The Secret to Success (8 page)

Principle 9
: Individuals who are able to maintain momentum listen to their intuition
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I can't put it into words, and I am not sure how I feel about the whole love at first sight concept. All I know is that whenever I was in the same room with her, I couldn't stop staring at her. It was weird because I didn't visit the church with the intent of trying to find someone to date. I was going through so much in my life that dating was the last thing on my mind. I was hoping that if I gave it a few weeks the feelings for her would pass, but something in my gut kept telling me I needed to get to know her. She had such a nurturing and caring spirit for someone so young. It took me a long time to introduce myself to her because of her mother. She reminded me of one of those secret service men who work in the White House protecting the President.

In addition to being scared of her mom, I was never the most suave guy when it came to the ladies. I never dated in middle school, and in high school I was never in a real relationship. After the first few weeks of attending church, I knew I had to take a chance. There was one problem, I didn't know if she was dating someone or if she was allowed to date for that matter. I decided to hire Bob as my personal private investigator. His job was to find out every bit of information possible without letting it be known that I was the one who needed the intel. Weeks later Bob's investigation was complete. She was single. I learned once that the Romans considered Cupid to be the god of erotic love. While I was never a believer of Roman or Greek mythology myself, there was something mythical about my emerging romance with De. I grew to love her in a way that I've only seen articulated in fairytales. My relationship with her would prove to be a huge swing of positive momentum. She was more than a girlfriend; she was my best friend. She was constantly looking out for me. Whether it meant giving me her allowance so I could have some money to eat or sneaking me into the house in the winter to sleep in her closet when I was between living situations, De had my back and never let me down. She was my angel sent straight from the Lord himself.

Principle 10
: Stop sabotaging yourself
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While my love for De was growing exponentially, if there was one thing about her that bothered me, it was her mouth. She never held anything back. If she thought it, she said it. “I don't know why you hanging out on Mark Twain so much. You need to make up your mind what you want to do. Are you trying to get your life together for real, or are you just saying that to impress me? You know you are going to end up going to jail or get killed. I am not visiting you in jail Eric. Eric, are you listening to me?” God knows that girl was the love of my life, but I promise it didn't seem like she had a sensitive bone in her body once we started dating. She was constantly nagging me about school. I used to think Pastor Willis put her up to pushing me into getting my G.E.D. Pastor Willis knew I had a soft spot for De and that I was bound to go take my test just off the strength of the love I had for her. Whenever I think about how much De harassed me about getting my life together, I always think about the relationship between Coach Larry Brown and the Detroit Pistons. Starting point guard, Chauncey Billups, appeared on ESPN's Hot Seat the season after Larry Brown was fired. He was asked which coach the players liked most, their former coach, Larry Brown, or their new coach, Flip Saunders (keep in mind Larry Brown had won a championship with the team just a few years prior). Chauncey gave a diplomatic answer; he said the verdict was still out. But the rumor was that Flip Saunders was more of a player's coach and the guys couldn't stand Larry Brown's “no nonsense” style of leadership. Brown's philosophy was that defense wins the game, not offense. Flip Saunders gave them more freedom on defense and allowed them to open it up on the offensive end. In short, the players may have liked Flip Saunders more for his laid back style, but they never won a championship. I felt the same way about my relationship with De. I felt like she pushed me too hard. It was as if she had forgotten about all my hardships and the struggles I was going through. But De wanted us to be champions. She said, “You are sabotaging yourself hanging on the block. One minute you are in church praising the Lord and the next minute you're hanging around drug dealers and thugs. As far as I know you're selling drugs, you're out in the streets an awful lot. It's time to get serious Eric, I'm not playing anymore.” I wouldn't admit it then, but she was right. De was pushing me towards greatness but I was scared to make a whole hearted attempt to reach it. I was purposely sabotaging my chances of succeeding and the momentum I had gained was quickly fading.

You will not experience all life has to offer you or begin to experience life at its fullest as long as you are satisfied with mediocrity. You have to be disgusted with your current circumstances before your circumstances can change
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You have to be smart enough to know when life presents you with a golden opportunity and you have to be courageous enough to take advantage of it. My relationship with De was that golden opportunity, but the pressure was mounting. My mother used to say there are two types of pressure- good and bad. Mom used to put it like this, “Pressure busts pipes, but it can also make a diamond. You're a diamond.” Before De and I hooked up, the only pressure I experienced was the pressure to smoke weed, join a gang, sell drugs, and to lose my virginity to an absolute stranger.

“Eric, we need to talk,” De said in her I mean business voice.

“All right, but let me kiss that neck first. I haven't seen my Boo in days,” I said, going in for the kiss.

“Stop playing, you play too much, you can't be serious about anything can you?” she scolded.

“Well, let me hold your hand at least.” I knew she was serious because her top lip curled up. I grabbed her hand and sat her down on the top stair of the porch. “Holla at me Boo; you have my undivided attention.”

“Do you love me, Eric?” she asked.

“What? Do I love you?” I asked, a little hurt. “What kind of question is that?”

“Do you?”, she asked again with this weird look on her face.

“Yes, I love you.”

“Well, I met with my school counselor today and she told me that I have enough credits to graduate on time.”

“Wow, Boo, I am proud of you.” (The fact that I had recently dropped out made her graduation even sweeter). “For real Boo I am proud of you.”

