The Smartest Girl in the Room (29 page)

They walked up Beacon Street to Harvard, and
the whole time Mitch happily chatted about his classes. He was
taking a light load because he only needed three, and it sounded
like two of them were a notch above Basket Weaving. But he was
really into his Middle East History class. Emily didn’t say a word
other than the occasional "hmm" or "yeah".

Once they were on Washington Street, Mitch
started prodding her about her classes and her job. He didn’t know
much about the Greek myths, so he asked her to explain about
Persephone. Then he remembered some of what he'd learned in grade
school and asked questions about other stories and if the
characters were related. Emily was pleasantly surprised as Zainab,
Jessie and Richard usually passed out if she went on for more than
ten minutes.

Once on Huntington, Emily realized she was
without a lunch. She put her hand on her growling stomach. "I
really need food."

"Let’s go to Whole Foods!" Emily wasn’t sure
it was a good idea to have lunch with Mitch, but she couldn’t say
why it wasn’t.

He kept smiling throughout lunch, pretty much
at anything she said. She ate as quickly as she could. "Thanks for
the company, but I’ve really got to go get some work done."

"Yeah, I know. Look at the time." Mitch threw
out the containers and then walked with her to the library. "Where
do you want to sit?"

"Actually," she said firmly but politely, "I
have a room reserved. It’s usually just for the grad students, but
I’ve kind of got a special dispensation."

"Oh, and you don’t want a measly undergrad to
cramp your style?"

"I don’t want to lose the room," she said
slowly.

"No problem. How late are you staying? Maybe
I can walk you home?"

"Pretty late," she said.

"Okay. I’ll send you a message when I’m done
and see if you’re ready to go." Then he gave a little wave and
left.

Emily looked after him. Had she missed
something?

Mitch and Emily took the train home that
evening. Before she could stop herself, she’d agreed to meet him
for lunch the next day. She explained what happened to Zainab when
she got home, to the best of her ability.

"He likes you. Maybe he’s just figured out
how to do it right this time."

"He walked me to the library. And then we got
lunch. But then he went away when I told him to."

"I think that’s called being a nice guy."

"Whatever... I guess."

Emily met Mitch the next day for lunch. She
packed her own, and it was much better than what he bought at the
cafeteria. He asked her about Drew, and she told him as much as she
could while she could act like she was talking about someone who
wasn’t her. He looked sympathetic, but he didn’t pry.

They met the next day for lunch. This time
she brought him some of what she’d packed Zainab. She just couldn’t
sit with him while he ate cafeteria food. He started talking about
Kyra, and that provided a moment of clarity for Emily: She didn’t
want to know. But she didn’t want to say that, so she sat there and
acted like she was someone else again who wasn’t angry or jealous
and who could be adult enough to sit through stories about the
woman she was dumped for.

The day after he asked her about her mother
and for that, she got to be herself.

"Have you spoken to your mom since then?"

"A little bit. She sends me emails I don’t
reply to, and then on occasion she’ll get really big pangs of guilt
and insist on taking me out to tea. It would be lunch, but the
restaurants she likes don’t have a lot for vegans."

"I bet your mom is sorry about how everything
turned out."

"I’m sure she is, in that way that she’s
sorry about everything. It’s unfortunate but things just happen.
She’s sorry but she’s blameless. But then she’s not forgiven."

"What would she have to do to be
forgiven?"

"Be sorry. No, scratch that. Just not do it
again."

"You mean, change?"

"Mm hmm. That’s why forgiveness is so hard to
come by."

"The Holy Grail," he said softly.

"Sorry, not my line of inquiry."

That night she invited him to study with her
when the noise got to be particularly loud. It was just supposed to
be once, but he was very quiet, so she invited him again the next
night.

"Emily?" he asked when they were packing
up.

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Same thing I do every night, Pinky."

"Except tomorrow is Friday."

"And?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to take a
study break at some point…in the evening. Around that time we eat
the final meal of the day. Would you let me take you to
dinner?"

