The Samantha Project (10 page)

Since their death, time was passing at an excruciatingly slow pace. I wished it would speed up and throw me two or three years into the future, far away from this horrible moment in time.
 

Knock, knock, knock. The taps on the door startled me. “Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” It was Dave.
 

“Yes.” I put on my robe and opened the door. Dave was dressed in his one and only suit. I was used to seeing him in khaki pants and a wrinkled button-down shirt or a holey sweater. Not today. His shirt was pressed, he was cleanly shaven, and his gray unruly hair was neatly groomed.
 

“I have to go into work for a few hours this morning, so I’m going to meet you at the church. It’s horrible of me to leave you like this, I know, but Alden—well, he’s just being totally unreasonable and even more demanding than normal and if I don’t go—”

“It’s fine,” I interrupted him, knowing that Dave would never go into work on the day of the funeral unless it was a dire emergency. “I can drive myself. It’s just a few miles.”

“No, no. Colin is coming to get you. He’ll be here around noon. A few ladies from the church will be over around 11:30 to set up everything for after the memorial service. Just let them in. That’s all you need to do. I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?”

“Yes, go.”
 

Dave turned to go, then paused and turned back. “This is going to be a difficult day, Sam. Anything you need—you let me know, okay?” Dave choked up a bit. “I love you like you were my very own daughter.”
 

I said nothing. I wasn’t comfortable with him trying to play the father figure.
 

“Well, I better get going. I’ll see you at the church.” Dave headed downstairs.

Even though I didn’t say it, I was mad at Dave for leaving. And I was even more mad at my parents for leaving me. How dare they die in my senior year of high school! Without even letting me say goodbye! Why weren’t they paying attention to the road that night? Why did they have to stay out so late? If anything, I wanted to scream at them, but I couldn’t because they were gone forever. And knowing that turned my anger into guilt and sadness.
 

Maybe the memorial service
would
provide closure. Maybe it would stop the “what if” scenarios that kept running in my head. What if I had insisted they stay home that night? What if I had called and asked them to come home early? What if I had checked for road construction?
 

I looked at the clock and noticed it was now 10:30 and I wasn’t even showered. I got cleaned up and put on the black dress Mom had bought me for a party she and Dad hosted last Christmas. It was the perfect dress for me, not too fancy, not too short. It was elegant and made me feel sophisticated.
 

Mom had a knack for fashion that I never inherited. She dressed herself in a way that was simple, clean, and timeless. “Beauty and brains—a rare combo,” Dad used to say when he looked at her.
 

I used to roll my eyes when he said it, but thinking back on it now, I remembered it differently. His voice was filled with gratitude—as if he were the luckiest man alive to meet such a woman. He had so much respect and love for her—more than I could comprehend in my teenage years. To me his words were corny. Old people in love, I thought. But their love was what people aspire to have, and I was lucky to have witnessed it and been raised in a home that had it.

I stood in my black dress, hair done, ready to go. I stared into the mirror, thinking how plain I looked. Mom would have added some earrings, done a better job with the makeup, and spritzed on some perfume. In her honor, I put on some sparkly fake diamond stud earrings she had given me a few years ago. They looked nice with the black dress, and wearing them made me feel like Mom was there again.
 

I went to dig my black heels from the closet but could only find one. As I got on my knees to dig out the other one, the doorbell rang. Church ladies, I thought. And of course, they’re early. The doorbell rang again. And they’re impatient.
 

I raced down the stairs as the doorbell rang once more. “Yes, hello,” I said, catching my breath and holding my lone shoe in my hand.

Three ladies greeted me at the door. “I see you’re still getting ready, dear,” one lady said. She was standing in front, holding a casserole dish with a pile of paper plates on top. She was short and round and her cheeks were red from the cold. The other ladies were lined up behind her, also loaded with food dishes. They had obviously done this many times before. “You just go along, dear, and do what you need to do,” the first lady said, pushing her way past me into the house.
 

“Just pretend we’re not here, darlin’,” said the woman behind her, obviously a transplant from the South. She was a tall, thin lady with hair that had been dyed bright red.
 

The third woman was very petite with a small gray bun in her hair. She worked fast and efficiently, unloading items from the car to the house as the other women set up inside.
 

Although I dreaded having strangers in my house, messing with all of Mom’s and Dad’s stuff, I felt strangely comforted watching these women at work. It seemed like they truly cared about what had happened and wanted to do all they could to make this easy on Dave and me. They didn’t even know us, yet they had volunteered their entire day to help us out.
 

I could hear pans clanking and water running in the kitchen as I dug deep in my closet and finally found my missing shoe. I rarely wore heels, so it was no surprise that one was buried under a pile of sneakers. The doorbell rang again as I put on my shoes. Colin, I thought.

The short, round lady had already opened the door when I got downstairs. “You have a visitor, dear,” she said to me as she walked back to the kitchen. I had never experienced having a grandma but this lady was close to what I imagined it was like.
 

Colin smiled. “Uh, nice meeting you,” he said, waving to the lady, but she was already back in the kitchen.
 

“She’s one of the ladies from the church,” I explained. “It’s like a factory in there.”

“You look amazing.” Colin was looking me up and down. “I mean, maybe I shouldn’t say that right now, but Sam, you look, well, really pretty. The dress, the earrings . . . your mom would be so—”

He stopped, but we both knew what he was thinking. Mom would have liked seeing me all dressed up instead of my usual tomboy look.
 

“Thanks. You look nice, too, Colin.” Colin had on a black suit, crisp white shirt, and steely blue tie, making him look even better than usual.
 

On the drive to the church, Colin and I sat in silence. Snow was falling and the sky was dark gray. The church parking lot was filled to capacity; cars spilled out onto the streets.
 

