The Samantha Project (5 page)

“That’s okay. Mom and I are going out, too. We can hang out tomorrow.”

“I can’t. My parents are making me go up north for some ski trip. Can you believe that? They told me this morning. I was like, ‘I just got home! I need to sleep!’ but they wouldn’t listen.”

“Well, it’s nice you’ll have some time with your folks,” Mom said. “I’ll see you later, Allie. Have fun, girls.”

Allie and I went up to my room to talk. She took a seat in my green chair and I sat on some pillows on the floor.

“I have so much to tell you, Allie. I don’t know where to start.”

“Yeah, me, too. We didn’t talk enough when I was gone.”

“Because it costs a fortune. And then there’s the time difference.”

“So what’s been going on at school? Any new gossip?”

“Let’s see. Well, Caitlyn’s decided to start flirting with Colin again.”

“Oh, please. Like she even has a chance.”

I shrugged, not sure it was true.

“Sam, don’t be so insecure. Colin is not at all interested in her.”

“Well, he dated her.”

“In ninth grade! Ancient history, Sam. Back when he went from being known as the smart kid to being the star athlete. He just got caught up in the whole ‘athletes only date cheerleaders’ thing.”
 

“Yeah. But I still hate it when she flirts with him.”

“You just hate her in general. Along with everyone she hangs out with.”

“Because she’s mean! Remember back in second grade when she told everyone that I was a boy because I had short hair and wore pants all the time instead of dresses?”

“Well, you insisted everyone call you Sam instead of Samantha, so you
did
have a boy’s name.”

“It’s not a boy’s name. It can go either way. And I never liked Samantha. It’s too long.”

“Remember in middle school when she told everyone that you kissed Brian Caldwell?”

Brian was a small shy kid with crooked teeth and horrible acne who was ridiculed so much that eventually his parents sent him to private school.
 

“Exactly! So you can see why I hate her.”

“She’s got her own issues, Sam. Just ignore her. You’ll be in college soon anyway.”

I jumped up from the floor. “Oh my God! I totally forgot to tell you! I got into Stanford!” I went and grabbed the letter.
 

“No way! That’s awesome!” She got up and hugged me.
 

“I know. I’m so excited. I totally loved the campus. And they have this huge library. I could sit and read for hours.”

“Who cares about that? You’ll be living in California! No more cold. No more snow. And the guys—I bet the guys are really hot there.” She sat down again, as if dreaming of what they might look like. “What am I saying? You have Colin. Never mind.”

I sat down on my bed and got quiet.
 

“Sam, what’s wrong? You
are
still gonna date Colin, right?”

I didn’t say anything, not wanting to talk about it.

“Sam! Answer me. You’re still gonna date him when you go to Stanford, right?”

“I don’t know. I mean, how is that gonna work, Allie? I’ll be halfway across the country. And I’ll only be home during breaks.”

Allie looked shocked. “Are you serious? You’re telling me you’re gonna break up with him? You’re not even gonna try to make it work?”

“Because it won’t work. Long distance relationships never work. Everyone knows that.”

“Uh, no. They work all the time, especially when it’s people like you and Colin.”

“Colin will go to college and meet someone else. He’s hot. He’s good at sports. He’s funny. He’s nice to everyone.”

“Yeah. And he’s yours. He always will be.”

“Allie, be real. He’s 18. I’m 17. We’re high school sweethearts. It’s not like we’re gonna get married. I don’t want to get married until I’m at least 30.”

“So if the right guy comes along before that, you’re just gonna tell him to get lost?”

“Well, yeah. I need my twenties to finish school, get my Ph.D., get a good job.”

“Just because you’ve had that plan since you were like, 12, doesn’t mean it can’t change, Sam. Come on, you’re not really gonna tell Colin that it’s over, are you?”

I didn’t respond.

Allie got angry. “Well, when is this happening? He’s my friend, too. I have a right to know.”

“I don’t know yet. And it’s not like I’m gonna tell him that we’re never gonna talk to each other again. It’s more like I’ll tell him that I want us to stay friends, just not date.”

