The Secret She Kept (10 page)

“Jake is…an old friend. We went to high school together.”

“Ooh,” Katie said, as if she just made the connection that this was
the
Jake.

Savannah shot her a subtle evil eye.

“Pleasure to meet you,” their dad, Wendell Salinger, said. “You still live around these parts?”

Jake explained his log home business in Montana and his current work with Zach, and the men gravitated together to discuss Heartland’s development project.

“Boys,” Lindsey hollered at her sons, who were racing to the playground farther down the school yard.

“I’ll watch them,” Claudia offered. “Let ’em run some energy off before we herd them inside.”

“If you don’t mind,” Lindsey said.

“Rough job, taking care of my grandboys.” Claudia grinned and hurried after them.

“So…” Katie said quietly. “Jake, huh?”

“Don’t get all coy and speculative on me,” Savannah murmured. “You know who he is and what role he plays.”

“Uh-huh. What I didn’t realize is that he looks like
that
.”

Lindsey surreptitiously glanced at him and nodded. “He’s grown up quite nicely.”

“It’s not like that, and you guys know it. Can’t be.”

“Crying shame,” Katie said.

“Now my evening is complete,” Savannah groaned as she noticed Michael and the kids coming out of the school.

“You were supposed to wait for us to go inside,” Lindsey said.

“I’d planned to, until we found Jake waiting for us at the door. Plan B was to get him out of here before you guys—and Michael—showed up.”

“You should bring him to the wedding as your date,” Katie said, not paying any attention to their discussion.

“Katie. The point is to keep him
out
of my life. I’m going to drag him away from Dad and Zach now, shove him toward his motorcycle and drive my kids home.”

“That doesn’t sound nearly as fun as the alternative.” Katie laughed, but when Savannah didn’t, she said, “Okay. Touchy subject. I get it. Let’s go look at some kid art, shall we?”

Savannah didn’t get much of a chance to talk to Jake alone again before they left. He walked them to the van and the kids got in and buckled up. Savannah waited outside the driver’s door.

“What we talked about before…”

“I’m leaving Sunday, Savannah.”

“Good.”

“But I’ll be back the week after. I’ll get in touch with you then because I do intend to…” he peered in the window at the kids, then back at her “…be around them.”

He sauntered off, and Savannah got into her van and slammed the door.

Y
EARS AGO
, Savannah wouldn’t have been caught dead at home on a Friday night. Funny how life, two kids and a divorce changed things. Now Fridays were her refuge, her favorite night of the week, whether the kids were home or not. She loved the solitude and the time that she didn’t allow herself to do any work of any kind. It was her Friday rule. She could only do things she wanted to do, whether that meant watching television, renting a movie or curling up with a book.

Tonight, Logan was at a sleepover with one of his friends from school. She’d convinced Allie to play a game of Sorry! with her before her daughter had gone off to the room she and Logan shared to be alone. It wasn’t much, but it was a step. Savannah knew she could only fight Jake off for so long. Eventually, Allie would learn the truth about him, and then who knew how it would affect their mother-daughter relationship. Savannah hoped to build it up as much as possible before that happened.

After Allie’s retreat, Savannah caught most of a movie on TV. Halfway through, it hit her that she’d seen that film with Jake, as part of a large group of kids in high school. He’d made a point of sitting next to her to drive her crazy, and she realized tonight how much of the plot she’d missed because of his nearness back then.

She shrugged and got up off the couch. The movie was mediocre, anyway.

It was almost eleven. She’d told Allie good-night an hour ago, and now the place seemed quieter than usual. She headed into her bathroom, shed her clothes and turned on the shower.

Once under the hot spray, she allowed her mind to wander, urged her body to relax. The heated water steamed up around her, cutting out the chill of the day and warming her to the core.

As the shower slowly loosened her muscles, she tried to stop the rat race of her thoughts. Her brain sometimes exhausted her, but it was just part of who she was. Always analyzing, worrying, planning or figuring. She’d started making an effort to step away from thinking lately just to protect her sanity.

An image appeared in her mind’s eye, a face with a sharp brown-eyed gaze and a slight smile. Almost a smirk. Jake’s face. And the rest of him. She fully realized that allowing her brain to go in this direction was a bad idea, but she was tired. Lonely. Weak. So she let herself imagine what it would be like if she did let loose and said to hell with doing the right thing. What if she gave in to the desire she couldn’t deny Jake made her feel?

Her eyes closed and her head rolled back slightly as she imagined what having Jake’s naked body up against hers under the hot, steamy water would feel like. A heavy ache settled between her legs and the pounding of the water on her nipples put every nerve on alert, waiting for his touch.

Savannah opened her eyes suddenly when she realized her breathing was shallow and full of need. Not want.
Need
.

Jeez.

