The Secret She Kept (9 page)

“Wait,” he said. “Let’s go.” He indicated the hall that led to the main elevators, and Savannah followed him.

“I’ll stay in the hall,” she murmured as Jake slowed outside a room on the second floor.

“You wanted me to visit him so bad you can come in with me and suffer the awkwardness.” He was trying for offhandedness, she could tell, but didn’t quite pull it off. He suddenly wouldn’t meet her eyes, kept glancing at the closed door of room 204.

She figured she owed him one and clasped his elbow. “Party on.”

That got half a smile out of him. He opened the door and they went in.

J
AKE WISHED HE HAD WARNED
Savannah about his father’s sickly appearance. Her eyes widened when she saw him, and she gripped Jake’s arm.

The old man was sleeping. Because he was facing them, it was easy to tell how hollowed out his cheeks and eyes were.

Savannah regarded Jake and he struggled not to let his reaction show.

“Maybe we should go,” he said quietly.

His dad’s eyelids lifted and he focused on them groggily. “Jacob? Are you back?”

Jake stepped forward. “It’s me.”

Dean squinted at Savannah. “That’s not Emily.”

“It’s Savannah. A…friend of mine.”

His dad slowly nodded at her. “I’m sorry. They’ve got me pumped full of morphine. Brain’s a little fuzzy. Mind helping me sit up?”

Jake grasped his shoulders and repositioned him, then pushed the button to raise the head of the bed. His dad’s arms were alarmingly bony, lacking any muscle.

“Thank you,” Dean said once the bed’s motor stopped and he was resting at a forty-five-degree angle. “I’m glad you came.”

Jake couldn’t quite say the same, although maintaining a grudge when his dad was so clearly close to dying was hard. “It’s Savannah’s fault. She tried to chop off her fingers.” He gestured toward her bandaged hand. “Had to bring her in for stitches.”

Savannah smiled and waved her injured hand. “Good times,” she said.

His dad stared at her for several seconds and then smiled. He gazed at her a little longer, then turned his attention to Jake.

“Jacob, I’d like to talk to you.”

Jake tensed. He knew this wasn’t going to be about the weather or any cute things he’d said when he was a toddler. He glanced at Savannah, thinking she was probably sorry she’d come. “What’s going on?” he asked his dad.

“Well…I’m dying.”

His father’s humor had never been tongue-in-cheek, so surely he realized he’d stated the obvious. Jake had no idea what to say to that so he just stood there.

“Pull up a chair. You, too, if you want,” he said to Savannah, “although this could bore you to tears.”

Jake drew over a chair with wooden arms. He offered it to Savannah, who shook her head and mouthed that she was fine. Once Jake sat, though, she lowered herself to one arm of the chair.

They perched there, waiting for his dad to speak. The old man didn’t rush. He moistened his lips, and Savannah inquired whether she could get him a drink. He nodded and she walked around to the tall table by the window, to the mustard-colored, plastic pitcher.

After she’d poured him some water and held the cup for him, he thanked her, and she settled back down on the chair arm.

“I believe I owe you an apology, Jacob. I’ve not been the best father to you kids.”

A rock-hard lump filled Jake’s throat.

“I…didn’t have the first clue how to be a dad.”

“None of us do.” It was something he’d thought of constantly since learning about Allie.

“But most men figure it out. Just not me.” His dad swallowed, looking pained. He struggled to find the next words. “Work was my refuge. I spent all my waking hours there. Told myself that was what my family needed the most—someone to bring home a paycheck.”

An uncomfortable silence stole over the room. Jake decided it best to let the man get it all out.

“Do you guys want me to leave?” Savannah asked.

Strangely, Jake didn’t. He would’ve expected having her here would be the most awkward thing in the world, but the idea of her leaving him alone with his father, with this conversation, made him sweat. He shook his head and touched her arm.

“You’re fine,” his dad said. “When you get this close to dying, you don’t worry so much about the small stuff. Only the big stuff.”

Savannah relaxed a couple of degrees.

“I’m sorry I ever told you to leave home,” Dean said, his attention fastened back on Jake. “Sorry about so many damn things….” His voice cracked.

Jake leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, long-buried sadness making his head feel very heavy. He’d always thought that in the extremely unlikely case his father apologized, he’d feel somewhat righteous, but otherwise unaffected. He’d been wrong.

Savannah put her hand on his back. Her touch seemed the most normal thing in the world in this very abnormal moment.

“The fight that night,” his dad began again, “wasn’t so much about you staying out all hours. Oh, sure, I was ticked off you weren’t there when Emily got in trouble. Mad as hell I had to truck back from the conference in Kansas City to handle things. But you were nineteen. I knew we were lucky you were still hanging around.
I
was lucky you were still taking care of Emily when she was younger. You always did. Always knew what to do for her and for yourself.”

