The Waitress (16 page)

And finally, that time had come. On Friday April the second, he made his farewell speech. In it he managed to insult everyone who had ever worked for him and tell a bad joke that created a silence so pure Katie shut her eyes and pretended she was on an alp.

That evening Katie and Sukie went to Jon’s bar where they got plastered, knowing they didn’t have to get up early next day to do a Saturday morning shift. At six o’clock Saturday morning, Katie woke with a headache and spent the day in her pyjamas, drinking water and bemoaning the fact that she would lose her job, while Jon tried to cheer her up by offering to re-write her CV. She had spent February wanting to be a film director and it had been his favourite CV yet. Totally inventive.

‘Come on,’ he coaxed. ‘You name it, I’ll write the CV. You can time me.’

Katie looked up at him from the sofa. This hurt her eyes.

‘Single mother,’ she croaked.

‘Hmm. I don’t think you need a CV for that.’

‘Typical. It’s only the hardest job in the world.’ She smiled. ‘Have I told you how beautiful my nephew is?’

‘Yes.’

‘He’s got chestnut brown hair.’

‘I know.’

‘Well, brown.’

‘I know.’

‘He’s beautiful. Just started smiling.’

‘I know.’

They watched the repeat of
Friends
for a bit longer.

‘I want to be a mother,’ said Katie.

‘I know.’

‘Then everything would be all right.’

‘I don’t think it works like that.’

‘I love babies.’

‘I know, Katie.’

‘I’m going to lose my job.’

On Sunday, Sukie came round for an afternoon session with Jon. He’d nearly finished his novel and had sent his first three chapters to five more literary agents with a very confident covering letter. It had been easy to write, he’d just pretended he was someone else. Then they all decided that it was not the right day for a session, so they went to the local park and sat on the swings till their bottoms went numb.

‘If I don’t get this part, I’ll kill myself,’ Sukie said.

‘If I don’t get an agent, I’ll kill myself,’ Jon said.

‘If you kill yourselves, I’ll kill myself,’ said Katie.

‘Aaah!’ said Sukie. ‘That’s so sweet.’

Katie smiled benignly.

‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ said Jon. ‘Her life’s crap.’

As they swung forlornly, none of them could possibly have guessed how things were about to change.

On Monday morning Katie was the first one at The Café. She’d hardly been able to sleep all night. The only few minutes she’d had, she’d dreamt she was running down lots of dark corridors. She’d opened a door and found herself in a classroom. Dan was taking a lesson and there was a diagram on the blackboard which somehow she’d known was of hepatitis in rabbits. She’d backed away before he’d been able to speak, turned round and found herself under the sea.

She woke to the sound of rain. She looked over to her clock and saw how early it was. Then she remembered what today meant. Today was the first day with the new owners. Today was the first day of the rest of her life. Today she would be fired.

She rolled over. And then, oh joy, she was unable to move. She was, quite unexpectedly, more comfortable than she had ever been in her life. She focused on it so as not to forget the feeling. Yes, her body had chanced upon a position that made all other positions a nonsense. Her limbs felt light with the luxury of it. The spaces between them were perfection. There was probably an equation for it. Every feather in her duvet had found its optimum position, and as for her pillow, it was a cloud. Her head
seemed
to be cushioned in cotton wool. All thoughts were clear here. All emotions profound. Was this what heaven felt like? Why, she thought, had this not happened ten hours ago? Why had she spent an entire night trying to get this comfortable? Why had she not tried this position? It was hardly complicated. Her body almost hummed with happiness. She was the closest she’d ever come to purring. It felt as if time had stood still.

Unfortunately it hadn’t and when she next looked at her clock she almost jumped out of her blissed-out skin. She had ten minutes to get to work and it took fifteen minutes to walk it, let alone shower and dress. She was going to be late.

‘Excellent,’ greeted Sukie, already at the coffee maker when she arrived. ‘Start as you mean to go on.’

‘I overslept.’

‘You’re fired.’

‘You’re ugly.’

When she arrived at Sukie’s side, they exchanged glances.

‘How nervous are you?’ asked Katie.

Sukie turned her hands upwards. ‘My palms are sweating.’

Katie closed her eyes. ‘I couldn’t sleep.’

The café door opened and they both jumped. Hugh beamed at them.

‘Hello!’

As Katie made him his usual, she and Sukie tried to remember what their new boss looked like.

‘He had blond hair,’ said Katie. ‘I remember thinking
he
might be an actor. I think he was good-looking, but sort of like a sad horse.’