“So you’re gonna give him the ‘let’s still be friends’ line? Seriously?”
 

She waited for me to answer but I stayed quiet.

“You know, I’m really kind of mad at you right now, Sam. Why would you do something like that to him? He loves you. And I’m not just saying that. He’s told me that himself. And he would do anything for you. Anything! Do you know how rare that is?”

“Yeah, but the timing is all wrong, Allie. If I was like, 29 or 30, and we were dating, then . . .”

“Stop worrying about your stupid timeline!” she yelled at me. “What is wrong with you? Colin is here now. And if you dump him, he’s not gonna be sitting around waiting for you to turn 30.”

“You don’t have to get mad at me.”

“I just don’t want to see you make a mistake you’ll regret because of some stupid plan of yours. Or some fear that your relationship won’t last when you move to California.”

“It’s not just me. I’m sure he’s thinking the same thing. He knows we won’t keep dating when we go to college.”

Allie rolled her eyes. “Are you living on the same planet as the rest of us, Sam? My God, the guy is totally and completely in love with you. There’s no way he’s thinking that.”

“But—”

“And your parents love him,” Allie interrupted. “That alone should be enough of a reason for you to stay with him. You always try to please your parents.”

“That’s not true!” I protested.
 

“Oh, please, don’t get me started. Just tell me that you’ll think about this some more before you say anything to Colin.”

“I will.”

“You
do
love him, Sam, don’t you? Because if you don’t, then that’s a whole different story.”

I hesitated. “Well, I think I do. I guess I’m not sure. I mean, he’s my best friend so . . .”

“Well, I’ve never been in love, but I think if you loved him, you would know.”

After our talk that day, I knew that Allie was right. I hadn’t given my future with Colin enough thought. College was still many months away, but if I was really breaking up with him, I needed to let him know sooner rather than later.
 

Allie and I hung out the rest of the morning. She quickly got over being mad at me when the topic changed to her telling me all about some guy she met on the plane coming home.

“He goes to Northwestern. I gave him my number and he said he’d call me. I lied and told him I was already in college.”

Allie looked at her phone. “My mom texted. Told me to get home. We’re meeting my dad for lunch. He’s working today.”
 

Allie’s dad was dean of the college of medicine at the university where my parents worked, technically making him their boss. That could have made things weird between us, but my parents rarely saw the dean so it was no big deal.

“Well, I guess since you’re gone this weekend, I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yeah. But I’ll call you tomorrow from the ski lodge. I can’t believe I’m stuck with my parents all weekend.”

“
I
can’t believe that we only have a few months left and then we’ll be on opposite coasts.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s true.” Allie had already been accepted to a small private college in New York. She was studying journalism. “So I guess you won’t be my friend anymore because of the whole ‘long-distance’ thing.” She put the words in air quotes, but smiled to let me know she was just kidding.

“Okay. I got the message. And don’t worry, we’ll always be friends, Allie.”

“Good. Well, I should go.” We got up and headed downstairs. “So what are you and Colin doing tonight?”

“Seeing a movie. I don’t know which one.”

Allie made a face. “That’s real exciting.”

“He’s making me go to some party afterwards.”

“At Darin’s house? Yeah, I heard about that. Should be fun. Wish I could go. But no, I’ll be stuck in the car with my parents.”

“You’ll have fun, Allie,” I said, as she put her coat on.
 

Allie left just as Mom came downstairs.
 

“Did Allie head home?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, they’re leaving tonight, so I’ll see her on Monday.”

“Ready to power shop? I saw on the news that the stores are jam-packed. Want to have lunch here or go out?”

“What’s Dad doing for lunch?”

“He’s messing around in the garage. He’s watching the game out there. Another day of football, you know.”

“Maybe we could eat here with him and then go out.”

“Okay. I’ll start hauling the leftovers out of the fridge. You go tell him.”

I grabbed my coat and went to the garage, where Dad was staring at the small TV set that was on his workbench.
 

“What are you doing out here, Dad?” I asked him.

I startled him. “What? Oh, just watching the game. And changing the wipers on the car. They said it might rain tonight. These old wipers don’t even work anymore.”

