget.”

“I keep telling you that you have to charge it.” I handed it back to her. “Your battery’s dead, I expect.” I rooted around in my bag for my own phone and handed it to her. “Here.”

“I just have to ring Tom, make sure he picks the kids up from football,” Bella said, clamping the phone to her ear. “He’s so forgetful. Drives me nuts. Hello? Tom?”

Wanting to let Bella speak in peace, I got up and walked to the small trailer bathroom, wondering, though, why she had to shout whenever she used a mobile phone. Shutting the door and locking it, I stood in front of the mirror, pulling my fingers through my fringe to move it from my eyes, listening to the muffled voice of Bella still talking outside.

Bella.

She’d been wonderful to me since Elise had left. I’d habitually poured my heart out to her, when I thought things were becoming too much for me, or cried in her arms in our dressing room when something at work pricked a memory of Elise and made everything come flooding back again. Without Bella, I think my life would have come crashing down around my ears weeks ago; she had been the one that had told me I had the strength to get through this, and I didn’t know how I’d ever be able to repay her for her kindness.

I covered a wad of cotton wool with cleanser and started removing the heavy make-up that was used on us in order to show up better on camera. When I was done, I leant on the sink and stared at my fresh, scrubbed face looking back at me. I could no longer hear Bella speaking, so I unlocked the bathroom door and went back into the main compartment of the trailer and, finding the trailer now empty, saw a hastily scribbled note on the table in front of the chairs where Bella and I had just been sitting.

Tom forgot the kids. Do you want my husband? Sometimes think I could happily be single. See you Monday.

In haste,

B x

I looked for my phone, but when it was clear that Bella hadn’t dropped it behind one of the cushions or left it in a prominent place where I could see it, I realised with a sinking heart that she’d taken it with her.

“Great!” I said aloud. “So not only do I have a weekend on my own, I now also have a weekend without my phone.”

I grabbed my coat and bag, hauling it onto my shoulders. With one more quick glance around the trailer, and with the thought in my head that I’d have to go to Bella’s in the morning to collect my phone, so at least I’d have something to do, I left the trailer and made my way home.

*

It was just gone five thirty in the afternoon when the intercom to the apartment rang. The commute getting back across town from Primrose Hill had been tedious, as it always was in the middle of the week.

I was still annoyed about my phone. By now, I thought, it would probably be back at her house, no doubt being batted around her lounge floor by one of her cats. Well, I could wait until the morning to go and collect it. Now I was home, all I wanted to do was kick off my boots, put slippers on my feet, pour myself an enormous glass of wine, and sit and watch TV until either hunger or cramp forced me to move again. It had been one of those days.

The intercom in my apartment rang again, refusing to be ignored. I sighed at its shrill, impatient buzzing and dragged myself reluctantly from the sofa, wincing at my tired, aching legs. There was only one person I knew could ring an intercom like that, and I really hoped she had my phone with her, and I equally hoped that she didn’t have any of her children with her.

The intercom rang for a third time, just as I’d reached my door to answer it. Muttering about patience being a virtue, I pressed the button, reaching down at the same time to pull a boot off, kicking it across the floor, and then leaning down to take the second one off.

“Bella?” I waited to hear the familiar, breathy voice of Bella.

“Holly, it’s me.”

I froze
. Elise.

“Buzz me up.”

Chapter Thirty-four

Icicles cascaded down my back the second I heard her speak. For one split second I felt dizzy and instinctively put my hand out to the wall to steady myself.

“Holly? You there?”

Just hearing her voice again after so many weeks of silence made it seem like I’d just seen her that morning. She’d only said a few words to me, but the sound of her soft, low voice was still making my head spin and my heart thud in my neck. I swallowed hard.

“Elise.” My voice sounded reedy, strained.

“Can I come up?” Elise asked.

“Why?” I sounded childish, but I didn’t care.

“Please? It’s important.” Elise said softly.

Without replying, I pressed the buzzer on the intercom. I wandered back into my lounge, my mind racing, imagining Elise in the lift, wondering what she was wearing, whether she was alone or had someone with her—stupid, crazy thoughts like that. I started frantically thinking about what I was going to say to her and how I was going to act towards her, and I jumped at the soft tap on my front door.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, adjusted my hair a little, then opened the door. My throat tightened as I saw her standing in front of me, looking just as stunning as she had the last time I’d seen her. Of course, physically she looked the same, a little thinner, perhaps, but same great hair, same beautiful eyes, cute dimples. At the same time, though, there was something different about her. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but it was as if she was meeker—shyer, almost.

