The Secret to Success (10 page)

It's so hard to say goodbye

Going to the next level is not as easy as one may think. People think the only requirement is giving up all the bad habits. That is the easy part. The difficult part about pursuing your dreams is that it often requires us to sacrifice some of the things we cherish. For instance, you may have to sever certain relationships, certain things and certain places. It was the latter that made it so hard for me to say goodbye
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Despite all the negativity and all the things I had been through, Detroit still had a special place in my heart. Hell, all I ever really knew was Detroit so even though I was excited about the idea of going away to college, I was afraid of going so far away from home. Alabama was approximately 700 miles from Detroit—a long way from the only place I ever really knew as home. Although my mom and I had an estranged relationship and things were far from what they once were, I still thought about her and my sisters a lot and I couldn't imagine being so far from them. I did not have any family in Huntsville, Alabama or friends for that matter. I knew Alabama would not be like Detroit. I heard about the racism, the KKK, and how African Americans were treated like second-class citizens. But I was willing to take my chances and venture out in the unknown if it meant being with De.

I'll never forget the day we packed De's mother's Excursion van. After packing my bags, I had prayer with the Cannonier's. Sister Cannonier gave me a great big hug and a bag with lunch for the road. Brother Cannonier gave me a hug and said in his West Indies accent, “I am proud of you, but don't come back without your degree.” Then I made my final visits. I drove by St. Bede on 12 mile, and then passed Southfield Lathrup on the way toward my parents. As I approached the house the events that occurred over two years ago replayed in my head. As I walked through the doors, I gave my little sisters Jeneco and Malori a hug and a kiss and told them I love them and that I would miss them. I spoke with my parents briefly. They gave me a brief pep talk and $1,000.00 in cash and wished me well.

Before I went to De's house there was one more stop I knew I had to make, a stop that I had been dreading since the day I found out that I passed the test. That stop was to Bob's house. As I got out of the car I began feeling sick to my stomach. Bob meant the world to me and now I felt as if I was leaving him high and dry. On the walk up to the house I began imagining that he was coming with me and that I was just there to pick him up. I knocked on the door and Bob came out with that classic smile on his face. “You outta here boy?” he asked in an excited tone. “Yeah bro I'm out.” Bob could see the anguish in my face and tried to lighten the mood. “You know I'm going to be coming down there to visit you like once or twice a month right?” “I'm getting a car soon so I am going to be down there like all the time.” I remember feeling so guilty. I mean, here was the guy that poured so much into me at a time when I had nothing and nobody, and I was the one off to college while he stayed in Detroit. Bob was the first one who told me about Oakwood years ago before I even thought about college. I would have traded spots with Bob that instant if I thought I could. “Oh you're getting a ride?” was all I could manage to say. “You better get going bro, I know how De be on your head about being on time” he said laughing. “Thanks man” I said quietly. “Man you ain't gotta thank...” “Bob” I said cutting him off, “For real man, thank you for everything you've done for me.” Realizing I was serious Bob reached and we executed our patented handshake we made up years ago followed by a brief hug. “Call me as soon as you get there” Bob yelled out as I opened the car door. “No doubt bro!” I yelled back. I shut the car door and headed to De's house trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears as I rounded the corner.

On my way to De's house I drove past Henry Ford and up Trojan to Brail reminiscing the entire time. When I finally made it there, her mom had packed all De's stuff so I put my bike and my suitcase in the van and sat quietly as we headed for Alabama. We hit 75 south towards Toledo and passed Tiger Stadium. “Goodbye Detroit.”

“Surround yourself with positive people and look for people who are already where you want to be.”

I will be the first to admit that I did not go to college with the best game plan in mind. I could not decide what I wanted to major in, and I was not really sure what courses I should or (maybe more importantly) should not take. I was like a deer in headlights. Despite my academic indecisiveness, one thing was for sure, I came too far to fail. I promised myself this time that I would choose my inner circle wisely. Like I said, I knew from first-hand experience, not from what I read in a book or from what my parents told me, how one friendship could make or break a person. So I spent the first few weeks observing. I knew I was not the smartest apple in the bunch, but my ability to judge a person's character was reliable. Those who have spent any time in the hood had to acquire this skill to survive. So like a hawk that hovers over a particular area waiting for the right moment to swoop in, I observed everybody I came in contact with. I watched and I listened to their conversations and to the best of my ability, I tried to determine who was just talking and who was serious. I knew if I were going to make it in my new environment, I would have to surround myself with individuals who knew where they were headed and had a serious plan of action. For example, I could not hook up with people because they were from Chicago or Detroit or because football was their favorite sport or because we were Virgos. If I was going to survive and get the most out of my college experience, I needed to be as strategic in selecting my inner circle as professional sports teams are with selecting players in the Draft.

With his first pick in the ‘89 inner circle draft, Eric Thomas selects Irvin Daphnis
. What drew me to Daphnis? Like all the greats, he had an aura about him. He stood about six feet tall, he was dark with a thin build and glided across campus with this silent confidence that screamed, “Look out world ‘cause here I come.” Irvin was the only person I knew who was confident enough and proud enough to sport dashikis like they were Jordans. I can still picture him walking through campus with this one colorful dashiki with the continent of Africa embroidered on it. Besides his iridescent swag, Irvin was extremely intelligent but it wasn't necessarily his intellect that drew me to him; it was his crossover ability that intrigued me. Even though Irv had the ability to go toe-to-toe with the best of them and although as a freshman he easily matched the intelligence of most upper classmen, he never felt the need to isolate himself from the average Joe like myself. He also had a passion for knowledge and he identified with the struggle of his people. In the words of James Brown, Irv was “Black and Proud” and did not mind saying it loud. In fact, Irv was so proud of his heritage that we nicknamed him Black.