He stared out the window toward the lights in the parking lot. When he turned to Jake again, Dean’s eyes were moist. “You were more of a father to that girl when you were a teenager than I’ve ever been.”

“I just did what it seemed I needed to do. I didn’t know the first thing about it, either.” Jake’s throat felt thick with myriad emotions—sorrow, regret. Maybe even empathy.

His dad smiled sadly. “You got the dad instinct that I’ve never had. You’ll do just fine when you have kids of your own.”

Jake straightened and met Savannah’s gaze. They were both thinking that he
did
have a kid. Her eyes widened and she nodded subtly, as if to encourage him to tell his father.

He wasn’t ready to do that.

Jake couldn’t wait to tell the world that Allie was his daughter, but…not his dad.

He appreciated the old man’s apology. It was a start, never mind that it was darn near too late. Saying he was sorry didn’t come easily for Dean Barnes. Yet the father-son closeness that would have been nice his whole life was still missing.

Savannah continued to eye him expectantly, but he directed his attention back to his dad.

“I appreciate the apology. I have to tell you I have a lot of years of anger to get over. Ever since Mom died, at least.”

His dad flinched at the words. He gazed at the ceiling for several seconds, then finally nodded, looking defeated. “I imagine you do.”

They talked about nothing significant for a few more minutes—mostly Dean and Savannah discussing college football. Jake noticed she was getting antsy, and shot her a questioning look.

“I have to get the kids soon,” she said.

He jumped up, relieved at an excuse to depart. Some of his resentment toward his father had lessened with their conversation tonight, but they could only get so far in an hour.

“We have to drive back to Lone Oak,” he said.

“You planning to leave town soon?” Dean queried.

“This weekend.”

“What day is it?”

“Today’s Monday. I fly out on Sunday.”

His dad made eye contact then, and Jake could see apprehension in his gaze. Dean wasn’t sure he would make it until Sunday.

“I’ll be back in Lone Oak the following weekend, though.” Again, emotion balled up in Jake’s throat, surprising him with its intensity. “I’ll try to visit again before I go.”

His dad nodded, seeming too fatigued to say another word.

S
AVANNAH AND
J
AKE DIDN’T
speak until they were on the highway from Layton to Lone Oak.

“I don’t get it,” she finally said. “You can’t wait to tell Allie you’re her dad, but you wouldn’t breathe a word of it to
your
dad.”

“It doesn’t concern him.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t concern him? He won’t be here much longer, Jake. Allie’s his granddaughter. I would’ve thought that after he apologized to you, you might give something in return.”

“You’ve got the give-and-take element right, but my giving was visiting him in the first place. You don’t know our history, so how can you lecture me on what I should and shouldn’t tell my dad before he dies?”

“I have an idea of a lot of your history. At least the part from the night we were together.”

That one night…So many aspects of their lives had been hugely affected by their decisions and actions of less than twelve hours. She couldn’t regret any part of conceiving Allie, but what about Jake’s estrangement from his family?

“I’m sorry, Jake. I realize tonight wasn’t easy for you.”

“Yeah. Can we not talk about this anymore? It’ll just piss me off again.”

Savannah nodded, ready to be done with this crazy night and the spectrum of feelings it had evoked. The first half of the evening had triggered fear and humiliation, all twisted together. The second…If she’d known walking into Mr. Barnes’s hospital room would throw her so deep into the middle of a family war, she would’ve waited in the car, never mind the hall. The visit had been heart-wrenching, from seeing how frail and weak Jake’s dad was, to witnessing Jake’s internal battle between anger and forgiveness. She could only imagine the thoughts going through his head, the emotions pulling him in different directions.

She didn’t want to be so involved with Jake and his family or their problems. Didn’t want to care how any of it affected him. But she couldn’t deny that she
was
involved and she
did
care.

N
ORMALLY
S
AVANNAH GOT
the kids to bed around nine, tidied up the house, then retreated to her bed and a book until she fell asleep around midnight. Tonight was anything but normal, though.

The children were keyed up from the break in their routine, her hand throbbed in spite of the pain meds and her head spun in a non-pain-meds way. She suspected the latter was from being with Jake too much.

She could either lie here and make herself crazy remembering everything, from how she’d embarrassed herself over a few drops of blood to the scene between Jake and his dad, or she could collapse and block it all out.

Denial got her vote.

She’d just turned out the lamp on her nightstand and glanced at the clock—it was 9:37—when her door squeaked open.

“Mom?”