She wanted to stop pretending that she was
someone else, but that might be kind of dangerous. Dinner. Where
was the harm in that for her or whomever else she decided to be
tomorrow?

"Sure," she said casually. "Where?"

"I don’t know." He was smiling. "I was
thinking of a couple of places in the North End, but if that’s not
okay-"

"That’s fine. I love Italian- I’m sure
there’s something I can find."

That night Mitch walked her all the way to
her door. He stopped smiling and looked more serious. Emily stepped
back. "So, I’ll see you tomorrow!" she said brightly, then ran up
her stairs.

Zainab squealed when Emily told her she had a
date and gave her a hug. "Finally! See, I told you he was trying to
do the right thing."

The right thing? Emily had trouble falling
asleep that night as she pondered that statement. Was this the
right thing to do? She’d been someone who had been out on a date
and had wanted so badly to go on another one. Then she despised him
because he deserved it and because she despised everything. Now she
was trying to be a better person who wasn’t suspicious and got a
glimpse of what she could have had, once upon a time. Was it fair,
with all of that going on, to get dinner tomorrow night?

Emily let Zainab sleep in the next morning
and left the house quietly. She got off of the train at ICA so she
could walk and think, but then tried not to think.

She remembered the night she and Mitch walked
through Boston. She remembered never having felt more alive than
when he looked at her. She remembered thinking about what he would
look like without his shirt on. Then she remembered laughing
through a caffeine-induced frenzy and sleeping in his arms on the
bench near her special place.

