The Secret of the Shadow (22 page)

We are the only ones who can make it safe to reveal our secret.

No one can protect us from the outside world except ourselves. No one can save us or promise us that we won’t be ridiculed or that we won’t fail. We probably will fail, and we can be certain that there will be many who will point their fingers at us and project their darkness onto us. But what other choice do we really have? Do we want to stay in the smallness of our stories? Or do we want the authentic gifts that we hold to have an opportunity to shine bright?

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For years I was too scared to stand up and claim my piece, to speak out in public, and to share what I know. My ego was so delicate that I feared the disapproval of my peers and the judgments of my detractors. But one day while I was meditating I asked God to give me the courage to surrender my personal fear and allow me to step into a place of Universal service. That evening while I lay in bed I began thinking about the spiritual leaders who had been such a big 209

T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w part of my life and my personal growth. Martin Luther King Jr.

came first into my mind. I thought about all the people who loved and honored him as well as all the people who hated and despised him. But what if King had kept his light secret? What if he had hidden his gift from the world? Then I thought of Gandhi. He too had many admirers and many detractors. I wondered what our world would be like without the presence of these men. Suddenly I could see that all those who had a voice or who made a difference in this world had people who loved them and people who hated them. And even though I knew I wasn’t a Martin Luther King or a Gandhi, their courage showed me that if I were ever going to make a difference in the world, I too would have to be willing to be both loved and hated. I would have to be able to tolerate criticism as well as praise.

For weeks afterward I found myself thinking about the paradox of it all. I tried frantically to exclude myself from people who had devoted their lives to helping and healing. I tried to tell myself that I was a different type of person, that I was too sensitive and would never be able to handle that kind of ambiguity. I wanted desperately to believe that sharing my gift was not really my purpose.

You, too, have probably told yourself stories about why it is better to keep your secret hidden than to expose it to the ridicule of the world. Maybe you told yourself you couldn’t take all the love and admiration that would come your way if you allowed yourself to be truly magnificent. But this is a lie—just another story. None of us is really scared of the praise and the love that are possible if we let our light shine. Even though our brilliance might make us uncomfortable, and even though we might not feel worthy of so much atten-210

T h e s e c r e t o f t h e s h a d o w tion, at our core each of us knows that this is our birthright—our authentic expression. Our real fear is the disapproval of others, their harsh judgments, or the withdrawal of their love.

E m b r a c i n g Y o u r M a g n i f i c e n c e In order to feel safe enough to bare our gifts, we must give up judging ourselves and give up judging others. We must allow ourselves to stand naked without our stories, without our past, without our judgments and justifications. Only then will we know our true essence, and only then will we feel the deep peace of being aligned with our highest selves. Then we can relax, let down our guard, and bask in the glory of our own magnificence.

It is time for us to grow up and be willing to have people not like us. It is time to accept the reality that the approval of others will not give us the security or acceptance we crave. Only the gift within, the Divinely placed purpose, can give us the deep satisfaction of knowing that we are enough, that we are lovable, and that we are profoundly worthy and good. As long as we need the approval of others, we will have to shrink and make ourselves small. When we were little we had a glimmer of how special we are. Then we made it bad.

We thought people would hate us if we allowed ourselves to be as big and as special as we are. The real question is, Can we forgive ourselves for our specialness, our gifts, and our uniqueness? And, Can we forgive ourselves for squashing our gifts?

The world needs you. Have you noticed that you’re needed?

Have you noticed that we could really use your help? I’m talking 211

T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w to you, the part of you that longs to make a difference in the world.

This is the time to let your secret be revealed, to mix your recipe, bake your cake, and come out. Join the party. This is your opportunity. You could do it next year, or even in ten years. But I don’t think it’s an accident that you are reading this book right now. We need you to do your part. We need you to give up your excuses and do your part in this process and in the world.

Now I am asking you to tell me, what is the secret that your story is hiding? Is it that you are Godly? That you are magnificent? That you are worthy beyond measure? That you are pure love? That your life is effortless? What is the secret you’ve been hiding from yourself and others for all these years?

It’s time for you to let your secret out. It’s safe now. Maybe it wasn’t safe before, but you can take care of it now. Nobody can take it away. Nobody can hurt it. It’s time to reward yourself for all the work you’ve done. Only you can give yourself the permission to honor and hold that secret. Place your hand over your heart and tell yourself that it’s safe now to expose your secret. Promise yourself that you will take care of it and hold your secret in the highest regard. Promise yourself that you’ll honor and respect it and that you’ll deal with anything that comes between you and the precious gift that you hold. Feel what it feels like to now embrace your secret, to take it out of hiding after so many years. This is a time to be very tender with yourself, for you are exposing your most valuable possession. This is a sacred moment, when you reveal your secret for perhaps the first time, when you allow it to be revealed to the world. The time is now.

So now I want you to know that I know your secret. I know 212

T h e s e c r e t o f t h e s h a d o w who you are. I know what gifts you bring and what a difference you make in this world. Consider yourself busted, because even though I may not have met you, I know that you hold a precious gift. And I know that it’s a very special piece of this Divine puzzle of life—one that no one in the world but you can provide. From the deepest place in my heart I ask you to step out of your story, let your secret be told, and give your precious gift to the world right now.

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T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w H e a l i n g A c t i o n S t e p s 1. Set aside some uninterrupted time to do the following visualization. Before getting started, you may want to take a walk or soak in a warm bath to relax yourself. Consider playing some soft music or lighting a candle to create a peaceful mood. Then close your eyes, and begin by allowing your awareness to rest on your breathing. Take a few long, slow, deep breaths, retaining the breath for five seconds or more and then slowly exhaling. Do this four or five times until your mind begins to quiet and settle down.

