The Secret to Success (11 page)

 

“I much prefer the sharpest criticism of a single intelligent man to the thoughtless approval of the masses.”
- Johann Kepler

In addition to our weekly planning meetings, we also met weekly for what was known as Lemon Squeezes. Every Friday afternoon the executive team was required to participate in a weekly constructive criticism session. The purpose of the session was to help the members of Bell Tower Ministries identify and eliminate personal weaknesses and build on their strengths. Black always preached, “We are only as strong as our weakest link.” He believed that all the great empires fell from the inside. I remember going to every meeting tense with knots in my stomach. You never knew what another one of your peers was going to say to you or someone else. The Lemon Squeeze sessions in my opinion were always dangerous. Personally, I had never been in a setting with my peers where we spoke so freely and honestly about other people's flaws. Where I was from, if a person talked about someone like that, it was bound to turn into a knockdown, drag out fight. The only time anyone remotely addressed a brother's weakness and it not turn into a fight was during a roasting session (playing the dozens). Even then if the person was not careful, it could go from a roast to a heavy weight prizefight. The rules were simple. The group would select one individual from the team to take 5 to 10 minutes sharing with a certain individual their opinion about what that person needed to work on over the next week. The team member who was critiqued was not allowed to rebut. After each member gave his remarks, the individual was then asked to explain how he could use the constructive criticism to elevate his personal and organizational game. The sessions always ended with group praise. Black believed the session should always end with the message that each individual was valued as a person and that all contributions to the organization were valued (hence the name Lemon Squeeze.) Our meetings started with constructive criticism (the individual getting squeezed) and ended with praise (adding the sugar to make lemonade). I am not sure which was more salient, the actual process or the things I learned about myself during each session. The process taught me the value of being proactive. Black realized he did not want to wait for personality differences or petty misunderstandings to erode our mission. He could cut it off before it gained any momentum. More importantly, I learned through the process that by decreasing your threats you simultaneously increase your growth and success.

“One half of me is yours, the other half yours-Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours, And so all yours!” -
William Shakespeare

After my freshmen year I could truly say that college was everything that I heard it would be and even more of what I dreamt it would be. In fact, my grades were an indicator of just how much fun I had my freshmen year. I traveled more than I had ever traveled in my life and most of my travels were outside of the Midwest. I went as far as I could go and made it back in time for my Monday classes. We went to Nashville, Louisville, Knoxville, Atlanta, Birmingham, Memphis and Miami. I took full advantage of the campus life. I went to every basketball game, played in every spades tournament, played in every intramural sporting event available, never said no to a bowling tournament and missed work as many days on the job as I could without losing my work study job. But nothing made my freshmen experience as memorable as the time I spent with De. We did not have her mother to contend with, I could see her everyday and we even had class together. Our love for each other grew on campus in a way I don't think it could have grown in Detroit. For instance, at least the first two quarters, we would go to church together and some co-ed worship services together and in between classes we would walk through the campus and have worship together. One thing we did not have to worry about was De getting pregnant and having to leave college and go home. All the strict school rules helped us to take our relationship slow and focus on getting to know each other. Huntsville wasn't a big city like Detroit so we spent the majority of our time walking, talking, studying, and getting to know each other on a deeper level.

“I don't want to grow up, ‘cause if I did, I wouldn't be a Toys R' Us Kid.”