“Mom’s getting lunch ready, so come in when you’re done.”

“I thought you two were shopping.”

“After lunch. I told Mom we should eat lunch with you instead of leaving you all alone.”

Dad looked surprised. “Oh, well that’s nice of you. But I would’ve been fine alone.” He glanced at the TV again.

“I’ll let you watch your game.”

“Wait. I want to talk to you for a minute.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, now that you got into Stanford, I just wanted to make sure that you still want to go there. I don’t want you to feel like you have to. You did apply to other schools.”

“Of course I want to go there.”

“Are you sure?” He looked at me for additional confirmation.

“Yes, Dad. I want to go to Stanford.”

“And you know that you can study whatever you want. Your mother and I don’t want you to think you have to go into a science field just because we did. I mean, I know you love science and it comes easy to you, but you might want to study something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Whatever interests you.”

“I’m interested in genetics.”

He smiled. “Well, that could be because your father has been teaching you about it since you were little.”

“No, Dad. I really am interested in it. And I’ll know for sure if that’s what I want to do after I work in your lab this spring.”

“Well, you’ll see what goes on there, and you’ll help with some office stuff. But you won’t actually be able to do any real genetics work there.”

“I know. But I can talk to the students, see what you do every day.”

He came over and gave me a hug. “Your mom and I just want you to be happy, honey. And whatever makes you happy is fine with us.”

“Okay, Dad.”

“Guess we should go inside for lunch. You girls have to get some shopping in.”

Dad and I went in the house. Mom had turkey sandwiches waiting along with some chips and soda. And a small bowl of pink fluff just for Dad.

After lunch, Mom and I headed to the mall. The stores opened at midnight, so by early afternoon they weren’t as crowded. Mom bought some holiday decorations, which she did every year even though our basement was already filled with boxes of ornaments, Santa figurines, and all types of snowmen. Then we looked at clothes but neither one of us found anything to buy.
 

Unlike most teenage girls, I really didn’t like going to the mall and hardly ever went. But I did love the post-Thanksgiving outing with Mom. Even if we didn’t buy anything, it was fun to watch people scamper about trying to snag a certain sale item. And after, we always went out for coffee or dessert or both.

This time, we stopped at a new coffee place just outside the mall. When we sat down, Mom gave me a speech similar to what Dad had said earlier.

“So just think. Next year at this time, you’ll be almost done with your first semester of college.”
 

“Still seems like a long way off.”

“It’ll be here before you know it. Time goes faster the older you get, Sam. I can’t believe you’re graduating in a few weeks. I still see you as my little girl.” She looked sad.

“Mom, don’t start.”

“I won’t.” She perked up. “You’ve grown into a wonderful young woman. And I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.”

I smiled and drank my latte.

“You’ve been more than a parent could ever ask for, Sam, but—well, your father and I want you to know that you don’t have to always worry about pleasing us. Now that you’re getting older, you have a lot of decisions to make. And you don’t have to do whatever you think we want you to do.”

“Yeah, Dad already told me this. In the garage.”

She smiled. “Then I won’t tell you again. Just keep that in mind. We’ll always love you no matter what.”

“Okay, Mom.” As we sat there, I was starting to get a really bad headache. I rubbed my head, trying to stop the pain.

“What’s wrong, Sam?”

“My head. It’s throbbing. Probably from all the noise at the mall.”

“Let’s get home. You can rest before you go out later. And your dad’s probably wondering what’s taking us so long.”

We went home and I went up to my room to lie down. The throbbing continued. I took some aspirin which helped a little, but not enough. I couldn’t go out feeling like that. I called Colin.

“Hey, Sam. What’s up?”

“I don’t think I can go out tonight.”

“Why not?”

“I have a really bad headache.”

“Do you
really
have a headache or are you just trying to avoid the party?”

“I’m not making it up. I really do have a bad headache. I took aspirin. I went to bed. It won’t go away. It’s making me feel kind of sick to my stomach.”

“Well, I’ll come over and we can stay there and watch a movie.”