The Smartest Girl in the Room (33 page)

Zainab was sitting at the kitchen table when
Emily opened the door. Emily smiled in spite of herself. "I thought
you’d be at the library."

"I told Richard I wanted to come home. I
thought you’d be with Mitch."

"I basically told him the same thing." Zainab
didn’t say anything. Emily closed her eyes. "I am so sorry."

Zainab scoffed. "What, exactly, are you sorry
for?"

"Because I didn’t tell you the truth."

Zainab pointed to another chair. "Tell me
now."

Emily sat down. "I don’t know where to
start." She opened her hands. "I saw Joe talking to Drew. I asked
them both and I tricked them into lying to me. I should have said
something then, but I didn’t understand. And I didn’t think you’d
believe me. Richard tried to tell me what a liar Drew was and I
didn’t listen, so why would you listen about Joe?

"That day... Richard told me Drew lied about
school, his job, his ex-girlfriend. He was a lie. And then I
realized what I must have seen, and Richard helped me find the
drugs. He took them because he wanted to give Drew a reason to
leave, but I think he also thought he was protecting Drew from
getting in trouble. Because he’s a nice-"

"Then what happened?"

"He brought me here. I was waiting for you to
tell me you’d told me so, and wanting to hear everything was going
to be okay. When you told me what happened, I realized I should
have told you everything and I should have gone to that party and I
should killed Joe when I’d had the chance.

"When I left you, I found Joe and I told him
I knew. I had the drugs and I had his dealer and if he didn’t go
away I’d get Drew to testify against him in exchange for everything
else. And he’s a stupid little boy, so he agreed. And then I found
Richard and told him what happened." Zainab’s eyes were red. "And
then I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to upset you even
more, and I’m sorry."

"You left something out."

"I did?"

"You left out the part about punching Joe in
the face."

Emily froze. "How did you... Why did Mitch
tell you that?"

"Because he thought I already knew."

Emily slumped back. "I punched him. I’m sorry
I didn’t do it sooner."

"What is the matter with you?" Zainab leapt
up. "What were you thinking?"

She blinked so she wouldn’t cry. "That he was
a monster."

"You just found out that he attacked me, so
you go after him yourself? He could have hurt you, you idiot!"

"I wasn’t worried about that."

"I am worried about that! When you came over
I couldn’t get off that couch. I didn’t want to answer the door
because I was scared. If you had called I wouldn’t have picked up
the phone. I wasn’t going to go to class. My parents weren’t going
to hear from me. I wasn’t going to leave if you hadn’t come over
and that means nothing to you! It was more important to be a
hero."

"You are the most important person to
me-"

"Then act like it!"

Emily stood up. "Didn’t you hear me? I wasn’t
trying to be a hero. I was-" she looked up at the ceiling. "I was
trying to fix the mess I made."

"That is crazy."

"Drew was a lie, but he was my lie. Anyone
with half a brain would have been able to see what he was after the
first date. Anyone who wasn’t desperate wouldn’t have felt saved
because some overgrown ten-year old wanted to play house. I should
have seen what he was and what he did, but I would have had to have
owned up to having parents who couldn’t care less about me. And
then you’d know that I’m not worth caring about and I’m not even
that smart."

"You really aren’t that smart. You think I
like you because you’re perfect? Or because nothing bad ever
happened to you?"

"I don’t... Zainab, I’m so sorry."

"I know."

Emily closed her eyes. Her chest heaved. "I
think it’s time for me to leave."

"Leave where?"

"Here. I’ll figure something out. Maybe
Miranda has some-"

"Leave as in leave? What is the matter with
you?"

"Don’t you want me to leave?"

"I’m not allowed to be upset without you
wanting to walk out?"

"That isn’t what I meant. I just didn’t
think... you’d want to be around me. I don’t know how to make this
up to you."

Zainab blinked. "Make this up to me? What did
you have in mind? Bringing me the head of a dragon to prove how
sorry you are? Stop being a hero."

Emily looked up. "I will on one
condition."

"Really?"