Call forth an image of yourself as a young child, and imagine that you are feeling happy, safe, and completely carefree. See yourself being fully self-expressed and feeling comfortable in your own being. Spend a few moments breathing into this image, and then ask yourself the following questions, recording your responses in your journal.

When did you hide your secret?

What are you afraid will happen if you let the fullness of your light shine?

How could the people in your family, your workplace, and other areas of your life benefit from you claiming your true magnificence?

2. Write a new story about your life. The theme of this tale is that your light shines bright and the Universe dances in perfect harmony with you. Allow yourself to see how your Divine essence 214

T h e s e c r e t o f t h e s h a d o w empowers and inspires all those whose lives you touch. What would your life look like, feel like, and be like if you let your secret out? How would your internal dialogue sound and what messages would you be giving to yourself?

3. Create a power statement that you can repeat to yourself on a daily basis, one that will support you in living your most magnificent life.

4. Identify five daily practices that will support you in letting your light shine.

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Contemplation

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“I bask in the glory of my

most magnificent self.”

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Acknowledgments

To Liz Perle, my dear friend and editor. Thank you for believing in me and my work. I’m always inspired by the clarity of your vision and the genius of your words.

To Arielle Ford, my sister, who makes my wildest dreams come true. You are my hero. I love and honor you.

To Brian Hilliard and Dharma Dreams, my awesome brother in-law and agent. Thank you for making sure I am taken care of and for being such an inspiring being.

To Danielle Dorman, my very dear friend. Thank you for your great editing skills. You made a huge contribution to this book. I love and appreciate you.

To Katherine Kellmeyer at the Ford Group for being the best publicist anyone could ask for. Thank you for all the years of guidance, support, and dedication.

To my mom, Sheila. Thank you for being the greatest mom and grandma, for loving us all so much and for supporting me in making my dreams come true.

To my brother, Mike Ford, for caring so much about my work.

Your wisdom and generosity always inspire me.

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a c k n o w l e d g m e n t s

To my son, Beau, for always reminding me how precious life is.

To Aunt Pearl—you inspire me every day with your zest for life and your love of our family. I am so grateful for the time we spend together.

To Geeta Singh and the Talent Exchange. I have never felt more supported than I do by you. Thank you for being so impec-cable.

To Cheryl Richardson for your extraordinarily generous heart and for all your love, guidance, and friendship.

To Oprah Winfrey for having the courage to bring forth spiritual healing into the world. Thank you for the tremendous opportunities you have given to me and my work.

To Katy Davis for all your support, brilliance, and profound vision.

To Jack Mori for being an extraordinary producer and for having the courage to take on a difficult subject and make it acces-sible to the world.

To Cindy Goldberg and Stacy Strazis for all the great work you did with me on the
Oprah!
shows. Your big hearts and the love that you brought forth assisted in all the healing that took place.

Thank you.

To Sid Ayers for making it possible for me to focus on my writing and on my work. Know that you make a difference.

To Alisha Schwartz. No one has ever cared for me in the way that you do. Thank you for supporting me and for loving Beau so much.

To Steve Hanselman, Margery Buchanan, Eric Brandt, and the entire HarperCollins staff. Working with you is such a joy and 220

a c k n o w l e d g m e n t s

pleasure. Each of you brings a unique contribution. You are amazing publishers and I love you.

To Calla Devlin, my publicist at HarperCollins. I love your light and your enthusiasm. You are a dream to work with.

To Lisa Zuniga for your commitment to making this book great. It has been an honor to work with you.

To Carl Walesa for your awesome copyediting. Thank you.

To Stephen Samuels for stepping up and being big enough to lead this work into the world. You are doing a tremendous job and making a huge difference in thousands of lives.

To the beloved participants of my coaching programs. I have never met a more committed and extraordinary group of individuals. Each of you makes a huge difference in my life and in my work.

To Cliff Edwards for making such a huge difference in so many people’s lives. Thank you for your profound commitment to healing yourself and this world.

To Justin Hilton. How privileged I am to have you as my dear friend and spiritual partner. You’re an extraordinary man.

To Patrick Dorman. Thank you for stepping outside your story and exposing the magnificence of your being. I am truly honored to be on this journey with you.

To Luba Bozanich. Your extraordinary commitment to transcend pain and suffering is a great inspiration to me. Thank you for being who you are.

To Bea Bigman. Your light and your love always bring a smile to my face. Thanks for all that you have given to the community of people that I love so much.

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To Neale Donald Walsch, Deepak Chopra, and Marianne Williamson for being such amazing, supportive friends and teachers.

To Divina Infusino for supporting me in getting organized and helping to bring this book to fruition. Your passion for this work inspired me.

To Rabbi Moshe Levin, who so generously shares his vast wisdom with me. Thank you for the love and support you offer to me and my family.

To David Simon and the entire staff of The Chopra Center for Well Being. Thank you for all your love, support, and devotion in bringing this work out into the world.

To Jeremiah Sullivan for always rising up to the occasion and catching me at my best. To Robert Bennett for being such a won-derful perfectionist. I love my picture.

To Natalie Snyder and Tony Fiorentino for allowing me to wallow in my “hair story” and for loving me anyway. You are both brilliant artists.

To Henrietta Rosenberg. Thank you for being such an amazing yoga guru and for always being there for me.

To the Coffee Cup Restaurant and its magical owner, Marla Reif, for providing great food and a cozy corner to edit the pages of this book.

To the wise and generous souls who so openly shared their lives so that others could be transformed by their stories. Thank you for your huge contribution to this book.

To the Spirit that talks to me, guides me, loves me, and enables me to do what I do in the world. Thank you for your assistance. I am honored to be of service.