The Secret She Kept (14 page)

But somehow Savannah resisted letting Jake in on any aspect of her private life. That went so much deeper than her current volatile relationship with her daughter. It wasn’t even that he’d proposed, because she felt confident she could refuse the marriage suggestion till the cows came home. The feelings were what she didn’t like to handle. Or maybe couldn’t. Because if she could fight them off, she would’ve swatted Jake’s hand aside like a pesky West Nile-infected mosquito.

There it was again—that lack of control that always swept her away in Jake’s presence. She stifled a growl, searching for Logan, whom she didn’t immediately spot with Jake and Allie. There was his little clad-in-black head. She moved toward him.

As for control, she had to do better than she’d done so far tonight. For her kids to pick up her mixed messages to Jake wasn’t fair. Because no matter how tempted she was, she would never have a permanent relationship with him or any man.

B
Y NO FAULT OF
Jake’s, he and Allie became a team. Savannah and Logan made their way around the indoor party activities separately. He would’ve loved that his daughter had chosen him and wanted to be with him, if it hadn’t meant Savannah’s being shafted by her own kid.

He figured that when they rejoined, Savannah would have words for him because he’d been alone with their child. But the crowd and Allie had taken him away, and he’d let them, not realizing how long they’d be apart.

Now Allie was throwing pumpkin beanbags at plastic vases, trying to win a prize. When her three bags were gone, she turned to Jake. “Next, the Plinko game,” she said excitedly.

They stood in line for a few minutes, then she dropped a disk at the top of the board and watched it fall to determine her prize. Luck was on her side tonight; she won the top prize, a stuffed black cat.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” she said as they moved away from the Plinko crowd.

Jake glanced toward the throng outside the main restrooms, then checked the other way, down a side hall. Spotting another bathroom, he held his hand out to Allie, then he wondered if she would take it or if she thought she was too old to hold a grown-up’s hand. She hesitated, then grasped his fingers.

As he waited for her to come out of the otherwise deserted restroom, Jake skimmed the notices on a nearby bulletin board. When he saw the handwritten flyer about horses for sale, he smiled, and wished for once he was rolling in cash. Maybe one of these days. Money would likely be less of an obstacle than Savannah.

Allie appeared, grinning up at him and holding on to her stuffed cat.

“Why don’t we go find your mom and brother.”

The grin morphed into a frown. “How ’bout we try some more games?” she said.

He gently pulled her to the side of the hallway. “What’s up with you and your mom tonight? I noticed the look you gave her outside….”

Allie crossed her arms and dropped her gaze.

Jake leaned down a bit to make eye contact, but attempted not to appear the bad guy. He was concerned about Allie’s treatment of Savannah, yet his own relationship with the young girl was so new he didn’t want to alienate her if he could help it.

“I gathered you didn’t like me being with your mom the other night at the party.”

“Or tonight,” she offered.

“Your mom and I are friends. What’s wrong with that?”

“Friends don’t kiss.”

She did have a point, but not one he would concede.

“I didn’t kiss her tonight.” Jake nudged her chin up a little with his thumb. “I like both of you, Allie. The three of you. Can’t I be friends with all of you?”

Her brows knitted and she lowered her gaze again. “I’d like you to be
my
friend. I don’t want my mom making you go away.”

“What do you mean, honey?”

“She made my dad go away. I don’t want her to do that to you.”

Ah, hell. Jake stood up as he wondered how in the world to handle this. He’d like to reassure his little girl he wouldn’t go away, but Savannah was a wild card and he couldn’t be certain she’d let him continue to get closer. Yes, he would maintain ties with his daughter at all costs, regardless of what happened between him and Savannah, but as far as being a regular in the family’s life…who knew what would happen. The one thing he couldn’t do was promise Allie he and Savannah would always be on amiable terms.

He bent down again. “I’m not going anywhere. Even when I return to Montana in a few days, we can keep in touch. If you and I are friends, we’ll continue to be friends, no matter what happens with your mom.”

Allie shook her head. “She won’t let us stay friends if she makes you go away.”

“You still get to see your father, right?”

She chewed that over for a few seconds. “Yeah, but he’s my dad. I have to see him.”

Jake closed his eyes and bit his tongue to keep from telling her he was her dad, too, and that there would be no problem. How to convince her everything would be okay without telling her the truth?