What was she thinking? She didn’t
need
anyone, especially not Jake Barnes. She turned the faucet to cold, gritting her teeth against the shock to her system. Tension slid right back into every inch of her. But that was better than arousal.

Seconds later, she turned the water off, not bothering to shampoo her hair, even though she had wet it. She climbed out of the shower and grabbed her oversize bath towel, then wrapped herself in its warmth and illusion of security. Lowering herself to the bath mat, she sat there for several minutes, wrapped in her towel, scolding herself for letting Jake invade her mind.

Finally, Savannah rose and finished drying off, reminding herself that she was in control of her life and Jake wasn’t part of it. At least not much. He definitely wouldn’t be part of her showers.

After drying her hair most of the way, she went into her bedroom and pulled on her favorite pajamas—flannel bottoms with multicolored polar bears on them, and a long-sleeved thermal top. She slipped her feet into worn, fuzzy slippers and headed to the kitchen for a bedtime snack. As she switched on the kitchen light, a knock sounded on the door.

Her landlord definitely needed to spring for a damn peephole, she thought as she stood face-to-face with the subject of her shower fantasies. His hair was windblown. He wore a brown leather jacket that looked soft enough to sleep on, and dark jeans that hugged muscular thighs. His eyes were so intensely focused on her that she shivered.

In spite of everything she’d told herself in the past half hour, she couldn’t deny the excitement that zipped through her at the sight of his smile. Couldn’t deny it, but she
could
tamp it down and refuse to hang on to it.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, feeling exposed in her thin pajamas. She knew the top left nothing to the imagination.

Jake pushed the door open all the way and sauntered past her. “It’s cold out there. Winter’s close.”

“October’s like that in Kansas.” She shut the door. “Keep your voice low. Allie’s asleep.”

He had the audacity to remove his jacket and lay it on the easy chair in the corner of the living room.

“I don’t recall inviting you in,” she said, stepping away from the door and the breeze that always seemed to penetrate the outer hallway. “Much less asking you to stay.”

Jake slowly raked his eyes over her body, from embarrassing fuzzy slippers to frizzy damp hair and everything in between. Savannah crossed her arms over her chest as she felt her nipples coming to attention.

“About when I return from Montana…”

Savannah glanced toward Allie’s bedroom door, but there was no sign of movement.

“The community center’s having a party for kids on Halloween night. Tuesday that week,” Jake said. “I’d like to take Allie and Logan.”

Her mind spun as she tried to find a viable excuse to keep them away from him. Unfortunately, they had no specific plans for Halloween night, just a party at her sister’s the weekend before. In fact, Savannah had already considered taking the kids to the community center.

Forgetting her attire, she uncrossed her arms and paced to the back of the couch. “It’s too much. You’ve visited with them almost every day this week. Why can’t you just be happy with that?”

“Why would I be? I’ve missed Allie’s entire life because you didn’t see fit to tell me about her. I intend to be part of it now.”

“When it’s convenient for you. When you happen to be in town. How do you suggest we explain your presence to the kids?” she inquired.

“Why do we have to explain anything?”

“Because they’re asking. They don’t understand what you’re doing here, why you stop by and invite us to dinner.”

“Why not just, ‘Jake’s a really nice guy’?”

“I make an effort to avoid lying to my kids whenever possible.”

He advanced on her and Savannah stood her ground, but she immediately acknowledged the error of her ways when Jake’s body pressed against hers, forcing her into the back of the couch. She raised her arms and placed her hands on his chest—which also turned out to be a mistake, because, wow, those pecs…

He smelled like worn leather and Jake, and her head swam with the familiarity. She knew full well her hands were there to provide a barrier, but she couldn’t bring herself to push him away. She was caught in the spell of his closeness, their discussion forgotten.

His palms landed on her hips and his heat made her skin sizzle through the thin material of her pajama bottoms. Their mouths were two inches apart, tops, and she felt his warm breath, mirrored his shallow, uneven breathing. His lids lowered and she knew he was staring at her mouth, knew it even as her eyes zeroed in on his mouth.

He leaned down and kissed her with lips that were demanding, lacking any gentleness, and Savannah met his urgency with her own. Their tongues touched and their hands grasped for each other, exploring. She ran the fingers of her uninjured hand over the muscles of his upper back, on top of his shirt, itching to feel his flesh.

He still had it—the power to turn her inside out with just a kiss. Judging by the moans that escaped from deep in his throat and the hardness that imposed on her lower abdomen, she could still make him dizzy with need, as well. Which just made the rush more intoxicating. Her mind ceased to function, her focus fixed on every sensation, every tingle and spark that seemed to shoot directly from her lips to her very core. She arched into him, slipping her hands under his shirt and clinging to his strong back, digging in her nails to pull him nearer.

