The Samantha Project (7 page)

I woke up to find Colin sitting in the chair next to me and talking quietly on his cell phone.
 

“Just go without me! I told you I’m not leaving her.” He noticed I was waking up. He got up and walked to the kitchen so I couldn’t hear. “Well, you’re an insensitive jerk! No. Not tonight. Stop calling and texting me. I’ll see you on Monday.”

He walked back to the sofa and sat next to me. “Hey, you’re up. Can I get you something? Some lunch maybe? Well, I guess it’s almost dinner time.”

“I’m not hungry,” I said. “Who was that on the phone?”

“Shawn. Remember how I was supposed to go out with him and the guys tonight? Shawn’s car broke down last week, so I told him I would drive. But that was before all this. He can get a ride with someone else.”

“Colin, just go. You’ve already been here for hours.”
 

“I’m not leaving you here all alone. Besides, I don’t want to go out with them. I spent plenty of time with those guys during football season.”

That was true. Football was king at our school. The coach kept his players so busy during the season that I hardly saw Colin. And every weekend the team partied at different houses. I went to one of the football parties and hated it. The cheerleaders hung on the players like they were gods, practically begging them for sex.
 

I guess I should have been jealous that Colin got so much attention from other girls, but I always felt like I could trust him. Shawn was another story. He constantly tried to get his teammates to do stupid stuff, like break into the school late at night or TP the principal’s car.

Thinking of Shawn made me accept Colin’s offer. “Okay, stay. But I won’t be good company.”

“You’re always good company,” he said, kissing my forehead. “And I’m gonna be here a lot now, so you better get used to it. Oh, while you were asleep, Allie called. When she told her parents what happened, they decided to come home early from the ski trip. They’ll be back tonight.”

“They didn’t need to do that.”

“They wanted to, Sam.”

“Well, I’m not ready to see her right now.”

“That’s fine, but she’ll be here if you need her. And your boss called. He said not to worry about work. Jess and Will volunteered to cover all your shifts. Jess and Will called, too. Left messages on your phone.”

“How does everyone know?”

“Well—it was on the news.”

“Oh, so people at school know?”

“Yeah. A bunch of people called me. They weren’t sure what to do.”

“I don’t want to talk to anyone, Colin. Or see anyone.”

“Okay, I’ll tell them. Dave said a ton of people had called him, too. Some of your parents’ friends wanted to come over and . . .”
 

Just then, I realized that Uncle Dave had been gone for hours. Where was he? What had happened at the police station? Why hadn’t he called? My mind started racing. Something was wrong. I could feel it.
 

“You talked to Dave?” I asked frantically as I jumped up from the sofa. “What did he say? Why isn’t he home?”

“Hey, slow down,” Colin said, pulling on me to sit down. “Dave handled everything at the station and then went to,” he paused not wanting to say too much, “handle some things. And then he was going to stop at his house and pack a bag so he could stay here tonight.”

By “handle things” I knew Dave was visiting the morgue and probably some funeral homes, arranging for a burial. Part of me felt excluded, like I should have been the one picking out their caskets and the cemetery. But deep down, I was grateful that Dave was taking care of it all. I had always felt older than my age, but at that moment I felt like a child, just wanting to hide from it all.

“Dave said things took longer than he thought they would. Said he’d be back around 6 and we could all eat dinner together.”
 

“What is this obsession with eating?” I asked, annoyed. I couldn’t understand how normal activities like eating could resume when my parents had died just hours earlier.
 

“You don’t have to eat, Sam. But it might make you feel better.”

“Nothing will make me feel better! So stop trying!” I yelled. I didn’t mean to lash out at Colin. But I had to yell at someone and he was the only person around.

“Uh, okay, Sam. I don’t know what you want from me.” Colin looked frustrated. I could tell that he wanted so badly to be able to turn back the clock and make everything normal again. And who could blame him? It was his senior year—a year that should be filled with fun and friends, not a girlfriend who was dealing with the death of her parents.