‘Oh God,’ prayed Sukie. ‘Please don’t let me fancy him.’

‘No sense of humour.’

‘I always like men with no sense of humour. Much more of a challenge.’

The door opened again and they jumped. It was another commuter.

‘We’re too nervous today,’ greeted Katie. ‘You’ll have to make your own coffee.’

‘Double espresso please,’ said the commuter, approaching the counter.

‘Our lives are about to be ruined and all you can think of is coffee.’

‘Why, what’s up?’ asked the commuter. ‘Not that I care, I’m just being polite to get my coffee.’

‘Our new boss is coming today and he’s a gormless twat.’

‘With no sense of humour,’ said Sukie.

‘Who thinks I’m obnoxious!’ cried Katie.

‘
No
!’ cried the commuter.

‘
Yes
!’ cried Katie.

‘Where could he have got that idea from?’ asked the commuter.

‘Oh,’ came a new voice behind them. ‘Just from watching her.’

Katie froze. Sukie froze. Even the commuter froze. He looked past them both at the man standing behind them and his mouth twitched into a nervy smile.

‘Hello,’ he said. ‘I-I just wanted coffee. You must be the new boss.’

‘That’s right,’ came the voice. ‘Gormless twat to you.’

Katie closed her eyes.

‘With no sense of humour,’ continued the voice.

‘Oh shit,’ muttered Sukie, turning round.

‘Hello,’ grinned Paul Brown happily. ‘I’m Paul.’ He held up some keys. ‘I let myself in through the back.’

‘I didn’t know you could open that door,’ said Katie.

‘I didn’t know there was a door,’ said Sukie.

‘It’s behind the Busted calendar,’ said Katie, trying a smile. ‘Hello,’ she said.

‘How’s it going?’ asked their new boss.

‘Oh, you know,’ answered Katie.

‘Not really,’ he said. ‘I’m new to all this.’

‘Oh,’ said Katie.

‘You look absolutely terrified,’ he said quietly.

‘I am.’

‘Why? I’m the one who doesn’t know what I’m doing.’

She blinked. ‘Yes but I’m the one who was rude to you.’

‘I know,’ he laughed. ‘Priceless. Can’t wait for you to meet –’

‘
Double espresso please
!’ repeated the commuter. ‘I hate to get in the way of a lovely reunion, but I have a train to catch.’

‘All
right
!’ shouted Katie, sweeping back to the commuter. ‘Keep your wig on.’

She made the commuter his coffee while, to her astonishment, Paul chuckled and repeated, ‘Priceless.’ The commuter looked at him. ‘I trust the first thing you’ll do is sack this one,’ he said.

‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ said Paul.

‘It’s like being at home,’ muttered the commuter. ‘Except at least the wife cooks for me.’

‘Maybe she could make you coffee in the morning too.’ Katie slammed his drink on the counter. ‘Keep you out of my hair.’

‘What and miss this delightful exchange every day?’ He picked up his coffee, grinning happily. ‘It’s what keeps me going.’

‘Talking of which,’ Katie looked at her watch, ‘shouldn’t you be?’

‘Don’t worry,’ he said, paying Sukie. ‘I’m on my way.’ He looked at Paul and gave him a cheery wink. ‘Best of luck mate. You’ll bloody need it.’

As the commuter queues continued throughout the morning, Paul introduced himself to all the staff. At nine-thirty, as the last of the queues died down, he asked them all to convene. As he did so, a girl of tender age, glowing skin and splendid breasts arrived. She beamed happily at everyone.

‘Coffee?’ asked Sukie.

‘Ooh,’ she squealed. ‘Don’t mind if I do.’

‘Enjoy it,’ said Paul. ‘It’ll be your last one on the house.’

‘Oh hi, Uncle.’

The staff looked at him.

‘Yes,’ he told them, ‘you’re looking at the newest addition – another waitress.’ He walked out to the front of the café where his niece stood and put his arm round her. ‘Everyone. I want you to meet my eldest niece Patsy.’ He took in their expressions. ‘My brother’s fifteen years older than me,’ he explained.

‘Hello,’ said Matt.

Patsy gave them all a big smile.

‘Hiya,’ she said and gave a little wave.

‘The daughter I never had,’ grinned Paul. Patsy giggled. ‘Thanks,’ he added, ‘to contraception.’ She giggled again, before stopping suddenly.

Within half an hour, they all discovered that Patsy was living proof that aesthetics and function rarely mix.

‘Oh,’ she said sadly, staring at toast she’d just burnt. ‘How did I do that?’