Colin parked, letting the engine run to keep the heat on. He took my hand. “Are you ready? Or do you want to wait in the car a few minutes?”
 

“No, I’m ready. Let’s go,” I said, just wanting it to be over with.

Inside the church we were met with a table displaying photos of my parents. The music I had picked out played softly in the background.

The service began with the minister talking and then people started filing up to the front of the room to say a few words about my parents.
 

The whole event didn’t seem real. It was almost like I was witnessing it from afar. I couldn’t accept that it was my parents’ ashes in those urns. It wasn’t until Dave spoke that it suddenly felt real.
 

Dave requested to speak at the end of the service, just in case he couldn’t go through with it. When it was his turn, he went up to the podium. His face was pink and blotchy and his eyes were red from crying.
 

“I stand here today unable to adequately express my sorrow,” he said, his voice trembling. “You see, I’m a single guy who has devoted my life to my research. My parents died years ago, after I had just started my company. With no family left, I buried myself in my work. After a few years of that, I had nothing to show for it. My business was failing and I was incredibly lonely. That’s when I met Stephen.” Dave started to break down.
 

The room was silent as Dave bowed his head and took a deep breath. Watching him made me start to cry. Colin noticed and put his arm around me as Dave continued.

“We became friends instantly. He was like a brother to me. He and Ellie were engaged at the time. The instant I met Ellie, I could see why Stephen loved her. She was beautiful, smart, and had a heart bigger than anyone I knew. She touched so many people with her kindness, and I’m sure that’s why so many of you are here today.”
 

He paused to wipe the tears that were starting to form. “Stephen and Ellie treated me like family. They made me a better person. Before knowing them, I was immature, selfish, and driven to succeed at any cost. My work was all about making money. Stephen and Ellie helped show me that my company and its research could do more than make money—that it could truly make a difference in people’s lives.”

My mind started to picture images of my parents when they were younger as Dave continued. “Stephen and Ellie taught me the importance of putting others first. They showed me that the feeling you get from helping others is better than any amount of money.”
 

Dave paused and stared down at me. “I learned that firsthand, when I was able to use my company to help give them Sam, their only child—that beautiful young lady sitting before you here today.” Dave looked up at the crowd again. “I feel so fortunate to have known these two wonderful people. They will never be forgotten.”
 

Dave went to sit on the empty seat next to me, wiping his face, which was now covered in tears. The minister said a prayer; then music filled the room and people started to get up and gather their things. Colin said he’d see me at the house, then headed to the back of the church where his parents were sitting.

“Are you ready to go, Sam?” Dave asked. His face was still red from crying.

“Yeah. I’m ready.”

Before we could get up, the minister was at our seats. “If either of you needs anything from me or anyone at the church, please call. We’re always here to help.” Dave thanked him and we both got up to leave.
 

I was relieved that it was over, but I was also sad. Because it meant that my parents were truly gone and I would never see them again.
 

On the car ride back to the house, we both kept silent until we reached the driveway. “Sam, when we get inside, if you want to just go up to your room, that’s fine. I’m not going to pressure you to talk to people or listen to their stories about your parents.”

“I’ll go upstairs if it gets to be too much.”
 

People were already streaming into my house. We were greeted at the door by the church ladies, who took our coats. The house looked great. They had cleaned it up a little and put out more of the photos I had collected. There were tables set up everywhere with food and drinks and music playing softly in the background. I had to give the ladies credit. They did add warmth to the place. The food smelled delicious and actually made me slightly hungry, a feeling I hadn’t had since the accident.
 

Red hair lady brought me some hot tea just as Colin came up to give me a hug. “Oh, is this your beau, sugar? He’s sure handsome.” Her Southern accent seemed even stronger than before.

“Um, yes it is,” I said, still amazed at how bright her hair was. I had never seen hair dye in that color.
 

“Nice to meet you, son.” She shook Colin’s hand and smiled wide with lips that matched her hair. “Now I’ve got to get back to the food, darlin’.”

“Well, you don’t see that very often,” Colin said, looking wide-eyed at the crazy red hair.
 

Josh, my manager from the coffee shop, came up beside me. “Sam, I was so sorry to hear what happened.” He gave me a hug. “Don’t worry about work. Jess and Will have been helping out.”

“Thanks, Josh. I don’t know when I’ll be back or if—” I stopped, not sure if I was ready to make a decision about work.

“Well, I hope you’ll eventually come back, but if not, I understand.”

Jessica and Will saw us talking and came over. Jessica hugged me. “I’m sorry, Sam. I don’t know what to say. This has never happened to—”

“It’s okay,” I interrupted. “I’m just glad that you came.”

“Hey, Sam.” Will seemed even more lost for words than Jessica. “Um, we’ve missed you at work.”

We talked a little and then they left. A few other people from school showed up and also seemed nervous to talk to me. Nobody knew what to say.

Allie was there, too, along with her parents. I rarely saw her parents and couldn’t remember ever seeing them together. When they came up to talk to me, Dave came over as well. He knew Allie’s dad from his work with the university.

“Are you okay?” Allie whispered to me while her parents talked to Dave. “I could sneak you out of here if you want. Get you away from all this for a few minutes.”

“No. It’ll be over soon.”

“Want me to stay? My parents could pick me up later.”

“No. I’m just gonna go to bed after it’s over. I’m exhausted.”

We talked some more and then Colin came back over, along with his parents. His dad came up to me first. “It’s a real shame, kid, about your parents.” Colin’s dad was clearly uncomfortable in the situation, making it awkward for all of us.
 

His mom gave me a hug. “If you need anything, please call us. Joe can fix stuff around the house and I can make meals for you and Dave.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Denison. And thank you both for coming.”

“Well, of course. I’m sorry we have to leave so soon, but . . .”

“Mom, it’s all right. Go ahead.” Colin walked them to the door.