That year I got married, and you couldn't tell me anything. I used to joke with my boys and say, “Take out your cameras and get a snapshot of this, because this, my friend, is what a grown ass man looks like.” But it did not take long for reality to set in and bust the air out of my bubble. Once the honeymoon stage ended, it was back to real life. I soon discovered, dreaming is one thing, but at some point I had to get up, get out and get something. Somehow, I had been led astray. I thought all I had to do was dream about how I wanted my marriage and life to be like and from time-to-time share the dream with my wife over a candlelit dinner. But I forgot I married a Detroit sister, and from my experience, they were cut from a different cloth. It did not take long before my wife started in on me. “You call yourself a man, what kind of man plays video games all day? When are you going to fill out a job application and get a real job?” she bellowed. She thought as soon as we got married I was going to make a swift transition from a boy to a man. But somehow I came back to school still immature. Instead of looking for a job I was over my boy's house playing Techmo Bowl. If I wasn't playing video games, I was on campus in a planning session for Bell Tower. What I wasn't doing was handling my responsibilities as a new husband. Until one evening or should I say one early morning, I came home about 2 a.m. from the Bell Tower. The Bell generally ended right at curfew, 10:30, but sometimes we would go to one of the dorms to do a follow up session. This particular night we got into a deep discussion with the twins, Paul and Patrick and afterwards we stopped by the Waffle House. When I walked in the house and eventually in the bedroom, De looked at me and started crying. “What's wrong?” I asked as I sat next to her on the bed. I thought she was having some challenges in the nursing program and that she was probably just a little frustrated because school was so demanding. “It's you.” she said with an attitude.

“Me, what did I do?” I asked, confused. I am out here trying to do my thing for the ministry.”

“That's the problem, the ministry! Did you marry the ministry or me?”

“I married you,” I responded quickly.

“Act like it then! You spend all your time on campus or with your boys while I sit here waiting for you to come home. And what about a job? We can't live off that little money you made over the summer selling magazines. You need to go get a real job!”

She was right, I did need to grow up, get a job and get my priorities straight. I was not single anymore. I made a vow before God and in the presence of at least one witness that I was going to take care of her till death do us part; and not just financially, but emotionally as well. The next morning, bright and early, I put in a couple of calls to my people from Huntsville to see if they knew who was hiring. A couple weeks later I had a few options on the table and I decided to go with the Olive Garden. I chose the Olive Garden because the first busboys shift did not start until 11:00 a.m. and ended no later than 4:00 p.m., which meant I could leave as early as 2:30 to 3:00 p.m. if I was not the head busboy. If I worked second shift, I worked from 4:00 to 6:30 or 7:00 p.m., which meant I could still take morning class and I could make it to the Bell Tower.

I knew working was not enough. I needed to put more time into my marriage and my spiritual life. However, there were some things I knew I could not afford to sacrifice. The Bell Tower was one of them, Tuesday's Chapel and special spiritual events like week of prayers were another. I needed to attend as many spiritual functions as possible, and I needed to stay active in the Bell Tower because I was beginning to see some serious growth in my program development and my public speaking.

 

If a man does not work he should not eat.

“Nothing worthwhile comes easily. Work, continuous work and hard work, is the only way to accomplish results that last.”
- Hamilton Holt

Have you ever thrown a pebble in a pond? If you have, then you know what happens. All you see at first is a little splash—nothing more nothing less. But if you pay close attention, seconds later that little splash starts to form circles. It starts as small circles at first but all of a sudden the circles start to expand. Soon the small circles become larger and larger. My rock experience and my experience at the Olive Garden were parallel. What started out as a not so glamorous busboy position catapulted me from an average Joe to the success I enjoy today. It still amazes me to think back on how a little hard work, a little going the extra mile, a genuine smile, a kind word, a yes ma'am, a no ma'am, a how may I help you, and a lot of sweat, blood, and tears opened up windows of opportunity and positioned me for success.

It is amazing to me how obsessed this current generation is with the idea of success. You hear the enthusiasm in their voice when they describe their dream car or when they describe the seven-bedroom, four-bath house in a gated community that they eventually want to move into. However, they get quiet when you explain to them the type of work ethic that is required to live that type of lifestyle. I was fortunate in that I learned at a very young age that there were no free lunches in life. There is nothing wrong with dreaming big dreams, just know that all roads that lead to success have to pass through Hardwork Boulevard at some point. So the day Olive Garden handed me my personal apron, a bucket, and my own cleaning supplies, I knew the deal. Work was more about the process than it was about the money. I made the mistake of thinking it was about the money when I worked at T.J. Maxx, Wendy's, and Burger King. This time I would not make the same mistake. I would prove to myself and to God that I did not need to repeat the test because I had learned the lesson. The way I approached my work was the difference between me being a busboy for the rest of my life or me telling the world how being a busboy was a part of this amazing journey that began years ago. Through trial and error, I had a broader understanding of what work could do for me beyond the money and in return what I could do for the Olive Garden.