Katie shook her head, tutting. ‘It’s a puzzler and no mistake. Sukie? Any ideas?’

‘I can only assume you put it in for too long,’ said Sukie.

‘Yes, but how?’ frowned Patsy.

Sukie and Katie exchanged glances. ‘I think it’s going to be a long day,’ muttered Katie.

Paul had shut the café and asked everyone to wait in the front, showing Patsy the ropes, while he had a one-to-one with them in turn in the kitchen. He had started half an hour ago with the chef. It didn’t take them long to work out the genius behind employing Patsy. With her here, they couldn’t discuss Paul. Or so he thought. Katie had other ideas.

‘So,’ she started. ‘What’s your uncle like?’

‘Which Uncle? I’ve got three.’

‘The one talking to the chef,’ said Matt.

‘Oh he’s not the chef any more.’ She gasped and clasped her hand to her mouth. ‘I wasn’t meant to say that.’

‘He’s
sacking
the chef?’ they all asked.

‘I didn’t tell you,’ rushed Patsy.

‘You’re right,’ said Katie. ‘He’ll never guess how we know.’

Just then Paul arrived. They all stared at him in silence.

‘Right,’ he said quietly. ‘Matt. You’re next mate.’

They all watched, bug-eyed as Matt followed Paul down into the kitchen.

Sukie and Katie stared at each other.

‘So,’ said Patsy from the other side of the counter. ‘How do you do this toaster again?’

Five minutes later, Paul was back.

‘Sukie.’

‘Yes?’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Kitchen please.’

They exchanged glances and Sukie followed him down.

‘So,’ said Patsy again. ‘Never turn it higher than two?’

Katie could only nod. He was clever, this Paul. He’d separated her and Sukie and left her with Patsy. After what felt like a year, she heard Paul’s footsteps approach. She turned to him and he gave her a tight smile.

‘After you,’ he said, opening the door for her.

‘Shall I wait here?’ asked Patsy.

‘Yes, I’ll be back in a moment.’

Katie opened the kitchen door with trepidation. There sat Matt and Sukie on the counter. There was a moment before Paul followed her in, but their expressions gave nothing away.

‘Right,’ sighed Paul. ‘This is all a lot more harrowing than I thought.’ He checked his watch. ‘My partner should be here right now, but he’s been delayed picking up the new chef.’

Katie gasped. The others gave her grave expressions.

‘That’s right,’ said Paul. ‘I’m afraid there were a few things we wanted to change and the cooking was one of them. The other one was you, Katie.’

She nodded.

‘I had hoped I wouldn’t be alone to do this, but so be it,’ said Paul. ‘Katie –’

‘I can be nicer.’

There was an awkward pause.

‘Pardon?’

‘I can be nicer. It won’t be easy, but I can try. Please.’

She glanced at Sukie for help, but Sukie was shaking her head.

‘God no,’ said Paul. ‘We don’t want you being nice, this place would lose all its charm. No, we’d like to make you manager.’

Katie heard the words, but didn’t get the meaning. She heard Sukie breathe in sharply and felt herself being hugged by Matt. As Paul continued, she grew overwhelmed with emotion.

‘We have great new plans for this place.’ He was now pacing the kitchen, slaloming round bags and ovens. ‘We’ve hired a new chef – he’s fantastic and will be here any minute. A new menu. Totally new design, new outfits and new look.’ He turned to them suddenly. ‘Porter’s Green is up and coming,’ he declared, ‘and this place is gonna be up and coming with it.’ Just when Katie thought he was going to break into a rendition of Oklahoma, he satisfied himself with a beam. He opened his arms to his new team, and Katie, drawing on all her reserves of self-control, managed not to run into them sobbing with joy.
She
could do that later. ‘We have every faith in you lot.’ Paul went on. ‘You coped with Alec – we think you can cope with everything. Any ideas you have will be gratefully received. You’re the experts – we have a lot to learn from you.’

‘I have lots of ideas,’ rushed Katie. ‘For recipes and menu design and waitress outfits and children’s meals. And, and . . .’ She stopped and looked round at everyone. They were looking back at her. She decided not to suggest organising a parade and designing a float for it. They could do that next year.

She turned back to Paul. ‘You know,’ she shrugged with a smile. ‘Just some ideas.’ She’d have to remember not to act as if her inner core had just been pumped full of light and air. It might annoy the others.

‘Good. We’re going to change the menu completely, and the name of the place.’

‘What’s it going to be called?’ asked Sukie.