The Waitress (19 page)

‘Um,’ he started, his lips opening and closing slowly. He licked them thoughtfully.

‘Coffee? Tea? A seat?’ asked Katie.

‘The others,’ he said slowly, mostly to himself.

‘Pardon?’

‘Where’s everyone else?’

‘Hmm,’ pondered Katie. ‘I often wonder that. I just thought I was unhappy in my work.’

A large sigh came from Dan. ‘They’re at the caff.’

The man nodded and turned away.

Katie looked at her watch, kicking her heels against the counter. ‘Well,’ she said. ‘It’s all going according to plan then, eh?’

Another sigh from Dan. ‘You think you’re very clever, don’t you?’

She stopped kicking. ‘Not really, no.’

‘You like taking the piss out of people, don’t you?’

‘No.’

‘Is that why you walk out on men in restaurants? Did you have a good laugh about that with your mates? I bet you all had a –’

‘I was going to phone you, but . . .’

Dan let her finish, but her voice trailed off into nothingness. She had hoped that she’d just open her mouth and explanations would parachute out, but they seemed to have lost their nerve at the last minute.

‘But what?’ he asked. ‘Forgot how to use a phone?’

‘No,’ she said indignantly. ‘I saw you out with Geraldine and I went off the idea.’

He looked unimpressed. ‘What the hell did she have to do with it?’

‘Well, you hardly took long to get over it, did you?’

His face registered amazement, and then he started laughing. It was a nice laugh, but that only made her feel worse. ‘You have got to be kidding,’ he said. ‘You think
you’ve
got some sort of right to be indignant about me going out with an old friend after you dumped me mid-date!’

‘Geraldine did not look like an old friend to me. She looked very much like a date.’

‘Well, she
was
very much like a date actually,’ he said, mirroring her tone. ‘And she still very much is.’

It was Katie’s turn to register amazement. ‘You’re dating Geraldine again?’ she asked, eyes wide.

He started to laugh to himself. ‘I don’t believe I’m having this conversation,’ he told the empty café. ‘It’s like having a girlfriend without any of the perks.’ He turned to her suddenly. ‘You walked out on me, no explanation, no phone call, no nothing.’ He started counting on his fingers . . . ‘I chose the restaurant, I booked ahead, I collected you from your flat, I drove you all the way there, I chose the bloody food,’ he stopped. ‘What did I do wrong? Forget to wipe your –’

‘I was going to phone and explain, but then I saw you with her and –’

‘Go on then.’ He crossed his arms.

‘What?’

‘Explain. Did you suddenly remember you were married with three kids? Or that you weren’t an educational psychologist but a waitress in a shitty café?’

Katie took an intake of breath. ‘That was uncalled for,’ she choked.

‘Uncalled for! I take you on the worst date in history where I have to talk so much I lose my voice –’

‘I was nervous!’

‘What of?’ he shouted. ‘
Dessert
?’

‘Look. I said I’m sorry.’

‘No you didn’t.’

‘I did.’

He did an exaggerated double take. ‘Was I out of the room?’ he asked.

‘I
explained
.’

‘No you didn’t.’

‘I said I was nervous.’

‘What
of?
’ he repeated.

She thought about it. He deserved the truth, even if she was beginning to go off him.

‘Of you going bald,’ she said finally.

‘What?
On the date
?’ he shouted.

‘No, just –’

‘Because by the main course,
so was I
.’ She didn’t answer. ‘Very mature. Very nice. Very
attractive
.’

The man had a point. Maybe now was the time to apologise.

‘Well,’ she allowed, ‘when you put it like that . . .’

‘You are one crazy woman,’ he said. ‘Thank God we didn’t make it to dessert.’

Katie balked. She’d apologised. She’d explained. She did not need to be humble any more.

‘Well,’ she scoffed, ‘if it was as bad as the starter, I couldn’t agree more.’

His eyes opened wide. ‘Oh don’t worry. I’d lost my appetite too. I thought I was on some freak reality show. I kept expecting Linda Bloody Barker to burst out of the toilets with a camera crew and tell me I was on Worst Dates of Our Lives.’

She gasped. ‘You bastard!’

‘You think that was a
good
date?’

‘NO! It was horrible and I wish I’d never met you, you arrogant . . . excuse . . . for a turnip –’

‘Pardon?’

Katie gasped. She hadn’t meant that.

He burst into sudden laughter.

‘I meant . . .’ she stuttered.

He was still laughing.