“Allie, do you trust me?”

“I dunno. I guess so.”

“Then try hard to believe it when I say everything will be okay. You are one cool kid. I like you and won’t just disappear.”

She sized him up in a way similar to her mother, and with a lot of effort, Jake maintained a straight face. Finally, she nodded.

“I still don’t want to go find my mom, though.”

Jake couldn’t help smiling briefly. “Sorry, kiddo. She’s your mom.” He held out his hand. “But I’ll be there, too.”

J
AKE FOLLOWED
S
AVANNAH
to the kitchen after they’d put both children to bed.

“Don’t go getting too comfortable, Barnes.”

“Now I’m Barnes? I help tuck your kids in and we revert to last names?” He came up behind her, so close she felt his heat all along her back, from her thighs to her shoulders. “I figured that’d make you nervous.” He reached in front of her and grabbed a handful of peanuts from the open can on the counter, then backed away. She cursed herself for missing his closeness.

She turned and glared at him, acting fiercer than she felt, and he grinned.

“I never said you could have some of my nuts, either,” she said.

“I’ll buy you new nuts, sweetheart.”

Savannah dug out her own handful and faced him. “You and Allie sure disappeared tonight.”

“Yeah.” Jake dusted the leftover salt off his hands. “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

A rock of dread filled her stomach and she pushed the peanut can away. Jake, typical man-who-could-eat-through-anything, took it from her and plucked more nuts out to pop in his mouth. She waited tensely until he finished chewing and got to his point.

“We have to tell her, Savannah.”

She shut her eyes and resisted the urge to scream. “Jake. We’ve gone over it a hundred times. We’re not telling her now.”

“She needs to know. She’s convinced you’re going to make me go away.”

“She’s a wise little girl with a good idea,” Savannah said dryly.

“Glad you can joke about the reason your daughter scowls at you more often than she breathes.”

Savannah fought to swallow the hurt that rushed up her throat like bile. “You think telling her will make her run into my arms?” Her voice was a vicious whisper, kept in check by her stark fear of Allie learning the truth.

“She’ll be angry, hurt—of course she will. But are you saying she’s not both those things right now? You’re deluded if you think offering her a chance to forgive you for the divorce, and then dropping yet another bomb on her, will work in your favor.”

“So now you’re an expert on family relations. How’s it going with your dad?”

Jake flinched, as if she’d struck him physically. “I’m not an expert on family anything.” His eyes met hers and held.

Dammit, why did she have to feel bad? Why, in the midst of his attacking her and threatening to throw her life so far off-kilter she didn’t believe she could ever recover, did sympathy overcome her at his humble concession? She drew closer to him.

“He’s still…alive?” she asked quietly, dropping their argument for now.

Jake nodded and straightened. “Wasn’t sure he’d make it till I got back in town, but apparently, he rallied.”

“Apparently? You haven’t been to the hospital?”

“I saw him before I left.”

“You have to go visit. Even if he rallied, he doesn’t have much time.”

“You sound like my sister.”

“Wise woman.”

“Something like that. Can we get back to Allie?”

“Go see your dad.”

“If she learns the truth, she won’t worry so much about losing me. About you making me go away.”

“And tell him about his granddaughter. That’ll show him you care.”

“So now
you’re
an expert on family relations?” Jake asked her pointedly.

Her shoulders sagged. “Touché.”

Neither of them spoke for a long while. The refrigerator motor started up, filling the room with a comfortable buzz, but they just stood there, against the cabinets on the same side of the kitchen, inches apart, at an impasse. Or was it a temporary truce?

“Do you want to tell her before or after we tie the knot?” Jake inquired.

Definitely not a truce.

“You’ve been hallucinating if you think we’re getting married.”

Jake took hold of her hand and gently wove their fingers together. She couldn’t seem to move away from his touch. His heat. The tenderness that she knew flowed through him.

She expected him to plead his case again, to argue with her why getting married was such a
practical
idea. Instead, his lids lowered halfway with barely controlled passion and his eyes zeroed in on her lips.

But he didn’t kiss her right away. With his free hand, he brushed her hair behind her ear, tenderly, just a whisper of contact. Then he trailed his fingers along her jaw, making her crave more of his touch. Savannah leaned into his hand and, without conscious thought, kissed his palm, eliciting a sound from deep in his throat.