There were the more recent memories, which
she realized she’d taken in more fully than she’d thought. His easy
laugh, sweet concern and gallant manner. That he’d waited until he
was invited to study with her. That he wanted to be with her
despite the way she’d screamed at him. That he’d accepted her
apology, which she may or may not have meant. That she’d seen him
without his shirt and he lived up to expectations. Maybe now it was
okay to be the person she really was, because she would really,
really like to have dinner with him.

~~~

Mitch wasn’t sure where Emily was going to be
at three o’clock. It was just as well, because he didn’t want to
crowd her. He could tell, despite her airiness, that it had been a
struggle for her to say yes; that despite the time they’d spent
together, she still wasn’t sure. The fact that she ran away before
he could kiss her was certainly a sign. He didn’t blame her.

He went to Princess Cappuccino to get a
little bit of caffeinated courage. He had just gotten his double
shot espresso when he felt a tap on his arm. "Mitch?"

Oh no. He knew who it was. Should he ignore
her? No, that would be rude. He turned around.

"Hi Kyra."

She still had that beaming smile. "I was
hoping I’d find you today. I feel so bad about how things
ended."

"What’s important is that they ended."

The pout. "You don’t have to be cruel."

"I’m not trying to be. But you obviously
weren’t happy with me either, so it was for the best that we ended
it when we did."

"I wish you’d let me explain-"

"It was pretty obvious."

"But it wasn’t everything. I know it was
mostly my fault, but I lashed out at you because I was humiliated.
I never felt good enough for you and having someone tell me how
much they wanted me was like a drug after that."

There was so much to say. No, it wasn’t that
she hadn’t been good enough for him; he hadn’t been fair to start
seeing her in the first place. And just maybe she’d needed that
boost before him. But there wasn’t much to say, because it was
over.

"Kyra, don’t feel guilty. I don’t blame you
and I’m not mad." He rubbed her upper arm. "It’s time to move
on."

Two things registered at once: Kyra put her
hand on his, and Emily walked through the café door. It was too
much for one man to process at once.

Without saying a word, Emily turned around
and walked out.

"Emily!" Mitch ran out, sick to his stomach.
He caught up to Emily at the corner. "Wait!"

She turned around. She was blank. "So that
was Kyra." It wasn’t a question.

He wished the sidewalk would open. "Yes."

She nodded. "She’s very pretty. And she’s,
what, twenty-one, twenty-two? No problem getting into any club she
wants, right?"

"I am so-"

"-sorry that I saw you with her?"

"I swear to you, I haven’t seen her since I
left Ireland."

She raised her eyebrow. "Sorry I interrupted
your reunion."

"I wanted her to feel better so she’d go
away. I swear to you."

She nodded again. "I... I don’t know... okay,
maybe, you’re not lying this time." She took a deep breath. "But
I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m going to be hungry tonight."

"Emily, please."

"You were touching her. And smiling. Just
like old times, I’m sure."

It wasn’t going to do any good to tell her
that he had smiled more this week than he had in all of those
months with Kyra. "I will do anything to convince you that-"

"Yeah, I don’t know." She turned and walked
away. He wanted to run after her, but he knew that would make it
worse.

Damn it.

Zainab was startled when Emily walked in.
"Didn’t you have a date today?"

"Yeah, change of plans," Emily answered in a
monotone. "I’ll just make myself scarce so you can do whatever it
was you were doing."

Zainab walked over and put her arm around
Emily’s waist. "You’ll do no such thing. What happened?"

"I saw him touching Kyra," she blurted
out.

Emily paced, sat at the table, paced some
more, sat on the couch and paced again while she told Zainab what
happened. She knew how stupid it sounded, but Zainab scowled. "Oh,
Mitch!"

Zainab sent Richard a text to tell him that
she was going to be running late. Emily was pacing again when the
door buzzed. "Hello?"

"It’s Miranda!"

Miranda walked through the door twenty
seconds later. Emily braced herself for an onslaught of "But he
really likes you!" Instead, Miranda had a bag of chips, vegan dip
and non-dairy ice cream bars.

"So, anything good on TV tonight?" Miranda
asked.

Emily looked at Zainab, then back at Miranda.
"How did you know I might want to watch TV tonight?"

Miranda grinned. "Richard." She tilted her
head. "Don’t be mad, okay? He knows I like hanging out with
you."

Emily sighed. "Well, how about you just hang
out with me and we let Ms. Oginabe-Kensit go?"

"Hey!" Zainab exclaimed. "I can decide for
myself whether I want to hang out with my boyfriend or my best
friend."

Miranda lowered her chin. "If I told you he’s
downstairs would that make it easier?"

Zainab looked at Emily. "Go!" Emily said,
pointing her thumb at the door. "And don’t come home too
early."

"If you insist," Zainab grinned. She pointed
to Miranda. "But you’d better look out for my girl, alright?"

"You’ve got it!" Miranda said as the door
closed.

As soon as Emily was sure Zainab was gone,
she turned to Miranda. "Okay, you’re free to go too. Just leave a
few ice cream bars."

Miranda put her hands on her hips. "No way!
Love my snacks, love me. Come on, let’s watch some sci-fi or a
documentary."

Emily wrinkled her nose after a moment.
"Let’s watch some Bond."

Miranda ripped open the chips. "At last,
someone who understands me."

Emily and Miranda were in agreement that, for
all of his flaws, Connery was still the best Bond. Emily was
partial to Daniel Craig as a runner up, but Miranda liked Pierce
Brosnan.

Miranda snickered as Emily explained that
Jack Lord, who originated the role of Felix Leiter, was actually
the person they really wanted to play Captain Kirk and this was
part of why
Doctor No
was the best Bond ever.

Miranda giggled. "So you’re not allowed to
like him just because he’s really hot?"

"You think Jack Lord is hot?"

"Well, how about really handsome?"

Emily grinned. "Sorry, I’m too overwhelmed by
Connery to be impressed."

"That’s why God invented
Hawaii
Five-O
."

"Oh my God, do you watch that?"

"Would you believe this isn’t the first time
I’ve watched old television?"

Emily grabbed bars for the two of them. "I
sort of would. You seem like when you’re not in class you’d be at
some swanky fundraiser or something."

Miranda shrugged. "Yes, I’ve had to go to a
few of those, but this is more fun."

"Wow," Emily said. "Those things much
stink."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Just sit down and
watch the movie."

Mitch texted Emily every day.

You know I’m not with Kyra.

You know there’s nothing going on.