"Just hear Richard out."

Zainab turned around. "That is different and
you know it."

"He took a big risk to protect us both."

"He could have gone to jail and ruined his
career before it started. Jessie would be... screwed. What was he
thinking?"

"That you were worth it."

"I am not calling that man."

"So just pick up when he calls."

Before Zainab could answer, her phone rang.
She looked at Emily, who nodded. She sighed. "Hello?"

Emily left. They were going to have a happy
ending. She was going to have a nice long walk.

"Look, I don’t want to gossip about Zainab,"
Emily said after Miranda asked her about Richard and Zainab.

Miranda waved her hand and rested her arm on
the café table. "Don’t worry, Jessie already did that for you."

"So what do you need me for?"

Miranda sipped her coffee. "Sounds like you
could use someone to talk to also."

Emily smiled. "You’re sweet. Why don’t you
tell me what you already know?"

"Let’s see. Sophie’s ex was a drug dealing
sociopath, you punched out a rapist, Michael grabbed something he
shouldn’t have on the way out of town just because he’s Michael and
Richard desperately wants to take Zainab to the Cape."

Emily held up a hand. "Fine. There were a lot
of phone calls, a couple of late night visits- which were really
awkward because I sleep in the living room- and a list of
conditions, but Zainab finally agreed to go last night."

Miranda grinned. "Oh good! She’s the best
thing that ever happened to him."

Emily sighed. "He can get in line."

"Mm hmm. And how are you doing?"

"To the best of my knowledge, I am no longer
consorting with criminals."

Miranda winked. "Good, let that be my
job."

"You know, having punched one and, well,
fought off another one, I have no problem dealing with someone if
you need help."

Miranda bit her lip. "It’s not that
simple."

"You don’t say," Emily said drily. She looked
at her watch. "Alright, I’ve got to drop off this last bit for
Professor Hazlett."

"And then you’re done?"

Emily let those words roll around in her
head. "I’m done," she said. She smiled. "Done."

Miranda squeezed her hand. "Congratulations!
So what’s next? And don’t start with your vague ‘travel’ answer.
The smartest person I know isn’t allowed to leave without a
plan."

