The v Girl (8 page)

Chapter 9

The Comanches could have taken
care of my bruises and cuts, but I was too proud to tell them that I didn’t protect myself during training. When I open the door of an empty examination room, I expect to find Dad, but I find Aleksey instead. He’s leaning against a medicine cabinet, scribbling in his journal.

Ugh! This idiot made fun of my V problems. “Oh … er … I was looking for my dad.”

Aleksey has barely given me a glance. He’s still engrossed in his notes. I won’t ask him if he’s seen Dad. He’s always taciturn and most likely won’t answer my question.

I hesitate at the threshold for a moment biting my lip, completely forgetting about the cut. “Ow!”

I’m about to close the door when his deep voice stops me. “Wait.”

I turn and look at him warily. He frowns and doesn’t say a word, but his index finger points to my now bleeding lip.

I nervously answer his unspoken question with a lie. “I ... I … fell.”

His blue eyes show a hint of concern. After all, he’s a doctor. I look down when I remember this isn’t the first time we’ve been alone after one of my falls. Although this time we aren’t naked, my cheeks feel suddenly warm.

“Come here,” he orders.

I don’t even hesitate. Something in his voice compels me to obey. He must have achieved his General rank by his ability to make people obey him.

I stand near him, looking down. From the corner of my eyes, I see him examining me carefully.

“Sit,” he commands.

As much as Patriots try to deny it, this clinic was built for taller patients. Drug-filled patients. My feet dangle from the examination table.

My breathing stops when he gets closer. He expertly cleans my bruises and cuts with gauze. I gasp when I feel his enormous hand grabbing my arm. The Accord cop applies an ointment on the bruises that makes the pain disappear. I’m not used to this kind of soft touch, and the sensation is nerve-racking and pleasant at the same time.

He hands me an ice bag. “Put this on your knee and keep it there.”

When he becomes interested in my swollen lip, his face gets hazardously close. My heart beats painfully in an erratic rhythm. I venture a glance at his blue eyes and regret it immediately. I close my eyes to avoid his piercing blue stare, but I can’t avoid his smell. Or the sound of his breathing.

He must have put his face extremely close
because I can feel his warmth radiating near my face.
An intoxicating smell emanates from his muscular body: a
mix of clean clothes, wood, and a masculine scent.

I’m shutting my eyes with more force than necessary. His mint-scented breath tickles my eyelids, then my cheeks and finally my lips.

A soft humming sound escapes my lips now that I’m extremely aware of the heat emanating from Aleksey’s mouth. It feels as though he’s about to brush my lips with his. My stomach contracts nervously and every nerve becomes alert, but I don’t pull back.

Before our lips touch the warmth of his, the closeness is gone.

I refuse to open my eyes. My heart is pounding frenetically, and I’m breathing at an abnormal speed. What the hell was that? Is that how he treats all of his patients?

I hear him searching through the cabinets and putting something on the examination table. I open my eyes and see him scribbling on a piece of paper. He hands me the folded paper without meeting my eyes and silently leaves the room.

My trembling hands open the paper. It’s a prescription.

I take the medicines from the table and head to my room. Heat still burns my face, but I feel as though a heavy oppression has lifted from my chest, and now I can breathe normally.

That night I toss and turn several times in my bed before my eyes feel heavy. My mind still revolves around what happened. The kissing attempt was all in my head; he’s a professional. Perhaps he’s more decent than what I gave him credit for. This is the second time that he could have overpowered me, and didn’t.

The imaginary kiss attempt left me yearning, but I’m glad it was all in my imagination, and he didn’t cross the line. Because, for some reason, Rey is the last person I think about before sleep finds me. As attractive as Aleksey is, Rey will always attract me more.

No girl can jump from thinking a man can rape her to falling head over heels for him.

* * *

The sound of shots and screams filters through the walls, waking me up. Terror runs through my body paralyzing me. Somehow I end up under the wooden floorboards. From my hidden place, I can see everything.

My father injects Olmo and Azzy with a tranquilizer, and they stop crying. “As soon as the soldiers are gone, take your siblings to Baron’s.” There’s desperation under his calm voice.

Loud banging noises startle me. The door is about to fall off from its hinges.

No!

The four colossal soldiers break through our apartment seconds after dad shoves Olmo and Azzy into a hidden closet.

Somebody! Help!

I can’t scream. I can’t close my eyes. Not even when they viciously beat my mother’s swelling belly. Not even when they crush my dad’s legs with their massive clubs.

Stop! She’s pregnant!

His acne-filled face, framed by a long mane of white hair,
reveals that he might not be fifteen yet
.
He’s slightly less built than the other soldiers, but he beats them all in cruelty and sadism when h
e cuts my mother’s clothes with his knife, cutting her skin along with her dress.

They take turns abusing her.

The teenage soldier isn’t satisfied. He uses the handle of his knife to attack her.