“So? You’ve seen me,” I said, leaning my arm against the door frame, barring her way.

“I need to talk, not just see you.” Elise stepped back slightly, looking at my arm blocking the door.

“Oh,
now
you want to talk?” I said.

“Please?”

Finally stepping aside to let her in, I closed the door and leant back against it, watching her as she wandered into the apartment, looking around.

“Any spiders lately?” She turned to me and smiled nervously.

“What are you doing here, Elise?” I pushed back from the door and walked towards the window, glancing across at her as I passed her.

“I came to apologise,” she said.

“You came all the way from America to say you’re sorry?”

“I gave up on America,” she said quietly.

My heart lurched. “Why?”

“Why do you think? You.” Elise slowly walked towards me.

I folded my arms tight across my chest. “Why now?”

“I did a lot of thinking while I was away,” she said.

“You want a round of applause?”

Not rising to my bait, Elise walked to my window and stared out across the city.

“The view never changes from your window, does it?” She turned her head and looked at me over her shoulder. “I like the consistency about that. I need that.”

“Don’t we all?” I muttered.

“This is what I’m trying to tell you,” Elise said. “I’ve done a lot of thinking while I was away, and I realised I need stability in my life.” Her eyes roamed over my face. “Because I’ve never had it before. You give me stability.” She swallowed. “
Gave.
You gave me stability.”

“I make you want to hide from who you really are, remember?” I said. “Isn’t that why we both realised it would never work?”

“One day, when I was staying at my friend’s apartment in LA,” Elise said, ignoring my comment again, “I looked out his window and I realised that everything had changed since I’d last been there.” She dug her hands deep into her pockets and turned back to face the window. “But it wasn’t the scenery that had changed. It was me.” She stared out in front of her. “When I looked out his window, all I wanted was to see London spread out in front of me, not LA,” she continued. “Then I realised, it wasn’t about the view. Not really. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to stand with you in your apartment and look at the same scene that we’d stood and looked at together countless times.” Elise paused, breathing softly. “I wanted you to be standing beside me,” she said quietly, “but when I turned round, you weren’t there.”

“I wasn’t there because you were grown-up enough to realise we wanted to live our lives differently,” I said, loving how her hair fell around her neck, and fighting the urge to touch it. “I was devastated when you left, but you know what? In hindsight, if it hadn’t been you that ended it, then it would have been me.”

“And I’m grown-up enough to know how selfish I’ve been,” Elise said, finally turning her back on the window and facing me. “I never wanted to leave, but I didn’t see what choice I had. Now I’m glad I
did
go because when I got there, I felt empty, not like when I was last there.” She came towards me and sat on the arm of my sofa. “Everything came back to me. I remembered how selfish I’d been when I was living there before. I was selfish because I didn’t have anyone else to think about—or to care about. All I had was myself.” Elise leant over, resting her arms on her knees. “I was so insular,” she sighed, “only caring about me and my career.” She looked up at me, holding my gaze. “Everything changed when I came to England and met you, but I never realised it at the time. Never…appreciated it. It wasn’t until I was staring out my friend’s window that I realised I hadn’t left selfish Elise in LA. I’d taken her to London, left with her again, and now she was inflicting her selfishness on someone who she really cares about. You.”

“So what are you saying?” I asked, my throat tight. I wanted to be angry with her, but each gaze up at me from under her fringe, each sigh from her, each look of anguish on her face just made me want to go to her and gather her up in my arms. “You just left me! Without a word! I had to hear it from Kevin that you’d gone, for fuck’s sake. How could you have done that to me?” My eyes pricked with tears.

“I’m saying that I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, and that I want to try again,” Elise replied, her face sincere.

“Jesus, Elise. How can we be together?” I asked. I leant against the wall, my legs feeling like jelly. “We want different things. I want us to be open as a couple. You want total secrecy. How would it ever work?”

“Something happened when I was in LA,” Elise said slowly, “that made everything so much clearer.”

“Right,” I said, my heart thumping even more wildly than it was before.
Please don’t tell me you hooked up with a guy when you were there.
I swallowed hard. “So what happened when you were away?” I asked, dreading her answer.