She ached for him to kiss her with all the desire she saw in his eyes, but still resisted. Pressing tiny kisses on his skin, she worked her way up his little finger, bit by bit. When her lips reached the tip, she caressed it with her tongue and drew it into her mouth to suckle briefly. Then she entwined their hands and pulled him flush against her body. Her lips parted, but, dammit, he still didn’t make the final move to kiss her. Her breath caught in her throat as, winding her arms around the back of his neck, she inclined his head to hers, then finally touched that infuriatingly sexy mouth of his.

For all his refusal to initiate the kiss, Jake responded now and took over, his tongue roving, seeking hers, exploring frantically as if he expected her to retreat at any second.

Savannah wasn’t stupid. The house could burn down around them before she’d end this soul-scorching, demanding kiss. Their hands roamed, discovered, found bare, hot skin beneath clothing.

He picked her up, never breaking the contact of their lips, and Savannah wrapped her legs around him, wanting more of him, pressing her body against the unmistakable hardness in his jeans. Needy, breathy sounds filled the kitchen and she wasn’t sure whether they were from her, him or both of them.

Jake eased her onto the counter. There, he unfastened her bra and cupped her breasts beneath her sweater, sending a pulse of electricity and desire even deeper to the center of her. She arched into him, gasping for air and release. His fingers worked magic over her nipples, making her crazy with need. She grabbed at his shirt and yanked it up, ready to strip him bare and have her way with him; in the kitchen, on the counter, on the floor—she didn’t care.

“Damn,” she said between hitched breaths, sliding his shirt back down.

“What?” His voice was ragged.

“Kids. Sleeping. Other room.” She nibbled at his lips, lightly, attempting to separate herself from him and regain her sanity.

“Damn!” He breathed out shakily. “Crazy.”

He kept kissing her with playful nips as well, as if he couldn’t stop.

Savannah closed her eyes and struggled to pull in a full breath. Jake rested his forehead on hers and she could feel his heart pounding, or maybe it was hers. They were silent as they sought to regain their composure.

“If we got married, we could do this every night,” Jake said huskily. “And more.”

The thought of “and more” made Savannah shiver. She felt Jake smile, but she was still too jellylike to move. Or speak. And she really wished he’d stop ruining things by speaking, too.

“I felt that,” he whispered. “You want me. You want to be with me. Why are you fighting it?”

There it was—the right motivation to snap her back to attention and quit with the clinging.

“Tell me you don’t want me, Savannah. Tell me you’re not still shaking from…
that
. Because I am.”

She leveled her eyes at him and nodded. “Yeah. Got me there, Jake. I want you. Our chemistry has never been lacking.” She stepped away from him. “But how can you possibly consider that enough for a marriage?”

He studied her, his eyes dark with heat. “You’re still running, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been here the whole eleven years you were gone.”

Jake shook his head. “Eleven years ago
you
ran. You may have stayed in Kansas, but you pushed me away because you couldn’t handle the way I make you feel. It scares the hell out of you.”

“You should go, Jake. I don’t have energy to fight this battle with you anymore. I’m not marrying you. I’m not marrying anyone.”

She headed to the living room and opened the front door, but Jake didn’t follow. She angrily retraced her steps to the kitchen.

“Leave. Please.”

He gazed at her with eyes that seemed to see deep inside her, with an assumption that he’d been right on. He thought he understood her hesitancy. But she wasn’t afraid of him. She just hated the way he made her common sense spiral completely out of her grasp.

The look he gave her before walking out was smug and knowing. Insulting and maddening.

She trailed him and, reining in every bit of control she could muster, closed the heavy door behind him. Softly, because she was
not
going to lose control this time.

S
AVANNAH KEPT CRAZILY BUSY
the next few days, helping Katie with last-minute wedding details. It was a way to avoid Jake and get her hormones under control.

Saturday finally arrived. Wedding day. Insane day. The three Salinger sisters had been running since eight that morning, and for Katie, the eternal night owl, that was quite a feat. Their dad and stepmom had been helping by watching Allie, Logan, Billy and Owen for most of the day, and getting them ready for the ceremony.

“Crap. Only an hour left,” Katie said, rushing around in her wedding gown and bare feet.

