The Split Second (31 page)

This infused liquid is then pumped via pipeline to the Department of Reality, where it is sprayed directly onto the Fabric as it is woven into The World.

The sum of the Firsts (1 tickogram), Seconds (2tg), and Thirds (3tg) is referred to as the “Multiple” and accounts for the rate at which Time moves. A Multiple of 9 (traditionally two Firsts, two Seconds, and a Third) equates to the “normal” pace of life in The World. During periods of stress or peak performance, however, Time can appear to slow to a crawl of 6, while if having fun, it may seem to fly by at 12.

Appendix C

Tools of the Trade

Selected Tools from “The Split Second.”

(Note: Reprinted from The Catalog, copyright © Seemsbury Press, MCGBVIII, The Seems.)

Tool Name:
Connective Tissue™

Use:
Personal attachment. When Buddhist philosophy won’t cut it, neither will anything else! (Good to 5,546 lbs of breaking strength.)

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
Can of Buttwhuppin’™

Use:
Left your Fists of Fury™ on the kitchen table? No worries—open up a Can of Buttwhuppin’ instead! Comes w/8-oz. reusable can. (Buttwhuppin’ refills avail while supplies last.)

Designer:
Klaus van Barrelhaus

Tool Name:
Elbow Grease™

Use:
Get yourself out of any jam with the slipperiest substance known to man! Makes WD-40 look like peanut butter!

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
Sticky Feet™

Use:
Keep yourself firmly planted on the ground with this all-star addition to your Fixer footlocker! Runs bigger than Speed Demons and Concrete Galoshes. (Available in sizes 3–15, A-EEE.)

Designer:
The Handyman

Tool Name:
Skeleton Key™

Use:
Seems-World travel. A quantum Leap from the antiquated Door system! One per Fixer. DO NOT COPY.

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
Toolmaster 44™ (Discontinued)

Use:
Distressed leather, handstitching, and deep saddlebags—seasoned Fixers only. (Individually numbered/ Limited edition.)

Designer:
Morton Penske

Tool Name:
Fallout Shelter™

Use:
Catastrophe management. When you wish you didn’t have to, you’ll be happy you did. A must for anyone in the top thirty-eight.

Designer:
Al Penske

Tool Name:
Water Wings™

Use:
High Tide is no match for these high flyers. Elevation to ten feet. Puncture resistant. (Not to be combined with Hovercraft HG™ models or Turf Board XL™.)

Designer:
Al Penske Jr.

Tool Name:
Q-turn™

Use:
Re-routing, re-piping, re-directing, re-organizing, re-bounding, re-versing, re-gurgitating. Nothing is impossible with a little “QT!”

Designer:
Al Penske Jr.

Tool Name:
Oven Mitts™

Use:
Sick of getting burned on the job? Protect the hands that feed you with these fluffy power-paws! (Fireproof to Brimstone/cold-resistant to –273°K!)

Designer:
The Handyman

Tool Name:
Catch-All™

Use:
Falling Sky on your docket again? Whatever’s coming at you, slow it down and rein it in with this golden glove hopeful! (Available in velvet and everyday suede.)

Designer:
Al Penske Jr.

Tool Name:
Flash in the Pan™

Use:
Put the Iron Chef to shame with this fabulous flambé! Sheds polarized light for eight-plus minutes! Also good for frying an egg (not recommended).

Designer:
Al Penske Jr.

Tool Name:
Hot Potato™

Use:
Low carb diets draggin’ you down? Come in from the cold with these toasty orbs sure to heat up your trip through the In-Between! (Order now—they’re flying off the shelves like . . . well, you know.)

Designer:
Chef LaRobierre

Tool Name:
Hour Glasses™ (Discontinued)

Use:
With hand-ground lenses and sleek North Seemsany design, these trifocals can literally make Time stand still! (Or speed up.) Originally used by Reality Checkers back in the Day and available in The Catalog for the first time!

Designer:
Morton Penske

Tool Name:
This, That & The Other Thing™

Use:
Things falling apart again? Hold it all together until you can apply the perfect Fix! (Some assembly required.)

Designer:
The Handyman

Tool Name:
Sticks & Stones™

Use:
Will break their bones—when names are not enough to harm a flea. Fighting is never recommended, but if attacked, make them pay! (Pressure-treated Stick. Stone that would level a Philistine.) Not responsible for bodily injury resulting from use of Tool.

*For more information on Tools, arcana, and Seemsian détritus en général, please visit the Fixer’s Lounge area of theseems.com. [Password:
LTF-FTL
]

Mission: The Split Second [037009]

Filed by: F. Becker Drane

This was a very challenging Mission. I’ve had some personal things going on and unfortunately, it’s kind of spilled over into my professional life. On the other hand, I believe great strides were made into understanding the infrastructure and methods of The Tide and I hope this will be taken into consideration. Regardless, I am confident this experience will serve me well in the future.

Obviously, following the Rules has been a major problem for me of late. But I’m also looking forward to improving in several other key areas, including hand-to-hand combat, maintaining my composure during frustrating moments, and strategy regarding Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Shan Mei-Lin basically put on a Briefing clinic today. Not only did she shake off the initial blast in Time Square to continue serving on the Mission, but she also showed great initiative and courage when she was separated from not one but two Fixers. Most of all, she was prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice for The World. With a little work on the MIM (work that may already be done), I recommend her without reservation for Fixer.