When I left the Olive Garden four years after the day I was hired, I can truly say I entered as a boy but I came out a man.

 

Unusual favor is bestowed on those that work

One of the first things I did to launch my speaking career was embrace the concept of meditation into my life. I decided to dedicate the first hour of the day to speak to and listen to God. I added listening to my meditation time because I hate those one sided relationships. You know the ones where your friend does all the talking and you can't get a word in. One day during my meditation time, God gave me a revelation about work through the following scriptures:

First and foremost, He revealed that work was a significant aspect of His personal value system. Before He asked me to go to work, He went to work. According to Genesis, even before any signs or miracles were wrought, He worked. I am no genius, but I just believe He could have done in one hour what it took him six days to do. So He modeled what He wanted me to do - work. He specified the time frame so I would not think it was acceptable to work three days and play four days. Then He helped me make the connection between my faith and work. I began to understand that work is an outward manifestation of an inward change. And finally, He said if I am able to work, but unwilling, I should not even eat. Bottom line, a lazy person is not placing himself or herself in a position of greatness. That revelation sealed the deal for me. I knew from that day forward my pay scale was not in man's hand. If God was pleased with my work performance then no one devil in hell could prevent me from getting what He had planned for me.

 

You have to place yourself in Miracle Territory

When I am trying to convince young people of just how invaluable working is, I often compare it to flying first class. If you have never flown first class before you might be under the impression that it's all hype. You might be saying to yourself, there is really not a big difference between coach, business class, and first class except the price tag. There is a huge difference! I have flown coach on an international flight and I have flown first class. I preferred the first class experience. Besides the obvious, more leg room, wider seats, hot meals, convenient access to the restroom, electrical access, real glass, a hot washcloth, you get the point already; the potential networking opportunities are astronomical!

I discovered the same is true when you are passionate about your work or about the process. It's like flying first class; you place yourself in Miracle Territory. It's not about liking or disliking the company you are employed by. It's not about the relationship between you and your supervisor or colleagues for that matter. It's about taking advantage of the opportunity that has been given. It's about working at your optimal level. And if you are not willing to give onehundred and twenty percent, then don't get upset when those around you get promotions, raises, and other benefits. You have to realize you can't expect a full harvest when you are not willing to put your best effort forward. Because I understood that concept, I walked in the Olive Garden like I owned shares in the company. I was not a cook and I was too young to wait tables. The law in Alabama stated that you had to be 21 to sell liquor. That did not stop me from learning the entire menu and what each dish contained. I studied everything. I could tell you what was in the salad, both the soups; my favorite was the classic minestrone soup. I could even break down the meat and vegetable dishes. There was a huge vegetarian population in Huntsville, and I wanted to make sure their experience was unforgettable. I worked hard, and because of that doors began opening up for me. For instance, regular customers used to request that I serve their table even though I wasn't a waiter. I read Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, so I learned that it was important to remember the customers' names and remember their orders. Every time they visited the restaurant and I called them by name and remembered what they generally ordered they felt like they were getting special treatment. Some waiters would request I bus the tables in their area because I did more than what was required. I would take the customers' drink orders and sometimes even their entrees if the waiters were busy. That isn't to say that I never made any mistakes. One night we were short staffed and my boss asked me to take drink orders at a few tables. This one particular table was special to me because there were some local pastors who I recognized and it was an honor to be able to serve them. They all ordered virgin strawberry daiquiris, only I forgot to tell the bartender to make them virgin. Well, after a few minutes I went back to the table to check on them and they all commented on how great the drink was and that they would take another virgin daiquiri. I walked back up to the bartender and said, “four more virgin daiquiris please.” “Virgin?” the bartender asked. “You didn't say virgin last time.” It turned out that I gave all the pastors a nice big shot of rum! I felt terrible although they seemed to be feeling excellent. I never said anything, and neither did they. I learned a lot during my time at Olive Garden and just as important, I made a ton of great relationships that would benefit me in the future.