“You’re doing fine,” Lindsey said. “Your hair and makeup are done. Gown is on. All you have left is your hose and shoes.”

“Do you understand how long it’ll take to get panty hose on in this thing?” Katie asked.

“That’s what we’re here for,” Eve, Katie’s friend and Noah’s receptionist, said. “I got you thigh-highs. Much easier.”

“And Noah can remove them with his teeth,” Lindsey said. “Pictures don’t start for another fifteen minutes. Why don’t you sit down and relax while we finish getting beautiful.”

“I can’t sit in this dress,” Katie said, and Savannah laughed.

The door opened and Allie sneaked in, wearing her junior bridesmaid dress that matched the coral of the rest of the others. Each of the dresses had a different style, necessitated by Lindsey’s pregnant middle. Savannah’s floor-length dress had a halter neckline, and wrapped to the side just under her bodice. Her daughter’s had a similar neckline and was full-length, as well. Realizing how grown-up Allie was getting made Savannah’s heart swell with a bittersweet mix of pride, sadness and amazement.

“You’re gorgeous, honey,” she declared.

“Thanks.” The single word was said almost shyly, with no venom. After a day filled with stress and arguments, Savannah would accept that happily.

“Everyone decent?” Their dad was at the door, clad in his tux.

“We’re dressed,” Katie said. “Don’t know if all of us would qualify as decent.”

He regarded her with a grin on his face. “My little girl. You’re beautiful.” He went to her and hugged her carefully in order not to crush her dress, or the flower pinned to his lapel.

“Thanks, Daddy.” Katie wiped the corner of her eye. “No more. I refuse to cry, so you have to stop the mushy stuff.”

Wendell turned to the rest of them. “Wow. All of you. Gorgeous.”

“Especially this girl.” Katie came over to admire Allie, and Lindsey and Eve joined in. Allie’s smile grew. “Nice purse, too. Whatcha got in there?”

“Drawing paper. Pencils.”

“Of course,” Lindsey said. “Just what every young artist has in her purse.”

“You’re pretty,” Allie told Katie.

“It’s the makeup,” her aunt said, laughing.

“Can I wear some lipstick?” Allie looked around at them and everyone peered at Savannah.

“Aren’t you a bit young?”

“Just this once won’t hurt her,” their dad said.

Savannah stared at her daughter, wondering when she’d changed from little girl to young lady who asked for makeup. “Anyone have a subtle color?” she inquired.

Lindsey went to her purse for a leather pouch, and dumped out a pile of cosmetics. Sorting through them, she picked up one lipstick and checked the bottom. “Sea coral. This will be perfect.”

Their dad went to find his wife, the head babysitter. The four attendants and the bride finished getting ready, then made their way to the sanctuary for Katie’s big event.

An hour later, the wedding party and all the guests made their way to the church hall, a building across the parking lot. Thankfully, the facility permitted alcohol. Savannah needed a drink or three before she delivered a toast to the bride. She’d been surprised when Katie had asked her to be maid of honor, but they’d grown a lot closer in the past year. Her sister had been staying at Savannah’s when Savannah and Michael had separated, and also when Katie was struggling not to fall in love with Noah. They’d been through a lot together in a few months.

Toast time arrived before Savannah was ready. The best man, Brian from Noah’s med school, went first, and kept the crowd laughing. Savannah missed most of his speech because she kept going over what she would say. Then they were all looking at her, waiting for her to join Brian at the microphone. She pulled in a deep breath, got up and took the mic from him.

“To my little sister, the baby of the family. The one who always had to prove she was more daring than the rest of us. She’s always been the wild child, so when it seemed she might be falling for this guy—” Savannah pointed at Noah “—we sat back and watched what the crazy single girl would do. And she didn’t disappoint. She ran like hell.”

Everyone laughed and Savannah drew in another deep breath, trying to get past the lump in her throat.

“We’re so excited that Katie met this wonderful man. Now
he
has to live with her, not us.” Savannah smiled as everyone laughed again. She motioned to her sister to stand next to her. “All kidding aside, I’m so happy for you, Katie. You’ve always been our risk taker, but in this you went with the sure thing. You and Noah are perfect for each other. Here’s to many, many years of happiness and wild adventures.”

Savannah raised her glass and clinked it with Katie’s, then the two sisters embraced.