“Are you really?” she said in a way that sounded like a question but it really wasn't..

“What's that all about?” I asked, a little confused.

“It's about our future. I am going to college, Eric I am not going to stay in State; I am going down south and I want you to come with me.

You want me to come?” “You and I both know that's not possible!”

“It is possible; all you have to do is go get your G.E.D. You think I don't know Pastor Willis told you if you get your G.E.D. he would talk to one of his friends in the admissions department and see if he could get you in?” Immediately, my neck started to twitch—it was a natural reaction every time I got nervous. “I don't know De. I don't know.”

“I thought you said you loved me? Do you or don't you?” she tested.

“What does me loving you have to do with you going to college? Hell, this is the first time you even mentioned the fact that you were going to college. What am I supposed to do? Just because you are going to college I am supposed to pack up my life here and follow you down south?” “Eric, what life? You didn't finish school, you don't have a real job; what life are you referring to—I thought I was your life? Let me put it like this, I am leaving for college in August, and I don't plan on having a long distance relationship. So either we go together and continue our relationship or else.”

Principle 11:
Just Do It.

If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you always gotten. There will never be a perfect time or perfect situation in our life to do something we should have done a long time ago. At some point we have to stop making excuses and like Nike…Just do it
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The dare De confronted me with wasn't the first. Like I said before, when you grow up in the hood, “I dare you” is an everyday expression. However, De's dare was a different kind of beast. Accepting the challenge meant more than running up to another black male and blindsiding him, or stepping to a female and randomly asking her for her number. This dare would require more than a few minutes of my time and some random act of foolishness…no, this dare would require that I make some serious changes.

This is where most people drown, quit the race, and abandon their dreams. This is where the rubber meets the road. It is the point where the boys and the men are separated.

In retrospect, it made sense why she started the whole conversation with, “Eric, do you love me?” “Of course I love you boo.” “Then why won't you get serious about our future together?” In the short time we dated, she came to know a few things about me. One, I had absolutely no interest in school. Two, she knew it would be hard pressed for me to up and leave Bob, and she also knew it was going to be equally challenging for me to walk away from the block. She also knew that the church had a major impact on changing my life, but somehow it did not have the power to penetrate all aspects of my life. Her last chance of convincing me to take school serious was to use her influence on me.

I played it off as if I wasn't fazed, but her words hit home. I knew De cared for me, but to hear her say to my face how much I meant to her blew me away. And I knew how much I loved her, and I was willing to do whatever it took to prove my love. Wanting to prove my love and actually passing the G.E.D. were two different things. Talk is cheap; actually walking the walk requires Blood, Sweat and Tears. If I passed the test, I could leave the D, start all over again, and take my relationship with De to another level.

I will be your Motivation.

In some cases, Success is less about hard work, resources, and skill, and more about motivation. Sometimes you have to find the right incentives that push you and drive you before you can reach your dreams
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By the time I was 18 I had screwed up so much that I started doubting myself and started believing all the venom people were spiting. The worst part was that it seemed like my mother was one of my biggest haters. She was so disappointed in my previous actions that she did not even get excited when I told her I was going to college. I guess I cried wolf one too many times for her to believe that this one was legitimate. I think she cut me off emotionally when I was about 14, because I remember her smacking me in my face and screaming, “You are going to be just like your father!” That was the first time I had ever heard her mention his name. Well, she did not actually say his name, but I knew exactly to whom she was referring. Even though she did not explain what she meant by, “You are going to be just like your daddy,” I knew it was not meant as a compliment.

Then there was De De's mother, Glenda. Her hatred for me was unparalleled! In her eyes I was another thug with no future and nothing but trouble for her little princess... I wasn't mad at them though, they were entitled to their opinion, but I was on a mission to prove my mother, her mother, and the rest of my haters wrong.

No teacher, counselor, not even my parents could get me to see the value of school. Somehow De was the only one who could convince me that school was my ticket out of Detroit. Even though I was afraid I would fail and I was petrified of going to college and leaving the D, I was not going to let that stop me from keeping my word to De. I promised her that when she started school in the fall, she would not be there alone. We were going to school together and if I had it my way, we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.

When you make a decision to change, the Universe will do all in its power to make sure you have everything you need to make that change. All you have to do is be cooperative
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One evening at Wednesday night prayer service I made a deal with God. I was not sure if that was an appropriate thing to do, but I was desperate. I told God if he blessed my living situation, I would do whatever He asked me to do. No sooner than church ended, Brother and Sister Cannonier called me to the side. I was petrified, “What did I do this time?” I was so accustomed to getting in trouble that whenever an adult called my name, I knew it wasn't good. “We understand you are studying for your G.E.D. and you are planning to go to college,” Sis Cannonier inquired. “Yes ma'am, those are my plans.” “We have a proposal for you,” Brother Cannonier chimed in. “We will allow you to move in with our family under one condition—by the end of August you have to move.” They hoped by then I would be packed and ready to go to college. They made it very clear, “our home is your home as long as you are studying for your G.E.D. and pursuing college.” Brother and Sister Cannonier, like the majority of the church family, had a passion for youth. I later discovered that Sister Cannoier was from Trinidad and Brother Cannonier was from Tobago, a small island off the Atlantic Coast and like most underprivileged nations, opportunities for prosperity are scarce. They constantly reminded me of the opportunity I had as an American and how I need not take it for granted.