Again and again. Her blood filters through the floorboard reaching my place.

Kill her! I’d rather you killed her… just … stop!

But she’s still alive and partially conscious when they drag her out of the apartment.

It’s my scream, and not the tears wetting my pillow, that wakes me up. Breathing so heavily that my chest hurts, I look at my surroundings. It’s hard to convince myself that I’m back in reality. It’s been five years, but the wet sensation of my mom’s blood on my hands makes me shiver.

The gloomy, barely audible music that comes from Aleksey’s room is what finally convinces me that I’m awake. My dreams are always so vivid that this soothing, celestial music could be another one of them. Unfortunately what I dreamt is an exact recreation of the events of that day.

To this day, I feel guilty. What kind of daughter doesn’t close her eyes through her mother’s most horrifying experience? I don’t know what time it is, but I can’t go back to sleep. I work out instead, trying to wash away my guilt in sweat.

* * *

My nightmare brings me back to the glade next the river. Watching the lovers may be a perverted act, but I need a reminder that sex is a natural act and an expression of love. I may never have that kind of love for myself, but at least I can fantasize about it.

They’re mutually inverted, Joey at the bottom. I try to imagine how warm and moist his mouth feels in her most sensitive parts but today I can’t.

I hear a sound to my right. Three feet from me, Aleksey sits down on the grass.

My first impulse is to flee; his appearance is so similar to the soldiers of my nightmares that I shiver. But I stay rooted to the spot, keeping my eyes on Joey, pretending I don’t see Aleksey. The rational part of me says I shouldn’t feel afraid. If he were anything like a soldier, he would’ve attacked me by now.

Joey, as usual, isn’t aware of anything that isn’t Divine.
She warily watches Aleksey without releasing Joey from her mouth. Something tells me they have reached an unspoken agreement. Aleksey agrees to not disturb them. She agrees to let him watch.

I see him from the corner of my eyes. He sits utterly still, just the slightest breeze ruffling his platinum hair. Why is he here? Should I leave? Should I say something? I don’t move, waiting for his reaction.

And yet, I feel as though a silent communication passes between Aleksey and me. We’re strangers with an inclination to watch when we shouldn’t. For a while, it has been the lovers and me. Now it’s the lovers and us. He’ll leave and most likely never come back after recruitment, so what does it matter?

He stays, watching the show for a while. Our eyes meet an instant before he looks away. Unlike most soldiers, he hasn’t tattooed the contour of his eyes. Even so, his eyes look beautifully piercing.

“An expanse, as green and deep as the sea ...” he says as though talking to himself.

I can’t make sense of this words “I ...what?” He shakes his head and walks away, his cape billowing majestically.

From that moment on, Aleksey becomes my voyeurmate.

Chapter
10

“He’s hot, isn’t he?” Azzy
whispers.

We’ve spent five hours in line at the ration center, and finally received our coupons. Poncho follows us closely along the dirty sidewalks, while a dozen of Accord cops patrol the pothole-filled streets, flaunting their red capes. They ensure no one tries to disrupt the rationing process.

“Well, he’s monstrously built.” It’s better to not reveal much around Azzy. Otherwise, I’d admit Aleksey is so ruggedly handsome he doesn’t even look human. “He’s like Sasquatch, but he has an okay face.”

“I meant Tristan. He’s staring at you.”

Oops
. She caught me thinking about Aleksey. My cheeks feel suddenly warm.

Tristan is lanky, so—thanks, God!—he doesn’t resemble a soldier. I’ve caught him staring before. I blush, but he gives me a reassuring smile. I’ve been toying with the idea of getting to know him better for emergency deflowering purposes. If he rejected me, it’d sting a little, but it wouldn’t hurt me.

The soft drizzle forces Azzy to pull on her hood. “To lose your V card, you should find a boyfriend.”

Azzy’s more delusional than I thought. Boys court girls and then get engaged. How am I supposed to find a boyfriend in a town where young people don’t hang around members of the opposite sex unless there’s a chaperone around? No. Tristan is the best option.

I try to change the topic. “We’ll be late for physical education.” I train the twins as much as Olmo’s health and Azzy’s stubbornness lets me.

“Lila. You don’t ever flirt because you don’t like Starville dudes. You’re kind of judgmental.”

I snort. They’re misogynistic bullies. By Starville standards, if a woman takes initiative, she’s a slut. Starvillers are even less sympathetic to rape victims than usual if they are known to be flirters.

“You’re always so paranoid when it comes to men.”

I hold my tongue to not tell her she’d be paranoid too if she’d witnessed our mother’s attack.

She answers my thoughts. “I didn’t see it, but I heard it. I just don’t see a reason to assume all men are rapists.” We pass a group of street musicians, and she moves rhythmically to their music. “Think about it like this: We’re at war. Flirting could be another weapon, and you’ll need all the weapons you can get. Try it, and I’ll give you my portion of bread today.”