‘I meant . . .’

He couldn’t stop laughing. Despite her fury she had to try not to laugh herself, which was almost impossible every time she caught the glint in his eye.

‘I didn’t mean turnip,’ she shouted. ‘I got confused.’

He really couldn’t stop laughing. She decided now might be a good time to apologise. Now that she felt a bit closer to him again. Which was why she was very surprised when she threw a dishcloth at him. It did the trick though. He stopped laughing and slowly peeled the wet cloth off his face.

‘Sorry,’ she said sadly.

He turned away so that his back was facing her. She held her breath. Was she going to be sacked? He turned back to her.

‘There is every chance,’ he said finally, working hard at controlling his face, ‘that you are the maddest person I’ve ever met.’

‘Thank you,’ she said genuinely.

He held up his hand. ‘Don’t speak,’ he said. ‘Please. Don’t speak.’

She decided now was a good chance to attempt an apology. Now that he was weakened.

‘I’m not mad actually,’ said Katie quickly. ‘I’m just . . . quite intense and . . .’

He held his left side. It looked as if he might be getting a stitch.

‘But I did want to apologise,’ she rushed.

He nodded, unable to answer.

‘I took fright. I accept I have issues where dates are concerned.’

He took a deep breath.

‘Something bad happened while you were in the toilet –’

He shut his eyes and a squeaking noise escaped from the back of his throat. She rushed on, ‘I got a nasty phone call and it made me have a sort of panic attack. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just . . . I fled. I didn’t even realise what I’d done until I got home. It’s never happened before and I’m really sorry.’

Dan finally stopped laughing.

‘It’s all right,’ he managed.

They stood for a while in silence. He wiped his eyes and finally looked at her.

‘It was a bloody awful date,’ he said.

She achieved a smile. ‘It was,’ she said.

‘Let’s just draw a line under it,’ he said, ‘and start again.’

‘Line drawn.’ She bit her lip.

‘And now we’re in a new, entirely different, situation.’

‘We are indeed,’ she nodded rhythmically.

‘We have to work together. For at least three months.’

She made assenting noises. ‘Well, hopefully more.’

He stopped and gave her a look. ‘You don’t want to
stay
, do you?’ he asked, not unkindly.

‘Of course I do.’

He frowned at her for a while.

‘I love my job,’ started Katie, ‘and I’m good at it. I’ve worked here for three years. Anyway, you won’t find another manager with my brain and know-how for this cheap and you know it. The customers love me, the staff respect me and your business partner thinks I’m wonderful. Which I am.’

Dan paused.

‘You know I’m right,’ said Katie.

‘Hmm,’ said Dan. ‘Looks like we’re stuck together.’

Katie looked away quickly, stung by this after she’d thought they’d just made friends.

‘Could I have a cappuccino please?’

Katie jumped and stared at a customer.

‘What?’

‘Cappuccino,’ repeated the customer slowly. ‘If it’s not too much trouble.’

‘Of course it’s too much trouble,’ said Katie. ‘Do I look like a servant?’

The customer looked at Dan and shook his head.

Katie didn’t see Dan’s reaction, but she thought she could hear laughing as he went to the kitchen.

Jon’s eyes were half-glazed as his fingers tapped on the keyboard, his mind’s eye watching a film inside his head. At the ring of the doorbell, his organs jumped. He stayed sitting perfectly still as the film slowly faded away, the moment over. He could only hope there’d be another showing when he next sat down to work.

He saved his file and closed it before returning to the real world where crockery waited to be washed up and post to be opened. He pulled open the front door.

‘Hi there, future famous novelist!’ beamed Sukie.

‘Hi . . .’

She brushed past him into the hall.

‘It’s a goddam beautiful day out there.’

Jon nodded, following her into the flat.

‘Now,’ she said, standing proud in the middle of his lounge, ‘show me how you walk.’

He frowned.

‘I use the one-foot-in-front-of-the-other method. It gets me by.’

‘Behave.’

Jon turned his back on her and slung his hips low, expanded his chest and shoulders, pulled up his vertebrae and walked – not too fast, not too slow – across the room. Sukie observed him carefully.

‘Is this literary agent a woman?’

‘No.’

‘Shame. Let’s just hope he’s gay.’

Jon let out an abrupt laugh and Sukie flinched. She started looking round the room. ‘What the hell was that noise? Has a whale just surfaced?’

‘No. I-I have a funny laugh.’