Emily forced herself to smile. "Give me a
call when you’re done with class, okay?" She waved, walked out and
stopped smiling.

~~~

Mitch had texted her five days straight. He
was sorry. He was a jealous bastard. He didn’t mean a word he’d
said. He needed to see her. He’d never stopped thinking of her. And
then something about
The Prisoner
she didn’t understand, but
it didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to answer.

Professor Hazlett gratefully accepted Emily’s
notes. "What are your summer plans?"

"The beach," Emily said, pointing her finger
with conviction. "I think I should work on this ‘tan’ thing I keep
hearing about."

Professor Hazlett narrowed her eyes. "And how
long do you think you’ll last through that?"

"A weekend?"

The older woman chuckled. "I’d say one day.
Call me when you’re bored. I’ve got plenty of work for you."

"Really? I thought it was only-"

"Sadly, work doesn’t follow academic
schedules, and one of the nice things I can say about the funding
is that it recognizes that. So as soon as you’re ready, your job is
waiting." She patted Emily’s shoulder. "Now go have some fun."

Emily left the building in a daze. Done. Job.
The words kept echoing in her head, so loudly that she didn’t hear
someone calling her name at first.

"Huh?" she turned around to see Mitch running
toward her. She stopped for a second before running down the street
in the opposite direction.

He caught up to her right before she could
enter the Student Center. "Jesus!" he panted. "So you’re never
going to talk to me again?"

Done. "Was there something you didn’t cover
last time? I think I’ve said it all, but if you have something you
need to get off your chest, you go right ahead. Especially if you
want to get more specific about your ex."

His face whitened. "I am so sorry for
everything I said at lunch. Zainab told me everything, in between
telling me off."

Emily’s mouth hung open. "Oh my God, you
talked to Zainab? Did you tell her your brilliant theory that
Richard and I are having a thing behind her back?"

"No! I already knew I was off-base with that.
She called me because she was pissed at me for upsetting you on an
already bad day."

"Whatever." Emily shook her head. "You just
couldn’t trust me. I guess that makes us even."

He opened his mouth like he was going to say
something, stopped, then started again. "You had a good reason, and
I didn’t. I’m asking- I’m begging- for one more chance."

"Do you know the definition of insanity?"

"I think you mean the one about doing the
same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I'm
thinking there has to be one about someone who keeps getting in his
own way." He looked up at the sky, then back at her. "I met you a
while ago and I haven’t stopped thinking about you since then. But
we’re standing here right now and you're not with me. And that's my
fault, and you have to believe me that I would change everything I
did after that night on the bench to make it different."

"I don’t believe you. And even if I did it
wouldn’t matter." She was going to say the rest of it now because
it didn’t matter anymore. "Nothing that happened this year was your
fault, but not being teased and dumped might have made everything
else a little better. I sort of hate you when I think about it. I
don’t know if I’ll ever be able to think of Ireland again without
getting mad. I don’t need someone else to make me feel bad about
myself, okay? That’s a lousy thing to say, but it’s the truth, and
maybe that’s why everything gets screwed up between us. Maybe we
had our chance, and we don’t get another one." His green eyes
looked a little blue. That made them more beautiful. "And another
thing. I don’t know what you did while you were away, but you’re
really hot now. I lust after you. But it’s not the same. Now you’re
just another beautiful thing I can’t have, like new clothes or
books for class. And I sort of hate you even more for that. I’m
used to not having things. But you should stop waving yourself in
my face."

He didn’t speak at first. "I hated myself,"
he finally said, "more than you can imagine. I puked my guts out
the night I should have been with you. I went looking for you even
when I wouldn’t admit I was looking for you. But I never found you.
I didn’t want to sacrifice Ireland, I couldn’t think of why someone
like you would wait for me. You were just nineteen and how could
you not meet someone while I was gone? No, that's wrong. I didn't
think I'd be able to leave you if I saw you again, and that stupid
voice in my head kept reminding me that I needed to. So it was
easier not to call you, because then you’d hate me and the choice
was out of my hands. I did it for good reasons, but I knew I was
wrong. I didn’t feel like a real person, and that’s why I stayed
with Kyra, even though she treated me like I was an idiot. I didn’t
care, and that’s the God’s honest truth. I almost called you once-
Miranda must have told you. And I would have, but I didn’t know
what I could have said that wouldn’t have made me sound like a
fool. I guess I still don’t. Em, I’m not as stupid as I look or
act. I get it. Seeing you with Richard, even thinking of you with
that creep- I get what it must be like for you to think about me
with her. All I can say is that I’m sorry and I want to make it up
to you. I don’t know how, but I’ll do anything. And please don’t
hate Ireland, because it’s beautiful. You should see it sometime-
with me. I don’t ever want to go that far away without you
again."

She nodded and looked away. "I had my own
Ireland. It was graduating. It was my reward for doing everything
the way I was supposed to, for finally being good enough." She was
tired. "Want to hear a joke? It’s very funny. What happened to the
girl who wanted to do everything right? She screwed up anyway, and
if she didn’t, she found something or someone to do it for her."
She opened her hands. "How come you’re not laughing?"

"Because it isn’t funny. What were you doing?
Zainab must have been confused. You and Richard weren’t really
hiding drugs in his house. Right?"

"No, we were," Emily nodded. "I mean, they
were prescription drugs-"

Mitch shuddered. "Still not funny. What were
you thinking?"

Emily flopped her hands. "I wasn’t at first,
but after I started talking I was thinking that they weren’t smart
enough to do anything but run. I think I always knew it was
garbage, but as long as they were scared... It was my imaginary
leverage." She fought back tears. "And now it’s gone. If they come
back, I’ve got nothing. And neither does Zainab."

"Yes, you do. You have me."

"Gee, that’s sweet, but-"

"Okay, that isn’t what I meant. I will take
Joe to the police myself if he comes anywhere near Zainab."