I took Colin’s hand and settled in close to him. We sat in silence, watching the room get darker as evening rolled in. Just before 6, Dave came trudging through the door, his arms full of groceries and luggage. It had been snowing most of the day, leaving his coat and shoes soggy and wet.
 

I got up and ran over to Dave. “So what happened? Where have you been?”
 

“Sorry it took so long, Sam. I should have called, but I was so busy trying to make arrangements and pack my bags. I’m going to stay here for a while. For quite a while, actually.” Dave nodded at Colin, a signal that he needed to be alone with me. Colin took the groceries and left for the kitchen.

“Um, okay, why? Do I need a babysitter?”

“Well, in a way, yes.” Dave hung up his sopping-wet coat and put his boots on the rubber mat by the door. “Come here,” he said, guiding me back to the sofa to sit down. “When I was at the station today, the police reminded me that you’re still a minor, so an adult needs to stay here with you. I know it sounds ridiculous, Sam, since you’re almost 18, but it’s the law. Of course, we could move to my place, but I was pretty sure you’d want to stay here.”

It’s not like this was bad news, having Dave live at the house, but it was another change I wasn’t prepared for. Dave was a lifelong bachelor. His house was a mess and he lived on takeout. I could take care of
him
better than he could take care of me.
 

“So what do you think, Sam? Are you okay with this?”
 

“Yeah. I understand,” I muttered.
 

“Well, I’m not the best housekeeper and I’m definitely not a good cook. But I promise you, Sam, I’ll do my best to help out and be here whenever you need me.” His eyes started to tear up. He took me in his arms so I couldn’t see his face as he composed himself.
 

“Um, maybe I should get going now.” Colin was at the door, looking unsure of his place now that Dave was back. “Are you okay if I leave, Sam?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Colin. For everything.”

Dave got up and went to the kitchen to give Colin a chance to say goodbye.

I got up and met Colin at the door. “Sorry to ruin your whole Saturday.”
 

He gave me another hug. “Don’t say stuff like that. You didn’t ruin anything. I told you I’m gonna be here for you, whether you like it or not.” He gave me a quick kiss, then squeezed me tight once more. “Call me anytime, any hour. I mean it. I’ll stop by tomorrow,” he said, closing the door behind him.

“I really like him,” Dave said, peeking his head out from the kitchen. “He’s such a nice guy. And mature, like you. I was never that mature at his age.”

I followed Dave into the kitchen. He opened the fridge, looking completely clueless as to how to make a meal. “So I’m guessing you haven’t eaten all day. You must be starving. Let me make you something.”
 

“I’m not hungry. I want to know what happened today. What did the police say?”

Dave shook his head in a gesture of frustration. “Really, Sam, the police didn’t say much. And I don’t think it’s the right time to talk about it.”

“I want to know. Please. Just tell me.”

Dave sighed. “Well, I guess there was some night construction going on at Stevens Point Road. Your Dad must not have seen that the one lane was closed.” Dave’s voice drifted off, as if he were imagining the scene in his head.
 

I tried to imagine it, too, but it didn’t make sense. My dad was a super cautious driver and he was always aware of road construction.
 

“But Dad checks that stuff all the time.”

“I know, I know. He kept that state DOT site bookmarked on his computer. He was always so worried about you driving.”

“What else did they say?”

“Well, apparently the car slammed into a telephone pole and then rolled down the ravine that’s there. You know that area right after Woody’s garage? It’s kind of a sharp curve.”

“Yeah, I know the area.” His description was bringing the scene to life for me in a way that was far too vivid. I quickly changed the subject, wishing I had never asked about the accident. “So what else did you do there? At the station?”

“I had to identify . . . you know, just to be sure. I didn’t want to have to talk about this Sam, but I know . . .” Dave took a deep breath, tears forming in his eyes again. I felt numb, like he was talking about someone else. “Basically, the car was pretty much in pieces and part of it was on fire, so you can imagine—” His voice was shaking, so he stopped to breathe again. “Well, it was bad. I don’t want you to ever have that image of them.”

We stood in silence, the image forming in my head despite Dave’s warning.
 