“What’s up, Logan?” As tired as she was, the interruption might’ve bothered her, but tonight she was glad to have another living being in the room with her. Especially one as cuddly as her son.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Jump in,” she said, holding the blankets up for him on the far side of the bed. He crawled to the very center of the mattress, not quite huddled up to her but close enough that she could feel his body heat. “Is something bothering you?”

“Nope.”

She believed him. He’d never been the type to hold anything back from her. She listened to the quiet sounds of him—soft breaths and little fidgets—and shut her eyes, savoring the closeness. One day too soon, he’d stop curling up with her, even if he never became as antagonistic as Allie.

“Mom?”

She turned on her side to face him. “Yeah?”

“Why is Jake around us a lot?”

Savannah was momentarily stumped. That was a question she couldn’t answer honestly.

“Does he like you or something?”

She hesitated and thought fast. “He likes all of us, honey.”

“But I mean
like you
like you. Are you his girlfriend?”

“No.”

Logan was quiet while he considered her curt answer. “I think he might,” he finally said.

“He’s just a friend.” She nearly choked then, because
friend
had never been a word she’d use to describe her relationship with Jake.

“But he took care of you when you hurt yourself.”

“He was just doing what he had to do, Logan. If Zach had still been in the office, he would’ve done the same thing.”

Logan was quiet again, and she hoped she’d satisfied his questions and that he was drifting off. But no.

“I like Jake.” Logan was wide awake and his voice was full of conviction.

“Shh,” Savannah said, damning herself for attempting to avoid the topic. “Go to sleep.”

She wished she could fall asleep herself, but now
she
was wide awake, and worried about Jake spending too much time with her and the kids. She had to put a stop to that before they asked any more questions.

S
AVANNAH SPOTTED HIM
the second she got out of the van. Didn’t matter that they’d had to park halfway across the school parking lot or that he sat on a shaded bench near the entrance. She’d recognize that relaxed, almost smug pose anywhere. Neither she nor Jake had said a word about the art fair when they’d been together Monday evening, but she wasn’t surprised he’d remembered.

“Jake’s here!” Allie hollered, and both kids ran toward him.

Savannah swore to herself and glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention to them. No one appeared to care or even notice, but her heart raced anyway. She knew being so concerned about someone else figuring out Jake’s role in their lives was dumb, but her body didn’t appear to get the message.

She walked slowly toward them, using every step to reel in her temper. He was going to stick out in the crowd. He didn’t belong to anyone else with ties to the school. Savannah would bet he’d get plenty of attention because there weren’t many thirty-something men in this town who looked as tempting as he did. He’d have mothers craning their necks wherever he went.

“Can you believe it, Mom? Jake came for our art fair!” Logan high-fived Jake and bounced around as Savannah approached.

“No. I can’t.” She eyed Jake pointedly, but he just smiled.

“Couldn’t pass up such an offer, could I?” He spoke to the kids. “Let’s go see your stuff.”

They were supposed to meet Lindsey and Zach and their boys, Owen and Billy, to view all four kids’ artwork together. Michael was supposed to show up at some point, as well. This had the potential to turn into one giant uncomfortable moment.

“Can we go now, Mom?”

The decision was simple. She nodded. “Let’s get started. We’ll find Owen and Billy soon. They probably aren’t here yet.”

Allie and Logan hurried through the double doors to the main hall. Jake put an arm around Savannah to guide her in.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She said the words softly enough that no one else could hear.

“You’re uncomfortable.”

“That surprises you?”

“I figure we can either make it seem that I’m here because I’m interested in you, or because I’m interested in your children.”

“Why
are
you here?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? Allie invited me.” He opened the door for Savannah. “I notice Moser isn’t.”

“He’ll be here sometime.” Unfortunately. All she needed was for him to find out Jake was in town, if he didn’t already know.

They headed for the second grade halls first, and were treated to a narrated tour by Logan. Savannah hung back with Jake for the very reason he’d mentioned. He’d taken his arm off her, thankfully, because she could have easily gotten used to the way it felt, his fingers caressing her periodically, his heat enveloping her.

She put an extra foot of space between them as she oohed and aahed over Logan’s last picture, an acrylic painting of a boat on the ocean. He hadn’t been gifted with Allie’s talent, but the piece made Savannah smile proudly and hug her boy. Clearly, he’d worked hard on it, from the stripes on the sail to the smiley face on the sun.

They finished praising Logan and moved out of the way of another family. So far so good. They were halfway done, with no sign of her sister’s family or Michael yet.

“On to fifth grade,” Savannah said, and assumed the lead at a quick pace.

At the beginning of the fifth grade hallway, Savannah stopped to wait for the others. When she glanced back, she froze. Allie was walking next to Jake, her expression full of excitement. She was talking nonstop…with her talented, dainty hand encased in his large, work-roughened one.