I pretend to ignore her but maybe she has a point. Except I don’t know how to flirt.

We turn a corner and see Luke Rivers riding his pinto horse some meters ahead of us. I can’t believe I’m giving thought to this.

“You don’t have to do anything special. Don’t act as though you’d throw your knife at anyone who dares to look at you. Smile and be polite.”

I cringe. “Me? Smiling? It’ll look fake!”

“Fake my ass!
You shouldn’t use the war as an excuse to not live your life. People are getting killed, but they’re also flirting, finding mates, and getting laid.”

I sigh. I might as well try it just to shut her up. Although, I’d prefer to jump into the river from the highest cliff than flirt.

When Luke notices me, my stomach somersaults violently. He ignores me during TCR meetings, and now I’m supposed to flirt with him? When he gets closer, Azzy nudges me. I almost back down but I don’t want to look too weird by changing direction abruptly, so I grin at him.

“Hi, Luke.” There. I did it. For an antisocial, quiet person like me, this is a triumph.

To my utter astonishment, Luke responds with a sincere grin and his voice is kind when he greets me, pronouncing my name with warmth. Correctly.

We pass him without either of us saying another word. My jaw is on the floor. I can’t believe it! I’m so used to dealing with bullies that I forget that there are good men around in Starville.

Azzy looks proud of herself. “How was that?” she asks smugly.

I hate her smug face. I shrug, trying to hide my smile.

“Try it again, Lila.” She looks genuinely happy for me. “Look, there’s Aleksey Fürst.”

Oh no! I won’t flirt with Aleksey; he’s always so quiet and moody. I’m afraid he’ll snap. Plus, he’s my voyeur peer, and I shouldn’t act too inviting around my voyeurmate.

Elena Rivers and Ava Peterson swarm around Aleksey, flirting covertly. They have money, so Starville rules stretch for them. Aleksey ignores them; his focus is on patrolling the streets. The girls wouldn’t pursue him if they were smart. His heroic acts don’t justify his links to the troops. And I don’t think they’d approve of his voyeurism.

At times, I like having him as a voyeurmate. At times, it’s embarrassing. How have things turned out this way?

The first time, I was too amazed to do anything. The second time, I thought of scaring him off, but I hesitated so long that he left before I did anything. By the third time, I realized I like his company. Most Starvillers hate me so much that I’m usually lonely. I’d rather be alone than hanging out with locals, but I crave for a different kind of company. Even if that company is a cop.

Azzy brings me back to reality. “My bread portion for
a week
.”

Aleksey strolls toward us looking at the other side. His cape is floating around his gigantic frame; his masculine face is set in his usual impenetrable mask. When his gaze turns to me, I grin at him, trying to put all the warm feelings I can muster in my smile. “Hi.”

His reaction astonishes me. Aleksey blinks and clears his throat. Then he turns his face away, giving me a strange gesture with his hand. The cop’s version of a wave.

He gracefully hurries away and disappears down the street while Azzy smiles with an
I-told-you
expression on her face. If I had used this approach with Rey, would things have turned out differently?

I use my new found charms on Tristan next when he drives an Accord ambulance past us. He looks amused. Maybe he can be my … partner for as long as he stays in Starville.

“Look at my sister the flirter! You’re the flirt ninja!”

“Look at you, Azalea. Teaching your older sister how to flirt to use men.”

“Men don’t care about being used.”

I scoff. “You said not all of them are the same.”

Rey’s not like all men. He’s made clear he won’t be used. And that makes me like him more than I should.

* * *

Today, Divine and Joey are in a romantic mood. They’ve placed orange flowers on the blankets and keep whispering how much they love each other.

My imagination has replaced Joey’s body with Aleksey’s. Aleksey’s the one I see taking off his shirt. I’ve only seen Aleksey’s naked once, but I haven’t forgotten a single line of his chiseled body.

Imaginary Aleksey is now completely naked and sweaty, slowly placing kisses on her pointed nipples. His lips travel their way down to her stomach, leaving kiss marks all along her torso. He gently bends her knees, leaving her completely exposed. I know what will come next, and I’m biting my thumb. He slowly kisses and licks her lower lips before moving up and entering her with his considerable length. Aleksey’s broad back and shoulders cover Divine’s body completely. Bulky biceps tense and bulge as his rounded, tight butt moves rhythmically. He thrusts into her again and again. At times in circular motions, at times, slowly, pausing. At times in fast jerks of his lower body that make her scream.

A deep, masculine voice growls behind me. “Miss Velez, you’re under arrest.”

I startle. Aleksey is here and he’s talking! His voice and presence are imposing. The way he says “arrested” with a caressing, guttural
r
shoots bolts of electricity to my core.

“On what charges?” I ask looking away. I’m afraid he knows I was watching
him
.