Dave could see my mind working, so he continued on, trying to change the subject, but the next topic wasn’t much better. “I don’t know if you knew this, Sam, but your parents wanted to be cremated. Their ashes will be in urns at their memorial service, which I’ve tentatively scheduled for Wednesday at First Street Church. But I wanted to talk to you before I confirmed it.”

“That’s so—it’s so soon! Can’t it wait? This just happened. I’m not ready.”

“I know. Believe me, Sam, I know. It all seems rushed, but that’s how it works. And I know it’s not fair. It seems like the whole world should come to a stop and give us time to grieve. But it doesn’t.” He sat down at the kitchen table, looking hopeless and overwhelmed.
 

“So it has to be Wednesday?”

“No, of course not. It can be any day next week, but the minister came down to the station and he suggested doing it sooner rather than later. It doesn’t get any easier, Sam, the longer you wait.”

“Fine. Then do it whenever you want!” I shouted at him. “You seem to have already made the decision anyway!”

Dave wasn’t sure how to respond. “I, I didn’t mean to take over, Sam. I was just trying to take the burden off of you. I know you don’t think so, but you’re still so young and this whole situation is too much for you to handle by yourself. I’m sorry if you feel excluded. The day of the service can be changed. You can have as much input as you want.”

But he was right. I wasn’t able to take on planning a funeral. I needed him to do it. I had never even thought about my parents’ funeral before then. Why would I? They were in their forties. People didn’t die in their forties. Well, sure some did, but not many. And my parents were in perfect health. They worked out, ate right, didn’t smoke. Why would I ever think about their deaths?

“Just forget it. Wednesday is fine.” I looked up at Dave who now seemed afraid to say anything. “So who do we, um, invite?” I regretted the question the second I said it. You don’t “invite” people to a funeral. It’s not a party! I suddenly felt guilty, like I had disrespected the two people I loved most in this world.

“Now don’t get mad, Sam, but I actually contacted everyone already. Your mom gave me a list of their friends last year when we had that surprise party for your dad. And of course I know all of their colleagues at the university. I can give you the list if you want.”

“No, I don’t need to see it.” I was more relieved than angry that Dave had taken care of calling people. I couldn’t say the words aloud myself, let alone tell anyone else what happened.

“So what did people say?” I asked, not sure if I wanted the answer. “What did they say when you told them?”

“Oh, Sam, they were devastated. People loved your folks. They had so many good things to say. Many people offered to speak at the service, but I wanted to talk to you first. Everyone said how kind and generous your folks were and—well, everyone asked how you were doing. You may not know all these people, Sam, but they all know you. Your parents talked about you constantly. They were so proud.” Dave looked up at the ceiling, trying not to cry.
 

A lump formed in my throat. I’d had more than I could handle in one day. My parents, the funeral, Dave moving in. It was too much, too fast.
 

“I’m really tired, Dave. I’m gonna go to my room.”

Dave let me go, unsure what else he could possibly say or do to help me. He was not equipped to be thrown into the father role. As I went upstairs, I could hear him quietly sobbing and then felt my own tears start to roll down my face.

The next day came and went without me ever leaving my room. I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I heard Colin downstairs in the morning. Dave sent him away, knowing I wanted to be alone. The phone rang constantly and people kept coming to the door. I could hear Colin’s parents, and then Allie and her parents, and Josh, my boss, and even a few of my teachers. I heard other people I didn’t recognize coming and going and I guessed they were people Mom and Dad used to work with.
 

Around noon, I could smell food outside my door—probably canned soup warmed up by Dave, one of the few meals he could make. A few hours later, it was still there and Dave knocked on my door.

“Sam, can I come in?” Dave asked.

“Yeah, okay.”

He came in holding a stack of sympathy cards. “Guess you’re not hungry. I can get you something else.”

“No thanks.”

“Some people brought these over for you.” He held out the cards.

“Just set them on the desk.”
 

Dave put the cards down and came over to sit on my bed. “Do you want to come out for a little bit? A lot of people want to see you. They’re worried about you.”