I remember the first oratorical contest I attended and watched Irv go to work. He breezed through the first few rounds and made it to the finals. I have to be honest, I was nervous when I found out he was competing against this other freshmen by the name of Furman Fordham, also known as Pucky. I was blown away the first time I heard him speak too. His gift was his command of words; he was like a walking dictionary. We ran in different circles, but I admired him from a far. He was one of those guys who made me feel like I did not stand a chance at the collegiate level. He reminded me of one of those “most likely to succeed” guys and every time I heard him address the crowd, I kept thinking to myself, if those are the type of skills you need to succeed in college, I don't stand a chance. To my surprise, the contest was a dogfight. They went back and forth and back and forth. Pucky was doing his usual verbal acrobatics while Irv orchestrated a well-balanced speech arrayed with verbal, theatrical and contemplative skills. It was a tough decision for the judges, but to my surprise Irv pulled off the upset. I walked away from that contest a changed man. Watching another black male freely articulate in the way Irv did that day gave me the confidence that I needed to start believing in myself and my abilities. Not to mention the fact I discovered that Irv was Haitian and the fact that he was a first generation American inspired me even further. I knew if Irv's people could come to this country and succeed and help him overcome his obstacles to become the person he was, there was no excuse for me. Irv had the blue print; the competitive advantage and I needed to sit under his feet so I could learn from him.

Bell Tower Ministry

“Start where you are with what you have… what you have is plenty.”

Science was not my favorite subject in school and I think that had a lot to do with the fact that it was so complex. I remember thinking there are quite a few theories to memorize and after about twenty or more I kind of figured, this might not be the subject I want to spend the rest of my life studying. But I must admit, I somewhat liked the whole symbiosis lesson because I could use it to gauge any relationship. It was simple and straight to the point. All relationships, whether the relationship was between you and your boys or with a female, fell into one of three categories.

When I got to college I used the concepts from symbiosis to decide which relationship to invest in and which ones to cut. My relationship with Irv (Black) was a no brainer. I knew I was not on his level. He clearly had more to offer in the relationship then I did. For one, he finished high school and was clearly more intelligent than I was. Two, he had some leadership experience because he served as a youth leader for the Urban League in his community. And to top it off, he had impeccable administrative skills. My only challenge was to make sure I did not fall into either the commensalism or parasitism category. I knew it was not about equal giving; it was about equal sacrifice. I had a slight competitive edge because I knew what most people did not know; even the great ones need a competent sidekick. From time-to-time Batman needed Robin, the Long Ranger needed Tonto and Lavern needed Shirley. So between the codes of ethics I learned in the hood and what I knew about mutualism, I knew this relationship could create a dynamic duo.

 

Stay in Your Lane – Don't try to do more than you are capable of doing.

I could not have written the script any better. Three months into the school year, Black and Tre (Melvin Hadden III) called me in on an executive meeting. To this day I am not sure how Tre became a part of the team but just know Tre elevated Black and me from a dynamic duo to a tenacious trio. They wanted to let me know they felt God was leading us to do something big on campus, but they did not know exactly what it was. So Tre initiated a fast. He believed that fasting was a way of clearing the mind from all distractions so we could get in tune with the mind of God. So the plan was to fast from everything but water for seven days. I don't think I ever mentioned it to either of them but I was scared to death. I did not grow up in church, so fasting was a foreign concept. It wasn't that I did not understand the premise behind fasting; my problem was I could not understand why someone would deliberately want to go without eating for seven days. Why would anyone voluntarily inflict that type of pain upon himself (or herself); it didn't make sense to me—especially since I had already been homeless and starving on the streets of Detroit just a year prior. Despite how ludicrous the idea sounded at first, I consented. And all I can say is that three months after the fast we became a part of a groundbreaking, life-changing program that not only took the campus by storm but would also eventually transform our lives and impact the world. It was amazing to see what was birthed from a small meeting of three and a seven-day fast. The student lead initiative would be known as the Bell Tower Ministry. The concept itself wasn't new; we just took a familiar idea and added a few components to enhance it. Black was the president and founder, Tre was the vice president and our spiritual advisor, and I was the glue guy who kept us all together. By the grace of God, I was never jealous of the relationship between Black and Tre. I never once thought I should be the vice president because I knew Black first. Besides I knew Tre was a better number two man than I was and that I could best serve the squad from a supporting role. Honestly speaking, Tre's presence took us to a new level. He was so different from Black in that he added a spiritual and meek dimension that was missing. Tre was way more levelheaded and methodical than Black and I, who tended to be a bit more radical and loud. Even though my contributions were less noticeable, they were still critical to our ministry's growth.

I brought that Detroit blue-collar mentality to the squad. I helped design programs on and off campus that helped individuals regain their hope academically and spiritually. My messages were real, relevant, and delivered in plain English. But one of the things I made sure not to do was try to duplicate what Black and Tre were doing. As long as I stayed in my lane and did not try to be a big shot, I was safe. So I passed out flyers, went from dorm to dorm announcing the event, and I also opened and closed the event with a short speech. Whatever grunt work Black or Tre asked me to do; it was an honor. As I matured, Black and Tre gradually began to give me more responsibilities and opportunities. It was a perfect demonstration of teamwork and everyone playing their position.