He broke the kiss suddenly and tipped his head back, breathing hard, chin toward the ceiling. “Damn, woman.”

Instantly incensed, ashamed and…
horrified,
she pushed him away. “I didn’t start it…”

The corners of his lips quirked. “It wasn’t that kind of ‘Damn, woman.’”

“Oh.” From the lustful look he was giving her, she realized he was saying, “
That was hot
.”

Which was an understatement.

But Savannah had been slammed back to earth when she’d read blame into his comment, and now she wasn’t playing anymore. Instead, she was beating herself up, the heated flush and the lack of oxygen caused by this man still plaguing her, making her ache in places that had been numb for more than a year.

She moved a few paces to the right and stood with her back to him, hugging herself. “You think that if you kiss me, I’ll let you take the kids on Halloween?”

“I think that if I kiss you, you
won’t
let me take them. Why do you figure I stopped?”

She whirled to face him and stared at him in astonishment.
Common freaking sense, maybe?
She just shook her head.

Savannah made a beeline for the kitchen, hoping a glass of ice water would shock her system back into working order. How could she have lost her mind completely in two seconds flat?

Hoping for some space, she didn’t bother to switch on the kitchen light. The big dense man followed her in. Savannah was holding her glass under the faucet when he came up behind her, gently lifted her hair and kissed her neck.

“Some women get boring when they get older, but you…” His whisper on her neck made her shiver. “You’ve got it all backward, honey. You’re even sexier than you used to be.”

The husky words heated her clear through. Just a simple statement, and an innocent kiss—No, scratch that thought. There was nothing innocent about that kiss. And the memory was all it took for desire to flare inside her again like a flame that kept a hot air balloon floating above the ground. She bit down hard and tightened her jaw, talking herself down.

“So.” He’d helped himself to a glass and was filling it with ice. His voice was perfectly normal. No sign of the throw-me-up-against-the-fridge-and-do-me passion it had dripped with just seconds earlier. “I’m pretty certain Michael figured out I know about Allie.”

Savannah closed her eyes against the whiplash of not only the change in subject, but also the fact that he was fully recovered from their kisses and she was standing there wishing for a chair before her legs collapsed.

Bastard.

Focus, girl. Don’t allow him any hint about what he does to you. You. Are. In. Control.

She absently cracked a knuckle as she shut the tap, took a long drink and turned toward him.

Now, what had he said? Ah,
Michael knows
. Yeah, that.

“What makes you believe he knows?” She was proud of her control when her voice emerged strong and normal instead of all…
needy
.

“A look he gave me. And a…vibe I got.”

“A vibe.” Okay. If he was unaffected, so was she. “A look and a vibe. You sound like a woman.”

“You didn’t seem to think that five minutes ago.”

She felt the heat rise. “What do you think I should do about it?”

“You could kiss me again.”

She set her glass down. “
About Michael
. What should I do about Michael?”

“That’s your call, I’d say.”

“Got that right. And I decide to do absolutely nothing.”

“You don’t think he’d get bent out of shape if I knew your secret?” Jake asked.

“He doesn’t suspect. If he did, he would’ve said something.” Savannah leaned against the stove, as far away from Jake as she could get in the small space. “Why does it matter if he knows that you know?”

Jake flashed that cocky grin. “It doesn’t. Just thought you might want the heads-up.” He hoisted himself onto the counter across from her. “What happened between you two, anyway?”

“Who two?”

“You never used to play dumb,” he said, shaking his head. “Hubby dearest.”

“
Ex
-hubby dearest.” Savannah studied her fingernails. “He left me because I was too controlling.”

Jake actually chuckled. “His words, I gather.”

“Well, yeah, but it’s true. In case you haven’t noticed, that’s the kind of person I am. I made him miserable.”

Jake poured out the remaining water and ice and set his glass in the sink. “All these years I’ve known you and I had no idea you were controlling.” He said it with a smirk.

“Why are you here again?”

“We were discussing Tuesday night. Halloween. Kids.”

“No.”

“You can go, too.”

Spending more time with him was on her to-do list right after tearing off her fingernails one by one. “No.”

“We agreed I could get to know Allie.”

“You know her.”

“Bullshit. Don’t push me on this, Savannah.”

She narrowed her eyes. He had just enough of a threat in his voice, and she was just enough worried that he would follow through on it that after a long while, she nodded. Barely. “Fine. Halloween.”

“You’ll have fun.”

“I seriously doubt it.”

“Lighten up.”

“What
are
we going to tell the kids, Jake? Why are you hanging around us like a hungry puppy who got a bone once?”

Jake gazed at the ceiling, exasperated. He didn’t get what the big deal was. Why everything had to be explained. Chances were Logan had forgotten the question as soon as he’d asked it.