He inhales deeply as if searching for a particular smell. “Voyeurism. It’s illegal in at least twenty states.”

I’m still turned on by the undressed Aleksey in my mind as real Aleksey sits in his usual spot. Three feet from me.

I glance at the couple in the meadow. Imaginary Aleksey’s gone. The lovers are oblivious to the additional audience member, still ravishing each other’s bodies.

He takes a sip from his flask. I’ve never
talked
to Aleksey before. I breathe deeply before answering in a secure voice that I hope doesn’t reflect the mess I am inside.

“They’d arrest you, too. You’re watching the same show I am.”

“I’m not paying attention to them. Watching is not my kink.”

What is his kink then?
I search my mind for a witty comeback, but I can’t think clearly in this situation. “Then you’re watching
me
watching. That should be illegal, too.”

“I’m a consenting adult. They’re consenting adults. Whereas you …” he says, watching me appraisingly.

“Hey!” I say defensively. “I’m a consenting adult, too. I might look younger, but I’m eighteen.”

I can’t believe we’ve just exchanged some full-length sentences. He’s a quiet person, and I’m not exactly talkative either. At least today he’s not wearing his usual
I-hate-everybody
face.

When the activity in front of us gets too intense, I get uncomfortable. Divine’s screams, the sound of bodies slapping, and this incredibly good-looking stranger watching me. I stare at my feet, feeling his penetrating gaze on me. The spectacle, the environment, the sounds are quite sensual. It turns me on, so he must be turned on as well.

“Don’t you have better things to do than to watch me peeping?” I ask to muffle the sex sounds. I get no answer.

A loud wail and a series of tremors announce that Divine has reached the sky, the stars, and beyond.

“The little death,” Aleksey mutters, looking fleetingly at Divine.

This is so twisted.
How is it that I can’t walk away? I should hate him, but my body welcomes the physical turmoil he brings. But, the erratic heartbeats and the butterflies in my stomach don’t come only from arousal. They also come from fear. Perhaps because he reminds me of my mother’s attackers.

The activity in front of us gets intense again. Now he’s pounding her with so much force from behind that her breasts are bouncing. He digs his fingers in his hips and spanks her. As though Joey doesn’t care if he hurts her, although I know he does. He’s possessing her. He’s loving her with all he has and it doesn’t look romantic at all. It’s bestial, but erotic as hell.

But after fifteen minutes, I realize Joey’s exaggerating his ability to delay orgasm, and she’s almost tapping her feet. I won’t watch anymore. “Come on! Just cum already!” I mumble and suppress a laugh. Aleksey hears me. I swear he’s trying not to smile.

I lie down, closing my eyes. “Why do they call you Prince?”

“My surname. Fürst in German is a kind of prince.”

It suits him. If you look past his roughness, you can see a regal look that doesn’t belong to an ex-soldier.

“My best friend’s name is Rey, which means King; his sister’s name means Queen, and his brother’s name means Duke.”

“También hablo español, amor.” His beautiful accent caresses the Spanish words. His words don’t sound guttural, but so sexy that the butterflies in my stomach go berserk.

The lovers are finally experiencing a shared orgasm, but Aleksey has long stopped paying attention. He’s been scribbling in his journal and seems to be thoroughly engrossed. He probably doesn’t even remember I’m here. I don’t want to be nosy, but he answers my unspoken question.

“I’m writing about the human touch.”

“If I asked you, would you explain to me what the hell the human touch is?”

His eyes turn to Joey, who is now tenderly taking branches out of Divine’s hair. “It can’t be explained, it has to be felt.”

I sit up. “The human touch sounds like a concept that doesn’t exist in Starville.”

Aleksey shakes his head and mumbles something that sounds like,
Ask your brother.

I look at him wondering whether Aleksey is as skilled in bed as he is at playing music.

Is it my imagination? Or does scorching sexual tension crackle through the air every time we’re together? There are naked people in front of us performing a sexual ritual that I’ve been yearning to experience first-hand. He’s a man. I’m a woman, and I’m turned on by him. Since Rey won’t do it … why not to search for a private place in this glade and …?

I shake my head. What a gruesome thought! If I had sex with Aleksey, I’d be giving myself to a soldier. How would that be? I must be tight, and he’s remarkably big. Is it possible to break a woman from inside?

Then I get an idea. Maybe this voyeurmate thing can come in handy. “If you have so much free time to spare on your … hobbies, I was wondering if you … could do me a favor.” He regards me intently. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I think his eyes are greedy. I inhale to gather courage. “It has to be a secret.”

“I should not comply,” he says in a theatrical tone that doesn’t match his grave face.

My cheeks flush. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“It must be related to that conversation.”

“What conversation?” I ask guessing the answer.
Ugh!
Voyeur
and
eavesdropper.

“The one with your sister. At the clinic.”