‘Well for Christ’s sake don’t laugh in the interview then.’

‘OK.’

Then she sat on the floor.

‘Today we are going to start with the Circle of Attention.’

‘The Circle of Attention.’

‘Yes,’ said Sukie. ‘Now. Sit down opposite me.’

Jon sat.

‘Now. Imagine I’m the agent.’

‘Right.’

‘Have you done that?’

‘Well, I don’t know the guy,’ mumbled Jon, ‘but I doubt he’ll be dressed as Beach Barbie.’

Sukie’s throat blistered.

‘Ignore the clothes, Jon,’ she shot. ‘Just pretend they’re not here.’

Jon found this didn’t really help.

While Sukie closed her eyes and took a long, deep, cooling breath, he rubbed his face furiously with his hands.

‘Now,’ she instructed. ‘Imagine I’m someone else.’

‘Like who?’ asked Jon.

‘I don’t know, you’re the one with the imagination, Mr Manly Booker. Anyone. Me, for example.’

‘But you are you.’

‘No I’m not, I’m the agent.’

Jon frowned.

‘Okaaay,’ said Sukie, opening her eyes. ‘It appears I’m going too fast for you.’

So she explained to him how the Circle of Attention works.

‘It’s all in the imagination,’ she concluded. ‘Which should be easy for you.’

‘Yep.’

‘So, tomorrow what you’re going to do is pretend that the agent is not an agent, he’s someone who admires you, someone who thinks you’re fab, who’s interested in what
you’ve
got to say, someone who is 110 per cent on your side.’

‘I don’t know anyone like that.’

‘Well use your imagination!’ she told him.

Jon nodded, concentrating hard.

‘Right,’ said Sukie. ‘Imagine I’m the agent. I’m a guy. Imagine I’m tall, with short black hair, glasses, a beard and slight BO. And I’m wearing jeans.’

‘What, nothing on top?’

‘Jesus, Jon. No wonder this book’s taking you so long.’

Jon took a deep breath. After a while, he muttered, ‘OK I see him.’

‘Now open your eyes. Do you still see him? Jon. Do you see the agent? Jon. What do you see? Jon. Talk to me. First thing that comes into your head.’

Jon’s eyes re-focused.

‘Chocolate Digestive and a cup of tea.’

Sukie nodded. ‘Thought you’d never ask,’ she said.

A few minutes later, they were eating biscuits at the kitchen table.

‘It’s not that I mind her getting the job,’ Sukie repeated, ‘it’s just that it’s already changed her.’

‘Yeah, that’s Katie. Power mad. She wants to rule the world, you know.’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘Give her a break, Sukie. She’s wanted something like this for years. It’s like you getting your dream part.’

‘I wouldn’t suddenly start acting as if I were Queen.’

‘Anyway, if it’s any consolation,’ said Jon, draining his tea, ‘she’ll be having a horrible time with Dan today.’

‘No she won’t. She’ll be absolutely fine.’

‘Why?’

‘Because she’ll wrap that poor bloke round her little finger and have him eating out of her hand.’

Jon nodded sagely. ‘Yeah, you’re probably right. She has a knack of doing that.’

Sukie took another biscuit. ‘She’ll be joint owner by next week.’

Back at the café, Katie was deciding whether to resign now or wait till the end of the day. After the morning queues died down, the café closed for the day. The builders erected a temporary wall separating the coffee machine and cash register from the rest of the café and set to work replastering, screeding the floor and playing Capital Gold too loud.

Meanwhile, Paul and Nik arrived for their first menu meeting with Dan and Katie. It turned out, to Katie’s great disappointment, that Nik may have the body of a god but he had the brain of a wombat. To her even greater disappointment, it turned out that Paul liked him – probably because he had hired him. All this disappointed her. But not as much as the fact that the only person who agreed with her was Dan. All morning since their decision to make peace with each other, Dan had acted completely indifferently towards her. She found this so painful that she’d taken on a disdainful air with him, like the mature manager she was. So to suddenly find him an ally was most disconcerting. Did this mean he was changing his mind? Did he fancy her after all? Or was he just being professional? And if so, what a bastard.

Oh dear, she didn’t think she could do this. She wanted to do her job properly, but she didn’t seem to be able to put their date behind her.

She sat through the meeting, half listening, half deciding when to tell them that she’d have to leave. She began to doodle on her serviette, the sound of Dr Hook warbling through the temporary wall and the louder sound of a builder’s accompanying whistle drowning her thoughts.