“Allie, lead the way,” Savannah said, motioning for her daughter to precede her. She stepped in front of Jake to separate them as Logan followed his sister. Yet the image of Allie with Jake was burned into Savannah’s mind and she had trouble concentrating on her daughter’s explanation of the undersea drawing before them. Some long-buried part of her heart warmed to the sight of father and daughter together—something she’d never thought she would witness.

Reality crashed in on her a few minutes later just as Allie led them to her last picture. Michael was heading down the hallway, straight for them. He glanced at Jake and she could tell the instant her ex recognized him. His step faltered slightly, and his face revealed the sock to the gut he must be feeling. He gaped at them, his eyes moving between Jake and Savannah, as if trying to gauge how close they were.

“Dad!” Logan ran to Michael, and though Allie was more subtle, she stood in front of her horse head drawing, beaming at him.

After hugging both kids, Michael focused on Savannah.

“Hi,” she said. “You remember Jake Barnes.” She gestured to him and met Jake’s gaze. She couldn’t read his expression but was relieved it wasn’t smug.

Jake offered a hand and Michael shook it.

“What brings you back to town?” her ex asked. His tone was uneasy and not particularly friendly.

“Family business.”

“How long have you been back?”

“Longer than I’d intended.”

“You were with Savannah at the hospital,” Michael said, as if just figuring it out. “The kids said you drove her to the E.R., but I didn’t make the connection until now.”

He wasn’t happy with the connection. That much was evident. Savannah just hoped Jake didn’t notice and exacerbate Michael’s displeasure. She felt pretty certain her ex wouldn’t make a scene here…unless provoked.

“I was lucky someone was around to help me out,” Savannah said, not mentioning that if Jake hadn’t shown up and scared the daylights out of her, she probably wouldn’t have cut herself in the first place. “We’ve already seen the displays of both kids, so why don’t you go back through with Logan and Allie? We can wait outside.”

Michael barely had a chance to answer before Logan was dragging him down the hall.

“He hasn’t changed much,” Jake said.

“Come on.” Savannah led him to the doors. “We have to talk about something.” Preferably before the rest of the Salinger-Rundle clan arrived.

“Sounds like I’m in trouble.” She didn’t have to turn around to know he was smiling. “Are you going to punish me?”

He made the words suggestive, and a chill ran down her spine. She didn’t let her reaction show, though, just ignored him.

Once they were outdoors, she walked down the sidewalk, away from the main entrance so they could have some privacy. Jake followed her as she’d hoped.

“First of all,” she said as she faced him, “thank you for last night.” She rushed through the words.

Jake chuckled. “It’s been awhile since I’ve had a pretty woman tell me that.”

She punched him with her uninjured hand. “I was a mess. I don’t do well with—”

“Your own blood,” he finished for her.

“You noticed.”

“Yes, and felt reassured to find out you do have a weak side.”

She looked up at him, prepared to lay into him for giving her a hard time, but the sincerity on his face stopped her short.

“I have lots of weak sides.”

He nodded. “If you say so.”

She sure as heck wasn’t going to list them for him. “Second of all…”

“Here it comes,” Jake muttered, still more amused than concerned.

“This is serious. Last night, Logan asked why you’re around so much. He thought maybe it was because you liked me.”

Jake smiled at that.

“It’s not funny, Jake. What am I supposed to tell him?”

“What
did
you tell him?”

“That you liked the whole family.”

He struggled—unsuccessfully—to erase his grin, and Savannah stomped her foot.

“Cut it out, Jake! This isn’t a joke. We’re talking about my children. You think you’ve seen my bad side, but you haven’t seen anything until you hurt my kids.”

“I’m not hurting anybody, Savannah.” He clasped her upper arms gently and forced eye contact. “Relax. Strange as it may sound, I care about those kids. Both of them.”

She didn’t fight him physically—she was too wiped out to struggle—but she met his gaze full force. “If you care about them, then back off.”

“Can’t.”

She’d suspected he would say that. She sighed as a heavy wave of fatigue and worry and all the emotions from the past twenty-four hours engulfed her. “You can’t visit them again before you leave. This is it.”

“And when I return?”

“Savannah!” Her sister Katie called from down the sidewalk, and Savannah pulled away from Jake.

She moved around him and watched as her entire ever-loving family headed toward them. Katie and her fiancé, Noah. Lindsey, Zach and the boys. And to top it all off, her dad and stepmom.

Shoot me now
.

Automatically, she tried to distance herself from Jake but he stuck right with her.

“It’s a banner day,” she told him quietly. “The whole family.”

Zach greeted Jake first and shook his hand. Savannah introduced her sisters, Noah and the kids next, Billy and Owen, the nine-year-olds he and Lindsey had adopted. Then her dad and Claudia.